Disclaimer: If they belonged to me, I would've treated them better.

Note: I never thought I'd write for this series again. But, no, I was wrong, and I got bitten by a ficlet bug. Further proof that my muses really have been on crack lately. Originally posted on the SlipstreamBBS. Which isn't even an X-Files board. Forget my muses, I think *I'm* on crack.

Spoilers: Series finale

Rated PG for innuendo

PEANUT GALLERY

Mulder lay with Scully on the ratty bed of the Roswell motel. This position being what it was and the two agents being who they were, things quickly progressed from simple cuddling to a serious make-out session. Considering the utter disaster his life-long mission had turned into, Mulder thought things were looking up.

Which is when he heard the snickering.

"Ha! I knew the two of you were sleeping together!"

"Alright! Go Mulder!"

"Hey, Fox, you're blocking the view! How are we supposed to see Scully's chest from here?"

Mulder froze and slowly looked up. Krycek stood leering on the other side of the bed, looking far too satisfied for a guy who'd been dead for a year, while X huddled in a corner, trying to look dignified while stifling his guffaws. The Lone Gunmen were passing a bag of popcorn between themselves, obviously enjoying the show and littering kernels all over the carpet.

Frohike grinned and waved his hand at him. "Don't mind us, man. Keep going."

Mulder groaned and dropped his head onto Scully's shoulder. "Just great."

His partner frowned. "Uh, Mulder? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just -" He sighed and disentangled himself from her, standing up. "Need a shower." He glared at the ghostly group enjoying his discomfort. "A nice, long, cold shower."

He stomped into the bathroom and slammed the door shut, leaving behind one very befuddled Scully and five very disappointed disembodied spirits. As Mulder turned on the water, he sincerely hoped that he wouldn't receive audience participation every time he was alone with Scully or there'd be a lot more cold showers in his future.

Through the door he heard Langly ask, "You think he'll at least let us watch his porn tapes instead?" Followed by Krycek sounding indignant. "He has porn? How the hell was I not aware of this?"

Yep. A lot of cold showers.

FIN