Suddenly, I heard a loud engine growling and opened my eyes. Growling? More like wheezing. It sounded like a car with a missing muffler. Or a diesel. God, if Jeff drove a diesel... I looked up and saw a massive, ancient, decrepit truck. My God, I was surprised that thing was still running, it was so old and dirty. Too much backroading for that vehicle.
Wait a minute. If Jeff was supposed to pick up a couple of the guys... did he honestly expect us all to fit in a pick-up? Maybe it was a new neighbor, not Jeff. I raised my eyes from the grill to the driver's seat.
Shit.
That was not Jeff.
The truck shuddered into silence and the tall, dark driver opened the door and slid out of the truck. Even for Matt, the truck was so big he had to jump to the ground. Oh dear God. Suddenly this trip went from normal to terrifying.
"Hey there."
"Um," I started, intelligently as usual.
"I can explain," Matt started, sounding apologetic. I got to my feet and watched him silently. He didn't need to explain, I wouldn't question. "See, th'car died this mornin'. That's why I'm late. Jeff an' I were tryin' t'resuscitate th'jalopy, but no dice. It's done for. So we called some of th'guys, and found transportation f'most th'guys, but not quite. So I borrowed m'dad's truck."
Was he blushing? He continued.
"It's not much, but it'll get us there." I watched him blankly. He sighed. "I hope."
"Oh," I said. Super.
"If y'want, I bet we can switch some of the riders around, y'can ride in a normal car an' we'll stick Jeff an' me with this beast."
Yes! Please!
Amy, don't say that.
"No, no, it's fine," I said, uncertainly. Matt nodded, walking over towards me. I hesitated as he came close to me, but he just leaned over and grabbed my bag.
"Is this all you're bringin'?"
"Oh, I can get it," I started, reaching over.
"I got it," he said with a smile, then went back to the truck. I watched him set the bag over behind his seat, then get back in the truck. Finally, I realized that it might be a good idea for me to get in the truck, too. Going over to the other door, Matt unlocked it and I opening the door carefully, afraid it might fall off. I examined the prospect of climbing in the truck. It was one of those old trucks with one large bench seat made out of pleather. I bet that would be fun when the day got warmer, as I assumed the truck did not have air conditioning. Maybe not the best day for a backless halter top, but it was too late for that. Matt watched me, then made a sudden motion to get out of the truck. "Oh, d'y'need..."
He trailed off as I vaulted myself up into the truck and smiled softly. "I can get it."
Matt smiled. "Ok, well, Jeff an' th'other guys are on th'road, too, so I guess we'd better get goin'."
I nodded and Matt started up the truck. It took a second, but it started.
"Y'might want t'roll down y'window," he started. "It's goin' t'get warm."
I nodded, silently, and did so. As soon as we pulled out of my parking lot, I realized we were sitting in silence. Not even a radio? This was going to be bad. Just then, however, Matt reached over and pressed a tape into a tape deck that obviously did not belong to that truck. The tape he put in was connected to a discman, and Matt pushed a button on that as well, not taking his eyes off the road. Oh boy, here we go. Hank Williams? Willie Nelson? I bit my lip, nervously. I hated country music.
Pearl Jam, Vitalogy. What? Matt pressed a button a couple more times and skipped to 'Not for You.' I watched surprised for a second, then smiled. Matt looked over to me.
"Oh, did y'want t'listen t'that? I was listenin' t'this b'fore, I didn't feel like listenin' t'those songs again."
"No, no, it's fine," I answered, still smiling.
"What?" He asked after a moment, smiling curiously.
"I was just expecting... something else."
"What'd y'think I listen to?"
"Honestly?" Matt nodded and I wrinkled my nose, showing obvious disgust. "Country."
Matt laughed, good naturedly, and shook his head. "If y'were worried 'bout listenin' t'that, it's a good thing y'didn't ride with Jeff. He's been on a Shania Twain kick lately."
Now it was my turn to laugh. "Are you serious? I would never have guessed!"
