If I Were Your Fallen Angel
Only half way sung, you're the knot that becomes undone.
Dressed as darkest night, The flight of a stringless Kite.
Spike sat in the quietness of the room, as his eyes fixed straight ahead. He didn't know what to think anymore, he wasn't even sure he had a mind to think, a mind to tell him exactly what it was he had pulled himself into and wasn't able to pull himself back out. That was so typical of Spike, he always had never actually think things thoroughly through before he managed to open his mouth and speak what he should have regretted.
His brown eyes reluctantly turned to the sleeping body beside him. She was so peaceful, yet when she were awake, it could have been a whole different story. Faye slowly murmured something as she slept, the clean, white sheets entangled around her slim body. What's she dreaming about? Spike questioned himself, as his eyes vividly gazed upon her round face.
He stared at the woman, for what seemed an eternity, as her breathing startled him. Spike turned away, as he let out a breath, reaching for his pack of cigarettes that somehow managed to fall out of his pant pocket. He slowly brought one to his lips, as he lit it solemnly, not sure of what to think anymore.
Spike took a long drag, as his hand rested upon his knee. His eyes fell upon his clothes, as he grabbed the edge of the sheets to cover his body. He slowly leaned over and grabbed his pant and boxer and quickly pulled it on. Spike let out a long breath, as he placed the unfinished cigarette onto an ash tray, and abruptly stood up, stealing a glance at the undisturbed Faye.
He turned towards the bathroom, as he solemnly shut the door behind him. There was a long pause, before her emerald eyes slowly opened, realizing everything that had happend. She hesitated, as her violet locks scattered about the white pillow beneath her head. Faye slowly sat up, as she brought the sheets over her thin body. Her eyes closed abruptly as the sun of the shower turned on.
What was I thinking? she kept asking herself, as she sat in the quietness that swallowed her. She wanted to kill herself into believing that what she had done was extremely wrong. Why was it that Faye never had the slight idea of how Spike felt. He didn't love her. He never even spoke those 3 little words that she had longed to hear. And yet, she was dumfounded enough to confuse need with love.
He said he needed her, not love her. Faye's eyes slowly opened, as she felt herself grow weak and tried hard to hold back the tears that were abound to come. She didn't know what to think, what was she going to do in the first place? It seemed like forever, when she finally heard the sound of the shower turning off.
She slowly pressed her head back onto the backboard, as the bathroom door slipped open, relatively. There was a long pause, as Faye felt her heart beating ever so loudly in her chest. Spike slowly stepped out soon after, as he pulled on his yellow collared shirt, and threw his jacket reluctantly over one shoulder.
The green haired man slowly strode over towards the door, about ready to open it, when his eyes gazed over one shoulder, to realize that Faye had somehow awoken. There was a pause of quietness, as he stared at the woman's disheveled features, hoping that it hadn't turned out the way it did. His hands slipped off of the door knob, as he licked his lips, searching so hard for the words to say.
"Go ahead," Faye uttered, her voice fragile, as her hair covered the side of her face, "You were gonna leave anyway, right?"
Spike let out a breath, as his gaze fell to the floor, "It's not like that."
"Then what's it like, Spike?" the woman uttered, her eyes turned to him. There was a long pause, as they gazed upon eachother. "...Just leave...." Spike hesitated, as he stared at the woman, without another word. He took in a breath, as his eyes fell to the floor, and he abruptly turned the knob and headed out of the door. And for once, hoped that he was out of her life...or not.
Spike let out a long sigh, as he entered the rec. room, noticing Jet sitting on the yellow couch, his eyes fixated onto his bonsai tree, that took him extremely long to get as far as he did. Jet slowly gazed up as he noticed Spike standing by the hallway.
"How long have you been here?" the tall man questioned his friend reluctantly.
"For a while," Jet replied, his eyes turned away, "Why so straight forward, Spike? Somethin' botherin' ya?" The green haired man flashed his friend a nervous smile, as he took a seat beside him.
"Could be...," he uttered, his head rested back. Spike stared up at the fan just above the ceiling as his thought scrambled about. "It's Faye...."
"Don't tell me...," Jet murmured, concentrated ever so hard, "Just don't." Spike slowly sat up, exasperated, as he placed his elbows to his knees, leaning over.
"But...," he began, completely ignoring Jet's comment, "It's just that...."
