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Chapter 11 In Which Most of Us Awake, and Realise We Have a Lot of Work to Do…
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Part 57 (in which Jen teaches Thranduil college-speak)
Jen*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^
"Turn down the Robin Williams, Tango," Jen mutters in her sleep, turning over and burying her nose in Thranduil's torso. The elven king levels a quizzical glance at her, surprised at himself for suddenly feeling such... affection... for a mortal woman – a mortal woman hardly more than a child, no less! Unwanted, a tiny smile creeps onto his face and he reaches to gently shake Jen awake.
"Come, Jen," he whispers in her ear, relishing the brevity of her name and the way it falls briskly from his lips. "It is time to wake."
"No wanna," she mumbles against his soft tunic. "No class. No predawn lunging."
Confused, the elf shakes her more insistently, but she just yanks the blanket he wrapped her in last night and drags it over her tousled head. Thranduil actually laughs at that.
"Well then, if you must make it difficult, my dear..." He pulls himself away from the UCMECian, and she squeaks a little in protest but remains in her cocoon. Grinning rather like Jen does every time she hands an elf a white sheet of paper, the king leans down and takes a firm hold of both blankets.
He unceremoniously yanks them away from the young woman.
"GAH!" Jen bolts upright, squealing, "I'm up! I'm up!" She looks around frantically. "Am I late for class? Tell me I'm not... where's the clock?"
Her words prove enough to send Thranduil into unashamed guffaws of laughter.
Jen's eyes finally fall on him, and he receives the Sithly Editor Glare of Death, normally reserved for stories that can't pick a verb tense and stick with it.
"It's not funny," Jen grouses, but she snaps her fingers and a white flash of light momentarily blinds Thranduil. When he can see again, Jen is standing under a tree, clad in fresh clothes and straightening her freshly braided hair. She smiled angelically at the elf. "You might want to plug your ears," she warns him.
Before Thranduil can weigh the merit of the suggestion, Jen lets out her characteristic, earsplitting whistle. "C'mon Coupers! Breakfast!" A bucket of feed appears at her feet, and the bay horse comes trotting up. Thranduil leans curiously over the bucket, having never seen a rubber feed bin before.
He makes a face at the green pellets inside.
"What are those?" he asks suspiciously.
"Pellet feed," Jen answers. "Hard to explain, but Coup likes it and it's good for him."
It only takes fifteen minutes to get the horse fed, and then Jen drapes an arm over his neck and starts walking back towards the Really Big Tent.
Thranduil's horse appeared and was cared for during the interval. As the group walks, the Legolas clones and their mounts return as well. Thranduil casts a wary glance over his shoulder at them, but decides it's probably safer to not ask.
"Morning ladies and elves," Jen greets the others. She scans the scene before her, and before Kalurien can say a word, Jen grabs Glorfindel and gives him a hearty handshake. "Hi! I'm Jen ChaCha with the Middle-earth Equine Protection Society, or MEEPS! Sign this, please!" She thrusts a white paper at the bewildered elf. He looks at her suspiciously.
"What exactly is this for?"
"A horsemanship award...Or is that horse-elf-ship?"
Annoyingly, Glorfindel does the same thing to the paper that Thranduil did to his – tucks it away in a pouch without a second glance. Jen pouts and growls something under her breath that sounds suspiciously like "Asfaloth." She stalks back towards Coup, who obligingly makes her feel better by lowering his head for a kiss and an ear-scratch. She busies herself with lavishing affection on the horse until someone comes to tell her what to do...or at least try to.
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Part 58 (in which the Samurai Realizes that Sleeping in a Tree with your Elf Isn't All that Bad...And Gets a Marriage Proposal?!)
Harle*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^
But, fortunately for a certain Samurai and her Elf, Autumn's wake up call is not as shocking as it should be. But it DOES stir Haldir from his sleep, and manages to bring Harle partially out of her deep dreams (which concern Haldir, of course).
