Lara stared at Hillary, her Hillary, dead on the windowsill. He had
deep grooves in his neck, where, Lara supposed, he had been strangled. By
what?
"Lara, I..." Alex voice cracked.
"No. No." Lara whispered. She stared at Hillary for one more moment. Their eyes met for a moment, and then Lara cried out. She ran out of the room and back to her bedroom, throwing herself on the bed.
"No! NO! NO!!" She screamed, sobbing. "He can't! He can't! He...I...no! Please, Please, Please, Please..." The words stuck in Lara's throat to create one mournful wail.
"Dead." the voice whispered. "Dead, dead, dead."
"Go away." Lara wailed.
"Dead as a dodo. My, he's dead, oh so dead, very, very...dead."
"Shut up!!!" Lara screamed, flinging her pillow around. The voice laughed.
"What's the matter, Lara, upset?"
"Leave me alone!"
"You don't want to be on your own."
"Go away! I hate you! I HATE you!" she sobbed. "You did this!"
"No, you did." the voice replied quietly.
"Wh-what?" Lara sat up, almost calm again,
"You upset him, Lara. Perhaps he agreed with you. Perhaps he thought his life was sad. And who wants a sad life?"
"No!" Lara whispered.
"Yes, Lara. You drove him to death."
"I didn't. I DIDN'T!" Lara banged her fists against the wall. "No! NO!"
"Oh, Lara." the voice sounded smug. "Always in denial."
"ShutupshutupshutupshutupSHUTUP!!!!!" Lara jumped up and began running round the room, screaming and crying.
"It's no use. You're a murderer."
"No!"
"Murderer, Murderer, Murderer." the voice chanted.
"I...I..." Lara's head was swimming. "I wouldn't."
"Oh, you would, Lara. You would."
At this point, Lara fainted.
*****
"Lara? Lara? Lara. Wake up."
"Alex?"
Lara opened her eyes, and stared up at Alex, his face concerned, his eyes red. Pimms and Bryce were behind him.
"Are you alright?" Alex asked her. She sniffed.
"I..." Lara closed her eyes.
"I know, I know." Alex stroked her forehead, gently. "Stupid question."
"Oh, Alex!" Lara suddenly sat up and hugged him. "I...I..." she started weeping again.
"It's okay, Lara." Alex hugged her back then helped her to her feet. "I called the police, and the ambulance."
"What...are they here?" Lara asked.
"No. They've taken the body for tests, and they're coming back tomorrow."
"At noon." Pimms added.
"Bloody hell, Lara." Bryce came forward and put an arm around her. "Are you okay?"
"Of course she isn't, you dope." Alex scowled at Bryce.
"Yeah." Bryce waved a hand at him. "Poor Lara. Poor Hillary."
"Yes. Poor, poor, Hillary." Lara whispered. "Do they know how he died?"
"They think it's suicide." Alex told her.
"But...there was nothing in the room that he could have killed himself with."
"They found a chain. Under his pillow."
Lara shook her head. This didn't make sense.
"How would he have had time to put it back..."
"The police don't know." Bryce said.
"That's why they're coming back tomorrow." Pimms explained.
"It's lunchtime, Lara." Alex said, softly. "Shall I fix something?"
"Please." Lara closed her eyes and allowed herself to be led downstairs.
*****
"Who wants tomatoes?" Alex called from the kitchen area.
"I will." Bryce replied.
"Er..No, thank you." Pimms said.
"Lara?" Alex asked. She sniffed.
"Yes, please, Alex."
"Okay." Alex continued cutting vegtables. "So, Lara, when are you going to show us the full excellence of Surry?"
"Oh, yeah, like she's really going to feel up to that." Bryce said sarcastically. Alex ignored him.
"You could show us the towns, and all the places of interest, and..."
"What a loser." the voice said.
"Maybe." Lara agreed. "See how I feel."
"I can show you my new bug, Pimms." Bryce said. "He can climb up things."
"Oh, well, yes, I'd like to see that." Pimms smiled, then, as if suddenly bitten, frowned. He nodded his head in apology to Lara, as if he was sorry for smiling when he should be grieving.
"Okay, lunch!" Alex brang over two plates and gave them to Bryce and Pimms, then fetched the other two plates for himself and Lara.
They ate lunch in silence. Lara stared at the empty chair on the end, the fifth chair. Hilly's chair. He always sat there, watching everyone eat, looking pleased and expectant. He had loved his simple life, his job at the mansion. Simply exsisting there was good enough for Hillary.
Once again, Lara felt tears prick her eyeslid. She wiped them away quickly, but Alex noticed.
"Lara..." he placed a hand on her arm.
"No." Lara shook his hand away. "It's okay."
