Hansel and Gretel aka:Yahiko and Tsubame
Yet another of my screwy Kenshin fairytales. This sparks from me finding my old Stories That Never Grow Old book. Typical disclaimer:Not my characters,OOC characters, slight yaoi and just plain silliness. Don't yell at me over a character of yours doing something you don't like. It wastes your time and mine.
Deep in the forrest lived a family, a patriarch run by the father, a woodcutter. The father was very much in love with his 'wife'. The couple had two lovely little children a slightly older boy and a quiet younger girl. The boy had spikey black hair and bronze skin,like the mother, was called Yahikosel. The girl had short silky black hair with bangs and a soft face with innocence painted into her eyes, her name was Tsubametel.
Their father was a tall strong man, but not a rich man. Even so, the family lived happily. The two children would play outside merrily, the boy teasing the girl with bugs and rats. While the parents, *ahem* played with each other. In fact, the couple 'played' so much with each other that they were having a hard time concealing it from their children.
"Hey hot stuff" Saitou-papa would say, as he slid his hand up Sano-mama's apron."Why don't you put away that mop and you and me can.." "HEY DAAAAD!!!!! THERE'S A SNAKE IN THE YARD!!!! IT LOOKS POISONOUS!!!!" "Errgrhhh..."
This scenario happened a lot. "My my. Chopping wood again. It seems you're all sweaty. Maybe you'd like to take a break and start up a different sort of sweat" Sano-mama would say as he ran his hands along Saitou-papa's chest. "MOOOOOMMMYYYYY!!! YAHIKOSEL IS POKING ME WITH THE STICK AGAIN!!!" "Oh for the love of god...."
The children were driving the parent's stark raving mad. So, Sano-mama, not always the brightest parental unit in the world, suggested that Saitou-papa take the two into the woods for a while. Where they would stay for a good, half hour, hour or so. This done the two parent's could get down to what they've been trying to do for God knows how long now. Saitou-papa, obviously slightly losing it from lack of lovin's agreed. So the brilliant parents discussed how they would go about this plan.
Sano-mama packed the two a lunch each, filled with fruits and breads and a jar of apple juice for the two of them. Then Saitou-papa took the two into the woods. Tsubametel ate a few of the berries in her lunch as they walked, but Yahikosel, always a suspicious one, crumbled up one of his loaves of bread and left a trail of crumbs from the house to where Saitou-papa finally came to a stop deep in the woods. Saitou-papa, who was quite distracted with his mind elsewhere, like, just HOW he would take his rooster head when he got home, against a wall, on the floor, in the closet,eh...where was I? "Now you kids stay here a while and pick some berries from these bushes, and bring...'e..."Saitou-papa trailed off as he started to shuffle his way back home as fast as he could without running.
The two children looked around in the bushes for berries, of course there were none, but they decided that they wouldn't stray too far from where they were. At least for now. Around noon they sat down to eat their lunch. Tsubametel was getting a little nervous. "Yahikosel....where's Papa?" "I'll tell you where he is!"barked the boy,"He's off with Ma...." The boy stared at his little sister's innocent face that looked curiously back. He thought maybe it's best not to tell her just yet. Instead he opted to say soothing words. "Don't worry, he should be back soon." Tsubametel was about to cry, she was getting ever so slightly cold. Yahikosel gave her his over coat and patted her shoulder grinning deviously. "Hey cheer up! I had a brilliant plan before we left."
He pulled Tsubametel up from the ground and showed her the trail of crumbs he left. The trail however only went about two feet when they found pidgeons and rats eating the bread. "Ah well HELL!" Yahikosel shouted.
Tsubametel, who I'm afraid is quite easily amused, saw a white dove. She squealed with delight."KYAA!!! Big brother! Look! A pretty bird!" Yahikosel turned and saw the bird and crowed out "COOL!! Let's catch it and keep it as a pet." The bird thought to itself 'Oh yeah right kids, just fucking try it you wanks. I got something for ya' and the bird took flight deeper into the forrest.
The children followed the bird over creek and fallen tree till they came to a clearing. In the middle of the clearing was a medium sized house. Not an ordinary house at all though. It was made OF CANDY!!! A rivulet of drool fell from both Tsubametel and Yahikosel. One thing they loved about Sano-mama best is that he would ALWAYS give them candy. So they developed a horribly strong sweet tooth. The kids ran up to the house and peeled off peice after peice.
"WAA!! The posts are made of candy cane!!"squealed the girl"And the plaster is actually CHOCOLATE!"squealed the boy."AAAH!! Hard Candy windows!"squeaked the girl"AND SOUR SILLS!!"slurped the boy as he licked the window sill. The children were chewing away at the walls like two rats. When the Licorice door swung open.