"I know, it's terrible," he moaned. I laughed again and he reached behind his seat, still watching the road. "Th'radio doesn't come in t'well in th'truck, so I brought some CDs, we can listen t'anythin' y'want."
He plunked down about six CD cases between us, and I looked at them, absently.
"No, this is fine. I like Pearl Jam."
"I love Pearl Jam," Matt grinned. "M'favorite."
I picked up the CD cases absently and looked at them. Soundgarden, Temple of the Dog, Pearl Jam, Tool, another Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, and Blind Melon. A little more mellow than what I usually listen to, but not bad. I opened the Stone Temple Pilots case, having not seen that CD in a while, but it turned out to be Faith No More.
"That's not mine." I looked up and saw Matt casting glances between the CD and the road, smiling to himself. "I must have grabbed that from Jeff's stuff."
I smiled. "Ah."
I started looking through the other cases. I found that STP CD, Purple, in the Blind Melon case, the Temple of the Dog CD in one of the Pearl Jam cases, an actual Pearl Jam CD in the other case, but not the one it should have been, the Black Crows in Tool case, and it went downhill from there. At least he was organized, I smirked to myself.
I stopped. Wait a minute. Was I honestly sitting here, in this truck with Matt, and laughing? Having a good time? I looked up to Matt, curiously. He was watching the road, and mouthing the words to the song. 'Nothingman.' What was going on here? Wasn't this the man who scared the hell out of my because he was such an asshole? Jeff had said to give him another chance, but... maybe he was right.
"And he who forgets will be destined to remember..."
So maybe he didn't have the best singing voice. But it was cute.
Cute? Did I just say it was cute? Something Matt did? What was wrong with me? I looked him over, which, in retrospect, was a bad idea. I knew he was attractive. His brown eyes, almost hidden behind thick eyelashes and a generally brooding look examined the road ahead of us, concentrating completely. The dedication Jeff had mentioned seemed to be noticeable in all facets of his life. His muscles showed his dedication to staying in excellent shape, his...
What was I thinking? I turned away, suddenly, putting my hand on my head and leaning up against the door. I was getting too confused. I wanted to get away. I was stuck here for... Jesus, I didn't even know how long this drive was! We'd only been on the road for, what, ten minutes?
"Y'all right?"
I turned back to Matt slowly. He watched me, slightly concerned. "Hm?"
"Are y'all right?"
I blushed. "Ah, yeah, I, ah..."
Matt's face fell, and he turned back to the road. Dammit again. I looked back out the window. Why did I insist on always being a bitch? Would it be that hard for me to be nice to him? He's been so helpful, he's taught me so much... argh.
We drove in silence for a while. A damn long while. It felt weird. The CD ended. Matt looked up at me for a second, but I just examined the telephone poles on the sides of the road and felt the wind blow my hair behind my face. I heard him shuffling around the CD cases and he started a new CD... Superunknown.
"Why did you say I did good last night?" I asked, suddenly. I turned as I spoke, fixing my hair behind my ear, and saw Matt flinch slightly - as if he wanted to look at me but changed his mind at the last minute.
"'Cause y'did do good."
"No I didn't, I completely missed that hurrican rana."
"Maybe, but when I caught you, y'weren't thrown off by th'mistake. I was actually intendin' t'swing y' back up f'a powerbomb, but when y'kept goin' f'th'rana I knew it had t'happen. I was impressed that y'kept y'cool and kept goin'."
"Oh," I practically whispered, feeling shitty for sounding so accusatory. And the silence fell again. I went back to my telephone poles. After a good fifteen minutes or so, Matt finally spoke again. But it wasn't good.
"What the..." He reached out and tapped the instruments behind the steering wheel. And he swore under his breath. I turned to look. The temperature gauge was rather high, that looked to be the only thing out of the ordinary. It was hot out, but we weren't in traffic - to say the least. I hadn't seen another car on this road for at least fourty-five minutes. We were actually in the middle of nowhere. Matt had been taking backroads.
