Title: Love Only to Lose Again?
Author: Cherub Girl
Rating: R (for later songs....you'll understand when you read them)
AN: Is a more timid chapter then the last one. I decided that I need to take a break from the whole rock song thing…I was planning on doing another rock song for this chapter. A few words I did change, just to make the story fit the song. PLEASE FORGIVE ME!! I had to remove a huge chunk of the refrain….I am so sorry minna, but at least this chapter is done. Also, some OOC occurs with a few of the characters, but that is what makes the story unique for me…Enjoy!! ^_^
Disclaimer(s): Oh yeah!! Sailor Moon does not belong to me. If it did, I would be in Japan watching all the Jap. Animation that I could handle, or at least living in another city and not hot Tucson! ^_~ Also, Aerosmith's song, Cryin', isn't mine, or else I wouldn't bother staying in school….Hello Hollywood!! LOL
**************************************************************************** **
[Song lyrics]
*.......* narrator's thoughts, I am sorry, but Usagi is the narrator again…..GOMEN!
{Recaps}
**************************************************************************** **
[There was a time]
I watched as the blood went down the drain, the last of my wounds cleansed from the awful battle of the night. Creeping quietly, I wandered back into my room, hoping that my parents weren't disturbed by my arrival. Climbing into bed, I settled down for some much-needed sleep, but events from that night postponed my wanted bliss.
*Oh Gods, what is he doing back here? I can still remember the first time I saw him*
[When I was so brokenhearted]
{I just stood there as my beloved checked with the steward about his upcoming flight. I stared at him as he ran a hand through his midnight black hair, wondering how he could leave me all alone. He turned back to me, causing his smile to falter as he noticed the expression on my face.
"Now, quit looking so sad Usako. I will only be gone for a few years, but I promise that I will come back every once and awhile for holidays and breaks."
[Love wasn't much of a friend of mine]
"I realize that Mamo-chan, but even a few months away from you is agony. How will I last all those years with only seeing you once in awhile?"
He flinched as he heard the distance in my voice. I didn't mean to be this sad, but the love of my life is leaving me. Crossing over to me, he took me in his arms and kissed me one last time.
"I have to go Usako. They are calling my flight number."
Looking up at him, I drew him closer one last time, before letting him walk out of my life for some time. I watched him board the plane, and then watched the plane until it was out of sight. Sinking into the chair, I hardly noticed as three boys streaked pass me, hurrying for the nearest exit. Little did I know that the one boy with long black hair would play a major role in my life.}
[The tables have turned, yeah]
*Oh Seiya, why have you really returned? You couldn't possibly believe that things would have changed since the last time. You know that I am not alone anymore*
['Cause me and them ways have parted]
I stared at my room and watched as things went blurry. Shaking my head, I was surprised to see myself crying.
*You can't believe that I haven't broken up with him. I love Mamo-chan*
[That kind of love was the killin' kind]
Jumping from the bed, I ran into my bathroom just in time to reach the toilet before losing my dinner.
*Why am I reacting this way*
Sitting there, I waited until the wave of nausea left me. Getting up on shaky legs, I stumbled to my bed and climbed in, hoping for sleep. Unfortunately, my thoughts didn't agree with what my body wanted. I looked at the wall as memories from the past flooded my head.
{I sat in my school desk crying because another morning came without any word from Mamoru. Minako looked at me questionably, but didn't bother asking me what was wrong for she knew that I wouldn't explain. I sighed as I looked at the teacher, hoping that class would spare me from despair. That was when I first saw him. The guy that made me wonder if the future was something for me to hold onto.
[All I want is someone I can't resist]
He just walked into the room, knowing that every girl was staring at him, drooling. Out of everyone, he decided to sit next to me. Me! Err, I was always dealing with these cocky morons. He smiled at me, nodding his head, acknowledging my presence. Right away I knew that he wanted me as his prize. Little did I know that I was waiting for the right person to challenge my relationship with Mamoru. Are we set in stone like the future says? Could Seiya change the way that I thought of love?}
[I know all I need to know by the way that I got kissed]
I tossed in my bed for a few moments, trying to rid my impure thoughts of my Seiya.