Seeing his Lady still half-asleep in his arms, Haldir smiles, and decides to rouse her fully. Leaning down, he captures her lips in a soft kiss. "Awake, my darling, awake!" he whispers in her ear as he pulls back from the morning kiss he delivers to her. "Tis time to rise from your slumber. Though I would have it that you would open your eyes to golden sunlight and birdsong and the scent of flowers, there is no time for such. Battle awaits us."
Harle groans softly, and blinks her eyes open. The first thing that greets her is Haldir's face. A smile curves on her lips, and she snuggles up closer to him. "Good morning."
Haldir smiles back at her, and kisses her on the forehead. "Sweet Lady, it is time for us to rise from our rest and go into the foray. I have heard Lady Autumn's voice, waking all those at the camp."
Harle snorts. "Autumn, eh? So that shout I heard was real after all." She adjusts herself so that she is sitting up in Haldir's lap, and stretches slowly. Once she finishes, she grabs a convenient branch overhead, and slowly shifts herself onto the branch next to the one she and Haldir have shared the previous night.
He frowns as she leaves him there. "I feel quite deprived without you in my arms, melamin."
Harle nearly stumbles on the branch upon hearing the word "melamin", but quickly regains her composure as she starts to climb down the tree to land on the ground. She smiles. 'Ah, back on terra firma.'
There is a soft thud behind her, and a pair of strong, familiar arms encircles her again. She giggles softly, knowing whom it is. "If you keep this up Haldir, we're never going to get anywhere. Remember, I've got a High King to save, a Vice-Regent to protect, and an UCMEC leader to help. Not to mention the fact that I have to kick the butt of a certain evil Maia, and have to deal with a certain Dark Alter-Ego."
Haldir spins her around, and gazes at her seriously. "Then this may be the only chance I will ever get to ask you this question." He pulls her close, holding her around the waist, and makes a blush appear on her face. "I do not know how this battle will turn out, and if we shall both live to see the end of it, but...should it go our way...I wish that you will return to Lorien with me...as my bride."
Harle's mind starts to spin WAY out of control. In a daze, she asks, "What?"
Haldir holds her hands in his insistently. "I wish to marry you, melamin, vanimelda."
"But...but...what will your parents say?"
"My mother and my father have long gone across the sea to the Undying Lands."
"Your brothers? What will Rumil and Orophin say?"
"I believe that they will say it is about time. I am the eldest of the three, and I am expected to wed sooner than any of them. Marriage is something I have put off for far too long...until now."
"And what will Celeborn say? I don't think your liege-lord would like the Captain of the Lothlorien Guards getting married to someone from the UCMEC."
Haldir shook his head determinedly. "Who I marry is none of his concern. For you, I would defy my liege-lord...even the Lady I serve."
Harle stares at the Elven archer, his eyes pleading with her to say yes.
'After all, what can it hurt,' she wonders. 'After all, if we make it through this battle I won't really have to worry about the immortality question. I'm a Vala, I'm immortal!" She smiles slightly at him. "Well, let
me think about it, okay?"
Haldir nods, and places another kiss on her lips. "I leave the fate of my heart, in your hands, melamin."
Harle blushes again, and, sliding her hand in his, they walk back to the camp to seek out Nemis and to find out what the plan for the battle is.
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melamin (Sindarin): mela = lovely, min = one
vanimelda (Quenya): vani (comes from vanima) = proper, right fair; melda = beloved, dear,
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Part 59 (in which Kelsey tries to convince Elrond of the origin of certain garments)
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Elladan and Elrohir had been up for a few hours. Since then the sun had risen and cast and ominous red glow over the already ominous landscape of Mordor and yet the lady had not stirred. They were still shirtless from their humiliating loss at a bizarre game involving little pieces of paper ( followed by equally unsuccessful bids at strip simon says and strip musical chairs) and to complicate matters the sleeping female had her head resting on the remainders of their clothing. Elladan had tried shaking her and poking her repeatedly in the head, Elrohir had held his hand over her nose so she couldn't breathe and had only gained a painful bite wound. Only when the cry reverberated through the camp did she bolt upright screaming something about lateness and math.
