Belle slipped into a seat next to James in the library. "Hello."
He looked up from what he had obviously been concentrating on. He sort of scowled at the interruption, but then he smiled. "Oh, hi, Belle."
"What are you doing?" She asked, tilting her head to read what was on the parchment. He tried to cover it up with his hand, but she saw what was written on it anyway. "Squiggle?"
James sighed. "You know that girl we were talking about at breakfast yesterday?"
Belle nodded. "Yeah, Lily Evans. What about her?"
"You know the girl that I told you about at King's Cross? The one I miss so much?" Belle nodded once again. "Those two girls are one and the same."
"Oh, James.." Belle murmured. "I'm sorry. You must have gone through horrible heartache."
In a way, Belle was apologizing for herself and for Lily. But then, she was both of those people.
"Well, I thought I had gotten over it, you know? I mean, I even became quite the ladies' man around here.. But then.. I just can't forget her, you know? Nobody can forget her." James looked back down on his paper. "And now, I'm trying to tell her that. In a letter."
"Squiggle?" Belle sort of looked worried. "Yes. That will tell her she's absolutely unforgettable."
"Yeah, I know." James sounded sad.
"I could help, you know? I mean, not give you the exact words to say, but trigger a little something in that brilliant mind of yours." Belle gave him a small hug.
James sort of grinned at her sadly. "Thanks."
"Now then, it was obvious you missed her at breakfast yesterday. So tell her about how the conversation came about, and what fun people had remembering her and how much they missed her- How much you miss her.. Tell her about when you think of her, what makes you think of her, what makes you say, 'Well, that would have been something Lily would do, or Lily would say or Lily would buy..' It doesn't have to be in any particular order, James.. Just tell her." Belle gave him another small hug before getting up. "You don't seem like a guy who can't express himself well."
"The thing is, I'm great at expressing my emotions.." James said, looking off at the floor.
Belle stooped to meet his gaze. "Then just do it."
James got a new sheet of paper out and actually pulled out a Muggle pen, with ink of shining robin's egg blue. It was one of his favorite colors and that was why it was his favorite pen.
Dear Lily,
God, do you know how long it's taken me to realize this is the first thing I should have done? The only thing I should have done? The hardest thing I've ever done...
Two evenings later, Sirius noticed an owl tapping at Lily's window. They had just been discussing something rather interesting.
"Only call me Lily when you know no one else is around, okay? Otherwise, I'm Belle." She had been saying. "Sirius? Hello? Sirius, are you paying attention?"
"There's a tapping at the window." Sirius narrowed his eyes and headed over to the window, opening it up to reveal (A/N: Ah-ha!) an owl.
"What is it, Sirius?" Lily looked up from painting her toenails robin's egg blue. It was one of her favorite colors.
"A letter." Sirius flopped onto the bed, and Lily screamed at him (but fixed the mess-up in her manicure with a spell). He handed her the letter, and she dried her toenails really quick and flopped onto her back, bending her knees and beginning to read aloud. But after the first word left her lips, she read silently to herself.
Dear Lily,
God, do you know how long it's taken me to realize this is the first thing I should have done? The only thing I should have done? The hardest thing I've ever done...
I imagine you're sitting back in a black iron chair, reading this letter with your sunglasses on, sitting outside in the sunshine at a Parisian café, sipping a white mug of coffee (mocha berry, of course) while you laugh at my words. But don't laugh. Even though I am here, in the Hogwarts library, bent over a table and pouring my heart out when I should be doing Charms, I can still feel the pain.
Well.. I can only suppose that you are sitting in the sunshine, rather I can only dream you are sitting in the sunshine. You always looked so pretty in natural light—But, that is not the point. I'm happy that we aren't Muggles, else this letter would never find you. As painful as it is to write it, I need to tell you.
The point? You'll find it out hopefully by the time I sign my name, or at least, maybe I will. There's a new girl, Belle, in Gryffindor, French.. Resembles you a bit, actually, she resembles you a lot. We came to discussing Zahn Michaels and Severus Snape's engagement (yes, Lily.. They ARE engaged. Jealous? I can hear you scowling. I didn't think you were, I just wanted to chuckle at what a suppose is your reaction), and she seemed horrified that people would commit so young in life. And then, the subject turned to Snape's proposal to you. And then, the conversation turned to being completely about you. While I might have contributed a fond memory or two, it only gave me a faraway look in my eyes, and all I thought about was you.
Later that very same day, my thoughts through my time with you ended up on that horrible day after Christmas. The day you left us. And, you know, I've always sort of blamed myself for your leaving.. And I suppose it was my fault. I asked Sirius if he considered me the reason you left, and he only shook his head and told me you ran away from your problems and the only thing that I did wrong was not to chase after you.
But that is not something that's so simple. I should have chased after you, but I suppose now that if I had, I would have pushed you further away. Am I right?
Well, you've driven me so insane that the only word that I could write down when I decided to write this letter was 'Squiggle'. Think. 'Squiggle'. It does sound sort of funny, doesn't it?
And then Belle came along. And this is exactly how she advised me.
