A/N: all right, here's the next instalment. Though I haven't really got reviews on chapter 2 and 3, I'm undaunted, and will continue posting. Really, guys, I'm kinda surprised that you liked chapter 1 so much (I got 15 reviews!), and then you simply stopped reviewing. What have I done??? I really would like to know. I don't think that chapter 2 and 3 were worse than chapter 1, were they?
Oh well, I stop whining, that's quite out-of-character for me.
Read, enjoy and review!
Chapter 4
Guilt
As Harry followed Madame Pomfrey down the corridor, he kept wondering what could be so important for McGonagall that couldn't wait until next morning. Strange, he thought, that Pomfrey didn't utter a single word while leading him downstairs. Harry knew her to be a cheerful, talkative person, thus he had no idea why she was so glum now.
*Oh,* he thought, *she must be angry with me because of Malfoy. But hey, it wasn't my fault! It was Neville's! Oh sure, Malfoy must have told her in the infirmary that it was my fault. That liar! He really would have deserved to be transformed into a tree. But… no, he'd be worse than the Whomping Willow! Draco, the Mad Mahogany… or the Batty Beech-tree?* he couldn't think of other names, because they arrived at the door of McGonagall's room.
"Go, Harry." Pomfrey opened the door and left for the medic bay to have some sleep – though she wasn't sure she'd be able to sleep at all.
Harry was left alone before the half-open door. He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. *I have a bad feeling about this.* he thought, though he had no idea what it was he had such a bad feeling about. But there was a certain premonition that couldn't be denied.
"Come in, Potter!" he heard his Transfiguration teacher's voice from inside. He took a deep breath and entered the room.
The first thing that struck him was the recognition that he couldn't see further than his nose. *Why does she live in such darkness?* Harry wondered as he walked toward the table – or rather in the direction where he thought the table had to be.
"Sit down!" a harsh voice instructed him.
He reached out with his hands to feel after the chair. *Damn, why haven't I brought my wand? And why doesn't she simply say Lumos? That's crazy.* his hands finally found the back of a chair. He hesitated for a second or two, then sat down.
Suddenly a bright light flashed, directly into his face, almost blinding him. He instinctively raised a hand to cover the source of the light that gradually lost its brightness, but never stopped illuminating his face. It illuminated nothing but his face.
Harry swallowed hard, thinking that either poor McGonagall had gone mad, or something really very bad was about to happen. His situation clearly reminded him of an interrogation. But why was he being interrogated? WHY?
"You are surprised by the strange way of my greeting, aren't you?" the woman asked in a sullen voice.
"Quite much, Professor." Harry admitted. His dislike of the situation grew by the second.
"You are surely wondering why I wanted to see you in such a late hour." she said. "I won't take much of your time if you quickly answer my questions."
*Quickly? Then let's get over with it!* Harry thought. "It wasn't me, Professor McGonagall! I never wanted to turn Draco into a blossoming tree, and I never gloated over him, and I'd never love a cat, especially not if it belongs to Filch, and…"
"I have no idea what you are talking about, Potter," Minerva cut in "but it surely has nothing to do with what I want to discuss with you."
"No?" he knitted his eyebrows. If it wasn't about Draco, or himself falling for Mrs. Norris, what could it be then?
"I wish to talk with you about Ms. Weasley." she said glumly.
Harry's eyes widened in surprise. Did Pomfrey see them smooching? Did she tell Minerva? Oh, sure, that had to be it. "I… I promise not to kiss her anymore in the school, Professor. May I go?"
"I'm not interested in you and Ginny kissing, Potter." McGonagall replied sternly. "But of course it has something to do with it… Do you love her?"
"Um, Professor… I…" he had no idea why the woman was asking him such a personal question.
"Yes or no will do."
"Well, yes." he shrugged. "But why?…"
"Do you love her enough to marry her?"
"What?" he blinked in surprise. "Marry? I'm just seventeen, and she's… she's underage, and…"
"You mustn't feel too young to marry her if you didn't feel too young to impregnate her."