Kelsey shook her head trying to clear away the fuzziness of sleep and remembered where she was, at that instant all three dove for the wadded shirts that had been her pillow. Their head knocked together as they grappled over the flimsy fabric.
"I swear I'll bite you! Let go!"
"You already did! Now give them back!"
"Want...grunt shirt"
All three landed on the floor in a tangle of limbs.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Kelsey asked Elladan winking.
"Probably not" he replied eyeing her warily.
"Well then," Kelsey said gaining full possession of the shirts and shoving them down her pjs to stop any further attempts the get them back, "As much as I looooove wrestling with two gorgeous twin elves first thing in the morning, I have to go save good ol' Gil."
"Gil?" Elrohir asked, "As in Gil-Galad? He died ages ago, lady."
"Right, well I can't really discuss this, security clearances etc. I'm sure you understand just wait here and once Gorthaur is no more I'll come back and we'll wrestle some more." With that she fled the tent leaving two slightly chilly elves, who were too embarrassed to try and cross camp without their shirts (what would Elrond say about that kind of indecency?)
Kelsey pulled up to the R.B. tent at the same time as Harle.
"Did you somehow jump to your third-trimester there?" she asked poking Kelsey's belly.
"Opps!" Kelsey pulled the two shirts out from under her shirt. "Just a little something to make sure my twins stay put."
Elrond who had also arrived eyed the garments, "They look like they come from a seamstress I know, she makes all my garments."
Harle and Kelsey looked at each other, "No, no you see these," Kelsey said waving the garments emphatically, "were made in....Taiwan."
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Part 60 (in which Katy asks the question no one seems to want the answer to)
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Erestor and Katy are both roused at the shout of Autumn but are reluctant to move, being more comfortable in each other's embrace than out of it. Though neither has said anything obvious about their feelings for each other, well, you can guess.
"Time to leave my arms my Lady." Whispers Erestor in Katy's ear.
She shivers, pushing deeper into his embrace.
"They couldn't give us breakfast in bed could they?" She purred.
"There is a whole camp to muster and feed my Lady..."
"I guess not then." She accepts the hand he extends to her and is pulled from the bed. "And where would breakfast be?"
"We will break our fast in the King's tent my Lady. I expect your fellows will be there." He takes her and leads her to the R.B Tent, where they find Kelsey and Harle trying to convince Elrond that those shirts were 'Made in Taiwan'. Celeborn is waiting sulkily on the nearby couch and glaring at Autumn who is ticking off a checklist for the UCMEC members. Her face begins to fall as more arrive and the
prospect of taking all the best kind of food diminishes. Greatly.
"Where's Nemis?" Katy asks as she settles on another couch with Erestor beside her.
"I wouldn't ask." Casey replies, entering the tent with Maglor in tow. "I really wouldn't."
"Well someone had better get them or there'll be no breakfast, and both of them need their strength for this battle thing."
"Well count me out."
"NO.WAY."
"oh no no no no no no no no no…"
"Nuh-uh. NUH UH."
Casey frowns as the rest of the UCMEC back away and their respective elf lords back away, whistling innocently.
"WELL SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!"
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Part 61 (in which Autumn, Jen and Thranduil risk the wrath of Nemis and Gil-galad)
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Autumn looks up from her check list and around at those gathered in the tent.
"You may as well go back to your luvy duvy situations as we need Nemis before we start anything."
The change from Romancy Valar to Angsty Valar is very noticeable and the UCMECians back away from her slightly.
"We know we can't do anything without Nemis… that's why one of us needs to go get her." Kelsey states and after a moment, the tent erupts in shouts over who should go wake them again.
"Peoples, peoples! I'll go wake them… so long as you guys go and get the others."
