If I Were Your Fallen Angel

"A man always has two reasons for what he does-a good one and the real one."


The street lights were lit, casting an eerie yellow glow upon the clear roads that often led a far ways. Faye's eyes gazed up above, as she stared blankly wondering about the half crescent moon upon the velvety night sky. The woman took a breath, as her boots clattered against the cement ground, her hands dove deep within the pocket of her coat.
She stared down, reluctantly at her boots, that came quite fascinating as to how bored she had been. There was a slight pause, as she kept with the sidewalk, her eyes adjusting onto the closed stores that night. Everything laid peaceful and quiet, except for the soft chirping of crickets that seemed to annoy the reluctant woman.
Faye slowly glanced over her shoulder, wondering and much of hoping where Spike had been. She didn't care as much to the fact that she simply left without uttering a slight word, not even as to a good-bye. That was how it was, and how it would always be, she thought, taking a deep breath. Faye paused, as she heard the sound of soft footsteps treading behind her.
She slowly turned around, a bit startled, to see a tall figure standing a couple feet from her way, a cigarette prompted between his lips. The woman smiled, surprised at the same time as to being excited as she was.
"Want out so early?" Spike questioned, as he walked up towards the woman, staying a safe distance apart. He took a long drag, as his eyes gazed up at the night sky, reluctancy.
"Just couldn't stay in there any longer," Faye replied, as she continued stroding down the sidewalk, Spike following beside her. "You know me and clubs. I enjoy the company of money instead."
The green haired man gave her a strange look, as the two laid quiet for a bit. And he spoke, "No hangovers tonight?"
"Please, Spike," Faye uttered, sarcastically mocking, "I don't get drunk off of a few shots. Unlike you, you're a mess." Her emerald eyes stared the man up and down, as he turned to look upon himself to see what was wrong.
He raised his hands simply at his sides, "And what's wrong with me?" Faye let out a retorted laughter, mostly scorning. "I'm perfectly stable," the man uttered, taking another drag, as he tossed the cig aside, and reached in his pocket for yet another one. The two slowly turned a street corner, as they came upon a quiet little bench area, a park perhaps.
Faye slowly found her way to the bench, as she sat down, leaning her back against it, letting out a most longing sigh. Spike took a seat beside her, as his eyes gazed up at the moon and never turned away. The smoke from the cigarette escaped his lips, as he leaned over upon his knees.
"Ever heard of swearing by the moonlight?" he questioned, abruptly, but his eyes avoided hers.
Faye paused, as she brought her hands into her lap, "You mean the moon," she corrected.
Spike nodded, "Yeah...whatever you wanna call it."
"I never believed in things like that," the young woman began, her eyes adjusted onto the crescent moon, "One day, it's a full moon...and the next a half...it just keeps shrinking smaller and smaller every single day. It never keeps its true form...like a promise...."
"So, if you swore love to someone, it wouldn't happen?" Spike questioned, reluctantly for the first time that conversation, his brown eyes turned to her. Faye hesitated, as her eyes studied his oddly expression. She shook her head.
"I don't know...," she uttered, simply. There was an odd silence that fell between the two, when Faye's statement came up, "Spike....about me and Alonia...."
The man's eyes turned from hers, as he took another long drag, his expression hidden off. "What about?" Spike uttered, most irritated, or so he seemed.
"He...," the woman's voice faded off, as she struggled to say the words, that she hoped she'd never have to say, "He raped me. That night....when you...." There was a pause, as the Spike's eyes fixed to the ground, although part of him wondered upon what she meant. It threatened a part of him that actually found Faye in a way he'd be appreciated her. It bothered him the fact that he had treated her as though she had caused everything, that it was Faye that caused Spike to torment her into hatred. He didn't want to hear the things she said, so many times, that things like that happened to her. But never like this....
He laughed it off a bit, proving that he didn't care, "Mean to tell me that you're a virgin." Her emerald eyes gazed upon him, hurt to what and all he had to say. She felt the tears tremor within her eyes, as she thought back to Alonia and the soul that he took from her.
"Is that all you have to say?" she questioned, feeling pity upon herself. Her eyes quickly gazed upward, as the man slowly stood up, inhaling the smoke.
"That's not all I hafta say...," he uttered, scratching the back of his head. There was a long pause, as his back faced her. "Why did it happen like that, Faye?"
"What do you mean?" the woman questioned, softly, her voice so fragile that it frightened him.
Spike licked his lips, as he gazed down at the lit cigarette, "Why is it, that every time I'm willin' to accept somethin,' that everything always gotta fade away?" Faye's eyes stared down, as she felt her heart drop down to her stomach. There was a long silence, as Spike's back stayed facing her.
"I keep on seein' that past, I don't wanna think about anymore," he uttered, his voice trailing off. "And, I see you....."
"Is that all you see, Spike?" Faye questioned, abruptly, "Why does everything you see always have to be in the past? You're so stuck in it, that you never wanna move on. Are you living in the real world, Spike?"
The man stood quiet, as he replied, low, "I was watching a dream. I never knew what a dream was, and for the first time I tasted fear. Just a little something was off." He laughed, "A whole lot was off. Until now, it's still the same. A thousand words probably couldn't tell you how sorry I am, Faye. So I fucked up again...would you ever...."
