OKAY OKAY I GET THE MESSAGE This is getting a whole lot longer than I
anticipated!!!
Once again.................
Thankyou thankyou for the feedback, sorry I've taken a while with this but you know what kids are like they wan't feeding and paying attention to from time to time (and as I have 4 of the blighters it's a lot to do) only joking they get tons of attention!
There's a lot of Jake in this chapter, thought I needed a challenge, I apologise to Gypsy in advance if I get her man a little wrong it's just my point of view and a few things I've picked up along this bumpy ride in the realms of fanfiction.
I'm probably going to get a huge shock when I finally get to see U.C. Undercover and can at last put expressions and such into perspective.
Disclaimers as chapter 1
CHAPTER 8
The doors to the emergency room were blasted open by the trolley that carried the now barely alive figure on it.
"on the count of three lift him over 1....2....3 " said the doctor as his team took over from the paramedics lifting the immobilised body onto the hard, flat bed.
"We've just about managed to get him stabilised, but pupils are still unresponsive and B.P.'s way down" explained the paramedic." We got an airway in and were able to get an I.V. line in and start fluids"
"Nurse we need five units of blood crossmatched" shouted the doctor.
The nurse was on the telephone right away, the urgency for blood was apparent, there seemed to be more of it on the blankets than in his body.
"We thought we'd lost him for a while back there, took multiple shocks to get him back" sighed the medic "let's just hope he's a fighter and doesn't go off again"
"Thanks Paul, we'll take him from here" said the nurse "what's the e.t.a. on the other guy"
"Five minutes, they're having a tougher job with him, he's in worse shape than this one"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------
Jake Shaw had never felt more useless than he did now. His boss's life hung in the balance and he blamed himself.
Not just his Boss anymore but someone he'd come to respect, as Alex had once said..........
"He's not just Donovan, He's Our Donovan"
"Should have gone up there....... should've stopped it............... waited too long............ It's all my fault!!!" his thoughts screamed at him as he stumbled blindly away from the pool of mingled blood on the sidewalk in front of him that was slowly being diluted by the heavy pounding of the rain that was now falling.
Alex saw the look in his eyes as he took off, she'd seen it in his eyes before, Jake's own personal nightmare was brewing. She was frightened for him.........terrified even, because she knew that was exactly what he was.
"Robert, I have to go after him" she sobbed.
Robert Sanchez hugged his wife and nodded , he'd never felt threatened by the bond between Alex and Jake, in fact he understood it, if anyone was going to quell the guilt forming in Jake's head it was Alex. If anyone was capable of straightening out the tortured young man that was Jake Shaw it was his wife.
"I know, bring him back safely for Frank, When he makes it through this he's gonna need ALL of us" he said grimly as he gently let his wife go. "We have to believe he's going to be alright" he said, looking deeply into her eyes, knowing it was what she needed to hear.
He turned around and watched her run after Jake.
Only then did Robert allow himself to think his true thoughts "IF he makes it"
He wasn't a fatalist, just a realist and he reasoned to himself that if he thought the worst case scenario he could only be hurt the once.
"The minute I hear anything, I'll get straight on the phone to you, Understand" he shouted after her. "I'll be at the hospital with Jenna"
She nodded back to him tears streaming down her face.
"Robert, just how bad is he?" asked Monica and Cody who'd arrived in time to see the second ambulance pulling away sirens blazing.
"There's only one way to find out, we'll go together, Jenna's already on her way there with the kids"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------
The second ambulance screamed to a halt outside the hospital, as the medics unloaded their injured passenger his hand fell limply over the side of the trolley, blood slowly dripping from the ends of the long chiselled fingers.
"Get him inside NOW"
The man who lay seemingly lifeless on the trolley had been strapped in such a way as to prevent all movement, tapes placed accross his forehead to prevent any sudden movement, his body tightly strapped apart from the one arm that now hung limply to which an I.V line was attached
"Jesus, Paul said he was in worse shape, but I thought you'd stabilised him on the way" shouted another Doctor.
