The Evil Death eaters
Man: Trouble in the common room.
Woman: Oh no - what kind of trouble?
Man: One Slthy s'gone drunkie on the bttrbeer.
Woman: Pardon?
Man: One Slthy s'gone drunkie on the bttrbeer.
Woman: I don't understand what you're saying.
Man: (slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent) One of the Slytherins have has gone drunk on the butterbeer.
Woman: Well what on earth does that mean?
Man: *I* don't know - Miss Toadstool just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble in the common room, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of evil death eater like interregation.
(JARRING CHORD - The door flies open and 3 evil death eaters burst in)
Death eater: NOBODY expects the Evil Death eaters! Our chief weapon is suprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Dark Lord.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again. (Exit and exeunt)
Man: I didn't expect a kind of evil death eater like interregation.
(JARRING CHORD - The death eaters burst in)
Death eater: NOBODY expects the Evil Death eaters! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Dark Lord, and nice black robes - Oh damn! (To other death eater) I can't say it - you'll have to say it.
Other death eater: What?
Death eater: You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'
Other death eater: (rather horrified) I couldn't do that...
(Death eater bundles the cardinals outside again)
Man: I didn't expect a kind of evil death eater like interregation.
(JARRING CHORD - The death eaters enter)
Other death eater: Er.... Nobody...um....
Death eater: Expects...
Other death eater: Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the evil...um...
Death eater: Death eaters.
Other death eater: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Evil Death eaters. In fact, those who do expect -
Death eater: Our chief weapons are...
Other death eater: Our chief weapons are...um...er...
Death eater: Surprise...
Other death eater: Surprise and --
Death eater: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! ...our chief weapons are surprise...blah blah blah. Malfoy, read the charges.
Malfoy: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Dark Lord. 'My old man said follow the--'
Death eater: That's enough. (To woman) Now, how do you plead?
Woman: We're innocent.
Death eater: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
(Superimposed caption: 'DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER')
Other death eater: We'll soon change your mind about that!
(Superimposed caption: 'DIABOLICAL ACTING')
Death eater: Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless-- (controls himself with a supreme effort) Ooooh! Now, Malfoy -- the sword!
(Malfoy produces a plastic camping dinner knife. Death eater looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover his anger)
Death eater: You....Right! Cut their arms off!
(Other two death eaters make a pathetic attempt to cut their arms off. Of course without succes.)
Death eater: Right! How do you plead?
Woman: Innocent.
Death eater: Ha! Right! You, stab them!
(Malfoy stands there awkwardly and shrugs his shoulders)
Other death eater: I....
Death eater: (gritting his teeth) I *know*, I know you can't. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake.
Other death eater: I...
Death eater: It makes it all seem so stupid.
Other death eater: Shall I...?
Death eater: No, just pretend for God's sake. Ha! Ha! Ha!
(Other death eater pretends to stab. Then a giant foot comes down and squishes everybody. HAH!)
Man: Trouble in the common room.
Woman: Oh no - what kind of trouble?
Man: One Slthy s'gone drunkie on the bttrbeer.
Woman: Pardon?
Man: One Slthy s'gone drunkie on the bttrbeer.
Woman: I don't understand what you're saying.
Man: (slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent) One of the Slytherins have has gone drunk on the butterbeer.
Woman: Well what on earth does that mean?
Man: *I* don't know - Miss Toadstool just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble in the common room, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of evil death eater like interregation.
(JARRING CHORD - The door flies open and 3 evil death eaters burst in)
Death eater: NOBODY expects the Evil Death eaters! Our chief weapon is suprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Dark Lord.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again. (Exit and exeunt)
Man: I didn't expect a kind of evil death eater like interregation.
(JARRING CHORD - The death eaters burst in)
Death eater: NOBODY expects the Evil Death eaters! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Dark Lord, and nice black robes - Oh damn! (To other death eater) I can't say it - you'll have to say it.
Other death eater: What?
Death eater: You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'
Other death eater: (rather horrified) I couldn't do that...
(Death eater bundles the cardinals outside again)
Man: I didn't expect a kind of evil death eater like interregation.
(JARRING CHORD - The death eaters enter)
Other death eater: Er.... Nobody...um....
Death eater: Expects...
Other death eater: Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the evil...um...
Death eater: Death eaters.
Other death eater: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Evil Death eaters. In fact, those who do expect -
Death eater: Our chief weapons are...
Other death eater: Our chief weapons are...um...er...
Death eater: Surprise...
Other death eater: Surprise and --
Death eater: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! ...our chief weapons are surprise...blah blah blah. Malfoy, read the charges.
Malfoy: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Dark Lord. 'My old man said follow the--'
Death eater: That's enough. (To woman) Now, how do you plead?
Woman: We're innocent.
Death eater: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
(Superimposed caption: 'DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER')
Other death eater: We'll soon change your mind about that!
(Superimposed caption: 'DIABOLICAL ACTING')
Death eater: Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless-- (controls himself with a supreme effort) Ooooh! Now, Malfoy -- the sword!
(Malfoy produces a plastic camping dinner knife. Death eater looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover his anger)
Death eater: You....Right! Cut their arms off!
(Other two death eaters make a pathetic attempt to cut their arms off. Of course without succes.)
Death eater: Right! How do you plead?
Woman: Innocent.
Death eater: Ha! Right! You, stab them!
(Malfoy stands there awkwardly and shrugs his shoulders)
Other death eater: I....
Death eater: (gritting his teeth) I *know*, I know you can't. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake.
Other death eater: I...
Death eater: It makes it all seem so stupid.
Other death eater: Shall I...?
Death eater: No, just pretend for God's sake. Ha! Ha! Ha!
(Other death eater pretends to stab. Then a giant foot comes down and squishes everybody. HAH!)