Author's note: Sorry this took so long (not that I'm sure more than 4 people actually read the first half… but still… I had finals, which, surprisingly enough, I actually studied for. That's a first. And then I just sat around for about a week… It's a problem, because I have this habit… Of getting all excited about a fic… Writing the first half of it… Then kinda losing interest. I began to slip into that attitude (and I can't say that I won't in the future), but it's all very odd, because I haven't even written the parts I'm exited about yet. Well. We'll see.

Soul Sacrifice

Chapter 4 – Whispering to the Shadows

Spike lounged on his sarcophagus, reading a book resting on his propped up knee. Figured he could use a little break from all the emotional turmoil that had been thrust on him lately. But then… "Oh bugger! There goes my R&R," he said to himself when he heard the sound of someone loitering outside his door. "No need to lurk! It's rude," Spike called, book marking his page.

He hoisted himself off the sarcophagus and started swaggering to the door. "Come on Pet. Why prolong it? We both know you're here for only one of two reasons." He stopped for a second, waiting for a catty response. He heard nothing, so he continued both his short journey to the door, and his speech. "Reason one: you're going to stake me for what I did to you today. Not my favorite prospect, but you never know. You might make it interesting… or… Reason two," He paused, now slowly opening the door, "You're still seething… and excited… and you want to work off that aggression by working my- DAWN!" He yelled in shock, at seeing who was really at his door.

"Working your what?" Dawn asked, stepping past him, into the crypt.

"Erm… You see… Buffy and I were uh… playing darts, and I beat her and then… oh sod it. Your sister's been a bitch lately. Just wanted to rile her up." Then he added, "Because I'm evil, of course."

"Yeah, I can believe that." Dawn said, plopping down on top of Spike's coffin. Spike actually looked at her a little startled. "I mean the bitch thing. I got my own dose of the Bitchy Buffy tonight." Dawn said quietly, looking at the floor.

She sounded so dejected. Then Spike really looked at her for the first time that night, and saw the tearstains on her cheeks, and her eyes shining bright with recent tears. He sat down next to her and tentatively put a hand on her shoulder. "Bit? You ok?" To that, she raised her head, looked at him blankly, and proceeded to stare at the ground again. "Alright. Stupid question," Spiked said. "Want to tell me what happened?"

"No." Dawn said, trying to sound threatening, but failing miserably. She just sounded pathetic.

"Well, if you didn't come here to talk to me about it, what can I do for you?" He said, getting up, walking towards his fridge. "Like a drink? Got scotch. Got blood. Care for a pint?"

"Like ew!" Dawn said, making a face. Spike smiled a little. A little more fire, a little less sadness was always a good thing.

"Here," He said, handing her a root beer, sitting back down next to her. "How about you tell me all about it. If anyone can identify with being the victim of Buffy's mood swings, it's me."

"Well," Dawn started, wringing the bottle around in her hands, "There's not much to tell. Just, today, I knew things weren't going well with her friends and stuff, so I decided I'd try to be good. I got home from school right on time and did all my homework. Then Willow came home and said she had some news. She said to come talk to her while she packed, but first the phone rang. It was Buffy. Said she was going to go slaying for a couple of hours but wouldn't be home too late. So then I went upstairs to talk to Willow. She told me about her trip. You know about the trip she's going on, right?" Dawn said, looking to Spike. He nodded so she continued. "Yeah, so then she said that she felt Buffy should be the one going to Palm Springs; that she looked so tired from work, and kinda sad. Sad for weeks now, so I just thought I'd do something nice for Buffy. I told Willow I was going to take the trash out. She said she was almost done packing, and she'd be down in a minute to help with chores too. So then… So then I took the trash out, and when I came back inside, Buffy was home early…" Then Dawn looked like she was going to cry again.

"Shhh… There, there, Bit, You don't have to tell the tale if it makes you upset." He reached over to wipe away a tear from Dawn's cheek, but she flinched and shook her head.

"No… no… I'm ok. Thanks." After gaining her composure a little, she continued. "So yeah… She just jumped on me, you know? Like… I just said hello, but she acted liked I'd done something awful. Then… Then she accused me of having gone out and shoplifted again. She said she couldn't believe that she'd let herself trust me… That she should have known I'd do something like this again… It just… It hurt so much… She said she'd trusted me… But she must not have trusted me at all… She just jumped on the first opportunity to say how much she did not trust me." That was it. She let the tears and quiet sobs come.

"Shhhh… Sweet… shhh." Spike tried to comfort, pulling Dawn up against his chest. Poor kid. He felt so sorry for her. Buffy was definitely out to get mad at the drop of a hat lately… But it wasn't just Buffy. He too felt a little responsible for Dawn's pain. What she'd said Buffy said kept echoing in his ears. Couldn't believe she'd trusted her… Should have known she'd do something like this…

It all paralleled too closely to what had happen just a few weeks prior.

Buffy pleaded desperately, "Look, it… it can't be, okay… It's just Spike, Riley."

"Right, Deadly… amoral… opportunistic… Or have you forgotten?" that ponce Riley said, reminding her.

Then…

"And I'm not here to bust your chops about your stupid scheme, either. That's just you. I should have remembered."