"What's going on?" I asked.
"I'm not sure," he answered hesitantly. He started to brake slightly, but the engine stalled. He continued to brake, pulling off the road. As soon as the truck came to a complete stop, the engine came to a complete stop as well. Matt shifted the truck into park, then tried the key. The starter cranked slower than it should have, so Matt let go of it. The engine was still too hot. I looked up to Matt, curiously. He swore once again, then smacked his hand on the steering wheel and gritted his teeth. "Well, that shouldn't have happened."
"Let's look under the hood," I suggested. Matt leaned back in the seat, frustrated, and nodded slowly.
"I should'a checked th'engine out better b'fore takin' th'truck," he responded, sighing halfheartedly. He didn't move for a minute, and I realized that he was waiting a minute for the engine to cool. He was watching the gauges behind the wheel steadily, as if they held the answers as to what was wrong with the truck in their 'off' position. Then he closed his eyes, laying his head back on the seat. I'd never seen him like this before, so... so frustrated.
I was suddenly forced to repress an almost overwhelming desire to console him. Matt, who'd always been so strong, so in control. It felt wrong to see him like this. I'd been jonesing for it for a while now, but when it came down to it, I didn't want to see it. It almost ruined a couple of ideals. Sure, it brought him down to earth, showed him to not be as perfect as I had imagined, but I finally realized that I had actually admired him for that. For not letting anything get to him. For being the complete opposite of me.
I sighed. At this, he sat up and looked at me, smiling shortly, then turned away instinctively. Huh. And just like that he was better. I cocked my head, confused, as Matt opened the door and jumped out of the truck. Well, I guess that was that. It couldn't have been more than thirty seconds. I opened my door and leaped to the ground on my side, then met Matt around the front of the truck. Matt had his hand under the front of the hood and I heard a click. Matt held the hood down and looked at me, briefly.
"Back up." He commanded. I looked at him, surprised. He continued. "Jus' in case."
I took a step back as Matt lifted the hood and - nothing happened. He had backed up pretty quickly himself, as far as his arm would reach, just in case. We both approached the truck. The engine, like the rest of the truck, was old and dirty. Matt latched up the hood and started examining the engine. Now, I didn't know much about engines, and it didn't help that this was particularly old, too. Holding my hands behind my back, I looked over it, trying to think of anything that could be wrong with it. Matt began to mutter.
"We filled th'coolant b'fore we left, an'..."
I realized he was talking to himself. I looked at the extension tank as he spoke and saw the coolant level was fine. Matt addressed me suddenly. "Could y'look in th'backseat f'a greasy, old towel? I think it's blue..."
I nodded and went back to the cab. The towel was laying on the floor behind my seat and I grabbed it, going right back to Matt.
"Thanks," he said, taking the towel, absently. I nodded, even though he didn't notice. I didn't want to distract him. He was about to use the towel to follow one of the hoses from the radiator when he stopped. I looked up to his face which fell quickly. Not good. A dark gleam ran over his eyes and he gritted his teeth again. I had a feeling I was about to hear a very un-Matt comment.
"Fuckin' shit."
"What?"
"Y'see that?" he asked, pointing to a large circular object that I was unfamiliar with.
"Yeah," I answered, drawing it out for further explanation.
Matt obliged. "That drives th'water pump f'th'coolin' system."
"Wouldn't it need some kind of belt there, then, to..." I trailed off, realizing the answer. "Oh."
"Yeah," Matt sighed.
"How'd we get this far without that belt?"
"Oh, it's there. See? Underneath there. I jus' can't fit m'hand in there. Doesn't matter, it's broken. Must have fallen off."
As Matt was talking, I saw the belt he was referring to. I could get my hand in there, so I did. I picked up the belt, surprised I didn't burn myself, then handed it to Matt.
"Thanks," he repeated, and looked at the belt, frowning. "Yeah, see? It's frayed on th'edges 'cause it most likely hasn't been touched since we got th'truck. Prolly caught on somethin' an'tore, or just tore due t'age. Great."
