Disclaimer: I don't own G.I. Joe, sorry to disappoint all of you good people. I wrote this for two reasons: One to get this jumble of crazy ideas out of my head and two because everybody seems to like my meeting stories! Sorry this took so long to get up…
General Hawk comes out:
Hawk: Well if you stopped writing on twelve different stories at the same time and worked on one TV show instead of 3 or 4 at a time maybe we'd get more fics on here!
I can't help it. I got a lot of ideas in my mind!
Hawk: Yeah I know. You should see her computer folks. She's got at least seven fics that's been on it since last year and they're still not completed! Will you get the lead out?
Hello, I have a life here! I'm working as fast as I can! You should be thankful there's nothing good on TV lately!
Hawk: Well maybe if you stopped playing around with that other show you seem to like so much you'd get around to us.
Somebody's jealous!
Hawk: Am not. Are we gonna do this fic or not?
Just waiting for you pal. Hawk goes backstage. Okay here it is, just a little fic I like to call…
More Meeting Madness
"Well Joes here we are again," Hawk sighed. "First up I'd like to know who are the maniacs responsible for putting a tank on the roof of the pit? Look I'm not going to punish you. I'm not mad. I admit I was a little miffed yesterday but I'm over it now. By the way Beach Head I'm sorry I threw my helmet at you. I didn't see you there. It was an accident."
"I'm okay," Beach Head said in a dazed voice with a bandage on his head. "No problem."
"Well look whoever put it up there please find a way to take it down?" Hawk sighed. "As long as it's gone by tomorrow morning at 0600, I won't press charges. Deal?"
"Okay next on the agenda," Hawk said. "I have told you medics to cut out wheelchair races! That also includes using gurneys like bobsleds! You guys are supposed to save our lives, remember? Not kill us!"
"Okay I'd like to have a word about the incident with the convoy last week. I don't know what to say. How could you guys get lost on the freeway?"
"Because Mister Macho here wouldn't stop to ask for directions!" Lady Jaye snapped.
"We were not lost!" Flint shouted. "We were just strategically misplaced."
"How do you strategically misplace seventeen tanks?" Lady Jaye shouted.
"Hey the directions were all wrong!" Flint shouted.
"Oh don't you put the blame on me!" Dial Tone stood up. "I specifically told you North by Northwest on Route 345! You took Northwest by North on Route 543! It's not my fault you don't pay attention!"
"Hey I couldn't hear over the static!" Flint shouted.
"There was no static and you know it!" Dial Tone snapped. They started shouting at each other.
"People please!" Hawk motioned for quiet. "SHUT UP!!!! Okay I was in the room and sorry Flint but I have to agree with Dial Tone on this one! There was no static. It was your fault. You should have asked for directions."
"See!" Dial Tone stuck his tongue out.
"Told ya!" Lady Jaye smirked.
"We'll talk more about that later," Hawk rolled his eyes. "So what else is on the agenda? Oh yes I know all about the poker tournament you fly boys held last night in the hanger. I want the pot right now Ace. All of it!"
"Aw man," Ace grumbled as he took out his wallet. "There goes my two hundred bucks!"
"You mean three hundred bucks!" Hawk snapped. "This will teach you not to have any unauthorized games of chance on base. As well as pay for that toilet you broke."
"I don't believe this," Ace grumbled as he handed the money over.
"First rule of gambling Ace," Hawk said. "The house always wins!"
"Next on the list," Hawk sighed as he went ahead. "Iceberg what's the deal with the penguins in the pool?"
"Look they are a rare species of penguins and I promised the doctors at the South Pole Research Center I'd look after them for a couple of days."
"You mean you promised your girlfriend," Leatherneck snickered.
"They're just having problems fixing the habitat," Iceberg told Hawk. "No big deal they'll only be here a few days!"
"That's not the point Iceberg you should have come to me first!" Hawk snapped. "They have to go!"
"Why? Don't you like penguins?" Bazooka asked.
"It's not a question of me liking penguins," Hawk told him. "This is a military base! Not a petting zoo!"
"But you let Snake Eyes keep a wolf," Bazooka said. "And Shipwreck has a parrot. Spirit has a bald eagle."
"And don't forget our dogs!" Mutt called out.
"Yeah and that new guy has a bobcat over there!" Law said.
"That's different," Hawk said. "They're part of the team!"
"Since when?" Polly quipped.
"Well maybe the penguins could be a part of the team?" Bazooka asked.
"And how do we do that Bubble Gum Brain?" Alpine asked. "Strap torpedoes to their backs?"
"Look they'll be gone within a week," Iceberg told him. "I promise."
"Okay! Okay the penguins can stay! But only for a few days. Penguins on a military base, now I've seen everything. Finally, I need a unit to investigate a new Cobra sea lab near Kona Tonga…"
"I volunteer!" Shipwreck stood up.
"Figures," Alpine snickered.
"Anybody who's actually serious about this mission interested in going?" Hawk asked.
"Right here!" Shipwreck waved his hand wildly.
"The only thing you're interested in Shipwreck is a certain mermaid," Low Light snickered.
"Look do I have any volunteers…" Hawk began.
"WHAT AM I? INVISIBLE! PICK ME! PICK ME!" Shipwreck jumped up and down.
"Anybody besides Shipwreck want to go?" Hawk sighed. A few more hands shot up. "Okay now if no one else…"
"PICK ME! PICK ME!"
