Nat stood before the mirror, trying to see beyond the reflection. What did LaCroix see in her, if anything at all? Did he love her? If he did, why wouldn't he stay with her? He said he could trust himself and that she needed time to overcome her fear of him. "I'm not really afraid of him," she told her reflection.
Aren't you? Natasha's voice countered from inside her head. After all that crap what's his name fed you about how dangerous intimacy can be between a vampire and a mortal, aren't you afraid? It seemed to Natalie that Natasha stared out at her from her own eyes, taunting her with the truth.
"Okay... maybe I *am* a little scared, but not of Lucien. I know he won't hurt me."
Of what, then?
"I don't know. Myself, maybe."
How so? Afraid you'll like it? Natasha's voice sounded sarcastically in Nat's mind.
"Yes..." Nat whispered to her reflection.
So what if you do? What difference will that make?
"Who will I be then? I'm not you, Natasha, but will I also cease to be me?" Nat asked her inner self. She received no answer as the light in her eyes that associated with Natasha faded. Perhaps there was no answer.
*****
"I'm sorry for running out on you last night, Natalie," LaCroix told her as they sat on the big, black leather sofa in his apartment. "I hope you understand."
"Actually, I do." She took his hands gently in her own. "You were right. If we try to push things while I'm still afraid, it will ruin our relationship."
"Then you admit you are not ready?" The question held a note of sadness.
"I'm not afraid of you, Lucien. I know in my heart that you would never intentionally hurt me," Nat told him.
"But? You *are* afraid, my dear. Of what, may I ask?"
Nat sighed. "I... I... I love you, Lucien. I love being with you. You treat me as if I was the only woman in the world. You make me feel so special. When we kiss or touch... I feel things I've never felt before. Natasha..." Nat paused, choking back a sob that rose unexpectedly in her throat. "... she was able to... embrace... your vampiric nature. She wanted it-- craved it. I know she wanted you to bring her across, but I don't know if that is what *I* want. More importantly, I don't know if I can embrace your beast the way she did. It... it scares me when I think about all the time I've spent telling Nick he can get away from it. Now, here I am about to embrace what he longed to escape. I'm confused, Lucien. I don't know which is the real me-- the one who told Nick he could end the immorality or the one who wants to be loved by you."
When she finished her speech, she was crying. LaCroix gathered her into his arms and held her, stroking her hair and crooning softly in her ear. For a time, neither of them spoke, as each was lost in their own thoughts.
"If you want to end this now..." Nat began, speaking at last.
"No!" LaCroix exclaimed with vehemence. "I *love* you, Natalie."
"But it was Natasha you fell in love with, not me."
"Yes, it was indeed Natasha I loved. But hidden deep inside Natasha, there was always you. Natalie... when I took Natasha's blood, I could see... no, feel... who she truly was. She was you. I could feel your essence like a glove that fit snugly over hers. She is only a part of you. I may have been drawn in by the one part, but I always loved the whole." He brushed his lips across hers.
Nat looked at him with wonder in her eyes. "I don't know if I give you what she gave you, Lucien. Perhaps you should find someone who can?"
"Do you truly want me to find another?" he asked her, his voice washing over her like soft silk. He leaned in closer to brush her lips again with his own.
"No..." she whimpered, giving herself in to the feel of his lips and his arms around her. She kissed him back.
"Then, I'll wait for you to be ready," he said when they separated.
*****
Ellen Landry noted the slump to Detective Knight's shoulders when he walked into her office. "Hi, Nick," she greeted him. "Bad night?" she asked.
"I took your advice and went to see Nat after work," he replied.
"How'd it go?" Ellen asked. Nick's shoulders slumped even further. "I'm sorry, Nick. I guess it didn't go well, huh?"
"No. It didn't *go well.* She was kissing her *date* when I got there." Nick's voice was thick with sarcasm and pain.
"Oh, Nick!"
Nick seemed to ignore Ellen's sympathetic cry. "I'll get her back, though... somehow" he muttered. He brightened up suddenly as he looked at the corpse on the table before them. "Anything new on this case, Ellen?" he asked, changing the subject. He began to leaf through the papers on her desk.
This turnabout surprised Ellen. She hadn't known Nick very long... ok, only a night... but somehow she suspected that he hadn't really dismissed Natalie Lambert as quickly as he let on.
"Nick... do you want to talk about what happened last night?" she asked.
"No, I don't. I lost her, but it's no big deal." Nick held out a file to her. "Is this the latest on our guest here?" He inclined his head towards the dead woman.
"Yes, it is. Here... let me show you what
I found," said Dr. Landry as she gave up trying to understand the detective.