Slave to the Machine
By: Langerhast
Chapter Seven
++++++
I have received several complaints about this fic recently, but let me assure you that the problems will all be corrected. Don't make too many judgements yet; this fic is not over.
++++++
Shinji sat curled up on his bed, in the darkness, hugging his knees to his chest. He was shaking like a leaf caught in a violent gust of wind. Then again, that was almost exactly what he was.
The boy mumbled to himself in the shadows of his only refuge, tears streaming from his eyes. 'She's gone…' he hissed in his mind. 'She's gone, and I couldn't help her…. They took her, just like they took Misato…and I couldn't do anything about it. I failed her again!'
Each sob wracked the boy like a gunshot. He was a failure… he had just lost the too most important women in his life… and he was sure it was his fault. And Asuka; he had never even made amends with her. Now, for all he knew, he might never see her again.
"I'm still worthless…" he choked out between icy tears. "I always was…"
++++++
Colin sat at the kitchen table, his brow furrowed with worry. Shinji had been there in his room for nearly three days… refusing to come out. He couldn't get Shinji out to do anything; not even to eat. Shinji was too wrapped in his own misery. He had just lost both his mentor and his secret passion, and as usual, he blamed himself.
'No…' Colin thought. 'It was MY fault. I was there when it happened; I stood next to her. I did nothing. I've failed both Asuka and Shinji… failed, just like I always have.'
Scott Thames sat across from him at the small table, dark eyes darting from the hallway that lead to Shinji's room, and back to Colin, and then back to the hallway. He was truly worried about the Sixth, because he could see that this boy was truly concerned.
Ever since Thames had met Colin shortly before the journey to Tokyo-3 to deliver Unit 06, he had taken an almost instant liking to the boy. He didn't know what it was about him… perhaps it was his personality.
But he had taken a liking to Shinji, too; after talking to him two days before, he had found out much about the boy, and sympathized with him. Now, he was distressed with Shinji's current condition. All he could hope for was that someone would find Misato and Asuka, or that they would turn up themselves. He didn't have the authorization to meddle in Section Two affairs.
With a sigh, he looked back down at the coffee he had been drinking. Japanese coffee tasted strange… he wasn't used to it at all. Its only purpose was to calm his nerves. But, he was thankful that through all that had happened, Rei had kept a watchful eye on Shinji… like a guardian angel.
She had stood by his door, day and night, never moving or showing any awareness except for when Colin or Scott brought food for her or Shinji. Colin always gave her a strange look, but sometimes it was mixed with just a bit of admiration.
++++++
Rei frowned with determination as she stared at the blank door to Shinji's room, the sobs of agony drifting out from the inside. For the past several days, she had stayed, watching over her Shinji, paying little attention to the other two male occupants of the apartment.
"Whatever it was that took Major Katsuragi and the Second," she hissed to herself, "will not have Pilot Shinji. It is my duty and my comfort to protect him."
-Flashback to Three Days Before-
Rei knocked solemnly on the metal door that was the entrance to the Katsuragi apartment. Almost as soon as she had begun knocking, the door in front of her swung open, and in the doorway stood Colin.
The British boy had thrust open the door with a look of expectant joy on his face, but when he saw Ayanami standing before him, that look quickly dissolved into a confused and started stare.
"Um… konichiwa, Ayanami… what are you doing here?"
Rei sighed. "I have come to protect Pilot Ikari. Please step aside."
The First simply stared as the Sixth's eyes lit up. "Why, of course!" He said cheerily. "He might not mind a visit from you right now."
The blue haired girl said nothing. She simply walked past Colin, through the entrance hallway and the kitchen, and into the sleeping quarters. After she had entered the second hallway, Dr. Thames looked up from his book at the kitchen table and gave Colin a questioning look. The Sixth simply shrugged.
++++++
The First Child silently opened the door to Shinji Ikari's room, only to find that the boy already had company.
Kensuke Aida sat on the floor beside the boy's bed, and Toji Suzahara was leaning against the wall closest to it. They were desperately trying to talk to Shinji, who was huddled, shaking, in the mass of sheets on his bed.