Everyone seems a little anxious about that but Autumn rolls her eyes. "I wrote what happened to them and nobody got the… *ahem*… pleasure of getting to know any elf on 'that' kind of basis last night or else I would have as well and as you can all see, I was in the tent all night… apart from any elves."
Celeborn freezes at her last comment as Autumn seems to think about it, seemingly wishing she had come to know a few elves on 'that' kind of basis. She gets up and exits the tent whilst everyone discusses who they're going to get.
Autumn steps out of the tent to see Legolas, the real one, no clone, doing a sort of burlesque style dance.
"I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists, I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed…"
Needless to say, she is afraid and about to call the others to help her figure out how to make the elf shut up when a blond walks from behind one of the tents and begins to yell at her.
"Lissa?"
"Damn it Autumn, what do you have him singing… WHY IS HE SINGING? QUIT MESSING WITH MY LEGO!"
Autumn raises her brow, walks up to Legolas and whips out a book.
"You have to stop singing that sing because your god is Ilúvatar… kinda and TV evangelists don't exist in the name of Ilúvatar. Secondly, the second phrase of that song doesn't really apply to you because elves don't have lusty sides and therefore, unlike us horny little humans, you wait to get it on until you're married." Legolas scratches his head. Autumn sighs, "Stupid elf…" Lissa looks extremely sad and puts her puppy dog eyes to work.
"Autumn, … fix him … pwease?" Autumn sighs once more, takes out her katana scabbard and proceeds to whack Legolas on the head several times while Lissa stares wide eyed.
"What the hell-."
"Mandos." Autumn corrects.
"What the bloody hell are you doing!?!?!" Autumn points to Lego who now seems serious and somehow hotter than before.
"Where…where am I?" Legolas also looks dazed. Lissa on the other hand is very happy.
"Lissa, if you take him far away and promise to never let him return, you can keep him indefinitely. Lissa says nothing but, taking a leash she stole from a near by tent containing two half naked elves, clips a collar on him and dashes off. Autumn stares at them retreating but quickly shakes off the incident and heads towards the not so big tent.
At that same moment, she happens to walk into Jen closely followed by Thranduil, who join her and walk along.
'I heard a desperate cry a while ago…' She raises an eyebrow at Autumn.
"I take it we have a problem?" she asks, not really expecting an answer.
Autumn tilts her head. "Jen, right?"
"Yes ma'am," Jen answers. "So what's the hub bub, bub?" She shudders and mutters something about "crossover magic" as she says the last phrase.
Autumn frowns and reiterates the problem for Jen. "Someone needs to go get Nemis and Gil-galad."
"Is that all?" Jen shrugs and spins on her heel.
She grabs Thranduil by the shirt front, and Autumn snickers at the surprised expression on the king's face as he's dragged bodily towards the horse by a young woman much shorter than him.
Jen stands at Coup's side, and waits patiently for Thranduil.
The king of Mirkwood just stares at her. "Huh?"
"Leg up, please," Jen says. "It saves the horse's back."
"Oh." Thranduil grins evilly and walks up behind Jen. He cups his hands under her bent knee and gives her a boost--right over Coup's back and onto the still damp ground.
"Ack!" Jen cries as she lands on her rear. "Fool king." She growls, and snaps her fingers. In an instant, she disappears and then reappears, mounted. "You had to go and make me waste perfectly good Valar powers instead of being a gentleman. Get on your horse and follow me."
The pair rides off to the place where Nemis and Gil-galad spent the night, Autumn in close pursuit. Jen pulls up right outside the tent, sucks in a deep breath, and launches into an imitation that her old roommate would be proud of.
"This is your nine o' clock alarm call! 'Ello Nemis!" Jen can hear grumbling from inside, so she decides to continue being annoying. "Calling all Ilúvatar and High Kings! Don't make me send the Lego clones in after you. I can get more where these came from if you chop them to bits."
Autumn grins at Jen as she arrives but, stepping to the doorway, she takes a deep breath, listens for any sign that they're awake, praying that Jen's call has already roused them, but hears nothing. She hold back the flap to reveal a very cute scene. Nemis and Gil-galad, all curled up in a blanket and wrapped safely in one another's arms, a contented smile shared by both lovers.
