1 Part 15 –
She was sitting against the wall on the floor by the door. Her face showed no sign of emotion.
Angel took a seat on the toilet opposite her. "You wanna talk about it?"
She finally looked up at him after ages of waiting.
"It's hard y'know. To think that someone just passed you on. When my mom was telling me about it, she gave me a few details. And there's some good in knowing that they *might* not have wanted to give me up, they just had to. But, even knowing that, it's still hard... still hurts."
She put her head back against the wall and looked up at the ceiling. "I was told when I was seven. Before I knew about it, I was more of a real person. But when I was told, I felt that even people you've never met can hurt you, and I hardened up. I became the Cordelia Chase you met when you first came to Sunnydale High. The Ice Queen. The Bitch. I was so ruthless with everyone, cuz I figured, chances are all these people would be connected in hurting me in some way or another, let me get to them first. But that's not the case is it?" She spoke gently and quietly.
She looked at Angel, who didn't know really what to say. He never thought Cordelia had so many levels, which he knew was a bad thing to be thinking about his friend.
She coughed. "So, I guess you want the story, huh?" Her cold hard no- messing-about tone was back.
"You don't have to, Cora -"
"Yeah I do. It's best to get this out now, starting from the top."
She pulled her knees to her chest and held them there.
"My parents - the ones who adopted me, they don't really love me - I know you're gonna object to that cuz you think they wouldn't have adopted me if they didn't want me, right? - So not the case. See, all their friends were doing the whole making babies thing. So my mom and dad decided to join in. But I guess my mom didn't fancy the whole labour deal or something so they adopted. Which is *really* selfish, cuz I *know* they are both very capable of doing the nasty, and they both have all the equipment needed to have a baby, they just couldn't be bothered."
She sighed, "So instead of letting me go to a nice loving home, the adoption agency probably took one look at the big check they were getting for me, the size of the house and all the toys and figured I'd be loved. Boy, were they wrong. I could be compared to a kid's toy which gets played with for like a week until something better comes along... I've had like a zillion different nannies, all of which I've been closer to and spent more time with than my parents. But my mom has this jealously problem, just cuz she doesn't love me, no one can. *Every* nanny I had was only for about a month cuz my mom didn't want me getting too attached. Of course, I delt. I had to, there wasn't another way to get through life. And when they told me I was adopted, it was like, wow, maybe the two people out there who made me would want me back. Nope, wrong. Turns out my real dad's dead, and my mom, hey, she killed him for getting her pregnant and is doing time. Great stuff to know, huh?"
She spoke like she didn't care. Her eyes told Angel different.
"Have you ever been to see her?"
"They asked if I wanted to. I didn't. I didn't even want to know how she killed him. I just couldn't think of it. - Most seven year olds go to sleep scared of monsters and things under the bed that people swear don't exist, boy, if they ever found out the truth... As for me, I was flippin' terrified for myself - what would happen to me in the future if I ever met my real mother - would she be angry towards me for ruining her life? Would she do to me what she did my dad? I did not want to know her, Angel, or know anything about her."
"Do you know her name? - Or your fathers?"
"Ah, here we go. Research mode." She rolled her eyes and Angel felt guilty.
"You don't have to say, Cordelia -"
"No, it's OK, Angel. I understand you are eager to find out why I can do the *thing*, and I guess going up the family tree is a good way of starting. But, I don't know anything about my father except my mother killed him. What I do know about my mom is her last name. Rhodes. And I only know that cuz my adopted mom said I should be glad they adopted me, cuz if they didn't I would be stuck with the name Amy Rhodes. She said Amy was a common name. But, I actually like it. Of course, I'm more of a Cordelia now cuz of how I was brought up…. - Hey, y'know Amy means beloved. If my biological mom chose that name for me, it could mean she loves me, right? And as for Cordelia, well, all I could find in the book I used when I was eight was Delia, that was a short version of Cordelia, so god knows why they didn't just put Cordelia in too! Anyway, all it said was some crap about Greek twins Artemis and Apollo."
"Artemis and Apollo?"
"Heard of them?"
"I remember being told something about them once... In Homeric legend Apollo was primarily a god of prophecy. His most important oracle was at Delphi, the site of his victory over the Python. He sometimes gave the gift of prophecy to mortals whom he loved."
Cordelia raised an eyebrow. Angel sounded like he was quoting a book or something.
"His twin sister, Artemis, was the guardian of young women, and Apollo was the special protector of young men. "
"I'd hate for you to be interrupted while in complete reading-from-memory- mode, but I don't really care about all this, Angel."
"Maybe you should care."
"Huh?"
"You have visions." He stated thoughtfully.
"Really? - Cuz I don't remember anything about these blinding, eye-ball popping, head-splitting visions you speak of!" She rolled her eyes.
Angel jumped up. "Cora, come with me. I need to talk to Wesley."
He pulled her up and lead her back into the kitchen.