"Come on, Shinji…" Kensuke stated, concern in his voice. "If there is anything bothering you, you can tell us."
"We're your friends, Shinji," Toji added. "You can trust us."
"I… it… it's too painful… I… can't…" Shinji whispered softly, his voice choked.
"If it's about Asuka… she's just evil… don't worry about what she says," Kensuke said.
Suddenly, Shinji sat up; his eyes alight with anger. "Yes, Ken, it is about Asuka! It's about how she disappeared and I couldn't stop it! And Misato! She disappeared, and I couldn't stop it! I failed them again! I failed… Asuka…"
Kensuke and Toji were left speechless. They simply stood staring at him, eyes wide with shock.
Rei's heart sank at the mention of Asuka's name, and at the thought of how much Shinji might care. But nonetheless, this had to come to an end. Rei, previously unnoticed by Shinji or his friends, stepped forward.
"Aida, Suzahara," She said firmly. "I think that it is time for the both of you to leave." Kensuke and Toji jumped at the sound of her voice, but when they turned around to look at her, her cold red eyes greeted them. With a moment's hesitation, they rushed out the door.
After the sound of footsteps receding rapidly down the hall had dissipated, Rei stepped up to Shinji. The boy simply looked up at her with sad, but grateful, eyes.
"Rei…" he whispered, "I couldn't…" And then he simply fell forward to collapse against her, burying his face in her chest. Rei looked down in surprise for a moment as he wrapped his arms around her and cried pitifully into her breast, shaking helplessly.
Rei opened her mouth to say something, but found that no words would come. Instead, she simply raised an arm and began running her hand through his hair in comforting strokes, and a small smile, the first one she had shown since the battle with the Fifth Angel, showed on her face. She would protect him.
It didn't seem to matter to Shinji at that moment that he was afraid of the Third Rei. All that mattered to him was that he had someone to lean on.
-End of Flashback-
And so, Rei Ayanami had stood guard, unmoving, for over three days. Even though, deep in her heart, she knew that Shinji could never be hers, she still wanted only to protect him and see him happy.
++++++
Colin sighed again, for the eighth time in the past hour. Shinji could be truly odd sometimes; even in the short period that Colin had known him, the Sixth had found this to be true.
He jerked forward when he suddenly heard the door open softly. Shoving his chair his chair aside carelessly, he rushed to the door. Scott swiftly stood and followed the boy.
As soon as Colin reached the door, he stopped dead. There, in front of him, stood Misato Katsuragi. Her face was scarred and solemn, but there was no doubt that it was she.
The Sixth tried to work his mouth to speak, but Scott beat him to it. "Welcome back, Miss Katsuragi," the unshaven man said, a grin spreading on his face. "We were afraid that we would never see you again."
Misato gave no reply. She simply stared at him for a moment, and then entered the apartment. She swept past the two without a word. Scott stared after her, a look of worry on his hard face. 'What is wrong with her?' he thought. 'She looks like she hasn't gotten sleep for days… and her clothes… all torn and dirtied. And where the hell has she been? How can she go missing for four days, and just suddenly reappear?' He shook his head sadly. Such a change had come over her, so suddenly. He had no idea what had happened to her, but whatever it was must have silenced her.
++++++
Shinji's spirits were soaring. His guardian was finally back; his friend. Asuka's disappearance was still dark and sorrowful in his mind, but for the moment it competed with the joy he had for the return of Misato.
As soon as Colin had stepped into his room and announced the news, Shinji had risen and rushed from his confines, tears of grief becoming tears of happiness. He had looked all over the apartment for her, finally finding her in the place he would have least suspected: the balcony.
Shinji poked his head out from behind the sliding door, his gaze roaming across the concrete deck. His face split into a grin when his gaze came to rest on Misato, who was leaning against the railing, looking out over the darkened evening streets of Tokyo-3, her tattered and stained NERV uniform swaying in the breeze.
