Chapter 3

Insecurity

Each living soul in New York had one form of insecurity or another. Whether their confidence level was high or not was the difference between having those insecurities used against them, or having them safely guarded against any form of exposure.

The children didn't like showing insecurities. It meant they weren't completely solid. To some it signified weakness. Never show yer hesitant. Never back down. If yer wid me, ya ain't scared of nothin'! Walk tall. I don't care if on da inside yer scared stiff, don't show it! Spot Conlon himself used those words on many occasions. Boys weren't supposed to be insecure. They trained to be strong men, and men just didn't bother with silly words like insecurity. Girls avoided the very topic. Revealing insecurities meant they were no longer safe from taunting and ridicule. If they were insecure about physical appearance and admitted that, did that make their feelings on their own body true? If they kept their thoughts a secret, did it mean it was all in their head, with no truth to the matter?

"Does my vest look alright? I don't think it fits me well. I must look like an idiot in this," he mumbled, tugging at the corners of his garment. "She's going to laugh at me in this get-up. I know it."

Chuckling, Jack straightened the cowboy hat on his head before draping his arm around his selling partner and best friend, David Jacobs. "Will you relax! Ya haven't even shown me dis goil yet. How am I supposed ta tell ya if she's yer type if ya won't introduce me to da lovely lady?"

Because you'll laugh at me and I just can't stand another person teasing me – especially about her. Nervously brushing a hand through his short curls, David felt his body tense at the sheer thought of the girl he'd wasted countless hours mulling over. "I haven't even introduced myself, it'd be a little difficult to introduce her to strangers, Jack."

Sporting a lopsided grin, Jack balled his hand into a fist and lightly tapped David's chin. "We ain't gonna be strangers aftah today," he stated boldly.

Brushing his scuffed brown boots against the ground, David shrugged. "How can you be so sure? She doesn't even know us. What if she hates me after talking for a minute? What if… what…"

"Davey! Ya ain't never gonna get near a woman actin' like dat!" Looking around, Jack searched the crowd for another newsboy to help them out. David needed practice before talking to this goddess, as he referred to her. "What we need ta do is get some of da boys tagether and boost yer confidence."

"No! I mean… no, Jack, I can do this. Nobody else needs to help me out. Just… let's get it over with, okay?" The last thing David wanted was the entire lodging house knowing about his girl troubles. It was enough that he confided in Jack. He trusted the newsie leader not to drag his dilemmas into the spotlight of the lodging house news. David wasn't able to talk to his father about girl issues, or Sarah, his sister, but Jack seemed to take David under his wing, and help him out with any problem.

"Take me to dis goddess den," Jack grinned. Pushing the cowboy hat from his head, Jack shoved his hands in his pants pockets and walked alongside his anxious best pal.

The walk to the factory was almost without incident. Jack insisted on breaking out into chuckles every now and then as he thought about David actually going out with a girl. This was the first time David had initiated a conversation about women, and Jack couldn't get his mind around the fact that his partner was growing up. When Jack actually stated 'Davey's growin' up,' David nearly called the whole thing off, but Jack promised to behave, and the rest of the walk was accomplished in silence.

His heart rate increasing, David felt his palms begin to sweat. In the distance stood a group of the girls from the factory, all engrossed in deep conversation. His eyes fell on the very girl he had been obsessing over. She didn't stand out of the crowd by any means, but she had caught David's eye the very first time she passed him on the streets and since that moment, he hadn't been able to get her face out of his mind. She was a few inches shorter than he, with dark, ashy-brown hair that was kept out of her face by a long, singular braid. Her ivory skin was covered by a long-sleeved, white blouse and a flowing gray skirt that reached to her black leather boots.

"Which one is she?" Jack asked, growing impatient as he watched David hesitantly stare at the group.

After a few moments of silence, David snapped out of his reverie by Jack's elbow in his side. "Oomph… In the middle… wearing the gray skirt. Ya see her?"

Nodding, Jack patted David's back, a grin spreading across his face. "Well, what are we waitin' for?"

"Jack… maybe… maybe this isn't a good time. I mean, they look busy. Maybe we should try again tomorrow or something," David stuttered. I won't even be able to make a full sentence come out. She'll hate me.

"Hell no. We walked all da way here and yer gonna talk to her. C'mon," Jack insisted, dragging an apprehensive David along with him.

David opened his mouth to protest, but he was smart enough to know when he was just wasting his breath. Before Jack could physically drag him over to the group, David straightened up and walked beside him, hoping to seem somewhat confident when they approached the girls.

"It's gonna be fine," Jack whispered, his confidence at times overwhelming to David. Les, David's little brother, already emulated the newsie leader, and there were many times David wished he was more like Jack – he wished he could single-handedly lead the newsies everyday, instead of just several times when he hesitantly took charge in Jack's absence. What David didn't comprehend was that he really did have that take-charge initiative. When he saw himself as a timid leader who took over in the shadow of another, the newsies saw a competent equal who they trusted and followed. David just hadn't dug deep enough to realize that.