But it wasn't okay. Her jacket potato stuck in her throat, and she couldn't taste properly. Her mouth wouldn't chew, her hands wouldn't hold the cutlery properly. She dropped a carrot, covered in cucumber down her top.
"Silly Lara." said the voice, only in Hillary's warm, caring voice. Lara gasped, and jumped up.
"Lara...?" Bryce gave her a worried look.
"I..." Lara backed away from the trio. "I have to go, now." she hurried out of the room, and up the stairs. Although she meant to go to her room, instead she went to Hillary's. Locking herself inside, Lara walked around. It was exactly how he left it. Clean and tidy. Books stacked in the bookcase, clothes folded neatly in his wardrobe...she went to his bed and picked up the picture he kept on his bedside table. A picture taken a few years ago, when it was just Hillary and Lara at the mansion. It was taken by a passer by when Lara and Hillary had gone to Bognour for the weekend, to relax on the beach. Hillary looked different in his shorts and sunglasses, but his face was the same old Hillary, same old loyal butler. Lara felt the tears streaming down her face, but she didn't stop them. Instead she lay down on the bed, head in the pillow. She could still smell Hillary on that pillow, the smell of the aftershave he used everyday. But it was fading. Lara grasped the pillow and thrust her face further into it. No, she couldn't get it, it was gone. Still, she had an idea. Standing up, she walked to the bathroom and rummaged through the shelves. Aha. Hillary's Lynx, the one she bought him this christmas. Lara took off the lid and sprayed. All over her body, her hair, her face...she inhaled deeply, but it wasn't enough, she had to keep going. The can ran out, but Lara couldn't stop here. Grabbing Hillary's shampoo, she smothered her hair in it...and when her hair was done, all over her body, on her clothes. Then for his toothpaste, squirting it straight into her mouth then brushing her teeth as well, using Hillary's toothbrush. His floss, his razor...she scraped at her face, imagining Hillary, shaving each morning, doing this. She wiped away the few trickles of blood caused by the razor, and found his aftershave. She rubbed this all over her too, everywhere she could reach on her body. It burnt on her cuts, but she didn't care, she was closer to Hillary than ever before. Hillary, Hillary...his face filled her mind as she staggered back into his room. She could hear banging on the door, and voices, but she didn't care. She was so close, nearly with him. Opening his wardrobe, Lara took a minute to stare at all the garments inside. Shirts, trousers, jackets...Lara flung herself in, and closed the doors. In complete darkness, and she could almost hear Hillary, almost *see* him...and then she knew it was impossible. And Lara fell into a deep, calm sleep.
"Lara, I..." Alex voice cracked.
"No. No." Lara whispered. She stared at Hillary for one more moment. Their eyes met for a moment, and then Lara cried out. She ran out of the room and back to her bedroom, throwing herself on the bed.
"No! NO! NO!!" She screamed, sobbing. "He can't! He can't! He...I...no! Please, Please, Please, Please..." The words stuck in Lara's throat to create one mournful wail.
"Dead." the voice whispered. "Dead, dead, dead."
"Go away." Lara wailed.
"Dead as a dodo. My, he's dead, oh so dead, very, very...dead."
"Shut up!!!" Lara screamed, flinging her pillow around. The voice laughed.
"What's the matter, Lara, upset?"
"Leave me alone!"
"You don't want to be on your own."
"Go away! I hate you! I HATE you!" she sobbed. "You did this!"
"No, you did." the voice replied quietly.
"Wh-what?" Lara sat up, almost calm again,
"You upset him, Lara. Perhaps he agreed with you. Perhaps he thought his life was sad. And who wants a sad life?"
"No!" Lara whispered.
"Yes, Lara. You drove him to death."
"I didn't. I DIDN'T!" Lara banged her fists against the wall. "No! NO!"
"Oh, Lara." the voice sounded smug. "Always in denial."
"ShutupshutupshutupshutupSHUTUP!!!!!" Lara jumped up and began running round the room, screaming and crying.
"It's no use. You're a murderer."
"No!"
"Murderer, Murderer, Murderer." the voice chanted.
"I...I..." Lara's head was swimming. "I wouldn't."
"Oh, you would, Lara. You would."
At this point, Lara fainted.
*****
"Lara? Lara? Lara. Wake up."
"Alex?"
Lara opened her eyes, and stared up at Alex, his face concerned, his eyes red. Pimms and Bryce were behind him.
"Are you alright?" Alex asked her. She sniffed.
"I..." Lara closed her eyes.
"I know, I know." Alex stroked her forehead, gently. "Stupid question."
"Oh, Alex!" Lara suddenly sat up and hugged him. "I...I..." she started weeping again.
"It's okay, Lara." Alex hugged her back then helped her to her feet. "I called the police, and the ambulance."
"What...are they here?" Lara asked.
"No. They've taken the body for tests, and they're coming back tomorrow."
