"Yeah, kid?"
"What's wrong here?"
"What do you mean?"
"They all love... each other!"
Amy shrugged. "Can you blame them?"
I sighed. "No, I guess not. Are they all gay?"
"Not at all," she said, half smiling. "A lot of them are bi."
"Oh," I nodded, as if that made it better.
"Is Maven going to turn into one of them?" I asked, biting my lower lip. Instead of responding, she looked at the ground. "Already has?"
"Last I saw, he was hanging around 'Taker. That usually means... well..."
"Don't say it... I can't take it."
Amy nodded.
"Are there any straight ones?"
"Oh, yeah!" Amy brightened. "I have one!"
"You do?"
"Yeah, he's the greatest. Want to go meet him?"
"Of course!" I jumped up. She led me down a hall and I started rambling. "This is great. Everything else here might be screwy and not at all what I expected, but at least I know that you are who I see on TV every night! Too extreme, independant Lita! A perfect role model for strong willed grrls every where!"
Amy grinned. "Thanks, I'm glad you think so!"
"This is getting better," Mary Sue commented, relaxing slightly. Lita muse and I just exchanged glances.
We continued down a hall until we came across the APA's poker table.
"Are you dating Faarooq or Bradshaw?!" I asked excitedly. How cute!
Amy laughed. "Of course not! Those two are always playing strip poker... with each other, if you get my drift."
"Oh," I sighed. Another reification shattered. We approached the table and Amy leaned over, her clevage not even garnering the attention of the two brawny, shirtless poker players.
"Have either of you two seen my loving man?" she cooed.
"We're busy here, cupcake," Ron chided her, then did a double take. "Oh, yeah, I mean, I think he's coming back soon."
"Who, me?" I turned to see, of all people, Billy Gunn smack Amy's ass. She jumped, and turned with a smile.
"Hiya, Kip, baby."
"Go get me a beer, woman."
My jaw dropped as Amy dashed off down the hall, obediently following his orders. He sat in a chair at the table with the APA, kicked his feet up on the table, and began scratching himself vulgarly. I swallowed down some vomit as he noticed me. "Who are you, cutie? You want some of this?"
"You wanted someone to love you?" Lita muse asks, smirking.
"NOOOOOO!" Mary Sue screams.
"Um, no, thank you," I stuttered. "I'm Maven's sister, Killian."
"Ugh," he rolled his eyes. "Another one of those fags, huh?"
Ron and John exchanged glances, then looked back down to their cards, frowning. Before I got a chance to respond, Amy came running back with a cold beer.
"Here, baby. Is that good?"
"It'll do," he groaned, obviously displeased. He gave Amy a once over. "Hey, are you putting on weight again, tubby? What'd you eat today?"
My jaw was practically on the floor as I watched him harass her. Amy just sighed and looked down at the ground, guiltily. "A rice cake..."
"And...?"
Amy frowned. "I split a banana with Matt."
"You what?!" he fumed.
"I'm sorry!" Amy apologized quickly.
"First, I thought I told you to stop hanging around that flaming loser more than you had to, and second -"
"He's my friend!" Amy started, but was silenced by a stiff glare. Ron and John watched, silently frowning.
"And second," he started again, "I told you that you need to watch what you're eating. Now, go hit the gym for an hour and run off all that food."
Amy nodded, sullenly, and turned away to head off down the hall. Kip called after her again as she was leaving. "Oh, and if I see you talking to anymore of those little homos, I'll kick their asses myself!"
Amy nodded, not looking back, and lifted a hand to her face, obviously wiping away a tear.
"That's it!" Mary Sue yells, jumping up. "I'm putting my foot down!"
Lita muse and I are still wiping away tears... of laughter, but we hesitate at her sudden outburst.
"What?"
"Start typing this!" she demands.
Without warning, I grabbed the back of Kip's chair and threw it down on the ground. He rolled around in pain, holding his head. Inspired by my rebelliousness, Ron and John get up and beat the hell out of Kip, APA style. At the same time, I chased after Amy, grabbing her arm to stop her.
"Amy! What are you doing?"
"Kip told me to go to the gym, so I was going..."
"No! It doesn't have to be like that! You don't have to do whatever he says. You're not overweight, and there's nothing wrong with being friends with Matt."
Amy looked at me, confused. "But Kip said..."
"Fuck Kip! He's an asshole! You deserve better! You deserve someone who will empower you!"
Lita muse rolls her eyes at Mary Sue and whispers in my ear.
"You're right, Killian. I can do better!"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah!"
"I deserve someone who loves me for who I am!"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah!"
"Someone like you!"
"Yeah! No! Wait! No!!"
"Well, that's not exactly what I had..."
Before I finished my sentence, Amy had grabbed my face and kissed me.
"Noooooooo!"
With this final cry, Lita muse and the others finally let Mary Sue run away. Lita muse looks to me and shrugs, then we both have a good laugh.
"See? See?!" Christian muse exclaims, running back into the room and pointing at the monitor. "You had to use slash!"
Lita muse laughs. "Sure, Chris. Like she wasn't ready to bolt when I first typed Billy Gunn."
The entering musi shudder collectively at that name.
"Ah well. That's done," Matt muse sighs, setting his hands on my shoulders with a grin. "Get th' Mary Sue idea out of y'system?"
"Absolutely!" I grin, and Matt chuckles.
"Back to me then!" Edge muse exclaims. "It's my turn! You promised I could play with Jericho muse!"
As Jericho muse tries to sneak in, all the slash musi turn to look at him, smirking. His eyebrows jump and he turns and runs again.
"That boy's going to be much happier when he realizes that he's slashy, too," Triple H muse says with a smile.
"Let's do it, then!" Edge muse encourages, flopping down in my now vacant recliner. "Come on, Danielle! Write!"