"So what do we do now?"
"Call Jeff. Tell him that we're stranded."
"We're stranded?"
"Pretty much. Unless y'got an extra water pump drive belt on ya."
I stepped back from the truck, biting my lip, and crossed my arms over my chest. Great. "Where are we?"
"We jus' went through Fayetteville 'bout fifteen minutes ago. Technically, this is a place I like t'call th'middle of nowhere."
Hey, even better.
"We could start walkin', but it'd be a long time b'fore we found anythin' worth while. We're closer t'Jeff than we are t'Cameron. He'd get here quicker."
"Not that there's anything in Cameron that could help us now," I muttered.
Matt thought about that for a second and raised a brow, realizing how true that was. I walked away, annoyed. I had left my home, my friends, my family, my mom to end up stranded in the middle of nowhere, North Carolina? With the one person I truly didn't like?
I hesitated after that comment, but, in my mind, unduly. If he would have taken the main roads, there'd be tons of cars whizzing by right now who could help us. But no, farm boy here had to take backroads. And no signs, we were in rural Cumberland County, not even a freaking city. How the hell was Jeff even supposed to find us? Matt walked behind me back to the truck and got in the cab. I watched him produce an old cell phone. One of those huge boxy ones. He opened it up and started dialing a number. A lot of numbers, then he started listening to it. He made himself comfortable, sitting sideways in the truck with his feet hanging out towards the road, leaving the door open. He just didn't seem very concerned with the whole ordeal. I, however, was growing angrier with the moment. I didn't go anywhere near the truck, I wouldn't be able to sit now. I started pacing.
This was perfect, just perfect.
"I hope y'not in any hurry," Matt called to me. I turned and saw him walking towards me.
"What?"
"Jeff's jus' outside Concord, still with th'boys. That means he wants t'drop them off there then come get us. He figures he can't do anythin' without me anyway, we were booked in a tag match, but he might as well let th'guys get there. Then he's gonna turn around an' get us."
"Oh."
"'Bout an hour," Matt answered the question I was afraid to ask. "'Course, th'way Jeff drives, could be 'bout half that."
I nodded and tried to calm down. There was no need to get mad, there was nothing either of us could do about it now. I think the pacing had helped clear my head.
"Ok."
Matt watched me steadily for a minute, then frowned again. He lowered his head and went back to the truck. I watched him, not moving from my position about ten feet in front of the truck, as he started digging around in the cab. He finally emerged with a tattered blanket that he tossed over his shoulder. He left the windows of the truck rolled down, then went around to the back. I took a couple small steps towards him, curious as to what he was doing. He unlocked the back gate and opened the back, then unfolded the blanket and laid it out. I continued my slow approach, reaching the hood of the truck.
Matt continued to ignore me, if he did actually notice me, and I hesitated. He finished smoothing down the blanket which ended up covering a small portion of the truck bed, hanging off the end. He finally looked up at me, causing me to jump slightly.
"What -" I started, but Matt began speaking at the same time.
"I didn't think y'wanted t'sit in th'cab, since it's so hot, but th'back was so dirty, I figured y'wouldn't want t'sit there either."
There was coldness in his voice. As if he was being nice because he had to - maybe he felt guilty. As much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn't ignore forced politeness. I swallowed and crossed over to Matt. He jumped up on the back of the truck as I approached, sitting on the dirty door.
"You don't have to -"
"S'all right," Matt cut me off. My turn to hang my head now, and that I did. Humbly, I climbed onto the bed of the truck, placing myself delicately on the blanket. Not so much delicately as hesitantly. I suddenly realized that every terrible thing I had thought about Matt was either going to come true or blow up, right in my face. In the next hour or so, until Jeff showed up.
Great.
Matt leaned over, resting his elbow on the side of the truck. "Y'know, I've driven down this road lots of times. I can't remember one time I've ever seen another car."
"That's reassuring."
"Yeah. Good thing Jeff's on his way."