"TO WHAT?????" Harry thought he'd fall out of his chair. "What… what did you say?" he stammered.
"I've said Ginny is expecting a baby… and I have all reasons to believe that the baby is YOURS." she pointed her index finger at him.
"That's out of the question, Professor." he protested. "She implemented the Anti-Conc… uh…" he slapped both hands on his mouth. *I've given myself away!*
McGonagall gave him a grim smile. "So, are you ready to marry her or not?"
* * * * *
Harry wished it had only been a nightmare. But it wasn't. As he was walking back to the dormitory, he kept bumping into statues of witches and wizards that hadn't been there before. Or had they? He was simply too distracted to mind his step. No, this couldn't be happening to him!
Could it?
Now Trelawney's admonition came to his mind again. That crazy old hag was right! She was speaking of his child… HIS child!
He had to stop and lean against a wall, because he felt he'd faint if he didn't get something to support him. Squeezing his eyes shut, he prayed to wake up, wake up and see that this whole day – the most terrible day of his life – had only been a dream, nothing else.
He had experienced more terrible things during his seventeen years than anyone in a whole life: losing his parents, being brought up by people who hated and despised him, having faced the Dark Lord for several times, fighting dragons, losing his bones, suffering snake-bite and beating from the Whomping Willow, and, surviving the Avada Kedavra curse for two times. But nothing of these could be compared to the unbearable weight placed on his shoulders this night.
He was going to be a father.
A father?
How could he be one? He had never had a father himself. Had no idea what a good dad should be like – not like Uncle Vernon, that's for sure.
And what was Ginny going to say when he told her? Because HE had to tell her - not Pomfrey, not McGonagall or anyone who had nothing to do with this child of theirs.
The child of theirs…
Harry felt a funny, unknown warmth creep up his body, causing his heart want to jump out of his chest.
*Oh my gosh, what have I got myself into?* he sighed and continued his way back to the dorm as soon as he felt his legs were strong enough to carry him.
In the room all four boys were fast asleep. Though Ron intended to stay up and wait for Harry to ask him about McGonagall's weird invitation, he couldn't help dozing off.
Harry tiptoed to his four-poster, threw his robe on a chair and climbed into the bed. It was almost midnight. He was sure that he'd get no sleep that night at all.
Oh well, at least Ginny could rest now – for he had no doubt that from tomorrow she wouldn't be able to sleep either.
*I've got to tell her in the evening.* he thought. He had no idea how to tell her, though.
*Okay, Gin, you see, Pomfrey lied to you, and to everyone. You have no illness called… whatever, you are with a child.* he shook his head. *That's too silly.*
*Ginny, will you marry me? Please, consider, if you don't want to bring shame on your family… oh, no, too formal.*
*Hiya, Gin, sorry to tell, but I knocked you up back in the prefect's pool. Wanna marry me?* he slapped his forehead. *Can't you think of anything better, Potter?* he asked himself.
*Oh, Ginny, I have to tell you something very important. Please, don't get frightened. I know, it must be kinda scary, but we'll manage to deal with it… together.* he nodded. *That's much better. Needs some refinement but will work. It has to.*
Since sleep eluded him the whole night, Harry decided to 'prepare' for next day's history of magic test. He took his wand, whispered Lumos and started to write a cheat sheet. The possibility of being caught hung like a sword of Damocles over him, but Binns catching him cheating was nothing compared to McGonagall telling him about Ginny's pregnancy. He just hoped he wouldn't fall asleep during the test.
* * * * *
Next morning Ron, Neville, Seamus and Dean found a fully-clothed Harry slumbering above a sheet with dates and names copied from a book that lay open in Harry's lap. His head bent on his shoulder, his glasses slipped down to the tip of his nose, his wand hovering in mid-air, still lit.
"He must have had a tough night, guys." Dean stated while Ron reached out to pat Harry's arm.