She was still sore about the egg thing! And it wasn't just the egg thing… It sounded like she'd put her defenses up in full force. She didn't want to have her trust betrayed, so she wasn't trusting anyone.

But if he'd actually triggered all of this… She must have felt very betrayed… Meaning there was a trust to betray. "Well fancy that!" He thought. Then a sniffle brought his attention back to Dawn, who had stopped crying, and was sitting up, rubbing her eyes.

"Well, Niblet," Spike said, standing up. "I guess I should apologize to you… Seems the slayer might be a little edgy over something that I did." He'd begun walking to the other side of the crypt, back turned to Dawn, swinging his arms back and forth a little. Then he turned towards her. "Don't worry too much Dawn, it's not you she's really mad at, I don't think."

Dawn studied him a bit before saying, "Oh, was it that thing you thought she'd come here to stake you for?" She asked.

"Oh, no, that was just another something else I did that irritated her, if that's even possible." Spike said, still standing across the room.

"Then what did you do to make her so testy?" Then Dawn looked at where Spike was standing. Scattered all around him was charred debris and full trash bags. Some of the debris looked like it was part of something bigger, like a bed or something. What was going on here? "And whoa, Spike, what's with the mess?"

"Well, Lil' Bit, both answers are part of pretty much the same thing. Didn't Big Sis tell you all about Big Bad's big, bad egg scheme?" When Dawn shook her head Spike was surprised. Oh, I guess she didn't want to worry her with Scooby business. "Oh, well remember when we were all happy, minding our own business the other day, when Soldier Boy suddenly decided to show up?" Dawn nodded, amused that Spike still didn't like Riley. "Well, to make a long story short, he came back, to stop me from doing something bloody stupid." He nervously looked at Dawn's face, scared of what she might think of him, but instead, he got encouragement to go on. "Well, I had these demon eggs, that I was going to sell… Make a pretty penny, you know. But the things were dangerous…Plus I was stupid and left them in my crypt. Shouldn't have done it." For many reasons, Spike mused. "Well. Then Buffy and White Bread showed up just in time to stop the little preciouses from hatching and reeking havoc on their surrogate mommy… me, and more importantly, the rest of the world. Unfortunately, the best way to stop them was to blow the little buggers up… and my home with them." Then Spike sighed. "I think maybe Buffy was finally starting to trust me, you know? With you and all… And then I blew it like a stupid wanker. She thinks I betrayed her," Spike finished.

"Gosh, Spike, that was kind of dumb. Why'd ya do it? I mean… last time I checked, evil schemes weren't the way into Buffy's heart." Dawn said.

"Yes, I know, Bit. You're stating the obvious. But I just don't always think straight when it comes to your sis, you know? If it makes things any better… I… I did it for her, as stupid as that sounds."

"You were going to sell evil demon eggs for BUFFY? Put innocent people in danger for money, for Buffy? How romantic… I'm sure she would just love to hear that." Dawn didn't even attempt to keep the sarcasm in her voice under control.

"I know it sounds daft… but I had my reasons," Spike said, a little embarrassed. "I just wish… I just wish she'd forgive me, or grow to trust me again… But I don't think it will happen. I got my one chance… And with it I proved that I'm an amoral, opportunistic, greedy thing."

"Spike, that's not true…" Dawn tried to comfort.

"No, Dawn, sadly, in many ways, it is. Maybe parts of me have changed. Maybe I really can love and do good now, but there are things about me that will never change. I still have all these feelings… all these impulses, that would frighten you if you knew about them… And I'll never get them to stop, no matter how many good deeds I do; no matter if I had 200 chips stuck in my brain instead of just one. And I'm a killer. I'll never be able to show remorse for those I harmed… So I'll always be a killer. And when I betrayed Buffy… Not only did it hurt her, but it angered her greatly that she forgot those things about me. Now I think she'll be on guard for a good long while. I don't think I could ever be trust worthy enough to get through this new shield, not ever again."

Dawn contemplated it all quietly for a while. She didn't think Spike was nearly as bad as he said. Sure… maybe he had a few not-so-cheery impulses… but so did everyone. She liked Spike, and she wanted Buffy to forgive him, because she really did believe him. She believed that he hatched the whole scheme (oh, bad pun), for her, even though she still didn't quite understand the logic behind it. She sighed. Buffy was stubborn, and annoying. She'd probably forgive Angel for something like this.

"You know things would be different if you had a soul." Dawn said absently. "She's so caught up in those, it's sort of funny sometimes. She's all so-"

"You know, Bit, you may have an idea there." Spike interrupted. Dawn stopped talking for a second to take in what Spike had just said. Then her eyes got big.

"What? Are you serious?" She yelped. "I wasn't suggesting… I mean… Can it even be done?" She asked.

"I dunno," Spike said honestly, "But it looks like it's up to us to find out." Spike said, grinning at Dawn.

She stared in shock for a moment, but then returned his grin with a blinding smile.

-----

Author's note: Yes… You caught me… Cheesy Spike getting a soul fic… Well, not exactly. I'm playing this at a little different angle then some of these fics, but you'll have to wait and keep reading to find out.