Chapter 5
Secrets
Well-kept, scary, dangerous, miniscule, inhibiting, silly, sinful – all words that could be used to describe the plethora of secrets upheld in New York City. There were people that thrived on secrets – their lives revolved around gossip and knowing just a tiny bit more than the opponent. Secrets could put them at the top of their game, or shuffle them to the back of the pack. It seemed each working child had one at least one secret they strived to hide from the world – one experience that they didn't dare confess to another soul. Whether it be as small as a friendly pact, or as big as a murder, secrets had the power to send its possessor through hell and back.
The humid late morning encouraged the inhabitants of the city streets to take solace inside, but as the day stretched on, the sticky weather was combated with water and shade, if it could be found.
Blaze clutched to the off-white handkerchief in her hand, occasionally bringing it to her forehead to wipe away any newly formed beads of sweat. The late morning sun was making sure she learned just how powerful it really was, and Blaze only wished the humidity and the sun would stop working on the same team.
She weaved through scores of pedestrians, exhausting her voice as one 'sorry' was mumbled after another. She knew this route all too well, and knew of how crowded these streets could be. At the end of the next block, Blaze's tired eyes rested upon her destination – a beautiful and inviting light tan building on the corner of Madison Avenue and 96th Street in the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Climbing the steps, Blaze inhaled deeply before she knocked upon the enormous black door.
For what seemed like eternity, Blaze patiently waited outside, her legs begging to rest from the intense walk uptown, and her heart aching to see what was on the other side of that door. Finally, the door let out a familiar groan as it opened, and in the doorway stood a woman of about twenty-five, who was much shorter than Blaze, with what seemed a forced smile on her face.
"Blaze, I was hoping you'd be coming around this time. Come on in, she's waiting for you." The girl with short brown hair and inviting eyes ushered her into the house, quickly closing the door behind them. Taking Blaze's arm, she led her down the narrow hallway, the smile on her face replaced by a look of anticipation. "She's been asking for you all week."
The house echoed with life - children's laughter and the pounding of tiny feet could be heard behind the closed doors of the living room. Each and every window was open, the white curtains dancing in the wind as the warm breeze floated through the rooms. The hallway was almost barren, except for a few paintings hung prominently on the walls. Though the ruts in the cranberry carpet revealed that at one time, the hallway was filled with chairs and small tables, over the years Maddy had taken the furniture upstairs, as the children had bumped their heads or limbs against the aging wood too many times for her liking.
"How's she been?" Blaze asked, concerned by the expression on Maddy's face. She was always smiling, and Blaze felt comfortable around Maddy for that exact reason, but now she sensed that something was wrong, and her body tightened with worry.
"Vivid, as always," Maddy laughed. "Come, I wanted to talk to you about something." She pointed to a smaller room, which Maddy had converted from a parlor to an office years ago. The entire house had been left to her in her father's will, and because of her love with children, Maddy had turned the place into a daycare.
Taking a seat in a red velvet chair, Blaze anxiously looked at Maddy, and clutched her hands together nervously, setting them in the lap of her light blue skirt. "Somethin' wrong?"
Maddy shrugged lightly as she took a seat in the chair beside Blaze. "I'm not sure yet. You see, I've been offered a position in Boston. I'd be working with children who have disabilities, and I've always dreamed of being able to do that one day. If I don't go now, I'm not sure I'll ever have the chance again." She turned to Blaze, awaiting some sort of reaction.
"That's… That's wonderful Maddy. Ya've been talkin' about dis for what seems like centuries." Blaze felt herself panic slightly. She knew the consequences of Maddy's move to Boston. She'd expected, yet dreaded this day for the past four years.
"Are you all right with this, Blaze? I know I promised I'd look after her for as long as it takes, but if I move, I think she should stay here with you. She loves you so much. You really shouldn't beat yourself up about how things worked out. You've been putting her first since day one, and I know you'll continue to do that."
Nodding, Blaze's thoughts turned to the girls at the boarding house. How could she tell them? What would they think of her? How would they treat her after this? But more importantly, how would they treat her daughter? "I'm so happy for ya Maddy. Ya've helped me out when no one would… I can never repay ya enough for all ya've done."
Pushing herself up in the chair, Maddy reached out and took Blaze's hands. "Nonsense. All I did was provide a place for her to live. We all know it's you who brings by money for food and clothes… not to mention candy once in awhile when you want me to run ragged after a sugar-infested four year old!" Smiling, Maddy gently patted Blaze's knee. "I know you're worried about the girls at the boarding house, don't think I haven't learned to decipher those thoughts of yours… but, it's going to work out, I know it. They respect you and look up to you. That won't change."