Out stepped a short red headed man, dressed in a long robe jacket and kimono and hakama. He grinned at the children who hadn't noticed him yet. "AArara...Such lovely children. So beautiful the two of you are." The kids whipped their heads around looking at the redhead in the doorway. "Aheheh How do you do, I'm Himura Kenshin. I own this house. I can only guess that the two of you are hungry, being that you're eating away at my lovely house. Why not come inside, I'll feed you a good meal. Then I can help you get back to your home." "How did you know we were lost?" Yahikosel inquired. "Oh hoho...I know lots of things Yahikosel."
The two were obviously uncertain about going in, this mistrust they got from their father, yet the kids went in the house anyway. The idiocy they gained from their mother.
Back at their home Sano-mama pulled Saitou-papa's face off of his and had a horrible realization. "Jime! Where're the kids!?" "Oh well God DAMMIT!!".
Kenshin set down two bountiful plates of dinner for the children. He smiled a pleasent smile at them as they began to wolf,like their papa, down the food. His eyes suddenly flashed and slanted. Tsubametel flipped her head up to look at him. Kenshin's eyes quickly returned to normal. She went back to eating her food.
When the children had finished their meal they were sleepy. Very very sleepy. Kenshin put his hands to his cheeks,"Why my goodness! You two are exhausted! Please, come sleep here on these beds. They're very soft and made of foul down feathers. It's like sleeping on a cloud." The sleepy children hardly put up an argument. They trudged their weary bodies to the beds and falling instantly asleep as they hit the bed.
In the middle of the night Tsubametel woke, needing to use the little girls room. Being the princess she was, she only slowly fluttered her eyes open. Slitting them close so that only a sliver of her eyes were open she watched as Kenshin lifted Yahikosel from the bed and carried him into the kitchen. Yahikosel was deep asleep. Nothing ever woke him except for when Saitou-papa would tip the bed over and hold his nose shut. When Kenshin had left the room Tsubametel got up from the bed.
Tiptoeing her way to the kitchen door she cracked it open silently and only so a thin slit was open. She looked in as Kenshin was heating up the stove. Yahikosel asleep in a cage that was hanging by a rope from the ceiling. Tsubametel was furious! She grabbed a broom that leaned against the corner. She unscrewed the bristle part from the pole. Taking the pole into her left hand she kicked the door open. Marching into the room and yelling at the top of her tiny lungs "AKU SOKU ZAN!" She fell into a pose she'd seen her father do many times. She had her legs shoulder width apart, right hand slightly on the pole and left hand holding the pole parrellel to her chest.
Kenshin whacked his head on the top of the oven as he stood up. His eyes swirled and an "Oro ro" slipped out of his lips. Tsubametel took this moronic accident as a chance to execute her move. "GA TO TSU!!! ICHI SHIKI!" With lightening speed she thrust the pole into Kenshin's gut knocking him into the oven. "HEY NOW! WHAT THE HE-" Tsubametel shut the oven door and shoved the pole down through the handle so that it locked shut. "OW OWOWOWOW ITS SO HOT! GAAH I'M GONNA BE LIKE SHISHIO!! BUWAAAAHH!!"
Tsubametel ignored the cries of the Battousai and grabbed a kitchen knife. She threw the knife like a kunai and sliced the rope in half, sending the cage plummeting to the ground. The cage smashed on impact waking the sleeping boy. "What!? What the hell happened?!" "The redheadman was trying to eat us you goon. I had to save our tails. You should be thankful. Oh but, hold on a sec I still have to pee."
When Tsubametel had finished using the ladies room, she and Yahikotel left the house. Once outside the house it magically disappeared. "Well that was a queer experience."Yahikosel declared. They began to walk back towards the woods, thinking maybe they could find that little small clearing where they could supposedly find their way back home from there. They didn't have to of course. They were maybe five feet into the forrest when they heard they're Sano-mama calling for them. They called back and the calling stopped. It was replaced with the sounds of storming running and trees and bushes being torn from the roots out of the way. "YAAAHIIIIIKOOOOSEL!!! TSUBAAAMMEEETEEEEL!!!"
The teary eyed rooster glomped his children and smothered them with kisses. Their father slowly walking behind smoking a cigarette. The young boy stood up with his shoulders back and his elbows out to the side. He marched upto his father and kicked him in the shin. Of course it didn't hurt the wolf but still. It shocked him. "This whole thing was your fault cause you can't control your DAMN libido! Because of you and Mommy we were almost eaten by a red headed WITCH!" "Witch?" "UWAAAAHH MY BABIES!!" "How did you get away from the witch?" "I...I...well actually I don't know. I woke up from my sleep when the cage crashed to the floor and Tsubametel let me out." Saitou-papa and Sano-mama both chimed in at once"TSUBAMETEL!?" Sano-mama"What happened to the witch Tsubametel?"
Tsubametel tilted her head slightly down and put a finger to her lips. An innocent lie. "Why, I don't know Mama. I guess he just disappeared."
~~~~
WAIII!!! Isn't Tsubame cool in this story!?!
Sano:I object to being such a wuss in this story!
You weren't a wuss! You were a mommy!
Sano:thats a problem with the story all in itself
oh shut up sano
REVIEW ME PLEEEEASE!!