1
2 I lie awake on a long, dark night
I can't seem to tame my mind
Slings and arrows are killing me inside
Maybe I can't accept the life that's mine
No I can't accept the life that's mine
"M-miss Misato?" Shinji asked in a choked voice, his grin slowly growing as he walked closer to her. For a moment, she didn't respond. "Are you all right, Misato-san?" To this, she finally turned to look down at him, her face solemn.
3
4 Simple living is my desperate cry
Been trading love with indifference yeah it suits me just fine
I try to hold on but I'm calloused to the bone
Maybe that's why I feel alone
Maybe that's why I feel so alone
Shinji simply broke down, stumbling the few extra feet towards her. "I missed you so much! You were gone… and then Asuka… she disappeared… God, I am so happy!" He reached out to embrace her, but gasped when he felt her hand press against his chest, stopping him.
He looked up at her with pleading eyes. "What's wrong, Misato-san?"
5 Me… I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal
His guardian turned her gaze down at him with a hint of contempt in her eyes. "Shinji," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. His eyes grew wide as he expected some friendly welcome, looking up to meet her gaze.
"I have something very important to tell you," she continued, "so listen closely."
6 The sun shines and I can't avoid the light
I think I'm holding on to life too tight
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Sometimes I feel like giving up
Sometimes I feel like giving up
"Yes…?" Shinji whispered in turn, his smile beginning to fade when he saw the look in her eyes.
Misato's grip tightened, her nails digging into his flesh. Shinji cried out, but kept his teeth clenched. Tears were forming in his eyes as they asked one question of his guardian. 'Why?'
"You are pathetic," Misato hissed. "I hate you."
7 Me… I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal
Shinji could feel himself choking. 'Does she mean it? Does she really hate me? W-what did I…do?'
"But Shinji…" she then hissed, bringing her face down to his. "There is one thing you can do for me."
Shinji's mouth hung open, as he whispered out a reply. "What?"
His guardian's eyes became as cold as stone. "You can DIE!" She whipped her hands up to his throat and wrapped them around it, beginning to strangle the boy.
Shinji simply gazed back into his guardian's eyes, his vision dimming. 'I… probably… deserve to die…' he thought, as the air was growing thin.
8
9 The day reminds me of you
The night hides your truth
The Earth is a voice
Speaking to you
Take all this pride
And leave it behind
Because one day it ends
One day we die
Shinji could suddenly remember all of the times that he had made mistakes; horrible mistakes. All of the times he had failed to help those he cared for… when he couldn't help Asuka, couldn't help Toji, couldn't help… Kaoru.
'I'm scum…' he hissed at himself. 'I deserve to die.'
10
11 Believe what you will
That is your right
But I choose to win
So I choose to fight
To fight
The thing that disturbed the dying Third the most was the cold light of pleasure in his guardian's eyes as she slowly stole his life.
Suddenly, he was dimly aware of a presence nearby. He looked out of the corner of his eye to see what could have only been Rei watching him. With the tears welling up in his eyes, he turned back or one last look of the face of the Major he loved so much.
As he turned back to face her, his eyes grew wide. He heard a thud, and found that the light had faded from her eyes, and her grip was weakening. With a small sigh, she slowly sank down, until she crumpled to a heap on the deck.
12 Me… I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal
Shinji slowly looked up, to find Colin standing behind the still heap that was the major, a black skillet in his hand. His eyes looked troubled, and slowly the skillet handle slipped from his grasp. It landed with a clatter beside the crumpled form of the
Major.
The British boy lowered his head, and slowly began to shake it back and forth, his blond bangs swaying in the failing light. "I'm so sorry… Major Katsuragi. I am sorry, Shinji. I am sorry that this happened."
13 Me… I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't
Covered with skin that peels and it just won't
Covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal
'Weathered' by Creed
++++++
Author's Notes:
I'm sorry that it took so long to get this chapter uploaded. I've been very busy lately. But what with summer vacation and everything, I should be able to produce chapters much quicker. More shall come soon!