*How could I have done those things to Mamoru. I had never wanted to be unfaithful before. What does Seiya have that brings out the worst in me*
[I was cryin' when I met you]
I buried my head into my pillow, silencing the sobs that raked through my body.
[Now I'm tryin to forget you]
*Go away Seiya. Go away*
[Your love is sweet misery]
I paced around my room, making bare spots on the worn in carpet. I just could not figure out why he was here.
*Seiya, I have changed since that time in the Ferris Wheel*
I could remember it clearly.
[I was cryin' just to get you]
{He took my to the park. I am hanging out with a popular, cute rock star and he chose me over all the other girls.
*Why me*
He escorted me to the nearest ride, the Ferris Wheel, and held open the door for me. I stepped in, knowing that what could happen in there might affect me for the rest of my life.
"Odango, what are you thinking about?"
His voice snapped me out of my daydream about Mamoru and into the reality of the world.
"It's nothing Seiya."
"I know you too well to know that it is nothing Usagi. Now what is bothering you?"
I shook my head, bothered that he wouldn't let it go.
"Seiya, if I wanted you to know, I would tell you."
Seiya looked surprised at my comment.
"Usa-ko, you know I would do…."
At that word, my head snapped around to him.
"Don't you dare call me that. You aren't my boyfriend Seiya, and you never will be. Why can't you accept the fact that I love someone else, and that I always will?"
After saying that I broke down in the seat and started to cry, unable to contain my frustration anymore. Seiya shifted slowly to where I was and put his arm around my shoulders, coaxing my head onto his shoulder. Unable to resist, I cried on his shoulder for what seemed like an eternity before the tears ran out. Seiya, noticing that I had become silent, lifted my chin slightly until we were eye level. Leaning down, he brushed his lips against mine to create one of the sweetest kisses I have ever had. Giving in, I opened my mouth to him and deepened the kiss further.
[Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you]
*Oh my gosh. What have I done*
[Do what you do-down on me]
I pushed Seiya away, just as I felt my body starting to go over the edge. He looked at me surprised at what happened, then smiled, coming down for more. I stopped him just before we made contact again. I scooted away as far as possible from him and stared at the scenery passing by.
[Now there's not even breathin' room]
"What's wrong Odango?"
*What did I just do? I have just crossed the line*
[Between pleasure and pain]
"I think you know what is wrong Seiya."
*I won't cry. I won't cry*
[Yeah you cry when *we fall in* love]
"Usagi, we just connected in a special way, something that we obviously both wanted. Now you are acting like it was wrong, when we both know that it wasn't!"
[Must be one and the same]
I looked over at him and before I could mentally react, I physically reacted by slapping him.
[It's down on me]
"Usagi, what was that for?"
I looked at him, partially ashamed of what I did, partially confused of what had happened, but mostly upset at the way he was handling it.
[Yeah, I got to tell you one thing, It's been on my mind]
"I am in love with Mamo-chan. Why can't you accept that? I don't want you to push yourself onto me anymore. I like you as a friend, but that will never change. I appreciate your concern, but please, don't try to pursue me anymore."
[Boy* I gotta say, We're partners in crime]
"I don't know how I am going to explain all of this to Mamo-chan, if we I ever hear from him."
I shivered; thinking about the reaction that Mamoru was going to have after hearing my affair.
*What will he think? Will he still love me*
"Don't tell him Odango. Or at least don't tell him that you responded. Just tell him that I forced myself on you and then you whacked the heck out of my face afterwards for it."
Seiya smiled, and I could tell that it was a sad one. I knew that that kiss would always be in his mind. I kept staring at him, unable to break away.
*What is it about him*
[You got that certain something]
The ride slowed as we reached the bottom, and Seiya moved back into his respected seat, no longer looking at me. I wondered if now he was fully feeling the agony that I am going through.
"I'm sorry Seiya."
[What you gave* to me, Took* my breath away]
"Don't be sorry about it. I refuse to be. I know that I was doing what my heart told me to do and I don't regret it. I am just sorry that it had to end that way. See you later."
With that he walked away, leaving me standing there, watching as his form disappeared from site.}
[Now the word out on the street, Is the devil's in your kiss]
My hand traveled to my lips as I remembered the forbidden kiss that we shared.
