Chapter 9

Truth

"Wish, I am goin' down to da corner, where I will do what I do everyday, and nothin' you tell me is gonna change that!" Blizzard spat, her steel blue eyes cutting through Wish's determined brown ones. Standing at four inches taller than Blizzard, Wish stared her down, hoping that for once, Blizzard might listen.

Every night after work at the factory, Blizzard wouldn't immediately return to the boarding house. Instead, she had come up with a way to earn more money, by performing in the street by either doing card tricks, singing, or physical feats until her feet finally begged for rest. "Why don't you come home for a change, instead of standin' out dere while most of da people just pass ya up? Don't ya remember what happened last night, and da night before? Why are you so set on doin' this?" Wish demanded.

Blizzard looked away from Wish, her eyes spying a bench to where she decided to take refuge for a few minutes. "I don't care about that. It's a living, despite what happens." The night before, several men had tried to pick her up, assuming she was a prostitute, then the night before that, one drunk had thrown his empty beer bottle towards her, causing the crowd to break out in laughter as she chased him.

Placing her hands in her lap, Blizzard prepared for Wish to combat her thoughts. She ran her hands over the dirty fabric of her dark green skirt, then proceeded to straighten her peach-colored cummerbund as Wish sat down beside her.

"Look, Blizzard, dere has got to be another way ta make extra money besides subjectin' yerself to dis every night. What about workin' extra hours at da factory? Or… or even sellin' papes at night?" Wish suggested.

This was what Wish was used to – being the mother figure. In her small circle of friends, Wish was known for coaxing the girls towards the right path. True, at times, she wasn't as coaxing as she was pushy, especially since she had a rather loud mouth, but the girls respected her attitude. She had helped them out of some tricky situations before.

"I ain't subjectin' meself to nothin'," Blizzard stated indignantly. "Haven't you ever wanted to do somethin', even if it wasn't on da best of toims? I know it ain't da best of livings, but dat don't mean I want to stop! I got more money in me pocket dis way. I can afford to go to a restaurant more den once a month. I can help out friends by lendin' 'em money if dey's short. Dis ain't a bad thing."

"You could have money in your pockets other ways too," Wish replied. "You could make just as much peddlin' papes. Ya could even sell wid some of da boys from Lower Manhattan at night."

Squeezing her eyes shut, Blizzard sat for a moment, holding her tongue. In her opinion, Wish always did what was safe, what was condoned behavior. Blizzard felt that she wasn't living life, she was letting life take over, letting it pave her path, instead of Wish paving her own. Blizzard wasn't about to let life do the same to her, despite her choice of professions. She didn't care about what was safe or right in other people's minds. This was her life.

"I ain't gonna go changin' me job just because of a couple mishaps," Blizzard settled. She placed her hands on her knees, standing up quickly from the bench before she began walking towards her corner.

"Blizzard, wait," Wish called out softly, hoping there was still an opportunity to talk to her.

"No, Wish, no!" Blizzard affirmed. She turned back to Wish, arms defiantly at her sides. "I ain't gonna sit back and be safe all da time. I ain't always gonna make da decisions dat everybody else thinks is right. Dis is my life. I'll live it da way I want to. I won't live in some cage like you do! I won't! I won't be as unhappy as you are sometimes, tellin' us all what to do, savin' our souls while yours sits dere, doing nothin'. Yer unhappy, whether ya admit it or not, and I won't be like that! I'll make my mistakes, and own up to dem, but I won't… not now, not ever, sit around and let life pass me by. Never."

Blizzard turned her back to Wish, her hand flying to her mouth as she walked away. She hadn't meant to be so straightforward, so honest about her feelings, but it was the truth. She had felt like that about Wish for a long time. She respected her, of course, just like the other girls, but she didn't look up to the way she sat idly by while the rest of the girls lived life.

Wish lowered her head, tears stinging in her eyes. None of the girls had ever told her something like that before. None had ever annunciated what Wish already felt in her being. Did they all feel like that? Were they all just waiting for a way to tell her? She curled into herself on the bench, sighing as she looked at her clothes. They were just another reminder of how she lived her life – all clad in black so she wouldn't be noticed, so she would blend in. She would have to return to that boarding house and face her friends, all of which probably had some notions about her that they had never voiced. Could she live there with such knowledge? Perhaps it was time she looked to her friends to help her for a change.

