Author's note:
And here's chapter three! Up quicker than chapter two last time. Thank you Eve, A-Slasher, Lauren, and Angela for reviewing!! So glad you all like it. =^) I can't believe all these reviews, I keep trying to write this chapter, and I keep going back to the review page, and every time there's another one! Woohoo!! =^D
And please, do tell where I can find more P/K slash! There isn't any on ff.net… not that I've been able to find, anyway. But I could be going about my search in the wrong way. Help!
By the way, my spell-check has not been working for some reason. So if you find any typos, please feel free to bring them to my attention. I try to proofread manually, but you know how that goes… sigh.
You know the drill: POV separated by *~*~*~*~*. And let's start off with Tom this time, just for a change of pace.
(Incidentally, the factoid-mention of Harry's Academy roommate's sexual preference is authentic. Find it in the book "Pathways", written by Jeri Taylor. Ah, I loved that book.)
Disclaimer: Astoundingly, I'm still not the president of Paramount.
*~*~*~*~*
I walked into the mess hall, hoping it would be empty except for Neelix. No such luck – there were at least twenty people in there, and damned if they weren't all staring at me. I sighed as they started crowding around me.
"Hey Tom, glad to see you're okay. The Doc had us worried, said you'd been stabbed?" "Tom, how are you feeling?" "How's Harry doing, Tom?" They were just trying to be nice, but it was driving me nuts.
"Uh, I'm a little tired, maybe the inquisition could wait until I've had something to eat?" I tried to sound lighthearted, and mostly pulled it off. The crew murmured agreements and greetings as they drifted back to their own business. Relieved, I sat down in the far corner, as far away from humanity as I could get. Neelix, though, was not one to be put off.
"Tom?" he inquired as he approached. "Is everything all right? Can I get you something?" He did look genuinely concerned.
"Yeah, everything's… fine. Whatever you've got is fine, Neelix, just make sure it's hot," I mumbled, hoping I sounded like I meant it. I guess I didn't, because when Neelix came back with my leola root stew, he sat down and fixed me with a sympathetically prying gaze.
"Now Tom, you know I'm the morale officer, and if something's bothering you, it's my job to see that it gets straightened out! So why don't you just let it all out, I'm all ears. Let Neelix take care of it, whatever it is. What do you say?" He waited expectantly, hands folded on the table.
'Maybe it wouldn't hurt to have someone to talk to about this,' I thought. 'Maybe…' I took a deep breath, and started from the beginning.
"All right, I could use a friend right about now – but you have to promise me this doesn't go beyond your ears. You see, Neelix…"
*~*~*~*~*
I sat in my quarters, still teary-eyed. The beans were done – replicators don't notice whether you're happy or not, they just make what you tell them to – so I tried some of them. I knew I had to be in need of food, I hadn't eaten a square meal in who knows how long – among other things, the clamp had kept me from being able to accurately judge the passage of time. But I couldn't bring myself to concentrate on eating. All I could do was keep replaying the conversation Tom and I had just had. Why hadn't I been able to tell him?
"What's wrong with me?" I moaned. "Why didn't I say it? 'Tom, you're more than a friend to me.' What's hard about that? It would have been so simple to just say it!" Well… maybe I was being too hard on myself. It wouldn't have really been that simple. There still would have been confusion, misunderstanding, probably pain: it wouldn't have been simple at all.
"Ok. So maybe it wouldn't have been the way I hoped. What am I going to do now?" I sighed, collecting my chaotic thoughts from the random corners of my anxious mind. I had to make a decision – and soon. It was getting late, and I wanted to have this out with Tom before we had to endure eight strained hours on-duty together tomorrow morning.
*~*~*~*~*
Neelix just stared at me.
I stared back, hoping he didn't think too badly of me. It was starting to sink in that I had just told someone – a real-person-someone, not a holographic Sandrine – the way I felt about Harry. Out loud.
I broke Neelix's gaze and glanced around the mess hall. Thankfully, most of the people that had been in here when I arrived had cleared out. The few that lingered were on the other side of the room. At least people on this ship still knew how to tell if a conversation was private, even if they did gossip about it later.
"Well… Tom…" Neelix faltered. "That's quite a… dilemma you've got there." He paused. "Uh, do you have any idea how Harry feels about this? No, of course not, sorry. That was the point, wasn't it? He doesn't know how you feel. Well…" He glanced at me, flustered. "Well to tell you the truth, Tom, I never thought of you as the type of person who… would ask for my help, in a situation like this. But – but, you have asked, and I want to help, if I can. Have you tried, uh, finding out how Harry might feel about this kind of relationship?"
"Yeah, kind of. His roommate at the Academy was gay, and Harry was okay with that… of course, Harry was with Libby back then, so, that doesn't help me much."
Neelix brightened. "Well I would say it helps a lot! At least you know Harry won't think any less of you for the way you feel, right? Even if he doesn't return those feelings."
I considered this. It was true, Harry wasn't the kind of person to be judgmental in any way. I'd been afraid of losing his friendship, and that's why I hadn't told him while I was in his quarters that night. But now I could see that that was an irrational fear, and my resolve to remedy the situation grew stronger. I stood up, speaking with renewed conviction. "Neelix, you're right. I'm going to tell Harry how I feel. Right now."
"Good for you! Uh, good luck, Tom! I'm sure everything will be fine!" Neelix called after me as I stepped onto the turbolift.