*I never told Mamoru what happened that day. I couldn't face the thought of hurting him that much. It would have been my fault if would have never forgiven me*
[If our love goes up in flames]
I looked around the room, glancing over the pictures of Mamoru and me, my friends, and so on until I landed on the last picture on my shelf; the one of Seiya and me before they left to go home.
*Even as they were leaving, he was still very much in love with me. I always did wonder what would happen if he returned*
[It's a fire I can't resist]
I stopped pacing, and finally climbed into bed, hoping to get some rest before morning came. Glancing out the window I noticed my reflection on the glass, how my red eyes gave away the tears that had streaked down my face earlier that night.
[I was cryin' when I met you]
I shook my head, hoping to rid the thoughts of my kiss with Seiya, but to no avail.
[Now I'm tryin to forget you]
Pictures of Seiya kept running through my head every time I closed me eyes.
[Your love is sweet misery]
As I just lay here, I couldn't help wondering why I had done what I did. I could feel the tears start to come as I wondered why I went on the ride, why I did everything I did to keep Seiya's attention always on me.
[I was cryin' just to get you]
*Why did I cheat on Mamoru? Why with Seiya? Why was I so weak back then? Why can't I forgive myself*
[Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you]
I was taken back as the first lights of day started to dot the horizon.
*Is it morning already? Did I really spend all night thinking of Seiya*
[I was cryin' when I met you]
I looked out the window as the sun started to rise. Watching the colors appear into the darkness, I broke down as the tears racked my body once more.
*Why Seiya? Why*
[Now I'm tryin to forget you]
**************************************************************************** ****
Sorry that this chapter took me so long, and yet it really sucks. I am having problems with my muse. He has decided to leave me. This song is wonderful I just couldn't get my thoughts to run right. I am not putting up anymore chapters without some reviews. Sad thing is that I have lost all the song lyrics I was going to use, so now it is back to remembering what songs I wanted…Oh well…Please review. Anything is welcomed, even if it is flames! Flames could help me revise this chapter so that it flows better…. Ja ne
Author: Cherub Girl
Rating: R (for later songs....you'll understand when you read them)
AN: Is a more timid chapter then the last one. I decided that I need to take a break from the whole rock song thing…I was planning on doing another rock song for this chapter. A few words I did change, just to make the story fit the song. PLEASE FORGIVE ME!! I had to remove a huge chunk of the refrain….I am so sorry minna, but at least this chapter is done. Also, some OOC occurs with a few of the characters, but that is what makes the story unique for me…Enjoy!! ^_^
Disclaimer(s): Oh yeah!! Sailor Moon does not belong to me. If it did, I would be in Japan watching all the Jap. Animation that I could handle, or at least living in another city and not hot Tucson! ^_~ Also, Aerosmith's song, Cryin', isn't mine, or else I wouldn't bother staying in school….Hello Hollywood!! LOL
**************************************************************************** **
[Song lyrics]
*.......* narrator's thoughts, I am sorry, but Usagi is the narrator again…..GOMEN!
{Recaps}
**************************************************************************** **
[There was a time]
I watched as the blood went down the drain, the last of my wounds cleansed from the awful battle of the night. Creeping quietly, I wandered back into my room, hoping that my parents weren't disturbed by my arrival. Climbing into bed, I settled down for some much-needed sleep, but events from that night postponed my wanted bliss.
*Oh Gods, what is he doing back here? I can still remember the first time I saw him*
[When I was so brokenhearted]
{I just stood there as my beloved checked with the steward about his upcoming flight. I stared at him as he ran a hand through his midnight black hair, wondering how he could leave me all alone. He turned back to me, causing his smile to falter as he noticed the expression on my face.
"Now, quit looking so sad Usako. I will only be gone for a few years, but I promise that I will come back every once and awhile for holidays and breaks."
[Love wasn't much of a friend of mine]
"I realize that Mamo-chan, but even a few months away from you is agony. How will I last all those years with only seeing you once in awhile?"
He flinched as he heard the distance in my voice. I didn't mean to be this sad, but the love of my life is leaving me. Crossing over to me, he took me in his arms and kissed me one last time.