"AWWW!"
Nemis stirs and Gil-galad's eyes shoot open.
"Oh, sorry your well muscled high Kingyness and Nemis Iluvátar but it's ass whomping time and you two tend to be the leaders of the whomping…"
Nemis grumbles something about Gil-galad and turns into his arms, attempting to flee back to the previous night. Gil-galad sits up and looks at Autumn as he wipes the sleep from his eyes and mumbles something about 'not having done that in a few thousand years.'
"Pardon me?"
He shakes his head.
"Nothing… erm, would you mind leaving whilst I dress?"
"If I said yes, would you be offended?" Autumn doesn't get the chance to say anything more as a pillow being whipped from Nemis drives her out of the tent.
She spies Jen and Thranduil riding over to the big tent and decides to go back and bug Celeborn for a while longer as the sounds of Gil-galad attempting wake a very groggy Nemis from her sleep emanate from the not so big tent.
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Part 62 (in which Gil-galad gets Nemis to wake and we see the truly evil powers of Dark Nemis
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'Aaaw…' Nemis moans, as Gil-galad leaves the bed. 'Don't go yet…'
'Nemis, we really need to be getting up…' He softly returns, shooting on his trousers, before kneeling beside the bed. 'I need you to protect me…'
Abruptly opening her eyes, Nemis is confronted with a teasing smile, and receives a gentle kiss on the forehead. Handing her the clothing he absentmindedly discarded in a corner the previous evening, the High-king continues dressing himself, ending up sitting on the side of the bed to lace his boots.
'A question, my Lady,' he asks, as Nemis, having quickly dressed, traces a hand over his hair, touching his back.
'Sure…'
'If you influence the happenings here, was this of your planning?'
Nemis blushes.
'Not really…'
Gil-galad looks up at her.
'I see…'
'Ereinion?'
He looks up at her, and sees her eyes, suddenly very serious.
'Yes Nemis?'
'Can I have a hug?'
For a moment, the Lord of Lindon seems to consider what a 'hug' is, but, deducting quickly, he rises to his feet and embraces her.
'It will all be fine…' he whispers. 'With such friends, though some of which, I must admit, have some strange… practices, how can it possibly go wrong?'
Nemis looks up at him and smiles.
'We better get back to the others…'
Gil-galad smiles.
'Just one thing…'
He bends towards her and…
'No, no, no, no, NO!'
Dark Nemis, (postponing her coming forth from the mountain earlier due to sudden outpours of romantic affection) having confiscated Sauron's hacked Palantir, clenches her fists and screams so loud, that three Ringwraiths weaklings that they are consider handing in their resignation on the spot.
Sauron drops off the chair where he was sitting in, reading the specific parts of the Silmarillion he has previously been given.
'What is it now?' he sighs, picking himself up from the floor.
'She… He… Bloody Elf, bloody nemesis…' The Dark One fumes, eyes searching for something to destroy, preferably large and with the desired impressive show of power. The Ringwraiths (who have just realised they are subject to a three-millennia-term-of-notice-clause in their contracts) cower away and her eyes fall on the coffee-jar (you shouldn't have reminded me, Katy) and Gollum, who has been trying to hide (which is kinda tricky in a glass container).
The puddle of greenish slimy stuff accumulating on the bottom of the jar seems to change her mind about opening it, though, and she looks at Sauron, whose eyes grow large.
'You are not actually thinking of doing something to me, are you?' He whimpers.
Scaring the evil Maia seems to lighten Dark Nemis up a little, and her eyes begin to glimmer.
'I am so thoughtless… The Cheetos Nemis has been eating have apparently done something to my part of her brains… Fire-breath-guy… get me a keyboard… Get me an internet connection…'
A little later, the sound of keys being pressed at an alarming speed, echo through the Valley at the southern end of a great spur of the Ered Lithui…
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