"I always have forgiven you, Spike. I never was mad at you...., ever. Cause, I would never let go of the friendship we have. Even if it does mean you tormenting me," Faye uttered, her voice fragile as she laughed simply at her last sentence. Sure, she wanted to be his friend, perhaps more than that. The man turned to her, forging a smile upon his face. Part of him was confused whether the fact of what he wanted to do. He didn't know anything at all at the moment. He was just glad he got things out and finally understood the woman.
"Friendship," he uttered, "it's untimely." He paused, as part of him saw the love that he once had. It was once...and it never existed in the world that proclaimed him right then and there. He sought his angel, the woman he claimed to call his love. His only love. Spike shook the thought away, perhaps he needed to stop that dream. He knew well, that he could start over, but to past love Julia and through his eyes, see the present of who wanted him there beside her.
"You're right," Faye uttered, her eyes avoiding his, "It is untimely. You never know if you have got that chance or if you don't. I don't believe time could heal anything." Spike hesitated, as his brown eyes stared down at the woman that sat solely on the bench, her hair blowing against the gentle breeze of the wind.
Spike pondered at the little remarks the woman made. She had never actually once came out straight forward with him, that it made him wonder if she was actually wanting friendship or something that far surpassed that. He knew he could have given it to her, but he wasn't sure if he truly wanted to. And that was all he ever seemed to get through his mind, was that same repeating question. Did he love Faye Valentine?
Spike let out a breath, as his eyes left her sight, "So, Faye, the tomboy's grown into a woman." Faye rolled her eyes, reluctantly as her legs crossed.
"I've been one if you hadn't noticed," she remarked, simply, taunting.
Spike let out a short witted laugh, as his eyes fell upon her, without another hesitation. He stared at her awkwardly that it made her ponder his own thoughts. The two suddenly turned to a tall clock that hung over the tallest building in the whole city, as it struck loudly, telling that another hour had passed.
Spike took in a breath, shoving his hands into his pocket, "Hm...its gettin' late anyway. I think I'll sleep on it."
"Sleep on what?" Faye questioned, reluctantly. The man quickly turned attention onto her, a smile upon her crimson red lips.
"Tired," he uttered, simply.
Faye let out a short wit laughter, as her eyes pierced up at him, "A man always has two reasons for what he does-a good one, and the real one."
"What are you tryin' to get out of me, Faye?" Spike uttered, most humorously. The woman gave him a grim look, she didn't know whether she wanted to head back to the Bebop or have him accompany her there. So much she wanted to say and do, but words never surpassed the guilt feeling of having to admit a thing.
"Nothing...," she replied, reluctantly, standing up as she let out a deep breath. The woman turned the other direction, about to head off for her starship, when Spike's voice spoke out to her.
"I never did give anyone hell, Faye," he uttered, his eyes fixed to the floor, as his body filled slowly with guilt that he had never proven to her, "They just asked for it. I told the truth and they thought it was hell."
Faye slowly turned around, staring upon the man, as his eyes avoided her. And for once, he looked like a lost child, a person on the verge of a breakdown, a person who has loss and loss again. As if, all that would never conclude in the end.
There was a pause, as he continued, "You see things; and you say, "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?" And why shouldn't I keep anything to myself anymore? Why would I have to say anything out loud to anyone?"
"Because," Faye uttered, stepping up to him, "People care for you. One point has already been proved. Everything that happened once can happen again." Spike stared down at the young woman, her emerald eyes giving a gentle glow, as the words slipped between her red lips. Those lips that spoke the truth behind her, that admitted to her well-being, to her soul.
"And what do you mean to tell me?" Spike uttered, his voice a soft whisper, as his gaze stared at her intently.
Faye let out a soft laughter, her gaze upon him, "You don't live by words alone....despite the fact that sometimes you have to eat them." Spike gazed down at her, his head fixed straight forward, except that his eyes fell upon her own. There was a silence that fell over the two, as they stood there pondering each other thoughts. Why did it become so quiet in the first place?
Spike slowly moved in, as his head hovered over her face. What's he doing? Faye questioned herself, as she felt his breath upon her lips, so gently, that it sent shivers down her spine. And the moment her lips touched his, she felt her heart drop. But at the same time, asking herself why. Faye slowly found way around the man's neck, as her arms wrapped him in a tight embrace.
She didn't want to let go, for she had longed for a chance like that. Spike's mind twirled about, as he felt her kisses upon his own. He didn't know what to think, he didn't even know what the hell he was thinking. The man slowly pulled away, as his brown eyes gaped down at her, as if she had done something extremely wrong. He quickly backed away, as he turned his head to aside.
Faye stared up at Spike, a confused look upon her face. She wanted so much to ask him what was wrong and why he did her like that. But she stumbled upon those words yet in her own mind. Spike rubbed his forehead, as he stood there, lost in thought.
His eyes slowly fell upon her, as he let out a breath, "...Lets just..."
"Pretend it never happened," Faye finished, as her emerald gaze pierced upon him. Spike stood quiet, as he stared back at the woman, astounded by her sudden words that mocked his own. Faye took in a deep breath, as she simply shrugged it off, and slowly turned the other direction, just about to walk off, when she felt his hand tightened around her wrist.
Spike pulled her back to him, so that there bodies touched one another. His eyes gazed upon her, intently, as he uttered in a soft whisper, "I can't..."