~*~
Go on to part SIXTEEN
She was sitting against the wall on the floor by the door. Her face showed no sign of emotion.
Angel took a seat on the toilet opposite her. "You wanna talk about it?"
She finally looked up at him after ages of waiting.
"It's hard y'know. To think that someone just passed you on. When my mom was telling me about it, she gave me a few details. And there's some good in knowing that they *might* not have wanted to give me up, they just had to. But, even knowing that, it's still hard... still hurts."
She put her head back against the wall and looked up at the ceiling. "I was told when I was seven. Before I knew about it, I was more of a real person. But when I was told, I felt that even people you've never met can hurt you, and I hardened up. I became the Cordelia Chase you met when you first came to Sunnydale High. The Ice Queen. The Bitch. I was so ruthless with everyone, cuz I figured, chances are all these people would be connected in hurting me in some way or another, let me get to them first. But that's not the case is it?" She spoke gently and quietly.
She looked at Angel, who didn't know really what to say. He never thought Cordelia had so many levels, which he knew was a bad thing to be thinking about his friend.
She coughed. "So, I guess you want the story, huh?" Her cold hard no- messing-about tone was back.
"You don't have to, Cora -"
"Yeah I do. It's best to get this out now, starting from the top."
She pulled her knees to her chest and held them there.
"My parents - the ones who adopted me, they don't really love me - I know you're gonna object to that cuz you think they wouldn't have adopted me if they didn't want me, right? - So not the case. See, all their friends were doing the whole making babies thing. So my mom and dad decided to join in. But I guess my mom didn't fancy the whole labour deal or something so they adopted. Which is *really* selfish, cuz I *know* they are both very capable of doing the nasty, and they both have all the equipment needed to have a baby, they just couldn't be bothered."
She sighed, "So instead of letting me go to a nice loving home, the adoption agency probably took one look at the big check they were getting for me, the size of the house and all the toys and figured I'd be loved. Boy, were they wrong. I could be compared to a kid's toy which gets played with for like a week until something better comes along... I've had like a zillion different nannies, all of which I've been closer to and spent more time with than my parents. But my mom has this jealously problem, just cuz she doesn't love me, no one can. *Every* nanny I had was only for about a month cuz my mom didn't want me getting too attached. Of course, I delt. I had to, there wasn't another way to get through life. And when they told me I was adopted, it was like, wow, maybe the two people out there who made me would want me back. Nope, wrong. Turns out my real dad's dead, and my mom, hey, she killed him for getting her pregnant and is doing time. Great stuff to know, huh?"
She spoke like she didn't care. Her eyes told Angel different.
"Have you ever been to see her?"
"They asked if I wanted to. I didn't. I didn't even want to know how she killed him. I just couldn't think of it. - Most seven year olds go to sleep scared of monsters and things under the bed that people swear don't exist, boy, if they ever found out the truth... As for me, I was flippin' terrified for myself - what would happen to me in the future if I ever met my real mother - would she be angry towards me for ruining her life? Would she do to me what she did my dad? I did not want to know her, Angel, or know anything about her."
"Do you know her name? - Or your fathers?"
"Ah, here we go. Research mode." She rolled her eyes and Angel felt guilty.
"You don't have to say, Cordelia -"
"No, it's OK, Angel. I understand you are eager to find out why I can do the *thing*, and I guess going up the family tree is a good way of starting. But, I don't know anything about my father except my mother killed him. What I do know about my mom is her last name. Rhodes. And I only know that cuz my adopted mom said I should be glad they adopted me, cuz if they didn't I would be stuck with the name Amy Rhodes. She said Amy was a common name. But, I actually like it. Of course, I'm more of a Cordelia now cuz of how I was brought up…. - Hey, y'know Amy means beloved. If my biological mom chose that name for me, it could mean she loves me, right? And as for Cordelia, well, all I could find in the book I used when I was eight was Delia, that was a short version of Cordelia, so god knows why they didn't just put Cordelia in too! Anyway, all it said was some crap about Greek twins Artemis and Apollo."
"Artemis and Apollo?"
"Heard of them?"
"I remember being told something about them once... In Homeric legend Apollo was primarily a god of prophecy. His most important oracle was at Delphi, the site of his victory over the Python. He sometimes gave the gift of prophecy to mortals whom he loved."
Cordelia raised an eyebrow. Angel sounded like he was quoting a book or something.
"His twin sister, Artemis, was the guardian of young women, and Apollo was the special protector of young men. "
"I'd hate for you to be interrupted while in complete reading-from-memory- mode, but I don't really care about all this, Angel."
"Maybe you should care."
"Huh?"
"You have visions." He stated thoughtfully.
"Really? - Cuz I don't remember anything about these blinding, eye-ball popping, head-splitting visions you speak of!" She rolled her eyes.
Angel jumped up. "Cora, come with me. I need to talk to Wesley."
He pulled her up and lead her back into the kitchen.
~*~
Go on to part SIXTEEN