Shadows

…………

Epilogue : Unintended

…………

You could be my unintended

Choice to live my life extended,

You could be the one I'll always love.

You could be the one who listens

To my deepest inquisitions,

You could be the one I've always loved.

Muse – Unintended.

…………

What had happened ? Misao was not sure, neither did Aoshi. But it was a distressing, warm sensation, both troubling and feeling oddly right. None of them dare - or did even want - to move, closely embraced ; Misao, tighened right down, let slowly herself go in Aoshi's arm, fieryly wrapping her as if she was going to disappear in a breath.

Aoshi's cheek leaned on Misao's ebony hair, his mild breathing sending up some little strands which teased his nose gently. Softly, he released his grip around her shoulders, just lovingly holding her to soothe her pain. But as the deadly anguish, which had allowed her to wake up and had stubbornly given her the strengh of wandering in the garden, was melting away, Misao saw the world spinning crazily around her, and then all faded in a black whirl.

"Misao, no !"

Aoshi held back against his heart the lifeless body slipping between his arms. His eyes filled with dread, perfectly readable for once, he pushed away the black locks of hair covering her feverish forehead, trying to bring back to consciousness her exhausted, so scaringly petite form - but Misao remained inert.

His heart beating wildly, he slid a strong arm under her legs, and the other came to support her loosened back, excruciatingly worried by her painful breathing and absence of any reaction. Misao's head fell back on his shoulder, and she moanned as she unconsciously felt lifted up and crushed against Aoshi's chest.

Misao please… please don't…

He run as fast as he only could, carrying tightly her frail frame in his arms, merely allowing himself a break at the door of the Aoiya to get his breath back. It was the moment Misao choose to reopen her eyes ; she tried to breath in deeply but her breath wheezed, and she groanned in pain, curling up against Aoshi's heart. Her febrile eyes snapped open and she sighed in defeat.

"Misao, are you all right ?", Aoshi said in a tone where pierced a thrill of terror.

"Yes… Don't worry, Aoshi-sama… I can walk by myself…", she replied bravely.

But she was weak, so weak…

"I have my doubts.", Aoshi answered in an even voice.

Reassured as he saw her surrender and give herself up to the soothing warmth of his protective arms, he opened the front door and climbed the stairs to reach Misao's bedroom. How sweet and pleasant it was, he thought, holding her that way, protecting her from whatever could happen to her, and feeling her wholly, totally 'his'.

Misao burried her head against his shoulder, so as to make sure that he indeed was here with her, that he hadn't left her. How many times had she prayed any God who would listen so that Aoshi would hold her like this… But they already came in her room, and she knew that the dream soon ended.

Aoshi carried the slim body to the futon and, with unusual gentleness, stretched Misao out on the blanket - and gave a hint of a smile when she gasped as he brushed a light kiss on her forehead. Then he got up and wlaked towards the shoji, noticing with a twinge of regret the rip in the paper where Misao had thrown a kunai at him.

"Try to rest, Misao. You're exhausted."

But Misao had sat up straight, starring at him as her voice betrayed panic.

"Aoshi-sama, no, please, stay with me ! …"

He turned over to look at her, his eyes peaceful and quiet.

"I said : rest. I'm coming back very soon."

Still a bit worried but trusting her Aoshi-sama, Misao nodded ans slipped bitween the blankets, pulling them to her chin and coiling up in their familiar heat. As he was sure that she wouldn't try to get up - and she probably wouldn't manage to - Aoshi went out and closed the door.

As the shoji slid close, Misao started turning over and over in her bed, although her whole tired body begged a deserved rest. Where had gone Aoshi ? He had told he was coming back soon, he couldn't have lain, could he ? Her weakened mind constructed unimaginable hypothesis, frenzied and phantasmagorical patterns… She was looking frantically for something she could hold on to… How long had he leaved ? A minute ? Ten ? An hour ?

"Are you sure you're all right, Misao ?"