"We got him bagged, I.V. line in, we shocked him back at least a couple of times, but he went off again about thirty seconds ago.............."
"Crash cart and team NOW, get him ventilated immediately, and I want a portable X-ray down here yesterday, we need to see how bad things are inside..............of both of them"
The two vacant bays in the Emergency room were now occupied, a frenzy of activity.
In a marked contrast an orderly somberly and slowly mopped up the trail of blood that led outside the hospital doors.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------
Jake ran and ran and ran, oblivious to anything but the guilt and helplessness welling up and threatening to overflow.
He felt sick, he felt lost and he felt alone.
In the time that he'd known Frank Donovan they'd gone from titanic clashes of personality ( mainly because he thought at first Donovan HAD no personality) to gradual acceptance of the similarities between them, and after the shock revelations of a couple of years ago that ended in one of their most triumphant busts to date, he finally understood Frank Donovan the man and he knew he was valued and respected back.
"I'm sorry" he cried "I've let you down" his face a mask of pure torture and hoplessness as he cradled his head in his hands to try and shield himself from the pain he now felt.
Jake sank down onto the soaking wet grass in the park that he'd ended up in just a few minutes ago, to passers-by, he looked crazy, but to Alex who knew him better, he looked devastated.
"Jake" she whispered "Jake, it's okay, I'm here" she whispered again as she slowly knelt down in the grass besides him.
"I've let him down Alex, why didn't I go in? why didn't I think.. goddammit?" he rasped, voice breaking as the tears started to fall.
"Shhh....shhhh, there was nothing any of us could have done" soothed Alex pulling Jake in close to her in an almost motherly way.
"I could see the look in his eyes as he fell, I was that close and yet I couldn't save him" he cried as he hung on to Alex as if he was trying to hold onto the last link to sanity he had left, she felt warm, she felt alive.
"Is he????"
"Jake, I don't know, I really don't know" she was rocking him gently now trying to soothe and calm him, the hysterics seemed to be subsiding, but the guilt was the one thing she had to make him absolve himself from.
"Do you want to come to the hospital with me and we'll find out together" she asked gently.
Jake shook his head and the tears started to fall once again as he clung on to his lifeline.
"How can I go in there and face Jenna, how can I look at those children and explain that if I'd have had any ounce of a brain their Daddy would still be okay" he screamed , totally distraught.
"Jake it's not your fault" she repeated "any one of us would have done exactly the same as you, if you'd have gone in there after him three peoples lives could now be hanging in the balance" she winced as she realised she'd said the wrong thing.
Jake started off on another beating himself up tirade, he couldn't help it he still felt responsible somehow.
"I don't have a family Alex, I'm expendable, Donovan isn't, the guy's had more shit in one lifetime than I could ever imagine in ten. Maybe I could have helped him, It would have been better If I'd done my job properly, gone in after him and gone over the edge myself, at least I'd have made sure that bastard of a brother of his......................"
The slap from Alex stung his drenched face bringing him sharply back to reality, he was now aware of a new sensation and it worried him. He started to shake!
"If you've now finished feeling sorry for yourself over something that was totally out of your control I have no need to pull this trigger" stated Alex as she held the gun to Jake's temple.
"As I see it, you have two choices , you can either accept what happened and DEAL with it, or I can put you out of your misery now, because I for one am not prepared to put up with defeatism like this, not at any price..............................Sanchez junior needs a fully compus mentus Godfather, not a sorry excuse for one."
Alex slowly lowered the gun and handed it to Jake "Do what you have to do" she said "Only make sure it's the RIGHT thing to to"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------
Robert's cellphone was ringing, "Sanchez" he answered, breathing a sigh of relief on realizing that it was his wife.
"I guess you're not at the hospital yet then, otherwise it wouldn't have rung" Alex said grimly.
"I'm only a block away, have you got him?" asked Robert.