"SHIPWRECK CALM DOWN YOU'RE GOING ALREADY!" Hawk shouted.
"Yes!" Shipwreck cheered.
"But understand this mister," Hawk said sternly. "No fooling around! Got it? No little 'midnight swims' or anything! Got it?"
"Don't worry General!" Shipwreck saluted. "I'll be on my best behavior! Trust me! Nothing's gonna happen!"
Quite a long time later, Hawk called another meeting. "Okay listen up!" He snapped. "Do I have to say this every month? NO MORE WHEELCHAIR BOWLING! GOT IT? Don't you people realize what kind of damage you can cause? By the way Beach Head how's your leg?"
"Oh it's fine," Beach Head said in a chipper voice. "Oooh, butterflies!" He looked around.
"Lifeline how much medication did you give him?" Hawk asked.
"Whatever it is I want some!" Shipwreck chuckled.
"Okay next up I have a question for Iceberg," Hawk said. "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET RID OF THOSE PENGUINS?"
"Well we can't move them now," Iceberg said. "Mitzi and Minnie have just laid eggs!"
"Hey that means Iceberg is gonna be a grandpa!" Breaker said.
"Oh god," Hawk groaned.
"You know that indoor pool habitat we set up really does wonders for them," Iceberg said. "This is the first time these special penguins have laid eggs in captivity! Do you wanna be responsible for wiping out a species?"
"This is an army base," Hawk told him. "Not a penguin ranch! I can't believe this!"
"Why don't you like penguins?" Bazooka asked.
"I do like penguins but not on my base!" Hawk shouted.
"Come on Hawk it will only be a few more months after they've hatched and them we can move them," Iceberg said.
"Iceberg I…" He noticed Bree was coming into the room very fast. "Now what?"
"Uh General Hawk," Bree ran in. "We have an emergency! There's…um…I need Lifeline and Shipwreck please."
"Okay Lifeline I can understand but what could you possibly need Shipwreck for?" Duke asked.
"Bree what's the emergency?" Hawk asked.
"Um it's kind of personal," She gulped.
"Oh tell it, I've got nothing to hide!" Shipwreck said. "What is it?"
"Well, it's a person from Sea Base Delta," Bree started to explain.
"An injury?" Lifeline asked.
"Not exactly," Bree looked at Shipwreck. "You met up with Mara again at Kona Tonga again right?"
"Yeah," He shifted. "She seemed fine then. It was only…umm…I don't know when I saw her," He scratched his head.
"Let me guess," She folded her arms. "Nine months?"
"Yeah how did you…?" Realization then hit him like a ton of bricks. "Eep." He fainted dead away.
"Somebody revive him and get him to the medical wing," Bree groaned. "We brought her in and she's in labor now."
"Okay five bucks it's gonna be a girl!" Low Light shouted.
"Ten if it's a boy and can breathe underwater!" Wet Suit shouted.
"So much for Shipwreck being on his best behavior," Falcon chuckled.
"Well I can't say I'm shocked," BeachHead grumbled. "The way he carries on I knew it would only be a matter of time! Although I must admit the mermaid is an interesting twist."
"Okay let's start the betting," Ace got up and started to draw a chart. "All those who say it's going to be a girl?"
Lifeline and Bree had taken off to help Mara. Roadblock carried out Shipwreck over his shoulder. "Move away," He told everyone. "Future Daddy coming through."
Several hours later….
"Well what's the verdict?" Hawk asked Lifeline as he came out of the infirmary.
"It's a girl," Lifeline said. "And she can breathe both on land and water apparently. She has gills but judging by how loud she is she can breathe pretty well outside of the water as well."
"Okay pay up!" Low Light shouted. Money exchanged hands between several Joes.
"Well now we can use the winnings for a baby shower," Hawk said.
"As well as a wedding party," Roadblock shook his head. "When he woke up Shipwreck grabbed a chaplain faster than you guys grab a hamburger. Kept babbling on how no kid of his was gonna come into the world without a father."
"Mara wasn't exactly displeased with the idea," Bree said. "In fact she described what would happen to Shipwreck if they didn't get married in very graphic detail. I have it on video! I plan to sell copies at five bucks apiece."
"It was a close call but they made it," Lifeline smirked. "The new happy family is in there bonding."
"So what do we do now?" Lady Jaye asked. "Where are they gonna live?"
"Here of course," Lifeline told her.
"A BABY ON THE BASE?" Beach Head shouted. Apparently the drugs had worn off. "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?"
"We don't have any choice," Lifeline said. "You know Cobra will do anything to get their hands on her! It's the only way to keep her safe."
"General Hawk…" Beach Head whined.
"What do you want me to do?" Hawk snapped. "Hand her over to Cobra? Well I guess there's enough room for a baby mutant on the base. How much trouble could it be? I mean we already have a penguin preserve, why not?"
"All right!" Airtight shouted. "We gotta organize a baby shower! I'm in charge!"
"You are not!" Leatherneck snapped. "You'll just screw it up! I'm gonna do it!"
"And so the insanity begins," Beach Head groaned. "This is never gonna be a real Army base is it?"
"Oh well," Hawk put his head in his hands. "It's not like this is gonna happen too often. I mean how many kids can Shipwreck have?"
"I'm telling you I am going to put on the baby shower!" Leatherneck shouted. "Anybody disagrees with me is gonna have a broken arm!"
"Lifeline I need more of that pain medication," Beach Head groaned.
"I have some of that too," Hawk groaned.