"Hey, buddy, wake up! It's time to have breakfast!"
Harry blinked, opened his eyes and for a minute had no idea what happened. It was just a usual morning, wasn't it?
Oh, no, it wasn't.
As he got a glimpse of his wand he suddenly remembered why he had stayed up for a long time. No, not because of the history of magic test – because of his terrible guilt.
"Hey, you okay?" Ron asked after two minutes of silence. What happened to his friend? He used to be more talkative.
"Um, yes, I'm fine." Harry replied, re-adjusting his glasses and catching his wand. "Nox!" the light was put out, and he turned back to Ron. "I stayed up studying. That's all."
"Studying, eh?" Seamus snickered, pointing at the cheat-sheet on Harry's bed. "Don't worry, we've also written some of those. Just to make sure that we don't forget Randolf the Ridiculous and Stan the Stinky."
Harry grinned and followed the boys downstairs.
* * * * *
"'Morning, Herm." Ron greeted his new girlfriend who was deeply immersed in reading the second volume of Beautiful Bill's Biography at the table, chewing a sandwich.
"Good morning, Ron." she didn't glance up.
"Hello, Hermione." Harry said. "What are you reading? Some additional data about the goblin revolutions, maybe?"
The girl turned red. "No. I've already studied for the test. I just decided to brush up on my knowledge on Indian Wizardry."
"Indian?" Harry asked.
"Ah, it's just Beautiful Bill." Ron explained.
"Who?"
"Lord William Montgomery from the last century." Ron replied. "He was very handsome, so he got the nickname Beautiful Bill. He spent two decades in India, making studies on the local charms. He learnt a lot about serpent charming, means of the fakirs and things like that. But according to mother, his most significant work was the book 'Why are cows holy animals when they don't even have any magical powers'. By the way, Harry, what did McGonagall want from you at ten o'clock?"
Harry flinched. "Nothing… well, she wanted to talk about the Quidditch team."
Hermione looked up from her book. "At ten o'clock?"
"I guess she didn't recognise how late it was." Harry shrugged and prayed that neither Ron nor Hermione would ask any more questions. He hated to lie, especially to his best friends.
He was in luck – Hermione was way too interested in Beautiful Bill's Biography to start inquiring now, and Ron was so hungry that he decided rather to use his mouth for eating than for talking.
Harry started stirring his too hot cocoa, not paying attention to anyone or anything around him. His thoughts were far away from the Great Hall. They were by Ginny. He still didn't know how to tell her the shocking news. Then a sudden idea came to his mind: what about asking Sirius?
Since his innocence had been proven the previous year, Sirius Black had been working with Arthur Weasley in the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office. Of course it was not the right job for such a talented wizard as Sirius, but – as far as Harry knew – his godfather was satisfied with having something useful to do. There were still many people wary about him, not believing in his innocence, but many others had no doubt that he wasn't guilty. Last year Black helped the students of Hogwarts to deal with another attack of Voldemort – a really serious one – this way gaining the trust of many wizarding families.
*Okay. I'll write him a letter then. Right after the test.* Harry thought.
When the trio stood up from the breakfast table, a malicious voice stopped them:
"Hey, Potter, will you invite me to your wedding?" it was Malfoy, of course.
Harry's mind froze. How could Draco know about his impending 'marriage'? Did McGonagall or Pomfrey tell him? But why him, of all people?
"What… are you talking about?" Harry turned to Malfoy.
A vicious grin spread on the blond boy's face. "I heard about your romance with Mrs. Norris. I was just curious when the wedding would take place. Will Weasley be your best man? Oh no, you should ask Granger's cat for that important role. And Hagrid's new smelly pets could be the bridesmaids."
"Oh, shut up, Malfoy!" Hermione yelled at him. "And consider what you are saying, Mr. Blossoming Apple Tree!"
"I bet you were enjoying yourself when you saw me that way, weren't you?" Malfoy smirked. "But you know, I still looked better than your little friend snogging with the caretaker's cat!"
