Have you ever thought about renting out your life?
No, I'm serious. You ever thought about it? You can make some good money that way, brother, let me tell you. You wouldn't believe how many people would line up for the chance. Okay, yeah, maybe they wouldn't line up around the Goddamn block, but that's to be expected. It's not like your the president or a Goddamn movie star or some shit like that.
It's simple, really. You just sign the contract and settle the fee with your customer, and that's it-- you've rented out your life. You can sit back and watch someone else do your housework, shop, do whatever the Hell comes to them. We screen the customers, don't worry. We're not going to have our contacts end up in jail or beaten up or anything like that. Safety first, that's our code. We want to make your vacation as comfortable as possible. It's a trip, brother, let me tell you, watching someone else clean the cat box or cook, whatever. Oughta know, I've only been running this business eight Goddamn years.
When we started out, we weren't anything big. Just had one office, a couple of regular contacts, a coffee machine. It was started on a whim, on the kinda idea that shows up inconveniently and then won't leave for the rest of the day. It was based on the idea that everyone, no matter who the Hell they are, want to be someone else. You see little kids wanting to be cowboys or princesses? Same Goddamn principle. Happens all the time. I know I've felt that way, and brother, don't lie, I know you have.
So we started this business, Jackie and me-- Jackie was my partner, runs an independent shop now-- with that in mind and not much else. So Goddamned easy it was almost stupid. Don't like your life, why not live in someone else's for a while? And let me tell you, brother, they ate it up. Within three years, we were the biggest in the nation, and our contacts grow every Goddamn week. We got a few high-profile contacts, models and stuff that want to take a break, let someone else deal with their junk for a while. Names are confidential, understand. Privacy comes first with us. LifeRent Inc. By the people, for the people, in the people. Damn right, brother, damn right.
So?
Have you ever thought about renting out your life?