On the desert planet of Canatooine…
"Edge Detoo, where are you going?" Christianpio asked his counterpart as he started rolling a new directions. "My life scans show that there are significant amounts of life in this direction!"
The little unit started beeping and continued on its way.
"I don't want to hear about you're totally bogus mission anymore," Christianpio said. "I'm heading toward people."
Edge Detoo beeped sadly, nevertheless continuing on his way. Christianpio turned for a moment, dismayed to see the unit still going in the opposite direction. "Well, you'll regret it when you end up ripped into tiny little pieces."
*
"What do you mean an escape pod was released?" Darth Taker asked the captain standing right in front of him.
"It landed on Canatooine," the captain said, unconsciously shying away from the seven-foot man in front of him.
"Damn you all," Taker said. "You should all be reported to the emperor."
"I'm sorry sir," the captain said.
"Well you should be," Taker said. "Get a shuttle ready and a small battalion of MinistryTroopers ready to go see if there was anything in the pod."
"But Lord Taker, there were no signs of life on the pod," the captain said.
Taker looked at the captain. His voice filled with disgust, he said, "Have you ever heard of droids you damn fool?"
The captain looked down at his feet, feeling ashamed. "Sorry sir."
*
Edge Detoo rolled along, whistling to keep himself company. He surveyed the canyon he was about to enter, knowing in his microchip that he wasn't safe.
He shrieked out in shock as he was attacked from behind.
*
"Well I never," Christianpio said as he was herded into the huge monstrosity that the little ring traders seemed to think was transportation.
One of the ring traders prodded Christianpio with an electric prod and Christianpio quickly scurried up the ramp, only to run into a smaller droid. He looked down and exclaimed, "Edge Detoo?"
The little machine let out a series of beeps. "Oh I think it reeks of awesomeness too Edge!"
The machine let out another series of beeps. "I don't know where we're going. Hopefully somewhere where they will let me get myself clean. I know all of this sand totally scrapes the bottom of the barrel of sucktitude."
*
"There were droids in here sir," a MinistryTrooper said, looking up at Lord Taker.
"Tell me something I didn't already sense," Taker said. "Well, where did the droids go to?"
"Their paths split here," another Trooper yelled from a distance away.
"Okay, you all go that way," Taker said as he hopped onto a hog-speeder. "I'll follow the other tracks.
*
"Shane!" a pretty blond woman called after the young man with short brown hair that had just left the shelter of his home.
"Yeah Aunt Molly?" Shane asked, turning back to the woman who had raised him as a her own son.
"Remind Uncle Kurt that we need a droid that speaks airheadish," Molly said.
"Okay," Shane said, nodding as he jogged over to where his uncle was negotiating with a ring trader.
"How does that gold one look?" Kurt asked his nephew. He trusted Shane to make decisions, he just seemed to have a way of always making good ones.
"Fine," Shane said, "does he speak airheadish?"
"I most certainly do," Christianpio answered quickly. The little house didn't look so bad. It wasn't some of the palaces he had been to as a diplomatic droid, but it looked quiet, which would be nice. "I speak over 6 million different kinds of gibberish."
"He'll do," Shane called over to Kurt.
"Great," Kurt said. He turned back towards the trader. "We'll take that one and the red one. Shane, can you go get those cleaned up?"
"I was going to go into Cheap Popcity and buy some parts for my speeder!" Shane protested.
"You can work on your speeder any day Shane," Kurt said. "The droids need to be cleaned and I still need to finish out the storeroom."
"Fine," Shane muttered. He looked disdainfully at the droids. "Come on."
Christianpio and the red droid started following Shane toward the house when the red unit started to short-circuit. "Uncle Kurt! This droid is a piece of junk!"
"Hey!" Kurt exclaimed. "Are you guys trying to cheat us?"
"No, no!" the trader exclaimed. "Pick another one!"
"Okay," Kurt said.
"I've worked with that blue one before," Christianpio said to Shane. "He's a competent little reekazoid."
"Okay," Shane said. "Uncle Kurt, how about the blue one?"
"That's fine," Kurt said.
Edge Detoo beeped gratefully to Christianpio as they followed Shane back to the workstation in the Lars' home. "Well, it's the last time I ever save your ass," Christianpio said, secretly glad he was able to help his friend.