By: Langerhast
Chapter Seven
++++++
I have received several complaints about this fic recently, but let me assure you that the problems will all be corrected. Don't make too many judgements yet; this fic is not over.
++++++
Shinji sat curled up on his bed, in the darkness, hugging his knees to his chest. He was shaking like a leaf caught in a violent gust of wind. Then again, that was almost exactly what he was.
The boy mumbled to himself in the shadows of his only refuge, tears streaming from his eyes. 'She's gone…' he hissed in his mind. 'She's gone, and I couldn't help her…. They took her, just like they took Misato…and I couldn't do anything about it. I failed her again!'
Each sob wracked the boy like a gunshot. He was a failure… he had just lost the too most important women in his life… and he was sure it was his fault. And Asuka; he had never even made amends with her. Now, for all he knew, he might never see her again.
"I'm still worthless…" he choked out between icy tears. "I always was…"
++++++
Colin sat at the kitchen table, his brow furrowed with worry. Shinji had been there in his room for nearly three days… refusing to come out. He couldn't get Shinji out to do anything; not even to eat. Shinji was too wrapped in his own misery. He had just lost both his mentor and his secret passion, and as usual, he blamed himself.
'No…' Colin thought. 'It was MY fault. I was there when it happened; I stood next to her. I did nothing. I've failed both Asuka and Shinji… failed, just like I always have.'
Scott Thames sat across from him at the small table, dark eyes darting from the hallway that lead to Shinji's room, and back to Colin, and then back to the hallway. He was truly worried about the Sixth, because he could see that this boy was truly concerned.
Ever since Thames had met Colin shortly before the journey to Tokyo-3 to deliver Unit 06, he had taken an almost instant liking to the boy. He didn't know what it was about him… perhaps it was his personality.
But he had taken a liking to Shinji, too; after talking to him two days before, he had found out much about the boy, and sympathized with him. Now, he was distressed with Shinji's current condition. All he could hope for was that someone would find Misato and Asuka, or that they would turn up themselves. He didn't have the authorization to meddle in Section Two affairs.
With a sigh, he looked back down at the coffee he had been drinking. Japanese coffee tasted strange… he wasn't used to it at all. Its only purpose was to calm his nerves. But, he was thankful that through all that had happened, Rei had kept a watchful eye on Shinji… like a guardian angel.
She had stood by his door, day and night, never moving or showing any awareness except for when Colin or Scott brought food for her or Shinji. Colin always gave her a strange look, but sometimes it was mixed with just a bit of admiration.
++++++
Rei frowned with determination as she stared at the blank door to Shinji's room, the sobs of agony drifting out from the inside. For the past several days, she had stayed, watching over her Shinji, paying little attention to the other two male occupants of the apartment.
"Whatever it was that took Major Katsuragi and the Second," she hissed to herself, "will not have Pilot Shinji. It is my duty and my comfort to protect him."
-Flashback to Three Days Before-
Rei knocked solemnly on the metal door that was the entrance to the Katsuragi apartment. Almost as soon as she had begun knocking, the door in front of her swung open, and in the doorway stood Colin.
The British boy had thrust open the door with a look of expectant joy on his face, but when he saw Ayanami standing before him, that look quickly dissolved into a confused and started stare.
"Um… konichiwa, Ayanami… what are you doing here?"
Rei sighed. "I have come to protect Pilot Ikari. Please step aside."
The First simply stared as the Sixth's eyes lit up. "Why, of course!" He said cheerily. "He might not mind a visit from you right now."
The blue haired girl said nothing. She simply walked past Colin, through the entrance hallway and the kitchen, and into the sleeping quarters. After she had entered the second hallway, Dr. Thames looked up from his book at the kitchen table and gave Colin a questioning look. The Sixth simply shrugged.
++++++
The First Child silently opened the door to Shinji Ikari's room, only to find that the boy already had company.
Kensuke Aida sat on the floor beside the boy's bed, and Toji Suzahara was leaning against the wall closest to it. They were desperately trying to talk to Shinji, who was huddled, shaking, in the mass of sheets on his bed.