"Yeah, we're coming on over now, he'll be okay" she stated quietly.
"See you soon, keep praying baby, all we can do is keep praying" whispered Alex as she hung up and switched off her cellphone.
"How long have you known about the baby? asked Jake as he watched her drive them to the hospital.
Alex smiled for one of the first times in weeks, until this morning she'd thought it was just the thing they all needed, some good news for once to lift the black gloom. But not now the timing was definitely not right any more.
"A couple of days, we were just waiting for the right time to tell everybody, you're the first one to know" she smiled sadly.
"Thanks Alex" said Jake truthfully,
"What for?"
"For being yourself and the closest thing to a sister I'll ever have, for making me sit up and take a look at myself? shall I go on" he grinned lamely.
"You are much much stronger than you know and if I have to remind you of that from time to time, I will" she said "You've been there for me enough"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------
"Why aren't they telling us anything" howled Jenna as she paced up and down in the waiting room, "what's taking so long"
"Jenna, calm down" chided Robert gently "If you keep this up, you'll be needing treatment"
Monica and Cody had taken the babies out for a while to give Jenna some much needed peace, she was slowly falling to pieces.
Jake and Alex arrived at the hospital and made their way over to the waiting room.
"Jake, Jake" screamed Jenna running towards him.
Jake visibly paled "Oh Jesus, she blames me" he thought. "I knew she would, it IS my fault" he thought irrationally as he started to slowly backtrack out of the room in panic.
"Oh god thankyou, thankyou, I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't been there.............if they hadn't gotten there in time to try and save him" she threw herself onto Jake in a huge gesture of thanks, smothering him with praise and real affection.
The worry that he felt evaporated instantly, he felt as though he'd been exonorated on the spot, his shoulders relaxed in relief as all the color flowed back into his face.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------
"Mrs. Donovan" interrupted the voice of the Doctor.
"Your husband's been asking for you" he smiled.
MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! *hides* Don't beat on me! I couldn't resist!
Hope you enjoyed!!!!!
Just to let you know the next Chapter REALLY IS an epilogue.
Once again.................
Thankyou thankyou for the feedback, sorry I've taken a while with this but you know what kids are like they wan't feeding and paying attention to from time to time (and as I have 4 of the blighters it's a lot to do) only joking they get tons of attention!
There's a lot of Jake in this chapter, thought I needed a challenge, I apologise to Gypsy in advance if I get her man a little wrong it's just my point of view and a few things I've picked up along this bumpy ride in the realms of fanfiction.
I'm probably going to get a huge shock when I finally get to see U.C. Undercover and can at last put expressions and such into perspective.
Disclaimers as chapter 1
CHAPTER 8
The doors to the emergency room were blasted open by the trolley that carried the now barely alive figure on it.
"on the count of three lift him over 1....2....3 " said the doctor as his team took over from the paramedics lifting the immobilised body onto the hard, flat bed.
"We've just about managed to get him stabilised, but pupils are still unresponsive and B.P.'s way down" explained the paramedic." We got an airway in and were able to get an I.V. line in and start fluids"
"Nurse we need five units of blood crossmatched" shouted the doctor.
The nurse was on the telephone right away, the urgency for blood was apparent, there seemed to be more of it on the blankets than in his body.
"We thought we'd lost him for a while back there, took multiple shocks to get him back" sighed the medic "let's just hope he's a fighter and doesn't go off again"
"Thanks Paul, we'll take him from here" said the nurse "what's the e.t.a. on the other guy"
"Five minutes, they're having a tougher job with him, he's in worse shape than this one"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------
Jake Shaw had never felt more useless than he did now. His boss's life hung in the balance and he blamed himself.
Not just his Boss anymore but someone he'd come to respect, as Alex had once said..........
"He's not just Donovan, He's Our Donovan"
"Should have gone up there....... should've stopped it............... waited too long............ It's all my fault!!!" his thoughts screamed at him as he stumbled blindly away from the pool of mingled blood on the sidewalk in front of him that was slowly being diluted by the heavy pounding of the rain that was now falling.