"At noon." Pimms added.
"Bloody hell, Lara." Bryce came forward and put an arm around her. "Are you okay?"
"Of course she isn't, you dope." Alex scowled at Bryce.
"Yeah." Bryce waved a hand at him. "Poor Lara. Poor Hillary."
"Yes. Poor, poor, Hillary." Lara whispered. "Do they know how he died?"
"They think it's suicide." Alex told her.
"But...there was nothing in the room that he could have killed himself with."
"They found a chain. Under his pillow."
Lara shook her head. This didn't make sense.
"How would he have had time to put it back..."
"The police don't know." Bryce said.
"That's why they're coming back tomorrow." Pimms explained.
"It's lunchtime, Lara." Alex said, softly. "Shall I fix something?"
"Please." Lara closed her eyes and allowed herself to be led downstairs.
*****
"Who wants tomatoes?" Alex called from the kitchen area.
"I will." Bryce replied.
"Er..No, thank you." Pimms said.
"Lara?" Alex asked. She sniffed.
"Yes, please, Alex."
"Okay." Alex continued cutting vegtables. "So, Lara, when are you going to show us the full excellence of Surry?"
"Oh, yeah, like she's really going to feel up to that." Bryce said sarcastically. Alex ignored him.
"You could show us the towns, and all the places of interest, and..."
"What a loser." the voice said.
"Maybe." Lara agreed. "See how I feel."
"I can show you my new bug, Pimms." Bryce said. "He can climb up things."
"Oh, well, yes, I'd like to see that." Pimms smiled, then, as if suddenly bitten, frowned. He nodded his head in apology to Lara, as if he was sorry for smiling when he should be grieving.
"Okay, lunch!" Alex brang over two plates and gave them to Bryce and Pimms, then fetched the other two plates for himself and Lara.
They ate lunch in silence. Lara stared at the empty chair on the end, the fifth chair. Hilly's chair. He always sat there, watching everyone eat, looking pleased and expectant. He had loved his simple life, his job at the mansion. Simply exsisting there was good enough for Hillary.
Once again, Lara felt tears prick her eyeslid. She wiped them away quickly, but Alex noticed.
"Lara..." he placed a hand on her arm.
"No." Lara shook his hand away. "It's okay."
But it wasn't okay. Her jacket potato stuck in her throat, and she couldn't taste properly. Her mouth wouldn't chew, her hands wouldn't hold the cutlery properly. She dropped a carrot, covered in cucumber down her top.
"Silly Lara." said the voice, only in Hillary's warm, caring voice. Lara gasped, and jumped up.
"Lara...?" Bryce gave her a worried look.
"I..." Lara backed away from the trio. "I have to go, now." she hurried out of the room, and up the stairs. Although she meant to go to her room, instead she went to Hillary's. Locking herself inside, Lara walked around. It was exactly how he left it. Clean and tidy. Books stacked in the bookcase, clothes folded neatly in his wardrobe...she went to his bed and picked up the picture he kept on his bedside table. A picture taken a few years ago, when it was just Hillary and Lara at the mansion. It was taken by a passer by when Lara and Hillary had gone to Bognour for the weekend, to relax on the beach. Hillary looked different in his shorts and sunglasses, but his face was the same old Hillary, same old loyal butler. Lara felt the tears streaming down her face, but she didn't stop them. Instead she lay down on the bed, head in the pillow. She could still smell Hillary on that pillow, the smell of the aftershave he used everyday. But it was fading. Lara grasped the pillow and thrust her face further into it. No, she couldn't get it, it was gone. Still, she had an idea. Standing up, she walked to the bathroom and rummaged through the shelves. Aha. Hillary's Lynx, the one she bought him this christmas. Lara took off the lid and sprayed. All over her body, her hair, her face...she inhaled deeply, but it wasn't enough, she had to keep going. The can ran out, but Lara couldn't stop here. Grabbing Hillary's shampoo, she smothered her hair in it...and when her hair was done, all over her body, on her clothes. Then for his toothpaste, squirting it straight into her mouth then brushing her teeth as well, using Hillary's toothbrush. His floss, his razor...she scraped at her face, imagining Hillary, shaving each morning, doing this. She wiped away the few trickles of blood caused by the razor, and found his aftershave. She rubbed this all over her too, everywhere she could reach on her body. It burnt on her cuts, but she didn't care, she was closer to Hillary than ever before. Hillary, Hillary...his face filled her mind as she staggered back into his room. She could hear banging on the door, and voices, but she didn't care. She was so close, nearly with him. Opening his wardrobe, Lara took a minute to stare at all the garments inside. Shirts, trousers, jackets...Lara flung herself in, and closed the doors. In complete darkness, and she could almost hear Hillary, almost *see* him...and then she knew it was impossible. And Lara fell into a deep, calm sleep.