"Come on, Shinji…" Kensuke stated, concern in his voice. "If there is anything bothering you, you can tell us."
"We're your friends, Shinji," Toji added. "You can trust us."
"I… it… it's too painful… I… can't…" Shinji whispered softly, his voice choked.
"If it's about Asuka… she's just evil… don't worry about what she says," Kensuke said.
Suddenly, Shinji sat up; his eyes alight with anger. "Yes, Ken, it is about Asuka! It's about how she disappeared and I couldn't stop it! And Misato! She disappeared, and I couldn't stop it! I failed them again! I failed… Asuka…"
Kensuke and Toji were left speechless. They simply stood staring at him, eyes wide with shock.
Rei's heart sank at the mention of Asuka's name, and at the thought of how much Shinji might care. But nonetheless, this had to come to an end. Rei, previously unnoticed by Shinji or his friends, stepped forward.
"Aida, Suzahara," She said firmly. "I think that it is time for the both of you to leave." Kensuke and Toji jumped at the sound of her voice, but when they turned around to look at her, her cold red eyes greeted them. With a moment's hesitation, they rushed out the door.
After the sound of footsteps receding rapidly down the hall had dissipated, Rei stepped up to Shinji. The boy simply looked up at her with sad, but grateful, eyes.
"Rei…" he whispered, "I couldn't…" And then he simply fell forward to collapse against her, burying his face in her chest. Rei looked down in surprise for a moment as he wrapped his arms around her and cried pitifully into her breast, shaking helplessly.
Rei opened her mouth to say something, but found that no words would come. Instead, she simply raised an arm and began running her hand through his hair in comforting strokes, and a small smile, the first one she had shown since the battle with the Fifth Angel, showed on her face. She would protect him.
It didn't seem to matter to Shinji at that moment that he was afraid of the Third Rei. All that mattered to him was that he had someone to lean on.
-End of Flashback-
And so, Rei Ayanami had stood guard, unmoving, for over three days. Even though, deep in her heart, she knew that Shinji could never be hers, she still wanted only to protect him and see him happy.
++++++
Colin sighed again, for the eighth time in the past hour. Shinji could be truly odd sometimes; even in the short period that Colin had known him, the Sixth had found this to be true.
He jerked forward when he suddenly heard the door open softly. Shoving his chair his chair aside carelessly, he rushed to the door. Scott swiftly stood and followed the boy.
As soon as Colin reached the door, he stopped dead. There, in front of him, stood Misato Katsuragi. Her face was scarred and solemn, but there was no doubt that it was she.
The Sixth tried to work his mouth to speak, but Scott beat him to it. "Welcome back, Miss Katsuragi," the unshaven man said, a grin spreading on his face. "We were afraid that we would never see you again."
Misato gave no reply. She simply stared at him for a moment, and then entered the apartment. She swept past the two without a word. Scott stared after her, a look of worry on his hard face. 'What is wrong with her?' he thought. 'She looks like she hasn't gotten sleep for days… and her clothes… all torn and dirtied. And where the hell has she been? How can she go missing for four days, and just suddenly reappear?' He shook his head sadly. Such a change had come over her, so suddenly. He had no idea what had happened to her, but whatever it was must have silenced her.
++++++
Shinji's spirits were soaring. His guardian was finally back; his friend. Asuka's disappearance was still dark and sorrowful in his mind, but for the moment it competed with the joy he had for the return of Misato.
As soon as Colin had stepped into his room and announced the news, Shinji had risen and rushed from his confines, tears of grief becoming tears of happiness. He had looked all over the apartment for her, finally finding her in the place he would have least suspected: the balcony.
Shinji poked his head out from behind the sliding door, his gaze roaming across the concrete deck. His face split into a grin when his gaze came to rest on Misato, who was leaning against the railing, looking out over the darkened evening streets of Tokyo-3, her tattered and stained NERV uniform swaying in the breeze.
