If I Were Your Fallen Angel
Like the perfect ending
It's won't be too long
Til everything I've ruined has seen me gone
In time, I pray you'll forgive
Now you know the man I am
Can you forgive me?
His brown eyes gazed solemnly outside the window, of his room, as he let out a long sigh. The space that floated about him, seem to stir a thought in his mind. His hands slowly ran through his green hair, as thoughts scattered about. Spike hated that, never did it happen to him the way it did this time around. Every time, he found time alone, the woman's name would never escape his mind. Her eyes that he cautiously remembered, he had practically memorized her whole features.
Spike let out a breath, as his eyes turned away, and fell onto a pack of half used up cigarettes. 'You really should give up on smoking,' she would always tell him. Yet, she did it herself. All right, so it wasn't as much as Spike longed for it. It was nearly his life, his need. He paused, as he quickly turned away, not knowing of what else to think or do. He sat over the thought of what he had said to himself earlier that day.
Was he truly positive that he didn't want to step back into Faye's life? He didn't want to think as much, part of him hated the things he came to do. Had he really changed all that much? Spike let out a laughter, of course, he had changed. He would have never....fallen for Faye, if he didn't.
I fall...
Like the sands of time
Like some broken rhyme
At feet no longer there
Faye paused, as she sat her back against the headboard, her eyes set on the white sheets. It was so cold, that she suddenly began to feel numb, as if a part of her was frozen. Frozen like her feelings. It was typical of Spike. But at times, Faye questioned what brought him to his doings. Perhaps, he saw her somewhere, not in his past, but in his future. With eyes, that she longed so much to be seen through.
So things never made much sense to Spike. He just never let it come to be, although at times he regretted it. Part of him just wanted to be there with her, no matter what it meant, no matter how he said it. He wanted more than anything to tell her...to just let her know. But if he never came to doing that, they wouldn't be able to go through with a thing....Faye would never know.
If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel
I would
You gave yourself to me and showed me what the truth could be
For that, I say thank you
This was my life
It never made much sense to me
He wasn't sure of what he had to do, to say at the least. The words that would come out gracefully, it didn't matter. As long as he didn't hurt her again for the millionth time. He needed that, he needed to watch her be that same old Faye that he really admired. Although, those times he never acted as though he appreciated her company. Appreciated the Faye inside of that woman that seemed so cold-hearted, so different.
Spike hesitated, as his eyes gazed towards the open doorway down towards the corridor, he pondered what Faye was doing. If she ever had him in her mind, right then and there. Like he for her. He knew well the mistakes he made, too many in one lifetime perhaps. But things change, people change....and feelings change.
He didn't want to recognize those feelings, he had to admit. He wasn't even sure if he were the real Spike, of long ago. He wanted to drop everything, get on with his life. But it was no use, she was just another fallen angel. He knew the woman, and she wasn't just like any other. An angel that he managed to have a heart for. An angel that was perhaps falling far from grasp...
With every lie that I lived
Part of me would fade
Into this empty shadow I've become
And now I feel so numb
I no longer know myself
But I still know you
Faye's head screamed to her, as she sat in the quietness of her room. What more did the World want from a helpless woman like she? She wasn't able to return anything, so many circumstances that evolved around her, that she was left with nothing. Not even a slight idea, that it hurt her. How she kept to herself, as she called to him. Wanting the man to show the affection she needed. Even a little word would make her satisfied.
I call
And there's no reply
Like some phantom cry
On ears too far away
He wasn't sure if she thought about him the way he did of her anymore. He wasn't even able to answer his own damn questions, that it bothered him. Spike slowly closed his eyes, as he laid himself down on the bed thinking. But not knowing, that somewhere, someone else was doing the exact same thing.
She thought back to all the times they had together, even if it weren't so pleasing. He was always there, he stood up for her when she most needed. He was that man that had her back through it all. He saved her, when she called to him. But why now? Was her cries so hoarse, that he weren't able to hear them?
I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by
The only thing I see is you
For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side
I say thank you
Here lies my life
It never felt that real to me
Was he just playing dumb? Or did Spike really not need her? Faye didn't care. She wouldn't care. She would just have it all out, but to end it this way...she never had the heart for.
You'll always mean so much to me
And there's no reply
And there's no reply
You'll never know how much you mean to me
Spike let out a breath, as he abruptly sat up. No, he kept telling himself. He wouldn't go through with it. Sure, she meant a lot to him. But perhaps it was only pity upon himself for regretting the facts. The real facts, that bugged him more than anything. He knew well, but kept telling himself the opposite, hoping unsaid words would eventually die down, without even escaping his lips. It was much harder than he thought, he knew how she felt, but it weren't for certain.
He quickly walked towards the door, as he paused, glancing over to her room. He would have to get it out someway or the other. And if it meant losing everything he ever wanted, he was for certain, that that was how it would have to be.
For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side
I say thank you. You in my life
It all meant so much more to me.
NOTE: Well.. that's another chapter. I made it kinda like a songficcy ya know. Hope you don't mind. That song is owned by Cowboy Bebop, its titled 'No Reply.' I found it really relating to my story, so here it is heheh.. Thanks for the reviews!