"It's too obvious, Spike," Jet finally replied, after a long while, "Well, I've got one advice for you....have you ever heard the saying---"
"Nah," Spike began letting out a short laughter, "don't even start with that."
"Do you wanna know or what?" Jet muttered, partially thinking upon his bonsai. Then, he slowly began, "'When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.' That's all you gotta think about."
Spike let out a breath, "And what exactly is that supposed to mean?"
Jet sighed, "Think about it, Spike. Maybe that'll get you out of those situations that you so much are attracted to." Spike let out a long sigh, as he sat back, abruptly, his mind stirring about as to what Jet had really meant.
He gave that to him, often, always acting like the eldest figure. But it was true, Jet was the glue that held them together. If it weren't for him, the Bebop would have been corrupted a long time ago. Spike sat back, thinking that he should have taken Jet's advice for once. It was hard enough, that he brought the matters up to that point. And one advice couldn't kill anything....
Faye's emerald eyes gazed about the open filed as she let out a longish sigh. She stared out into the open, it was so clear, that in the horizon, the bright blue skies touched the green grass. Her eyes slowly fell the ground, reluctantly, as she felt herself grow cold from the gentle breeze that constantly surpassed her.
A smile fell upon her lips, as her arms crossed her chest, slowly. A thought entering her mind. If he ever could love her the way he loved Julia, everything would have been okay. It would have been like that happy ending that Faye longed for, that she needed more than anything. How much can a woman go through? Faye questioned herself, as she thought about the circumstances that happened eventually.
Her eyes quickly gazed up, as a familiar voice followed behind her, "Takin' in the scenery?"
Faye smiled, falsely, as she let out a long breath, "Does it bother you?"
"Hardly," Spike uttered, as he stepped up beside the young woman, simply, his eyes pierced straight forward.
"What is it?" Faye questioned, wanting to know his sole purpose.
A smile fell upon the man's face, as his hands were dug deep into his pant pocket, "Ever wonder why butterflies are the way they are?"
"Why are you talkin' about butterflies? What do they have to do with me?" Faye questioned, annoyed. Her emerald eyes slowly turned upon two butterflies that flew about the empty green field.
"There was someone, that said the butterfly is the symbol of beauty, fertility, fragility and change," Spike began, a positive smile upon his thin lips, "It's like a person you could say....a person that's thought of one way, but appears completely different soon after. She comes out of the shell, and is accepted as the beauty she is....butterflies lead two lives...one on earth and one in the sky. If the thing can't last that long...the more beautiful it comes to be."
There was a slight pause, as Spike's eyes turned to Faye. She stared up at the man, feeling a bit infatuated by the words that escaped him. But it made the woman wonder, like anyone else...
"Didd you get that out of a book?" Faye questioned, quite frankly. Her eyes quickly turned away, as she stood annoyed by his company. That in which that she didn't want to be.
"No," Spike uttered, playing along, "I'm just sayin'...It's kinda like livin' a dream, you can't even figure out what's real anymore."
Faye paused, her eyes glanced downward, "It's real. I never had been dreaming...never."
"It's like sayin' if you were a man dreamin' you were a butterfly, or a sleeping butterfly dreaming you're a man...," Spike uttered, staring up at the bright blue skies just above. He let out a breath, as his brown eyes gazed solemnly to Faye.
The woman paused, as she thought back to so many things. "Maybe," she began, her voice soft, "It's better not to wake up from that dream."
"But I already have...," Spike uttered, his eyes pierced upon her, "Its just I'm still stuck in reality....I wish I could tell you to just forget---"
"I've made many mistakes in my life, Spike," Faye uttered, abruptly, "But no mistake would ever measure up to what happened last night..." She felt the tears burn within her eyes, as she gazed away, slowly, whimpering softly, "I've slept with only two guys...one, I didn't wanna give a shit about...and the other...." her eyes slowly turned to him, as the hot tears streamed down her face, "Is you."
Spike paused, as the two stood in the quietness that overcame them. He let her words sink in, as she abruptly stared back at him, hurt fllled within her deep emerald eyes. The hurt that he had caused, and regretted the fact that he couldn't resolve it. She remind him so much of that butterfly. Something so delicate that was easily broken soon after.
The very vision, the mirage woman,
you're air in the palm of my hand,
you're like catching the day's sunset,
o rain that's never wet.
You're a butterfly in the mind,
you're a butterfly before my eyes,
you're a butterfly a trick of time.
Note: well, there it is for now. I'll continue soon thanks.