There you go! Hope you like the way this is going. I don't like keeping our boys in suspended angst for too long, it tends to ruin the story. So tell me how things are going for you! Remember: all you have to do is review, and you'll see your name typed gloriously at the top of chapter four! =^)
And here's chapter three! Up quicker than chapter two last time. Thank you Eve, A-Slasher, Lauren, and Angela for reviewing!! So glad you all like it. =^) I can't believe all these reviews, I keep trying to write this chapter, and I keep going back to the review page, and every time there's another one! Woohoo!! =^D
And please, do tell where I can find more P/K slash! There isn't any on ff.net… not that I've been able to find, anyway. But I could be going about my search in the wrong way. Help!
By the way, my spell-check has not been working for some reason. So if you find any typos, please feel free to bring them to my attention. I try to proofread manually, but you know how that goes… sigh.
You know the drill: POV separated by *~*~*~*~*. And let's start off with Tom this time, just for a change of pace.
(Incidentally, the factoid-mention of Harry's Academy roommate's sexual preference is authentic. Find it in the book "Pathways", written by Jeri Taylor. Ah, I loved that book.)
Disclaimer: Astoundingly, I'm still not the president of Paramount.
*~*~*~*~*
I walked into the mess hall, hoping it would be empty except for Neelix. No such luck – there were at least twenty people in there, and damned if they weren't all staring at me. I sighed as they started crowding around me.
"Hey Tom, glad to see you're okay. The Doc had us worried, said you'd been stabbed?" "Tom, how are you feeling?" "How's Harry doing, Tom?" They were just trying to be nice, but it was driving me nuts.
"Uh, I'm a little tired, maybe the inquisition could wait until I've had something to eat?" I tried to sound lighthearted, and mostly pulled it off. The crew murmured agreements and greetings as they drifted back to their own business. Relieved, I sat down in the far corner, as far away from humanity as I could get. Neelix, though, was not one to be put off.
"Tom?" he inquired as he approached. "Is everything all right? Can I get you something?" He did look genuinely concerned.
"Yeah, everything's… fine. Whatever you've got is fine, Neelix, just make sure it's hot," I mumbled, hoping I sounded like I meant it. I guess I didn't, because when Neelix came back with my leola root stew, he sat down and fixed me with a sympathetically prying gaze.
"Now Tom, you know I'm the morale officer, and if something's bothering you, it's my job to see that it gets straightened out! So why don't you just let it all out, I'm all ears. Let Neelix take care of it, whatever it is. What do you say?" He waited expectantly, hands folded on the table.
'Maybe it wouldn't hurt to have someone to talk to about this,' I thought. 'Maybe…' I took a deep breath, and started from the beginning.
"All right, I could use a friend right about now – but you have to promise me this doesn't go beyond your ears. You see, Neelix…"
*~*~*~*~*
I sat in my quarters, still teary-eyed. The beans were done – replicators don't notice whether you're happy or not, they just make what you tell them to – so I tried some of them. I knew I had to be in need of food, I hadn't eaten a square meal in who knows how long – among other things, the clamp had kept me from being able to accurately judge the passage of time. But I couldn't bring myself to concentrate on eating. All I could do was keep replaying the conversation Tom and I had just had. Why hadn't I been able to tell him?
"What's wrong with me?" I moaned. "Why didn't I say it? 'Tom, you're more than a friend to me.' What's hard about that? It would have been so simple to just say it!" Well… maybe I was being too hard on myself. It wouldn't have really been that simple. There still would have been confusion, misunderstanding, probably pain: it wouldn't have been simple at all.
"Ok. So maybe it wouldn't have been the way I hoped. What am I going to do now?" I sighed, collecting my chaotic thoughts from the random corners of my anxious mind. I had to make a decision – and soon. It was getting late, and I wanted to have this out with Tom before we had to endure eight strained hours on-duty together tomorrow morning.
*~*~*~*~*
Neelix just stared at me.
I stared back, hoping he didn't think too badly of me. It was starting to sink in that I had just told someone – a real-person-someone, not a holographic Sandrine – the way I felt about Harry. Out loud.
I broke Neelix's gaze and glanced around the mess hall. Thankfully, most of the people that had been in here when I arrived had cleared out. The few that lingered were on the other side of the room. At least people on this ship still knew how to tell if a conversation was private, even if they did gossip about it later.
"Well… Tom…" Neelix faltered. "That's quite a… dilemma you've got there." He paused. "Uh, do you have any idea how Harry feels about this? No, of course not, sorry. That was the point, wasn't it? He doesn't know how you feel. Well…" He glanced at me, flustered. "Well to tell you the truth, Tom, I never thought of you as the type of person who… would ask for my help, in a situation like this. But – but, you have asked, and I want to help, if I can. Have you tried, uh, finding out how Harry might feel about this kind of relationship?"
"Yeah, kind of. His roommate at the Academy was gay, and Harry was okay with that… of course, Harry was with Libby back then, so, that doesn't help me much."
Neelix brightened. "Well I would say it helps a lot! At least you know Harry won't think any less of you for the way you feel, right? Even if he doesn't return those feelings."
I considered this. It was true, Harry wasn't the kind of person to be judgmental in any way. I'd been afraid of losing his friendship, and that's why I hadn't told him while I was in his quarters that night. But now I could see that that was an irrational fear, and my resolve to remedy the situation grew stronger. I stood up, speaking with renewed conviction. "Neelix, you're right. I'm going to tell Harry how I feel. Right now."
"Good for you! Uh, good luck, Tom! I'm sure everything will be fine!" Neelix called after me as I stepped onto the turbolift.
There you go! Hope you like the way this is going. I don't like keeping our boys in suspended angst for too long, it tends to ruin the story. So tell me how things are going for you! Remember: all you have to do is review, and you'll see your name typed gloriously at the top of chapter four! =^)