*
"So, how's life on Canatooine?" Christianpio asked as he was dipped into a simmering vat of oil. "That feels so wonderful!"
"Canatooine is about as boring as boring can get," Shane said, trying to scale some of the grime off of Edge Detoo. "Something is stuck on this little droid."
Suddenly a beam of light streamed out of the droid and Shane jumped back in shock. In the beam of light he saw a beautiful woman, adorned in white. "She's gorgeous."
"Who is she Edge?" Christianpio asked.
"Yeah, she's saying something," Shane said. "Can you turn up the volume Edge Detoo."
The little droid complied and the woman in the beam said, "Help me Hardy Matt Kenobi, you're our only hope."
"Is there more?" Shane asked.
Edge beeped and Christianpio groaned. "He says that he is the property of some reekazoid named Hardy Matt Kenobi. And the rest of the message can only be heard by him."
"Hardy Matt Kenobi?" Shane asked. "I wonder if he means Old Matt Kenobi."
"Whom Master Skywalker?" Christianpio asked.
"It's Shane," Shane said.
"Okay Master Shane," Christiapio said.
"No, no," Shane chuckled. "Just Shane."
"Well, okay," Christianpio said.
"Old Matt is a hermit who lives way out in the desert," Shane said. "He's been around since before I was born I think."
Edge Detoo began beeping again and Christianpio listened. "What did he say?"
"He says he may be able to show the rest of the message if you take off his restraining turnbuckle," Christianpio said.
Shane leaned over and knocked the small metal turnbuckle off of the unit and the beam of light disappeared. "Hey!" Shane exclaimed.
The unit beeped and Christianpio said, "You little reekazoid, Shane is your master now!"
"What?" Shane asked.
"He says that the recording has disappeared from his memory banks," Christianpio said.
"Damn," Shane said. "Well, I've got to go to dinner. I'll deal with you two later."
"You must play that message for Master Shane," Christianpio said to Edge Detoo. Edge beeped at Christianpio. "No, I don't think he likes you."
Edge Detoo emitted another series of beeps. "I don't like you either."
Edge let out a sad beep.
"Edge Detoo, where are you going?" Christianpio asked his counterpart as he started rolling a new directions. "My life scans show that there are significant amounts of life in this direction!"
The little unit started beeping and continued on its way.
"I don't want to hear about you're totally bogus mission anymore," Christianpio said. "I'm heading toward people."
Edge Detoo beeped sadly, nevertheless continuing on his way. Christianpio turned for a moment, dismayed to see the unit still going in the opposite direction. "Well, you'll regret it when you end up ripped into tiny little pieces."
*
"What do you mean an escape pod was released?" Darth Taker asked the captain standing right in front of him.
"It landed on Canatooine," the captain said, unconsciously shying away from the seven-foot man in front of him.
"Damn you all," Taker said. "You should all be reported to the emperor."
"I'm sorry sir," the captain said.
"Well you should be," Taker said. "Get a shuttle ready and a small battalion of MinistryTroopers ready to go see if there was anything in the pod."
"But Lord Taker, there were no signs of life on the pod," the captain said.
Taker looked at the captain. His voice filled with disgust, he said, "Have you ever heard of droids you damn fool?"
The captain looked down at his feet, feeling ashamed. "Sorry sir."
*
Edge Detoo rolled along, whistling to keep himself company. He surveyed the canyon he was about to enter, knowing in his microchip that he wasn't safe.
He shrieked out in shock as he was attacked from behind.
*
"Well I never," Christianpio said as he was herded into the huge monstrosity that the little ring traders seemed to think was transportation.
One of the ring traders prodded Christianpio with an electric prod and Christianpio quickly scurried up the ramp, only to run into a smaller droid. He looked down and exclaimed, "Edge Detoo?"
The little machine let out a series of beeps. "Oh I think it reeks of awesomeness too Edge!"
The machine let out another series of beeps. "I don't know where we're going. Hopefully somewhere where they will let me get myself clean. I know all of this sand totally scrapes the bottom of the barrel of sucktitude."
*
"There were droids in here sir," a MinistryTrooper said, looking up at Lord Taker.
"Tell me something I didn't already sense," Taker said. "Well, where did the droids go to?"