Alex saw the look in his eyes as he took off, she'd seen it in his eyes before, Jake's own personal nightmare was brewing. She was frightened for him.........terrified even, because she knew that was exactly what he was.
"Robert, I have to go after him" she sobbed.
Robert Sanchez hugged his wife and nodded , he'd never felt threatened by the bond between Alex and Jake, in fact he understood it, if anyone was going to quell the guilt forming in Jake's head it was Alex. If anyone was capable of straightening out the tortured young man that was Jake Shaw it was his wife.
"I know, bring him back safely for Frank, When he makes it through this he's gonna need ALL of us" he said grimly as he gently let his wife go. "We have to believe he's going to be alright" he said, looking deeply into her eyes, knowing it was what she needed to hear.
He turned around and watched her run after Jake.
Only then did Robert allow himself to think his true thoughts "IF he makes it"
He wasn't a fatalist, just a realist and he reasoned to himself that if he thought the worst case scenario he could only be hurt the once.
"The minute I hear anything, I'll get straight on the phone to you, Understand" he shouted after her. "I'll be at the hospital with Jenna"
She nodded back to him tears streaming down her face.
"Robert, just how bad is he?" asked Monica and Cody who'd arrived in time to see the second ambulance pulling away sirens blazing.
"There's only one way to find out, we'll go together, Jenna's already on her way there with the kids"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------
The second ambulance screamed to a halt outside the hospital, as the medics unloaded their injured passenger his hand fell limply over the side of the trolley, blood slowly dripping from the ends of the long chiselled fingers.
"Get him inside NOW"
The man who lay seemingly lifeless on the trolley had been strapped in such a way as to prevent all movement, tapes placed accross his forehead to prevent any sudden movement, his body tightly strapped apart from the one arm that now hung limply to which an I.V line was attached
"Jesus, Paul said he was in worse shape, but I thought you'd stabilised him on the way" shouted another Doctor.
"We got him bagged, I.V. line in, we shocked him back at least a couple of times, but he went off again about thirty seconds ago.............."
"Crash cart and team NOW, get him ventilated immediately, and I want a portable X-ray down here yesterday, we need to see how bad things are inside..............of both of them"
The two vacant bays in the Emergency room were now occupied, a frenzy of activity.
In a marked contrast an orderly somberly and slowly mopped up the trail of blood that led outside the hospital doors.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------
Jake ran and ran and ran, oblivious to anything but the guilt and helplessness welling up and threatening to overflow.
He felt sick, he felt lost and he felt alone.
In the time that he'd known Frank Donovan they'd gone from titanic clashes of personality ( mainly because he thought at first Donovan HAD no personality) to gradual acceptance of the similarities between them, and after the shock revelations of a couple of years ago that ended in one of their most triumphant busts to date, he finally understood Frank Donovan the man and he knew he was valued and respected back.
"I'm sorry" he cried "I've let you down" his face a mask of pure torture and hoplessness as he cradled his head in his hands to try and shield himself from the pain he now felt.
Jake sank down onto the soaking wet grass in the park that he'd ended up in just a few minutes ago, to passers-by, he looked crazy, but to Alex who knew him better, he looked devastated.
"Jake" she whispered "Jake, it's okay, I'm here" she whispered again as she slowly knelt down in the grass besides him.
"I've let him down Alex, why didn't I go in? why didn't I think.. goddammit?" he rasped, voice breaking as the tears started to fall.
"Shhh....shhhh, there was nothing any of us could have done" soothed Alex pulling Jake in close to her in an almost motherly way.
"I could see the look in his eyes as he fell, I was that close and yet I couldn't save him" he cried as he hung on to Alex as if he was trying to hold onto the last link to sanity he had left, she felt warm, she felt alive.
"Is he????"
"Jake, I don't know, I really don't know" she was rocking him gently now trying to soothe and calm him, the hysterics seemed to be subsiding, but the guilt was the one thing she had to make him absolve himself from.