"I have to go Usako. They are calling my flight number."
Looking up at him, I drew him closer one last time, before letting him walk out of my life for some time. I watched him board the plane, and then watched the plane until it was out of sight. Sinking into the chair, I hardly noticed as three boys streaked pass me, hurrying for the nearest exit. Little did I know that the one boy with long black hair would play a major role in my life.}
[The tables have turned, yeah]
*Oh Seiya, why have you really returned? You couldn't possibly believe that things would have changed since the last time. You know that I am not alone anymore*
['Cause me and them ways have parted]
I stared at my room and watched as things went blurry. Shaking my head, I was surprised to see myself crying.
*You can't believe that I haven't broken up with him. I love Mamo-chan*
[That kind of love was the killin' kind]
Jumping from the bed, I ran into my bathroom just in time to reach the toilet before losing my dinner.
*Why am I reacting this way*
Sitting there, I waited until the wave of nausea left me. Getting up on shaky legs, I stumbled to my bed and climbed in, hoping for sleep. Unfortunately, my thoughts didn't agree with what my body wanted. I looked at the wall as memories from the past flooded my head.
{I sat in my school desk crying because another morning came without any word from Mamoru. Minako looked at me questionably, but didn't bother asking me what was wrong for she knew that I wouldn't explain. I sighed as I looked at the teacher, hoping that class would spare me from despair. That was when I first saw him. The guy that made me wonder if the future was something for me to hold onto.
[All I want is someone I can't resist]
He just walked into the room, knowing that every girl was staring at him, drooling. Out of everyone, he decided to sit next to me. Me! Err, I was always dealing with these cocky morons. He smiled at me, nodding his head, acknowledging my presence. Right away I knew that he wanted me as his prize. Little did I know that I was waiting for the right person to challenge my relationship with Mamoru. Are we set in stone like the future says? Could Seiya change the way that I thought of love?}
[I know all I need to know by the way that I got kissed]
I tossed in my bed for a few moments, trying to rid my impure thoughts of my Seiya.
*How could I have done those things to Mamoru. I had never wanted to be unfaithful before. What does Seiya have that brings out the worst in me*
[I was cryin' when I met you]
I buried my head into my pillow, silencing the sobs that raked through my body.
[Now I'm tryin to forget you]
*Go away Seiya. Go away*
[Your love is sweet misery]
I paced around my room, making bare spots on the worn in carpet. I just could not figure out why he was here.
*Seiya, I have changed since that time in the Ferris Wheel*
I could remember it clearly.
[I was cryin' just to get you]
{He took my to the park. I am hanging out with a popular, cute rock star and he chose me over all the other girls.
*Why me*
He escorted me to the nearest ride, the Ferris Wheel, and held open the door for me. I stepped in, knowing that what could happen in there might affect me for the rest of my life.
"Odango, what are you thinking about?"
His voice snapped me out of my daydream about Mamoru and into the reality of the world.
"It's nothing Seiya."
"I know you too well to know that it is nothing Usagi. Now what is bothering you?"
I shook my head, bothered that he wouldn't let it go.
"Seiya, if I wanted you to know, I would tell you."
Seiya looked surprised at my comment.
"Usa-ko, you know I would do…."
At that word, my head snapped around to him.
"Don't you dare call me that. You aren't my boyfriend Seiya, and you never will be. Why can't you accept the fact that I love someone else, and that I always will?"
After saying that I broke down in the seat and started to cry, unable to contain my frustration anymore. Seiya shifted slowly to where I was and put his arm around my shoulders, coaxing my head onto his shoulder. Unable to resist, I cried on his shoulder for what seemed like an eternity before the tears ran out. Seiya, noticing that I had become silent, lifted my chin slightly until we were eye level. Leaning down, he brushed his lips against mine to create one of the sweetest kisses I have ever had. Giving in, I opened my mouth to him and deepened the kiss further.
[Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you]
*Oh my gosh. What have I done*
[Do what you do-down on me]
I pushed Seiya away, just as I felt my body starting to go over the edge. He looked at me surprised at what happened, then smiled, coming down for more. I stopped him just before we made contact again. I scooted away as far as possible from him and stared at the scenery passing by.