But it could. Blaze let a smile tug at her lips. Worrying over what the others might think wasn't worth it right now. "I'm goin' ta have to find a new line of work." Blaze shook her head, giving a slight laugh.
"Why not try being a newsie like some of the other girls?" Maddy suggested. "You could take Hope with you. I bet she'd even help you reel in men who wouldn't normally buy papers."
Sighing, Blaze nodded. "Aye, I could. I'll figure dat all out later." She didn't like discussing her line of work. Maddy was the only friend of hers that actually knew her past and what she did for a living. Hope had been the product of Blaze's first and only customer. After that experience, she turned to working in bars. The sleaziest males on earth were still able to get away with touching her while she brought them drink after drink, but that was as far as she let it go. The tips from just that alone were too good to pass up, especially when she had a daughter to support. Shivering slightly, Blaze shook her head. "Enough about me, I want details! When are ya movin'?"
Maddy gripped to Blaze's hands as she ascended from the chair, pulling Blaze up with her. "Next week sometime, I would imagine. I'm waiting to hear back from the agency up there now as to where my living quarters might be. Right now I've been hurrying to get things packed. Today is the last day these children will be running rampant in this old house," she explained with a sigh – she would miss these kids. "But enough talking my dear, we mustn't keep Hope waiting. She'd pull my ear if you didn't show up today!"
Smiling at the mere mention of her daughter's name, Blaze followed Maddy out of the office and towards the living room. "How many children are you watchin' right now? Sounds like a circus in there!"
Laughing, Maddy delicately ran a hand through her hair. "I'm not sure – certainly lost count by now!" she teased.
Opening the large sliding doors to the living room, Blaze and Maddy were greeted by the sound of numerous children laughing as they chased each other around the room. Some were playing quietly with dolls or trains in the corners of the room, but most were actively participating in the chasing game in the center.
At almost the same time, Blaze caught a glimpse of Hope just as the little girl looked up to see who had entered the room. "Mommy!" she screeched, pushing through the crowd of kids as she raced to her mother's side. Within seconds, both child and parent were toppled over on the ground, smiling and laughing together.
"I missed you," Blaze whispered once her daughter released her tight hug.
"I missed you more!" the child cried, engaging Blaze in another breath-reducing hug.
"Oomph!" Blaze protested. Carefully she detached Hope from around her neck and gently took the child's delicate hands. "Sweetie, I have something to tell ya."
Hope's bright blue eyes lit up. Usually when a conversation started off like this, it meant Blaze had a surprise, and the last one had been a nice supply of candy. "What'd ya bring me?"
"See what you did. She's candy prone now," Maddy interjected.
Laughing, Blaze shook her head. "I don't have any candy for you today, but I wanted to ask ya somethin'…" Blaze stopped to take a deep breath, a small fear of rejection welling up inside her. Hope was so used to living with Maddy in this big house with children her age. When Blaze took her from such a nurturing and familiar environment, would Hope resent her for it? Would she even want to go with her mother, or plead to stay with Maddy? "Ya remember how we talked about you an' me livin' together when ya was older?"
Her head bobbing up and down, Hope smiled. She was the spitting image of her mother – blue eyes, curly, golden-blonde hair which was just a bit lighter than her mother's, the same fair skin, and she was outfitted in a dark green dress with dull, black boots. Blaze had smiled so proudly the day she first looked at her daughter. She had been so afraid that the child would look more like the father, and had prayed for that not to happen. "I remember. You said one day I would live with you, in a nice house, and we'd play all day long. Just us."
"Dat's right," Blaze smiled. "I know I said it might not be for a long time, but… how would ya feel if ya came to live wid me now? We'd live with my friends for now, until I can get us a nice place." Blaze wanted to close her eyes. She was so terrified of Hope's reaction. She'd faced too much rejection and pain in her life, and she knew she wouldn't be able to stand seeing that from her daughter.
Hope didn't answer verbally, instead she leaned over and gently hugged her mother. "Promise to play with me always?"
"Oh sweetie, of course I promise!" Blaze answered. "I'll play wid you as much as I possibly can – all da time."
"Can we still visit Miss Maddy?" Hope asked, her eyes traveling to look up at the woman who had taken such good care of her these past years.