"Their paths split here," another Trooper yelled from a distance away.
"Okay, you all go that way," Taker said as he hopped onto a hog-speeder. "I'll follow the other tracks.
*
"Shane!" a pretty blond woman called after the young man with short brown hair that had just left the shelter of his home.
"Yeah Aunt Molly?" Shane asked, turning back to the woman who had raised him as a her own son.
"Remind Uncle Kurt that we need a droid that speaks airheadish," Molly said.
"Okay," Shane said, nodding as he jogged over to where his uncle was negotiating with a ring trader.
"How does that gold one look?" Kurt asked his nephew. He trusted Shane to make decisions, he just seemed to have a way of always making good ones.
"Fine," Shane said, "does he speak airheadish?"
"I most certainly do," Christianpio answered quickly. The little house didn't look so bad. It wasn't some of the palaces he had been to as a diplomatic droid, but it looked quiet, which would be nice. "I speak over 6 million different kinds of gibberish."
"He'll do," Shane called over to Kurt.
"Great," Kurt said. He turned back towards the trader. "We'll take that one and the red one. Shane, can you go get those cleaned up?"
"I was going to go into Cheap Popcity and buy some parts for my speeder!" Shane protested.
"You can work on your speeder any day Shane," Kurt said. "The droids need to be cleaned and I still need to finish out the storeroom."
"Fine," Shane muttered. He looked disdainfully at the droids. "Come on."
Christianpio and the red droid started following Shane toward the house when the red unit started to short-circuit. "Uncle Kurt! This droid is a piece of junk!"
"Hey!" Kurt exclaimed. "Are you guys trying to cheat us?"
"No, no!" the trader exclaimed. "Pick another one!"
"Okay," Kurt said.
"I've worked with that blue one before," Christianpio said to Shane. "He's a competent little reekazoid."
"Okay," Shane said. "Uncle Kurt, how about the blue one?"
"That's fine," Kurt said.
Edge Detoo beeped gratefully to Christianpio as they followed Shane back to the workstation in the Lars' home. "Well, it's the last time I ever save your ass," Christianpio said, secretly glad he was able to help his friend.
*
"So, how's life on Canatooine?" Christianpio asked as he was dipped into a simmering vat of oil. "That feels so wonderful!"
"Canatooine is about as boring as boring can get," Shane said, trying to scale some of the grime off of Edge Detoo. "Something is stuck on this little droid."
Suddenly a beam of light streamed out of the droid and Shane jumped back in shock. In the beam of light he saw a beautiful woman, adorned in white. "She's gorgeous."
"Who is she Edge?" Christianpio asked.
"Yeah, she's saying something," Shane said. "Can you turn up the volume Edge Detoo."
The little droid complied and the woman in the beam said, "Help me Hardy Matt Kenobi, you're our only hope."
"Is there more?" Shane asked.
Edge beeped and Christianpio groaned. "He says that he is the property of some reekazoid named Hardy Matt Kenobi. And the rest of the message can only be heard by him."
"Hardy Matt Kenobi?" Shane asked. "I wonder if he means Old Matt Kenobi."
"Whom Master Skywalker?" Christianpio asked.
"It's Shane," Shane said.
"Okay Master Shane," Christiapio said.
"No, no," Shane chuckled. "Just Shane."
"Well, okay," Christianpio said.
"Old Matt is a hermit who lives way out in the desert," Shane said. "He's been around since before I was born I think."
Edge Detoo began beeping again and Christianpio listened. "What did he say?"
"He says he may be able to show the rest of the message if you take off his restraining turnbuckle," Christianpio said.
Shane leaned over and knocked the small metal turnbuckle off of the unit and the beam of light disappeared. "Hey!" Shane exclaimed.
The unit beeped and Christianpio said, "You little reekazoid, Shane is your master now!"
"What?" Shane asked.
"He says that the recording has disappeared from his memory banks," Christianpio said.
"Damn," Shane said. "Well, I've got to go to dinner. I'll deal with you two later."
"You must play that message for Master Shane," Christianpio said to Edge Detoo. Edge beeped at Christianpio. "No, I don't think he likes you."
Edge Detoo emitted another series of beeps. "I don't like you either."
Edge let out a sad beep.