"Do you want to come to the hospital with me and we'll find out together" she asked gently.
Jake shook his head and the tears started to fall once again as he clung on to his lifeline.
"How can I go in there and face Jenna, how can I look at those children and explain that if I'd have had any ounce of a brain their Daddy would still be okay" he screamed , totally distraught.
"Jake it's not your fault" she repeated "any one of us would have done exactly the same as you, if you'd have gone in there after him three peoples lives could now be hanging in the balance" she winced as she realised she'd said the wrong thing.
Jake started off on another beating himself up tirade, he couldn't help it he still felt responsible somehow.
"I don't have a family Alex, I'm expendable, Donovan isn't, the guy's had more shit in one lifetime than I could ever imagine in ten. Maybe I could have helped him, It would have been better If I'd done my job properly, gone in after him and gone over the edge myself, at least I'd have made sure that bastard of a brother of his......................"
The slap from Alex stung his drenched face bringing him sharply back to reality, he was now aware of a new sensation and it worried him. He started to shake!
"If you've now finished feeling sorry for yourself over something that was totally out of your control I have no need to pull this trigger" stated Alex as she held the gun to Jake's temple.
"As I see it, you have two choices , you can either accept what happened and DEAL with it, or I can put you out of your misery now, because I for one am not prepared to put up with defeatism like this, not at any price..............................Sanchez junior needs a fully compus mentus Godfather, not a sorry excuse for one."
Alex slowly lowered the gun and handed it to Jake "Do what you have to do" she said "Only make sure it's the RIGHT thing to to"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------
Robert's cellphone was ringing, "Sanchez" he answered, breathing a sigh of relief on realizing that it was his wife.
"I guess you're not at the hospital yet then, otherwise it wouldn't have rung" Alex said grimly.
"I'm only a block away, have you got him?" asked Robert.
"Yeah, we're coming on over now, he'll be okay" she stated quietly.
"See you soon, keep praying baby, all we can do is keep praying" whispered Alex as she hung up and switched off her cellphone.
"How long have you known about the baby? asked Jake as he watched her drive them to the hospital.
Alex smiled for one of the first times in weeks, until this morning she'd thought it was just the thing they all needed, some good news for once to lift the black gloom. But not now the timing was definitely not right any more.
"A couple of days, we were just waiting for the right time to tell everybody, you're the first one to know" she smiled sadly.
"Thanks Alex" said Jake truthfully,
"What for?"
"For being yourself and the closest thing to a sister I'll ever have, for making me sit up and take a look at myself? shall I go on" he grinned lamely.
"You are much much stronger than you know and if I have to remind you of that from time to time, I will" she said "You've been there for me enough"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------
"Why aren't they telling us anything" howled Jenna as she paced up and down in the waiting room, "what's taking so long"
"Jenna, calm down" chided Robert gently "If you keep this up, you'll be needing treatment"
Monica and Cody had taken the babies out for a while to give Jenna some much needed peace, she was slowly falling to pieces.
Jake and Alex arrived at the hospital and made their way over to the waiting room.
"Jake, Jake" screamed Jenna running towards him.
Jake visibly paled "Oh Jesus, she blames me" he thought. "I knew she would, it IS my fault" he thought irrationally as he started to slowly backtrack out of the room in panic.
"Oh god thankyou, thankyou, I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't been there.............if they hadn't gotten there in time to try and save him" she threw herself onto Jake in a huge gesture of thanks, smothering him with praise and real affection.
The worry that he felt evaporated instantly, he felt as though he'd been exonorated on the spot, his shoulders relaxed in relief as all the color flowed back into his face.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------
"Mrs. Donovan" interrupted the voice of the Doctor.
"Your husband's been asking for you" he smiled.
MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! *hides* Don't beat on me! I couldn't resist!
Hope you enjoyed!!!!!
Just to let you know the next Chapter REALLY IS an epilogue.