Aug. 10 – School started yesterday. My classes are Advanced English,
Japanese History, World History, Calculus, and Advanced Chemistry, plus
Business, Government, and Economy classes. I think the first five will be
easy, but I have no love of business. Still, Father wants me to take over
the business, and I should learn the necessary tools. Even so, banking
isn't my favorite pastime…
Yamamato-san is in my classes. All of them. He can't be as smart as me. I need that top spot in classes. I'm already going to have to fight my way back up in karate as is. I'm glad he's not in ninjutsu as well. I'm in competition with him enough. Now that I have classes with him, I notice the stares he gives me much more. I'm going to ask him why he's staring at me soon. It's unnerving, to feel those colorless eyes on me all the time. It makes me want to stare straight back. My eyes could give him a good scare, to, that violet-rimmed black. They make me avoid mirrors, my eyes. They make me look cold and intense. And my hair makes me look angry, with my lowest fiery eyebrows. And yet my lips and nose make me… beautiful. I don't want to be beautiful. At least I have the privilege of being dangerously beautiful. Most of the time I hate my looks.
Azuro-san and I are going out on the weekend. First we're going to dinner, and then we're going to karaoke. She's got such a cute smile. She told me today that I had a pretty voice, and I should talk more. Then she blushed. I do tend to be quiet. But so does she. I am going to make an effort to talk more around her though. She's too cute not to. I still have to tell Father. I'm going to see her, though. I should tell him now, but I'd rather write.
Mother has been looking very unhappy. I know she always makes an effort to be happy around me, but I can always see it in her eyes. Wonder why. My father is a cold man. There is no love lost between them. Aya and I are basically the only joys in her life. I know it hurts her that I try so hard for my father, and I spend so little time with her, and I hate hurting her. But I need my time to try to get my father to care, to be happy with me, to love me. I want my father's affection. I crave it. Is it so much to ask as all that?
I can guarantee Yamamato-san doesn't deal with this. If he did, he wouldn't stare at me. He'd be working too hard.
Yamamato-san is in my classes. All of them. He can't be as smart as me. I need that top spot in classes. I'm already going to have to fight my way back up in karate as is. I'm glad he's not in ninjutsu as well. I'm in competition with him enough. Now that I have classes with him, I notice the stares he gives me much more. I'm going to ask him why he's staring at me soon. It's unnerving, to feel those colorless eyes on me all the time. It makes me want to stare straight back. My eyes could give him a good scare, to, that violet-rimmed black. They make me avoid mirrors, my eyes. They make me look cold and intense. And my hair makes me look angry, with my lowest fiery eyebrows. And yet my lips and nose make me… beautiful. I don't want to be beautiful. At least I have the privilege of being dangerously beautiful. Most of the time I hate my looks.
Azuro-san and I are going out on the weekend. First we're going to dinner, and then we're going to karaoke. She's got such a cute smile. She told me today that I had a pretty voice, and I should talk more. Then she blushed. I do tend to be quiet. But so does she. I am going to make an effort to talk more around her though. She's too cute not to. I still have to tell Father. I'm going to see her, though. I should tell him now, but I'd rather write.
Mother has been looking very unhappy. I know she always makes an effort to be happy around me, but I can always see it in her eyes. Wonder why. My father is a cold man. There is no love lost between them. Aya and I are basically the only joys in her life. I know it hurts her that I try so hard for my father, and I spend so little time with her, and I hate hurting her. But I need my time to try to get my father to care, to be happy with me, to love me. I want my father's affection. I crave it. Is it so much to ask as all that?
I can guarantee Yamamato-san doesn't deal with this. If he did, he wouldn't stare at me. He'd be working too hard.