Tuesday Decmber 27th 1977.
10:00 am.
Yesterday I stopped crying when I realised how ridiculous it was for the Head Girl of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to spend all afternoon locked in her dorm bawling her eyes out because she is terrified by her own emotions. It is immature and childish, and I am much more sensible than that (Hah!). I wrote a long letter to Jo about realizing that I love James, but I suspect the reply will be "I could've told you that years ago!". Then I went downstairs so they wouldn't think I'd got locked in the dorm or something, to find James and Sirius asleep and Peter hard at work on his potions essay. So I helped Peter with his essay and everything was very normal except I kept thinking about how adorable James looks when he sleeps, and when the boys woke up we all played cards.
I went to bed, but didn't get much sleep.
This is the conclusion I reached last night: James must never know.
We have been very good friends for a very long time, and it would be unfair to him to just suddenly be in love with him. I wouldn't want to spring that on him and simultaneously freak him out and ruin a perfectly good friendship. I think it is much better and easier for everyone, in the long run, if I just never tell him. Also, this means I don't actually have to tell him, which is excellent because telling him is a terrifying concept. Of course, it also means that I'll never know if he feels the same way. Because if he did…
But he doesn't. Everyone knows he has a thing for Lisa in Hufflepuff, even though she won't give him the time of day because he filled her bag with spiders in second year, and she's never forgotten about it.
I am kind of sad about all this. Love isn't supposed to make you sad, is it? But it does. Strange.
I'm not going to burst into tears again.
Instead I am going to go down to the hall and eat breakfast like a normal person and practise loving James from afar, as I can't love him any other way.
Authors notes.
Sorry its kinda short. I'm still working on the horrible maths assignment. Reveiw!
Uno.
10:00 am.
Yesterday I stopped crying when I realised how ridiculous it was for the Head Girl of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to spend all afternoon locked in her dorm bawling her eyes out because she is terrified by her own emotions. It is immature and childish, and I am much more sensible than that (Hah!). I wrote a long letter to Jo about realizing that I love James, but I suspect the reply will be "I could've told you that years ago!". Then I went downstairs so they wouldn't think I'd got locked in the dorm or something, to find James and Sirius asleep and Peter hard at work on his potions essay. So I helped Peter with his essay and everything was very normal except I kept thinking about how adorable James looks when he sleeps, and when the boys woke up we all played cards.
I went to bed, but didn't get much sleep.
This is the conclusion I reached last night: James must never know.
We have been very good friends for a very long time, and it would be unfair to him to just suddenly be in love with him. I wouldn't want to spring that on him and simultaneously freak him out and ruin a perfectly good friendship. I think it is much better and easier for everyone, in the long run, if I just never tell him. Also, this means I don't actually have to tell him, which is excellent because telling him is a terrifying concept. Of course, it also means that I'll never know if he feels the same way. Because if he did…
But he doesn't. Everyone knows he has a thing for Lisa in Hufflepuff, even though she won't give him the time of day because he filled her bag with spiders in second year, and she's never forgotten about it.
I am kind of sad about all this. Love isn't supposed to make you sad, is it? But it does. Strange.
I'm not going to burst into tears again.
Instead I am going to go down to the hall and eat breakfast like a normal person and practise loving James from afar, as I can't love him any other way.
Authors notes.
Sorry its kinda short. I'm still working on the horrible maths assignment. Reveiw!
Uno.