"I wasn't…" Harry began, but Ron took him by the arm and pulled him out of the Great Hall.
* * * * *
Besides the small scrabbling noises of the quills, nothing could be heard in the room. Professor Binns was tugging his astral beard and gazing at his desk, in firm belief that no student in his class would ever dare to cheat. That was why he never used anti-cheating charms for the quills. He trusted his students more than his own abilities in teaching. Well, he shouldn't have.
After everyone handed him their tests, he left the classroom through the chandelier.
"This was the best test I've ever written." Ron beamed as the trio walked into the western wing of the castle for their next lesson – Defense Against the Dark Arts.
"Sure, you never stopped cheating." Hermione gave him a disapproving look. "This way you'll never know anything about the goblin revolutions."
"Who cares?" Ron laughed. "Right, Harry?"
"Huh?" Harry looked confused. "Sorry, I was thinking."
"Thinking? Of what?" Hermione asked. She wasn't used to Harry not listening to his best friends.
"Sorry." Harry muttered. "I've got to go to the owlery. See you in fifteen minutes. Should I be late for the beginning of the lesson, please, tell Professor Lupin that I'd be coming soon, okay?"
As Hermione watched Harry run upstairs, Ron spoke up: "Something is wrong with him. He has been so distracted since he woke up. Something is troubling him pretty much. But he wouldn't tell me."
"That's not like him." the girl declared. "I have a feeling that his strange behaviour has something to do with his visit at McGonagall's last night."
"You must be right." Ron nodded. "I don't think they were discussing Quidditch."
"I'm sure they weren't." Hermione stated sullenly. "But why on earth would Harry lie to us?"
"Dunno… why do I have a feeling that something bad is going to happen?"
"Because you are still attending Professor Trelawney's classes. You should have given it up long ago and learn something useful. Oh, well, c'mon, let's go to DADA."
"Okay." the boy smiled and took her hand. She didn't show any signs of still being angry with him about last night's chat. They entered the classroom hand in hand.
Meanwhile, Harry sat down on a window-sill of the owlery with a piece of paper in his hand. His snowy owl, Hedwig was making cheerful loops in the air, flew out of the window then returned, showing him how eager she was to carry his letter.
"Okay, girl, okay, please, stay a bit calm, you are distracting me!" Harry patted the owl's head. "Let me finish this."
Hedwig gave him a reminding hoot that he hadn't even started the letter, let alone finish it. Harry heaved a deep sigh. He didn't know how to compose the letter to Sirius. His godfather would be very disappointed in him, for sure.
"Okay." he mumbled and began to write.
Dear Sirius,
I fear I'm going to shock you with this letter, but that's not why I've written it. On the contrary: I'd like to ask for your advice, trusting your wisdom and lot of experience. (Though I'm sure you've never faced a problem like mine.) Okay, I won't be beating around the bush: I'm in love with Ginny Weasley. That wouldn't be a problem in itself, but well, we got past the platonic part of our relationship, and
"Oh my, how hard it is even to write it down!" he sighed, then continued writing.
…she is pregnant. I know that we did the stupidest thing there is, but it has happened and cannot be changed. Tonight I'll have to tell Ginny the news, and you can imagine how shocked she'll be. I have no idea how to tell her at all, but she has to get to know it – eventually she is the mother, isn't she? It was strange enough for me to be the first to know it, even before her – McGonagall told me last night – I presume she had been told by Madame Pomfrey. (Pomfrey examined Ginny after she had fainted yesterday during Transfiguration.) McGonagall insists that I marry her! Sirius, this gives me the creeps! I love Ginny, truly, but, you know, we are both too young, and don't even know how to be parents. (I for one surely don't.) The mere thought of telling Ginny the news makes me get butterflies. What if she says no? What will happen when people get to know about the baby? Eventually this is not something you can hide for a long time, is it? Could you help me somehow? Give my some pieces of advice? (And please, don't send a howler, no matter how much you feel like doing so, because we have to keep it a secret, at least until Dumbledore returns.)
