Chapter 18: Traversing Memory Lane

The eight adventurers left the one building town of Conde Petie and traveled south through the Donna Plains. The sun was high in the air and it felt like late afternoon. The dried mud crunched beneath their boots and they walked through the desert heat. There was no sand, just bare, orange rock. Occasionally in the distance they'd see huge pink boars with white markings. Tifa had used her scan materia to identify them as Zaghnols'. Huge fat vulture, part lion creatures also roamed these plains, called Griffins. Cid immediately made a "duh" gesture after Tifas' discovery. Small people, who resembled the goblins on Goblin Island, were called Goblin Mages. After several hours, they reached the ocean, or the Gegalrich Shores. Vincent pointed that needed to head west along the ocean till the spotted a canyon filled with a huge forest. And thus they did. The hours crawled by. Night soon came and the team camped on the beach and watched the ocean by light of fire.

"Wow. It's been so long since we walked for hours and hours, covering tens of miles like this, hasn't it?" Tifa said as she removed her boots.

                "You make walking sound like a good thing." Yuffie said as she turned in her sleeping bag.

                "It certainly has been. Ah, this brings back memories." Red XIII said as he curled near the fireplace.

                "Yea, it sure beats the hell out of going to work everyday, come home watch TV and sleep. But I do miss Elmyra…" Barret fed the fire another stick.

                "I don't know about you %^&*ers, but I'd rather be at home, next the fireplace, with my wife and son. All cozy and comfortable like." Cid mumbled.

                "That's so sweet Cid." Tifa said. "Hey Cloud, remember how we had to walk the entire mountain pass to get to coral so we could get to the Gold Saucer?"

                "Yea, and all we got was Cait over here." He pointed to the toysaurus, who had shut down for the night. They all laughed, well, not Cid or Vincent, but the others did.

                "I remember walking all that way through Icicle Inn and Great Glacier to meet Sephiroth." Vincent said as he rested against a sand dune.

"Boy, that place was the exact opposite of here." Yuffie said sleepily.

Cid laughed. "Yea, and you and Tifa kept doing some dance to keep your self warm."

"Yea. That dumb ass Cloud gave me the Black Materia, then Tifa came and took it from me, who was really Seph. Dayum, that gave me the willies." Barret shivered.

"Barret, I'm right here." Cloud frowned.

"Hey Barret, remember when Sapphire WEAPON attacked Junon, and you and Cait were running down the road, and I was the reporter…" Yuffie yawned.

"Hey! That's when you guys just left me in the execution cell!" Tifa frowned.

"It was all dat foo Cait Sith's idea!" Barret pointed to Cait.

They all laughed. "…Remember when we helped repair Mideel and then went to the Forgotten capitol to relocate Aeris to that flower field? That place was real nice." Tifa yawned.

"And after that we had that lame ass excuse for a celebration party. We all threw Reeve into Cloud's pool!" Cid burst out laughing.

"Gawd, was he mad. He almost threw you in…" Yuffie said from her sleeping bag.

                "That was the only time we saw Vincent out of his crimson cape outfit." Cloud said.

                "It just so happens that I like this outfit." Vincent shot back.

                "You look cuter in a blue tux." Yuffie said.

                "Tifa put a pink bow in my hair. She said it was to remember Aeris by, but I knew it was just so I would look cute." Red XIII said.

                "You did look cute in it Red! If another Cosmo lion saw you, she would have instantly fallen in love." Tifa smiled.

                "Or fallen dead." Barret replied. They all laughed.

                "Hey, any of you want to hear a joke?" Cloud asked.

                They all lazily nodded.

                "PRIVATE "TYPE=PICT;ALT="A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Jew, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and asks, ''Is this some kind of joke?'' The others just stared at him.

                "Ok. Ok. How bout this one? A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?"
The fellow replies, "well I've got these two chocobos (sniff, sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."
The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of something he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the chocobos?"
The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."
A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks.
The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the chocobos (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!"
The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the plume, maybe that will not grow back."
The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. "I.. I shaved the (sob) plume of one of the (sniff) chocobos, and... it... it... grew back!"
The bartender, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid chocobos. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.
The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the chocobos and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"

Still AVALANCHE, about only half of them, the others had fallen asleep during this really stupid joke, just stared.

                "Cloud, you have no idea how to tell a joke, do you?" Tifa asked.

                "One more time. A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "No way, pal. I don't think you can pay for it."
"You're right," the guy says. "I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"
"You have a deal, my friend," says the bartender.
The guy reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the side of the bar, across the room, up the piano, onto the keyboard and starts playing Gershwin music. The hamster can really play...
"You're right... I've never seen anything like that before," says the bartender. "That hamster is really gifted."
The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.
"Will that be cash or another miracle, pal?" asks the bartender.
"Watch this," replies the guy. Again, he reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog onto the bar, and the frog starts to sing. The frog has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer.
A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.
"It's a deal," says the guy. He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar.
"Are you some kind of nut?" asks the bartender. "You sold a singing frog for $300? It could have been worth millions. You must be crazy."
"Not so," says the guy. "The hamster is a ventriloquist."

…There was no sound, save the rolling of the waves and the crackling of the fire. Cid, Red, and Tifa had fallen asleep. The only one's up were Vincent and Barret. Cloud looked down. "All right. I'm a fighter, not a comedian. You try!"

                Vincent got up from his place near the fire and stood up. "Walking through Wutai, a tourist is fascinated with all the Wutainese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."

"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. How in hell does that fit in here? So he decided to walk into the shop and sees an old Wutainese gentleman behind the counter.

The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like 'Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?'" The old man answers, "Is name of owner."

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me...is right here," replies the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"

"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Mideelian. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say, 'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"

"I say Sem Ting." Vincent grinned. Barret started laughing and Cloud chuckled.

                "Allright foo's, watch this! If yo Mom had wheels and skits are blue, how many bones fit in a dog house?" He grinned, waiting for an answer.

                "42?" Cloud humbly suggested.

                "I do not know." Vincent said as he sat down.

                "Blue, cus Dog's don't eat cheese yo!" Barret started cracking up. Cloud and Vincent had a confused look.

                "I'm going to bed, good night." Cloud said as he closed his eyes.

                "…So am I." Vincnet put out the fire with some sea water and lied down.

                "Aw, you guys are just damn spoil sports." Barret mumbled as he went to sleep.