She gasped and jumped, as her eyes abruptly opened to meet Aoshi's concerned gaze. Her heart was beating wildly but its disordely running was nearly stopped dead as Aoshi sat by her side, putting down near to him a tray where some tea and a bowl of rice laid. Gripping two chopsticks, he caught a small ball of rice and introduced it in Misao's mouth. The girl managed not to chocke, swallowed and grinded her teeth, both annoyed and distressed.

"Aoshi, I'm not a child anymore… You don't need to feed me."

Aoshi froze.

"I know, Misao."

A lump coming to her throat, Misao turned over and pulled the blanket down over her head to hide her tear-filled eyes.

"So please leave me alone. I wanna sleep now.", she murmured in a toneless voice.

"Not before you eat something.", he retorted firmly.

Yet under the blanket, Misao didn't move, so Aoshi grabbed the edge of the duvet and pulled at it, finding it withstanding for a while until Misao let it go of. But his look turned to lack of understanding when he faced her features soaked with tears as she tried to conceal them by burrying her face in her hands. Softly, carefully, he stroked her hair, waiting for her to cry to her heart's content until she calmed down.

"Misao, please… tell me what hurts you so much…"

Tring to breath in deeply to smother her sobs, Misao managed to stammer.

"If… If I'm n-not a child, and if I'm n-not a… a w-woman… s-so what I am for you?"

Aoshi's eyes clouded over. Of course, that question had to come from one day to the next, but he had expected it would come later. He wasn't prepared to answer. And nor was he prepared to her reaction. Gazing at something he was the only one to guess, far away behind Misao, he tried to choose his words in order to express his thoughts.

"Misao… You are like… like a star. You know, it's not easy for a warrior to find his way of life. You are a star, a bright star on a dark sky, shining to show me the way of redemption. You're the star shining to guide me away from my path soiled with blood."

Misao's tears had stopped running down her cheeks, and she was gazing at him, hanging upon his every word. He smiled softly and smoothed a long fallen curl behind her ear, going on with his explanation.

"For the moment you seem far away from me, you're still inaccessible. But I'll try, Misao, I'll try to break all those walls between us. You'll have to be patient. I know it's not easy for you, you've never been patient."

As she was about to retort a scathing reply, he made her be quiet by a look.

"It's not easy for me too. Redemption is a long and hard journey. But as long as I'll have your brightness to guide me, I'll know I'm not lost. Will you wait for me to untangle all those meanderings ?"

He sighed. More or less, he had managed to set out what his heart kept hidden so well. But tears flowed again on Misao's face, and she mumbled in a disoriented voice.

"Of course I will, Aoshi… I'll wait for you all along my life if you need me to…"

And on a sudden impulse, she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him fiercely. Taken off-guard, Aoshi stopped himself falling by a narrow margin, and wrapped gently his own arms around her, not to tight, just not to push her back. He knew they weren't ready for something else.

Releasing her grip, Misao burried her nose in his neck and muttered at his ear in a breath.

"I'll wait for you to come back, and I'll try to be a lucky star so as to help you to find quickly your way on that way splashed with blood that I would call your life…"

She felt his hands stroking her back and smiled warmly against his shoulder.

This had not been the promise of undying love that she had wished. This was not even a promise. Maybe Aoshi would never find his way out. But she had hope, and she knew now that she was hope for someone as well. For someone, she was the light of redemption, the glow of hope and forgiveness. And this someone was Aoshi.

…………

THE END

…………

Author's notes : Wheeeeeee I finished it !! The end was totally WAFFY, wasn't it ? I didn't want to fall in syrupy squeamishness, but I think I did… Oh my God… At least I hope this wasn't ridiculous. I had a hard time to end it. I just wanted to write a angsty story with an half-happy half-sad ending (actually it was more happy than sad…). Please review minna-san and tell me !

About the songs : Muse is one of my favourite groups. I just love whatever they do. I enjoy the music and the lyrics are wonderful.