I nodded, looking away. This was starting to get weird. We fell into silence for a while. It was getting warmer as the day wore on. It must have been after three by now, and a dry wind was picking up, blowing my hair around, so I secured it behind my ears. And sat in silence again. I think a tumbleweed blew by.
"Are y'afraid of me?"
I paused. Time for another intelligent comment. "Um..."
"Why?"
"I... ah... I..."
Matt sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean anythin'."
I took a deep breath before saying anything. "I'm sorry I'm always so mean to you."
"Y'not mean t'me."
"Yeah I am."
Matt shrugged. "Maybe."
I looked up at him quickly. I hadn't expected him to say that. A half smile played on his lips, and I couldn't help but smile.
"I think we've had a misunderstandin'," he continued. I smiled halfheartedly and turned away again. Hm, corny.
"Maybe."
"Do y'regret comin' here?"
"No!" I insisted, examining my hands folded in my lap. "You guys have really helped me, and I appreciate it. I think I'm learning a lot."
"Then it's me?"
"Matt..."
"I jus' don't understand what I did wrong."
I looked over to him, slowly, and he caught my eyes immediately. I swear there was some kind of magnetic force in his dark eyes, I could never bring myself to look away. And for some reason unknown to me, I think he was almost smiling.
"Your mistake was... why are you so interested in me, anyway?"
"Do I need reasons?"
"Well, no, I guess. But..."
"I don't really have any. I think that's why I'm so interested."
"What?"
"Any other girl, it's like, 'Oh, she has a nice smile.' Or 'She's funny.' But I can't pin down why I can't get y'out of m'head. An' that makes y'interestin' t'me." I stared at him, surprised. I hadn't expected that, either. I couldn't quite decide if it was flattering or not. Finally, he looked away from me, shrugging. It was surprising how much easier it was to think when he wasn't watching me. He leaned back on his arms. "Or maybe it's 'cause there's too many things t'name."
I knew I was blushing now. God, he was just so straightforward about it. I guess he figured I already knew so there was no reason to hide anything.
"It wasn't really anything you did wrong," I started, leaning forward, feeling as if it might be ok to collapse in on myself. "It's just that we're so different. We don't have anything in common."
"Y'like wrestlin'?" Matt asked. It was innocent but direct. I sighed, still not looking up.
"I mean, personality-wise. You are so... so... certain. Everything has to be your way and in it's place, everything has to run like clockwork. You've known what you wanted to do with your life since you were a kid. You've worked at it forever, not letting anything deter you. You've probably never had to deal with people throwing monkey wrenches in the system. You've lived in the same town your whole life, been doing the same thing. Everything just works out for you." Oh, shit. I could feel the tears flood up to my eyes. I didn't want to cry in front of Matt. Talking about how in control he was was about to prove how out of control I was. As I felt the first couple of tears roll down my face, I suddenly found myself talking again. "You've didn't have to make new friends every year in school because you moved so much. You didn't have to leave behind everything you knew and confront a new, foreign place every year or two growing up. Hell, I'm so addicted to that lifestyle that I still can't stay in one place, even now that my family can."
I sighed shakily, crying freely now. My voice was almost cracking, my nose was running, and my face was soaking wet. "You don't know what it's like to have your mom be your best friend because she's the only one who's known you long enough to really know you."
Complete silence. There, I'd said it. Now he would understand. I sniffled again and wiped away some tears. Talk about humiliating. That was a stupid reason to cry. I knew it was more the stress of everything right now, but... I guess I just felt like releasing. It seemed that Matt had no response. Until, at least, I felt a strong arm pull me towards a warm body. I let myself cry, now, as Matt put another arm around me, embracing me. I leaned against him, constantly wiping my face, and he smoothed my hair methodically. I felt his chest rise and fall with a deep sigh.
"No. I don't know what that's like."
I took another deep, shaky breath, nodding slightly. See? Now he -
"M'mother died when I was nine."