"Well… ya see, Miss Maddy's goin' ta be leavin'…" Blaze saw the disappointment in Hope's eyes and hurried to sugarcoat Maddy's departure. "…on her vacation. Miss Maddy's goin' ta Boston next week to help even more children."
"That's right," Maddy smiled. She knelt down by the pair and gently stroked Hope's blonde locks. "I'm going to take care of even more children than I have here."
"But, what about all these kids?" Hope asked.
"They'll have someone to look after them, I've made sure of that," Maddy nodded. "Don't you worry, they'll be just fine."
Hope turned to look back at her playmates, who still were carrying on in the living room. Pushing herself up, she walked back into the room and started to rummage through one of the cedar toy chests. Both Maddy and Blaze looked after her with curiosity as Hope brought back a tattered doll from the bottom of the box.
"Dis was me favorite doll when I played here. No one else used it 'cause it was so old, but I did. I think she's the best doll out of all of 'em, but I never told no one dat," Hope explained. "I kept it a secret." Hope brushed her fingers through the doll's yellow strands of yarn. One button eye was already missing, and the mouth and nose that were drawn on its face had faded over the years. The doll's plaid red dress was nearly in tact, as the off-white apron attached to its front caught most of the dirt it had been subjected to.
"Did you want to take her with you, Hope?" Maddy suggested. "You can if you want to."
Hope shook her head. One last time she hugged the doll, then placed it in Maddy's hands. "Take it wid you to Boston Miss Maddy?
Hope saw the confusion in Maddy's eyes and giggled. "Maybe another girl will love it as much as I do. Ya said ya was gonna help lots of kids. Ya need all da toys ya can get," she pointed out and held her head high, figuring she had just performed a good deed. Maddy had always told Hope how hard Blaze worked so that her child would have a warm place to stay, and even though Hope was still very young, she was beginning to understand words like sacrifice and giving. For once, Hope wanted to show her mother that she could give something up too.
"That's very generous of you, Hope," Maddy smiled proudly. "I'll find a special girl to play with your doll."
Hearing the grandfather clock chime twelve o'clock, Blaze stood from the floor and gathered Hope in her arms. "I think we best get goin' sweetie. It's a long walk back, and there's a lot to do when we get there."
"Hope, get your knapsack from upstairs," Maddy instructed. "Everything should be packed."
They watched as Hope ran up the stairs one last time and smiled as she carefully trudged back down, pulling her knapsack along behind her as she approached them again.
Pouting, Hope looked to Maddy, then back to her mother. It was beginning to set in that she wouldn't be going back to play with the children in the living room, but Hope didn't realize that this might be the last time she ever saw Maddy.
"Well, don't be letting her go without a proper goodbye," Maddy smiled, taking Hope from Blaze's arms and hugging her close. After what seemed like much too short of a time, Maddy set her down, patting her back gently. "Go on, you and your mother have much to do."
"You will write ta me, won't ya?" Blaze asked. "I want to know all about Boston."
Laughing, Maddy nodded as she walked them to the door. "I will. I'll send word as soon as I arrive, and you must promise to write me back. I want Hope to write too. It's in your hands now to teach her how."
"Aye, it is, and I will. She'll be writin' and readin' better than I ever could, you'll see," Blaze smiled. Taking Hope's tiny hand, Blaze opened the door, hearing it groan one last time.
"Do take care, and a word of advice, stuff the child full of candy just once so you know what you've put me through!" Maddy called as Blaze and Hope descended the steps.
"I want candy," Hope stated, an optimistic smile on her face.
"Maybe later," Blaze replied, shooting a slight glare at Maddy before she began the trek home.
~~
Holding his head in his hands, Mush grabbed at his curly brown hair, the idea that Jack had lied about his name and his parents too much for him to comprehend. He pressed his elbows into the table at Tibby's, thoughts of jail and courtrooms plaguing his mind. Why… why didn't he tell us? He's our leader! Why would he keep dis from us?
Rubbing his glasses on his undershirt, Specs looked over to Mush and shook his head. Because even he couldn't foresee the power a secret could hold. Do ya think we'd find out like dis? Standin' in da courtroom, listenin' to Snyder list off his parents like dey was nothin' but bothers ta society, he along wid 'em? It haunted him – it wouldn't go away. He ran and ran, but it caught up ta him. Secrets do that, and dat's why, me friend, ya either keep 'em well hidden, or run like hell ta avoid 'em.