Now then, it was obvious you missed her at breakfast yesterday. So tell her about how the conversation came about, and what fun people had remembering her and how much they missed her- How much you miss her.. Tell her about when you think of her, what makes you think of her, what makes you say, 'Well, that would have been something Lily would do, or Lily would say or Lily would buy..' It doesn't have to be in any particular order, James.. Just tell her.
Do you want to tell you how sad Sirius looks nowadays? Well, with Belle here.. Never mind. I miss you. I miss you more than you will ever know. It's been nine god damn months since I've seen you, even more than that. And I can't stand it.
I think about you whenever I turn around. You know why? You were so full of life- I imagine you still are- I spent a total of five years with you, and everything, everything and anything can relate to you now because either it came up in a conversation with you, or we played with it together, or I was looking at something while thinking of you, or the fact that your sense of style has always been all the rage- Elegant and simple and such. And you were so funny. When anybody even attempts to imitate your wit, I think of you.
It's been nine god damn months, Lily. I can't stand it. At all. At least write to me. Tell me what is going on, be the same Lily that I remember and that I long for. Be the same Lily that nobody can forget, most of all, me. Please, please. Let the heartbreak cease, and at least tell me you're happy. I may be miserable thinking that something, or rather, someone, has been the source of your happiness that wasn't me, but I will be happy somewhere, knowing that in some place, Lily is happy.
Love Forever and Always,
Yours Sincerely,
James Potter
Lily finished the letter with a sniffle, a gulp, a sob and a sigh. "Why does he have to be so god damn romantic?"
Sirius grabbed the letter from her hands and began reading it madly. Lily gasped and went to find some paper and a pen. Her favorite, a common, Muggle fountain pen in robin's egg blue.
While Sirius was reading, his brow wrinkling, Lily was writing a letter of her own.
The two mornings later, Saturday morning, Sirius was shaken awake by James himself.
"It's here! It's here!" He shouted, awaking Remus too. He ran out of the room in only his boxers and was shouting, "It's here, it's here!"
"What's here?" Tad Lowe asked sleepily, as all the residents of Gryffindor tower (excluding McGonagall, who had learned long ago with the Marauders around, sound-proofing the Common Room was the only way to get some sleep. However, the stairs were somewhat part of the Common Room and noise seeped through the cracks between the doors and the floor).
"A letter from Lily!" James announced, straightening the paper and holding it high over his head.
"LILY?" Remus grabbed the letter from James, and Belle grabbed it back.
"YOUR Lily?" She seemed surprised.
"I followed your advice, Belle, and she replied!" James exclaimed.
"Well?!?!? Are you going to read it or what?" She demanded.
Belle took a gasp at herself. She had been glaring at him demandingly, and then she noticed. He was only wearing a pair of black, silky boxer shorts.. And he looked scrumptious---
"I don't think she would appreciate it--.." He began, but Sirius interrupted.
"Oh, come off it, James. We're going to find out, anyway."
"Fine, fine."
Dear James,
I am glad you decided to write to me, otherwise, I wouldn't have the courage to contact home. Though I cannot promise you that everything in this letter is the honest truth, I can promise you that the emotions you feel are honestly what I meant to put in this letter.
Yes, I do miss everyone incredibly. Everyone in France is so haughty, except for a few of the girls in my year, and it figures that she left for England. I believe she is your very own Belle, but she does not know that I am Lily Evans. Ask her about a Lillian Potter. Yes, I can see you smirking confidently in the Common Room, our friends surrounding you. But, you're right. I am running from my problems, and that is simply my code name through my recovery.
I particularly miss our closest friends- The Marauders, the Ravenclaw friends.. And, this is horribly hard to write, and though under any other circumstances, I would never, never, never, ever.. Okay, you get the point. Under any other circumstance, I will never admit this verbally. I miss you too.
Your letter shook me, James. I'll tell you that. I gulped, I cried, I sniffled a bit, and I finally admitted to myself that running wasn't the answer. It won't stop me from running, but maybe, just maybe, I'll come home. But don't get your hopes up now- It'll take me a while to get over it.
As I said, I miss you all terribly and it made me so happy to know you all remember me so fondly. And I knew Zahn Michaels couldn't keep her hands off my man!! (I can hear Remus fainting, try a little peppermint under his nose; it makes him sneeze.)
Squiggle, eh? Well, my darling little Squiggle, I hope to make you wait a total of three hundred and sixty three days before you'll see me in my true form again, but until then, we wait. And we write. Tell me of Hogwarts, it might keep me alive under my princess smile.
So Many Kisses You've Got My Lip Gloss On , It Looks Rather Good, Actually,
Lily
"What's this about a Squiggle?" Remus demanded as he got up (Ronan revived him with the bit of peppermint).
Belle and James laughed.
"That's all he could write in his apparently earth-shaking letter." Belle winked at him before turning back around and going upstairs. She shouted over her shoulder. "Nice going, Romeo. You'll have her back by Christmas Eve."
James was glad she had done the math, because he was too shocked to believe it.