"Hi, sweetie. How's North Carolina?"
"It's great, Ma," I lied, trying to ignore the stress put on me here. I had called my mom tonight to hear a familiar voice. Jeff and the guys were fine, but Matt was really pushing me. I was meeting his challenges, so far, but they kept getting harder. I was learning, nothing else mattered. "I'm learning a lot."
"That's great, Amy. How are the guys treating you?"
"Just like one of them," I smiled, knowing that wasn't really the answer she wanted to hear. But it was the right answer for me. I knew that I wasn't the only one Matt was pushing like this, he wanted us all to be the best.
"How are you holding up?"
"Mentally or physically?" I asked. Ah, shit. That'd make her worry.
"Both," she answered firmly.
"I'm great, Ma, I swear. Absolutely super."
"We're just worried about you, sweetie. We don't want our little Amy to get hurt."
"I promise, nothing too brutal. I'll be fine. How's everything at home?"
"We're great. We just miss you."
I sighed. Homesickness reared it's ugly head again. No, not homesickness. I didn't want to go home, I had no real association with the building. I wanted to see my family. I wanted to see my mom. "I miss you guys, too."
"We know, sweetie, we know."
There was an awkward pause.
"So when will we be seeing you on TV?"
I laughed, "Don't hold your breath, it's going to be a while."
"But you're getting there?"
My mom was very concerned with me having a stable life ahead of me. She knew how hard it was for me to move around my whole childhood. She knew that I was still struggling, that's why I couldn't stop moving. Not that it was a bad thing. She just wanted me to be successful.
"Yeah, I'm getting there. Matt thinks I have a lot of potential." Not that he shows it. He was always so cold, so matter-of-fact. Sure, he'd tell me if I did something good, but that was few and far between. Which was fine by me, I didn't need constant reassurance. I didn't.
"Matt is..."
"It's his school, and his brother's."
"Oh, the two who've been on WWF TV." And we're back to this fixation.
"Yeah, them."
"Can they get you in with the WWF?"
"They've only jobbed a couple of matches, Ma. They don't have that much sway."
"Jobbed matches?"
"Lost a couple of matches. To the big stars."
"Oh." A pause. "Are you having fun, sweetie?"
I considered. "Yeah, I am."
"That's the important thing."
It really meant a lot to hear her say that. To show that she wasn't just concerned with me being able to support myself, but to be happy. I choked back some tears. I wasn't really sure if I was happy, but I still knew that this was what I wanted to do. Even if it was stressful now, I would be happy. "Thanks, Mom."
"Anytime, sweetie. Are you really ok?"
"Yeah, I am," I answered slowly, trying to keep my voice level. It wasn't very effective. "I swear."
"You can tell me anything, you know that."
"I do, Mom. And I appreciate it."
"But if it's wrestling, I might not understand," she laughed.
"Thanks, Mom," I laughed, too. Good, that helped dissipate the tears. "But I'm fine, really."
"It's just... well, you sound a little..."
"It's just a little stressful here, that's all. Everything is going well."
"You can call me anytime, baby. You know I'm here for you."
I smiled. That's what I needed to hear. It was weird that my best friend was my mother, but it did simplify some things. "I know, Momma. I know."
"I'm sure you're doing great. You're knocking them dead over there."
I blushed, even though she'd never know it. "That I am, Mom."
"Naturally."
I caressed the phone, like a true link to my mom. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Funny, I hadn't cried for a damn long time, and the first time I do, it was because of the person I love the most. Maybe it was just because she was the one person I still felt comfortable enough to cry around. I wiped away that tear, and it was quickly followed by two more.
"Amy? Are you still there?"
"Yeah, Ma," I choked out. God, the crying was obvious now.
"Oh, sweetie, don't worry. Do you want me to come see you?"
I couldn't help but laugh. "Mom, I'm all the way in North Carolina."
"Anything for you, Amy."
"I love you, Ma," I sighed, trying to regain my composure.
"I love you, too."
I wiped away more tears and heard footsteps. Oh, shit. I didn't want anyone to see me crying! I wiped my eyes brusquely, realizing as I did it that it would only make my eyes redder. I guess that's what I get for calling home during practice.
"I hate to cut this short, Mom, but I think I have to go."
"Oh, all right, sweetie. Cheer up, ok? Remember, we love you."
"Thanks, Ma, I love you, too."
"I'll talk to you later."
"Ok, bye."
I quickly hung up the pay phone, my hand unconsciously lingering on the receiver, as I spun to see who was approaching. It was Shannon. He had been smiling, but it changed into a look of concern as he noticed me.
"Hey, Amy, y'ok?"
"Yeah, yeah," I answered, looking away and crossing my arms over my stomach to rest on the opposite hips.
"Y'sure?" He set a hand on my shoulder to turn my attention to him. I looked, almost involuntarily.
"Yeah."
"Y'look like you've been -"
"I'm fine, I swear. My contacts are bothering me."
Shannon took his hand back, chastised. That came out harsher than I meant it to.
"Both of...? Wait, y'wear -?" I cut him off with a sharp glance. He raised his brows, surprised, but he understood. He sighed and set his hands on his hips, backing off from me, and nodded his head. "Um, yeah. Well, Matt was lookin' f'you. He said he wants t'try somethin' new."
"Ok," I answered, nodding, trying to act much tougher than I felt. I don't know why I was trying to intimidate poor Shannon. He hadn't done anything. Shannon turned away from me, for me to follow. So I did, hanging my head. The feeling of relief that had come with finally crying, the little that I did, was quickly oppressed by my mistreating my friends.