I froze. Dammit, I'd done it again. I just couldn't seem to keep my foot out of my mouth around him. Another short silence.
"Cancer."
I looked up to him, shamefully. "Oh, Matt, I'm so sorry. I had no idea."
"I know, it's not a problem."
"No, it is. That was a terrible thing for me to have said."
"Y'didn't know. I understand why y'would think what y'think." He paused. "But it's not true."
"What?"
"It's not all perfect. It never really runs like clockwork."
"I just meant -"
"It'd be nice if it did, once in a while," he chuckled. I felt his chest shake at that and suddenly realized our proximity. I thought I should try to get out of his arms, but something stopped me. Instead, I dropped one of my arms behind him, holding on to him as well. He looked down at me, surprised, but I just smiled softly. He returned the look. "I went t'college for a year, but dropped out."
"I didn't know that."
"Yeah, I was goin' t'be an engineer." He laughed slightly again.
"Me too," I finally added.
"Y'were goin' t'be an engineer?"
"No," I smiled. "I went to college for a year. And dropped out."
"Another thin' we have in common." At that, I dropped my arm. Um, I wasn't sure that was the direction I wanted to go yet. Matt recognized my hesitation and let go of me, as well. "I'm sorry."
"No, Matt, it's just..." He watched me to see where I was going with this. I bit my lip, and looked up into his eyes again. On purpose this time. It was decision time, Amy. Am I going to be nice? Can we be friends? Do I want to be more? I felt the magnetic force of his eyes once again, but it didn't seem quite as intimidating this time. The dry breeze that was blowing past us had loosened his hair, causing strands to fall on each side of his face. Oh, what the hell, I figured. Life's no fun if you don't try anything. I smiled slightly and brushed some of Matt's hair behind his ear. He smiled, he knew what came next.
I'm not sure who kissed who. I regretted it as soon as it began. But only because it was so nice. I hadn't really expected that, and I pulled away much later than I should have.
"I'm sorry."
"No need t'apologize. Y'did very well," Matt said, smiling and brushing some loose hair behind my ear. I sighed.
"That's not what I mean."
Matt frowned and dropped his hand. "Then what do y'mean?"
"I shouldn't have kissed you."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't know if I meant it."
Matt shrugged and turned away again, posting himself up on his arms. "Seemed like y'did t'me."
I sighed again, wrapping my arms over my stomach, feeling terrible. If only I wasn't so damn irrational.
"Listen, Amy," Matt started. "I jus' think that y'are over analyzin' this a little too much. Love shouldn't be this complicated."
Love? I looked up quickly, but Matt amended his statement. "F'lack of a better word. Y'are attracted t'who y'are attracted to. That's all."
I slouched once again. "I'm just afraid of..."
"Of what?"
"I don't really know."
"Y'know what they say..."
"What?"
"Fear's only a four letter word."
I knitted my brow. "Who says that?"
Matt shrugged. "Me."
I couldn't help but chuckle. I knew it was getting bad when I started to think his corny jokes were cute. "What, are you some kind of motivational speaker now?"
"So, first, y'are mean t'me, now y'are makin' fun of me?"
I heard the jocular tone of his voice and looked up to him with a grin.
"Maybe."
He put on an overexaggerated pout, which only caused me to laugh more.
"I'm just afraid because we are so different. I honestly think you are the complete opposite of me."
"That's not a bad thing. We can compensate f'each other. Y'make up f'what I lack, an' vice versa. We'll be a great team." He smiled at me again.
"You just have an answer for everything, don' t you?"
"Whatever it takes."
I looked him in the eye, once again, and sighed. I was so confused. He watched me, patiently, and smiled softly.
"Matt..."
He didn't move at all, just watched. I slowly unwrapped my arms from my stomach and set one of my hands on his much larger hand. That changed him, slightly, but not the smile. He sat up straight and flipped his hand to hold onto mine, but the smile stayed the same.
"Maybe we don't have to start over, Matt. Maybe just come at it from a different angle."
His smile grew. "Sounds good to me."