[Now there's not even breathin' room]
"What's wrong Odango?"
*What did I just do? I have just crossed the line*
[Between pleasure and pain]
"I think you know what is wrong Seiya."
*I won't cry. I won't cry*
[Yeah you cry when *we fall in* love]
"Usagi, we just connected in a special way, something that we obviously both wanted. Now you are acting like it was wrong, when we both know that it wasn't!"
[Must be one and the same]
I looked over at him and before I could mentally react, I physically reacted by slapping him.
[It's down on me]
"Usagi, what was that for?"
I looked at him, partially ashamed of what I did, partially confused of what had happened, but mostly upset at the way he was handling it.
[Yeah, I got to tell you one thing, It's been on my mind]
"I am in love with Mamo-chan. Why can't you accept that? I don't want you to push yourself onto me anymore. I like you as a friend, but that will never change. I appreciate your concern, but please, don't try to pursue me anymore."
[Boy* I gotta say, We're partners in crime]
"I don't know how I am going to explain all of this to Mamo-chan, if we I ever hear from him."
I shivered; thinking about the reaction that Mamoru was going to have after hearing my affair.
*What will he think? Will he still love me*
"Don't tell him Odango. Or at least don't tell him that you responded. Just tell him that I forced myself on you and then you whacked the heck out of my face afterwards for it."
Seiya smiled, and I could tell that it was a sad one. I knew that that kiss would always be in his mind. I kept staring at him, unable to break away.
*What is it about him*
[You got that certain something]
The ride slowed as we reached the bottom, and Seiya moved back into his respected seat, no longer looking at me. I wondered if now he was fully feeling the agony that I am going through.
"I'm sorry Seiya."
[What you gave* to me, Took* my breath away]
"Don't be sorry about it. I refuse to be. I know that I was doing what my heart told me to do and I don't regret it. I am just sorry that it had to end that way. See you later."
With that he walked away, leaving me standing there, watching as his form disappeared from site.}
[Now the word out on the street, Is the devil's in your kiss]
My hand traveled to my lips as I remembered the forbidden kiss that we shared.
*I never told Mamoru what happened that day. I couldn't face the thought of hurting him that much. It would have been my fault if would have never forgiven me*
[If our love goes up in flames]
I looked around the room, glancing over the pictures of Mamoru and me, my friends, and so on until I landed on the last picture on my shelf; the one of Seiya and me before they left to go home.
*Even as they were leaving, he was still very much in love with me. I always did wonder what would happen if he returned*
[It's a fire I can't resist]
I stopped pacing, and finally climbed into bed, hoping to get some rest before morning came. Glancing out the window I noticed my reflection on the glass, how my red eyes gave away the tears that had streaked down my face earlier that night.
[I was cryin' when I met you]
I shook my head, hoping to rid the thoughts of my kiss with Seiya, but to no avail.
[Now I'm tryin to forget you]
Pictures of Seiya kept running through my head every time I closed me eyes.
[Your love is sweet misery]
As I just lay here, I couldn't help wondering why I had done what I did. I could feel the tears start to come as I wondered why I went on the ride, why I did everything I did to keep Seiya's attention always on me.
[I was cryin' just to get you]
*Why did I cheat on Mamoru? Why with Seiya? Why was I so weak back then? Why can't I forgive myself*
[Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you]
I was taken back as the first lights of day started to dot the horizon.
*Is it morning already? Did I really spend all night thinking of Seiya*
[I was cryin' when I met you]
I looked out the window as the sun started to rise. Watching the colors appear into the darkness, I broke down as the tears racked my body once more.
*Why Seiya? Why*
[Now I'm tryin to forget you]
**************************************************************************** ****
Sorry that this chapter took me so long, and yet it really sucks. I am having problems with my muse. He has decided to leave me. This song is wonderful I just couldn't get my thoughts to run right. I am not putting up anymore chapters without some reviews. Sad thing is that I have lost all the song lyrics I was going to use, so now it is back to remembering what songs I wanted…Oh well…Please review. Anything is welcomed, even if it is flames! Flames could help me revise this chapter so that it flows better…. Ja ne