1
2 I lie awake on a long, dark night
I can't seem to tame my mind
Slings and arrows are killing me inside
Maybe I can't accept the life that's mine
No I can't accept the life that's mine
"M-miss Misato?" Shinji asked in a choked voice, his grin slowly growing as he walked closer to her. For a moment, she didn't respond. "Are you all right, Misato-san?" To this, she finally turned to look down at him, her face solemn.
3
4 Simple living is my desperate cry
Been trading love with indifference yeah it suits me just fine
I try to hold on but I'm calloused to the bone
Maybe that's why I feel alone
Maybe that's why I feel so alone
Shinji simply broke down, stumbling the few extra feet towards her. "I missed you so much! You were gone… and then Asuka… she disappeared… God, I am so happy!" He reached out to embrace her, but gasped when he felt her hand press against his chest, stopping him.
He looked up at her with pleading eyes. "What's wrong, Misato-san?"
5 Me… I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal
His guardian turned her gaze down at him with a hint of contempt in her eyes. "Shinji," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. His eyes grew wide as he expected some friendly welcome, looking up to meet her gaze.
"I have something very important to tell you," she continued, "so listen closely."
6 The sun shines and I can't avoid the light
I think I'm holding on to life too tight
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Sometimes I feel like giving up
Sometimes I feel like giving up
"Yes…?" Shinji whispered in turn, his smile beginning to fade when he saw the look in her eyes.
Misato's grip tightened, her nails digging into his flesh. Shinji cried out, but kept his teeth clenched. Tears were forming in his eyes as they asked one question of his guardian. 'Why?'
"You are pathetic," Misato hissed. "I hate you."
7 Me… I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal
Shinji could feel himself choking. 'Does she mean it? Does she really hate me? W-what did I…do?'
"But Shinji…" she then hissed, bringing her face down to his. "There is one thing you can do for me."
Shinji's mouth hung open, as he whispered out a reply. "What?"
His guardian's eyes became as cold as stone. "You can DIE!" She whipped her hands up to his throat and wrapped them around it, beginning to strangle the boy.
Shinji simply gazed back into his guardian's eyes, his vision dimming. 'I… probably… deserve to die…' he thought, as the air was growing thin.
8
9 The day reminds me of you
The night hides your truth
The Earth is a voice
Speaking to you
Take all this pride
And leave it behind
Because one day it ends
One day we die
Shinji could suddenly remember all of the times that he had made mistakes; horrible mistakes. All of the times he had failed to help those he cared for… when he couldn't help Asuka, couldn't help Toji, couldn't help… Kaoru.
'I'm scum…' he hissed at himself. 'I deserve to die.'
10
11 Believe what you will
That is your right
But I choose to win
So I choose to fight
To fight
The thing that disturbed the dying Third the most was the cold light of pleasure in his guardian's eyes as she slowly stole his life.
Suddenly, he was dimly aware of a presence nearby. He looked out of the corner of his eye to see what could have only been Rei watching him. With the tears welling up in his eyes, he turned back or one last look of the face of the Major he loved so much.
As he turned back to face her, his eyes grew wide. He heard a thud, and found that the light had faded from her eyes, and her grip was weakening. With a small sigh, she slowly sank down, until she crumpled to a heap on the deck.
12 Me… I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal
Shinji slowly looked up, to find Colin standing behind the still heap that was the major, a black skillet in his hand. His eyes looked troubled, and slowly the skillet handle slipped from his grasp. It landed with a clatter beside the crumpled form of the
Major.
The British boy lowered his head, and slowly began to shake it back and forth, his blond bangs swaying in the failing light. "I'm so sorry… Major Katsuragi. I am sorry, Shinji. I am sorry that this happened."
13 Me… I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't
Covered with skin that peels and it just won't
Covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal
'Weathered' by Creed
++++++
Author's Notes:
I'm sorry that it took so long to get this chapter uploaded. I've been very busy lately. But what with summer vacation and everything, I should be able to produce chapters much quicker. More shall come soon!