Thank you in advance for your understanding.
Harry
"There, I'm ready." he gave Hedwig a half-smile. She perched herself on his knees while he fastened the message on her leg. "Fly directly to Sirius, as fast as you can, and soon as he has written the answer, hurry back. This is urgent." The owl hooted her agreement and took off.
* * * * *
"…and that is why the knowledge of those ancient curses is so important. Mr. Weasley here could surely tell us some interesting details about Egyptian curses… oh, good to see you, Mr. Potter." Professor Lupin turned to the boy who entered the room ten minutes after the lesson's beginning. "Sit down please and listen to Mr. Weasley's presentation about the curses protecting the tombs of the Pharaohs and kings of Egypt."
Harry nodded and sat down as Ron stood up and walked to an overhead projector.
"Um, professor, I'm not sure I can use this thing." he said bewildered.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Weasley, but I have no idea how to use it either." Lupin smiled. "The parents of one of the Muggle-born students gave this thing to the school as a present. Professor McGonagall told me that it was used for showing pictures, but she didn't have time to explain it. Well, does anyone know how to turn this gadget on?"
Dean Thomas put his hand up. Since he had grown up among Muggles, he knew how to use such devices.
"Yes, Mr. Thomas?" the professor smiled. "Please, help us out."
"I don't think this OHP will work here, professor." Dean admitted. "It works with electricity, you know."
"Ah, eclecticity?" Ron's face lit up. "My dad is totally fascinated by it. He has got some eclectic-shocks, though, but he still likes it."
"Imagine all ten single hairs of Mr. Weasley's stand on end!" Seamus whispered to Harry. He couldn't help but snicker at the thought. Hermione gave them both a despising stare. She turned to Lupin: "Even if we knew how to use this OHP, we still wouldn't be able to use it at Hogwarts. You know that Muggle gadgets don't work in the magical aura of the castle."
"Of course, you are right, Ms. Granger." Remus replied. "Okay, Ron, if we cannot use this… whatever it is, please just give your pictures around and tell us about the curses."
"Sure, professor." Ron nodded. "Well, you know, me and my family were in Egypt four years ago. We won the… never mind. So we were there and saw all the pyramids and the tombs in the Valley of Kings. My twin brothers wanted to shut Percy into a pyramid, but mom didn't let them. Not that he wouldn't have deserved to be stuck there, but… can you imagine what terrible fate he would have been exposed to? The Great Pyramid is protected by a curse deadlier than the Avada Kedavra."
"Rubbish!" Seamus cut in. "Nothing can be deadlier than that!"
"Wanna try it, Seamus?" Ron asked. "The Avada Kedavra only makes you die, without you suffering any harm. But those curses torment you before they kill you. They are like a combination of Crucio and Avada Kedavra. First, a hundred of scarab beetles start to chew on your legs, eating themselves into your body. Then the skeletons of the priests who escorted the Pharaoh into the pyramid all lunge at you with sabres in their hands and chase you directly into the Pharaoh's resting chamber, where the Pharaoh's mummy strangles you with his own hands."
"My family was planning a journey to Egypt next summer." Lavender Brown said. "I'll suggest them to cancel it."
The class started to laugh.
"Thank you very much for your enjoyable presentation, Mr. Weasley. I couldn't have explained it better." Lupin stood up. "And now we are going to learn how to fight down attacking mummies…"
* * * * *
After lunch Harry visited Hagrid. He had promised to visit him the day before, but he couldn't do so after his incident with Mrs. Norris.
As he entered the groundkeeper's small wooden hut, he was struck by some terrible stink. He immediately remembered Malfoy's remark about Hagrid's new smelly pets being the bridesmaids at his wedding.
"Ha…hagrid?" Harry pinched his nose. "What… what is this stench?"
The shaggy half-giant turned to him, wearing the widest smile Harry had ever seen. "Oh, come Harry, come, you've got to see 'em!"