"Well, lookie here, a couple of fine gents meanderin' our way," Wish smirked, her head cocked to the side slightly to indicate the presence of new blood on the way over.

Looking up, Blizzard noticed the pair and quickly turned to her outfit. "Dey really should give us proper notice before presentin' demselves. We look like hell!" she whispered forcefully and hurried to make sure her white shirt and green skirt were as clean as possible from the factory's soot.

"Blizz, ya look fine," Wish stated, her big, brown eyes dancing with mischief as she glanced over to see if the boys were still headed their way. Brushing her black hair behind her shoulders, Wish turned to Autumn, who was doing her best to disappear in the crowd. "Auty… Auty! Smooth yer hair back, it's all messy up top. C'mon, don't be shy dis time. Say somethin' to da boys when dey come over."

"Just promise me we won't have an episode like last time," Blizzard mumbled. "I think da last boys ta talk to us thought we was from another planet by how much we babbled."

Sighing, Autumn crossed her arms by her chest and waited for this to be over. She'd watch the others flirt with the boys while she worked up the courage to spout out a hello. Wish was the outgoing girl, Blizzard was confident in her ways, and Autumn was the shy girl when it came to meeting new people. She had a wilder side to her, but not many girls had seen that yet, as it took her a long time to settle in with new friends.

"Just be calm, Dave," Jack whispered before he plastered on a wide grin. "Mornin' ladies," he greeted, using his best debonair voice.

"Mornin'," Wish replied, smiling back at the two. "Somethin' we can do for you fellas?"

Jack knew that the break these girls were on would probably end soon, so he decided to get right to the point. "Actually, we was wonderin' if we could talk to that pretty lady," he answered, gesturing to Autumn.

"Me?" Autumn questioned in near disbelief. Usually boys talked to Wish or Blizzard, because they were so much more forward and open – in turn they would overlook Autumn because of her shyness.

Nodding, Jack gently nudged David in the side. "My friend here noticed ya walkin' da other day, and decided he just had ta know yer name."

"Does dis friend talk?" Blizzard smirked, noting David's lack of verbal participation.

"Sure he does! Oh, where are me manners? Me name's Jack, and dis here is David. He's really a walkin' mouth – he's just restin' his voice taday," Jack explained.

"So we see," Wish giggled. "Well, da goil yer referring to is Autumn, and dat'd be Blizzard, and I'm Wish."

"Nice ta meet ya ladies," Jack grinned. "And do you think Autumn might be interested in accompanying us ta lunch latah?" David wasn't being the slightest help, and he knew if his buddy ever wanted to talk to this girl, Jack was going to have to set something up.

"What do ya think Auty?" Blizzard inquired, winking at her quickly.

David wanted to open his mouth, even to utter an ill-timed hello, but for the first time in his life, he was speechless. On the inside his brain was flying a mile a minute, thinking up the slightest thing to say and then deciding that it wasn't good enough for Autumn's ears. She deserved more than he was capable of uttering.

"I-I might be inclined ta go…" she answered. Dey's asking me to lunch? Autumn was still so taken by the recent events that she wasn't sure what was going on anymore."

"So, is dat a yes?" Jack asked, flashing his famous smile.

"Hmm, I suppose…" Autumn shrugged. What do I have to lose? That is, besides them not showing up and the girls making fun of me… What the hell, dis Jack fella seems awful nice, even if his friend… what was his name… David… yeah, even if David ain't much of a talker, Jack seems sweet… Autumn thought, completely overlooking the fact that Jack said David had noticed her first.

"Great! Know where Tibby's is?" Jack asked. When he received a quick nod, Jack smiled. "We'll be dere at noon."

"Okay…" Autumn trailed off. Is this really happening?

"Come on girls, we'll be late getting back," Wish stated. "Nice meetin' you boys," she smiled and ushered the group towards the door.

"Bye," David finally squeaked out, earning a few giggles from the crowd.

"Ya did good, Dave," Jack lied, trying to boost David's mangled spirits.

"I said one word," David scowled.

"At least ya said somethin'," Jack laughed. "Now come on, we gots papes ta sell if we wanna pay for dis lunch!"

~~

Spot, he's twice yer size. The boys say he lifts the younger newsies ta build muscle. How ya gonna beat him? Jack asked of Spot Conlon the day of a fight between leaders.

Because deep down he's scared of me. He's heard da rumors goin' around. He knows I ain't backin' down. It's a mind trick. While he hesitates ta come aftah me, I'll attack. He'll nevah know what happened… And dat, Jacky-boy, is da power of da mind. He'll back down because he's just as vulnerable as da guy I beat last week… you just wait and see.

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