The troll lay there in a heap outside the girls' lavatory. It stank like an old marsh on a calm day. Harry and Ron loomed over it silently debating as to how to remove the wand that was strategically lodged in the nostril of the troll. They decided to pull together; a show of brute force may prevail. It did, accompanied by a decent amount of whatever it is that comes out of troll noses.
"Ewww!" Hermione screeched from her hiding place around the corner.
Startled, the boys looked up and Ron Said, "I thought you left with the others?"
"No, I wanted to hang around and see the outcome," she replied. There was a noise in the bathroom where Hermione had sought refuge. All three of the children looked to the door and in a silent agreement pushed it open.
The bathroom was empty. The children were visibly relieved. The walls and floor were spotless. The relief of the boys was replaced by envy. It didn't even smell too bad. Then they heard the noise again. Closer, a nasal giggling. The children looked at one another and walked toward the stall farthest away on the right. They stood outside, took a deep breath, and pushed open the door.
Standing on top of the toilet seat was a blonde-haired man with a certain slow-rock appeal. More disturbingly, was the smaller man atop his shoulders, peering at the children.
"Mikael Bolten!" (Names have been changed to protect the innocent) the children cried painfully.
Then a second later "Mikael Jacksen?" they chimed together; less in shock, more in question.
Harry wondered how things could possibly get any worse.
"Well, I see you have discovered me and my protégé of musical pain," Mikael Bolten said as he set the King of Pop down and slowly sauntered off the toilet seat.
"What are you doing here?" Ron asked.
"Just distracting you until… Oh excellent!" he said as the children followed his eyes to a small monkey that entered the restroom and began to guard the door. "My messenger monkey."
"Bubbles!" Mikael Jacksen exclaimed. The children had completely forgotten Jacksen's existence. Unexpectedly, the monkey, the King of Pop affectionately referred to as Bubbles threw a note at Harry.
Harry was about to pick it up when Bolten stopped him. He swiped it up; unfolded and read the note. He glared at the monkey "just guard the door," he said bitterly as he crumpled the note into a ball and tossed it on the floor. He glanced at his watch, " I also see that it is time for me to reveal my evil monologue. You see, young Potter, I'm a collector – if you will. I'm a collector of pieces. Human pieces—to beautify myself."
He gestured to his apprentice. Mikael Jacksen started pawing through a small satchel that was slung around his left shoulder. He pulled out a box, much like a cereal box. He displayed it proudly to the children. Hermione read the box aloud. "Pandora's Brand Instant Imp Slaves. Over 10,000 Imps in Every Box. At least two Olson Twins guaranteed. Just Add Water."
"I don't get it," Harry said, puzzled.
"I collect pieces of others, Imp Slaves, for instance and take them for my own. I have pieces of Sher, Dik Clarck and the entire Jacksen family. Mikael Jacksen nodded solemnly. Bolten added "When I take a piece of you, you become my eternal slave."
"Wow, that really is an evil plot" Ron exclaimed.
"What does that have to do with us," Harry inquired.
"Not 'us', Mr. Potter, you," Mikael Bolten said evilly. "I heard of your exploits in chapter 2, you know, page 24? The way your hair magically grew back in one night, after being completely shaved." He touched his naked scalp, which shone like a freshly buffed bowling ball. When he did, a few stray hairs dangled from his fingers. A small tear formed in his eye, and everyone felt a minute pang in the chest. "Mr. Potter," he continued, suddenly evil again, "I am not interested in your fame, your scar, or even the your invisibility cloak that you will acquire in chapter 12. I am interested in your magic scalp. That's right, I Want Hair!"
He reached out for Harry in the bazaar hesitantly groping fashion, just as Captain Kirk performed in all those original Star Trek episodes… (Weekends at 8). As he made contact with Harry, there was an over powering smell of bacon.
"Mikael Bolten is melting!" screamed Ron.
"Actually, he's dissolving," Hermione rebutted. "We'll find out in the last chapter that Voldemort cannot be touched by Harry's magical skin, thus this Bolten characters must be his evil barding brother."
Seeing this as his big chance, Bubbles the monkey leapt forward and attacked Bolten. "My Face! My Beautiful Face!" Bolten cried.
In a cruel mockery Ron retorted, "At least it wasn't your hair, your beautiful hair."
Bolten at the moment wept like a woman, with the soft-rock blues, "Boo hoo, boo hoo hoo hoo."
In the fray, the Instant Imp flakes were spilled. Millions of potential imps careened through the air. Unfortunately, at that very moment, Bubbles' mouth was contorted into a battle cry. Hundreds of Instant Imp flakes landed on his soft, wet tongue.
Harry ran, confused, and picked up the crumpled note the messenger monkey had brought. Meanwhile Bubbles' mouth frothed with tiny tadpole forms one-hit-wonders and other has-been celebrities. A five-inch Pee Wee Hurman tumbled out at Harry's feet. Harry read the note:
Save me, Bad Touch!
Harry looked at Bolten and Jacksen; he understood the plight of the monkey. He picked up the pee wee Pee Wee and hurled it at Bolten's flowing locks. Bolten stopped sobbing and cried " I don't have to take this! I'm going on tour with Berry Mantilo," he pointed at his shoulder, and sure enough, there was a five-inch Mantilo perched there. With a proud sniff, and a violent exaggerated head toss, Bolten regained his composure. He stepped back onto the toilet seat, from whence he came, and nobly flushed himself.
On his way down he looked Jacksen in the eye and told him the sad truth, "I said I loved you, but I lied."
Jacksen was stunned. In a flustered, yet feathery voice, the King of Pop said, "I'm just gonna Beat it!" Then he jumped down in the toilet, after Bolten. The children and the poor primate were saved. Life could continue, but with a few five-inch annoyances.
Harry said, "I think I'm going to write the Pandora Company."
"Why is that," asked Ron.
"I didn't get a single Olson Twin, that stinks... Oh, never mind." Harry said, suddenly very relieved."