Her hands struggled for the switch, as she felt Spike's hands grip onto her back. She quickly switched on the light to his room, as she felt his breathing grow harder, with every movement they made. She tried to pull away, struggling for air, as she felt his weight push up against hers and onto the bed.
She quickly pulled her lips away from his, as she stared into his eyes, searching for the answers that she longed for. She wanted to know if he truly needed her, if he could actually love her. There was a pause, as she felt the man's lips press against her own yet again. Faye quickly pushed him back, as she stared up at him, his green hair a mess from usual.
"Spike...," she uttered, with hesitation, "I....can't...." Spike stared down at her, a bit of confusion upon his face. He wondered what she was trying to tell him, he didn't want to hear what she tried to say to him at that fact.
"What do you mean?" he uttered, his voice low. Faye felt a wave of nausea hit her, as she quickly sat up, and Spike moved off of her. He stared down at the woman, as her emerald eyes fixed to the floor. She quickly brought her hands to her face, as she covered it solemnly.
Faye let out a breath, as she felt the tears form within her eyes, "I can't...I won't...."
Spike paused, as he simply stared down at her, without a slight idea of what she meant. Why didn't the words go through his head? he kept asking himself.
"I won't face that again...," she uttered, her eyes gazing up at his. Spike paused, as he stared down at her, without a slight expression upon his face.
"Faye...," he uttered, as he slowly kneeled down in front of her, "It's not like that....I need you. I need you, Faye."
"What do you need me for?" she questioned, the tears streaming down her cheeks, "What could you need a girl like me for....I'm not like before, Spike. Never will I be like..." His hands slowly cupped her face, as his eyes fixed upon her.
"I don't care," he uttered, "it wasn't your fault. I'm sorry, Faye....I..." The young woman let out a breath, as she pressed her forehead against Spike's. She felt herself whimper softly, as she felt his hands encircle around her fragile body. She knew what was going on, yet her head screamed out at her, telling her what she should have done right. She didn't want to lead herself into believing that he truly cared about her, for the fact that his words expressed far less. He said he needed me, Faye thought solely, he couldn't feel love....
"Please don't leave me...," she uttered, her voice fragile, as she felt her lips kissed upon his. She slowly felt his touch upon her, so gently that it startled her. Faye closed her eyes ever so tightly, as she felt his body hover over of her own, as his lips gently caressed her cheek. She didn't want to fall, and yet she did. Just like the broken promise to herself, to her soul. That she would never let anyone get the advantage over her, that the person would never be Spike.
Nothing seemed to enter her mind anymore, as Faye repeated to him, hoping that he cared to listen, although she knew well herself, "Please...don't leave me..."



There's no descending now, I know that I'm just lying to myself,
I need your help, so don't go away.
Just give me one night, to help me make things right,
Cause I don't believe that you wanna leave, end it this way.
Before you go tomorrow, just love me today.
Whisper you'll stay with me, tread softly as you walk away.



NOTE: Hum ... there goes that chapter. Does that help any uncleared parts of my story? Well, sorry that took awhile, I'll get the next chapter up soon Kay Kay! thanks for your reviews!