"Who? What?"
Hagrid led him to a corner where a bunch of greenish balls could be seen. "Now tell me, Harry, aren' they wonderful?" he asked with an enraptured voice.
"Um, are they a new type of bludgers that make the players faint from their smell instead of knocking them off their broomsticks?" Harry guessed.
"Nay." Hagrid shook his head. "They're real Martians."
"Real what?" Harry raised an eyebrow. Hagrid must have gone crazy.
"Martians." the groundkeeper repeated. "Olymp got 'em from a Russian wizard. Yeh know, the Russian wizards made secret journeys ter Mars ter compete with the American wizards. In fact the Americans were the firs' ter land on Mars with their 'Through-Space-2002' broomsticks, but the Russians were the firs' ter find intelligent beings on the planet."
*Intelligent?* Harry thought. He wouldn't call anyone or anything with such a smell intelligent. "Uh, Hagrid, and what can they do? Why are they so special besides their interesting smell?"
"Why Harry, they're from Mars! It's enough ter make 'em special!"
"Ah, sure." Harry sighed, taking breath through his mouth. "And what will you do with Martian balls? Play Quidditch with them?"
"Oh, no." Hagrid guffawed. "They won' remain that way. They're very young, that's why they look like balls, but later on they'll uncurl and start ter grow."
"Groooow?" Harry thought for a second that his heart stopped. "How big will they grow?"
"Um… to tell yeh the truth, I have no idea." Hagrid shrugged.
Harry nodded. "What about going outside and discuss these wonderful creatures there?"
"Okay." Hagrid consented, though somewhat unwillingly. He didn't want to leave his precious new pets alone.
They sat down before the house, and Fang immediately ran to Harry, putting his head into Harry's lap.
"He missed yeh. Yeh haven't visited us in two weeks." Hagrid declared reproachfully.
"I'm sorry, I've been busy." the boy answered.
"Something is wrong with yeh, kid." the giant said gently. "Hey, pour out yer heart. Can I help yeh?"
"If only you could." Harry sighed.
"Oh, I guess I know it." Hagrid chuckled. "Yeh're lamenting over that incident with Filch's cat, aren' yeh?"
Harry shook his head. "No, Hagrid, it's much worse than that."
"Worse? What are yeh keeping from me?" Hagrid asked in a worried tone. "Never mind, everyone can have secrets."
"I wish I could keep this a secret forever."
"Yeh sound very serious." the groundkeeper stated. "Has it somethin' ter do with You-Know-Who?"
"I wish it were that easy. Voldemort would only kill me. But this one would cause a terrible scandal, and I'll be expelled. This time nothing can stop it. Maybe this is the last time we are talking to each other, Hagrid."
"No, no, Harry, don' say such things! They cannot expel yeh, no matter what yeh did."
"But I made the most despicable thing one could do." the boy answered. "I still can't believe that I did it to the person I love the most in the whole world."
"Who?"
"Ginny." Harry sighed.
"And what?" Hagrid asked.
Harry didn't dare look into the giant's eyes, so he told it to his shoes. "I've knocked her up."
"What?" Hagrid's eyes grew so huge, that they were threatening to hop out of their sockets. "Are yeh kiddin'?"
Harry shook his head. "I understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore. I'm going to lose all my friends, anyway."
"But Harry, how could yeh think that I wouldn' be yer friend anymore? And what do you mean that you'd lose all yer friends?"
"Think Hagrid," Harry lifted his head, finally feeling brave enough to look into the groundkeeper's eyes, "when Ron gets to know what I did to his little sister, he'll want to kill me. Hermione will also despise me and… I'll have no one to turn to anymore."
"I'll be always there fer yeh, kid." the giant replied, placing his hand on Harry's shoulder, giving him a gentle squeeze. "Always. And I'll be a good great-uncle to yer kid, too… if yeh want me ter be one, that is."
"Thank you, Hagrid." a small smile appeared on Harry's face. The first smile since the previous evening.