The truth scared Wish, just as it scared the other girls she lived with; truth of their living situations, truth of families left behind, and the truth of knowing just how hard life was for them. Sometimes the truth had a positive side, like the truth of the girls' abilities and talents, but recently truth went ignored. No one wanted to face the reality of their situations. It was easier to lie to each other, to imagine a world where the truth was always a wondrous thing, and never painful.

****

Blaze sat in the bunkroom, tears rolling down her cheeks, her eyes noticeably red from crying. How was she supposed to explain to her daughter that she wasn't planned, that she was an accident? Could she ever utter those words? Hope was one of the best accidents to happen to Blaze, but what words would the child choose to hear - that she was still loved, no matter how she came to be, or that she was a mishap and that her father wanted nothing to do with her?

Even worse were her thoughts that the other girls might treat her differently once they come home and notice a small addition to the house. She had learned to live with her decision by herself, but having others know about prior work habits might be too much. Would they come to their own conclusions, or would they pry until Blaze told them what happened? She would have to leave out as much information as possible, and perhaps it was better to lie to the girls. The truth could hurt her and Hope, especially if the girls found out what really happened before even Hope knew.

"Mommy?"

Startled, Blaze looked down at her daughter and tried to form a smile. "Yes sweetie?"

"Why are ya cryin'?"

"Oh… I was just… thinkin' bout someone. I'm fine." Blaze wiped her eyes on her sleeve and pulled Hope onto her lap. "And what have ya been up to?" she asked, hurrying to change the subject.

"Nothin'," Hope shrugged, a small, devious smile on her lips.

"That nothin' sure looks like somethin' ta me," Blaze stated.

"I was just lookin' around da place," Hope answered. "All your friends live here?"

Blaze nodded. "Yep, we all share dis place. I bet they'll be comin' home soon so you can meet dem all too."

"Am I gonna like 'em?"

"I think da question is… are dey gonna like you," Blaze whispered and slipped her arms around Hope, hugging her closely.

****

Skittery hadn't returned to the lodging house that night. He felt defeated, rejected, and hurt. He had blown off his usual fencing activities with Bumlets and instead had wandered the Manhattan streets, trying to get his mind off of Filly and how she had run from him. Instead, it was all he could think about. What had he done wrong?

Filly's mind was filled with thoughts of how to tell Skittery something she had never told anyone in the past. She prided herself on keeping her life out of the gossip at the boarding house. The girls talked about others, but not her – Filly wouldn't open herself up to the girls, and in turn they had nothing to gossip about, except for the lack of actual gossip in the first place. They never heard much about Skittery or her brother. Nor did they know about her past. To the boarding house, Filly was an inhabitant, but not a gossip topic.

True, some had gone ahead and made up rumors, but because of the kind of person Filly was, any gossip was quickly shot down by the other girls - they'd much rather hear about the latest news on Medda from Busy Body, or about the tumultuous relationship between Fade and Spot.

"Oomph, hey!" Filly mustered as she stumbled backwards after running into someone.

"Hey yaself," the figure called back, obviously perturbed.

"You bumped inta me," Filly protested.

"I did not…" Skittery looked up to see who was fighting with him, and stopped in his tracks. What is she doin' here? "Well, Filly. I best be goin', don't wanna get in yer way."

Surprised to see Skittery, and rather nervous to talk to him right away, Filly knew what she needed to do. "No! Wait… Skitts… I need ta talk to you."

"About what? How you ran out on me and we'se through? I thought we covered dat pretty nicely last time," he muttered, glaring at whatever happened to be in the path of his eyesight.

"Please, just lemme talk to you," Filly pleaded. She wasn't used to petitioning her case to anyone. Usually she would have let him go, cursing him under her breath as he walked away – but this time, she couldn't let that happen.

"The truth is… I'm… well, I'm scared, Skittery."

"Scared of what?" he snapped back, visibly hurt.

"I'm scared of what will happen."

"What will happen?" he repeated. "How could you be scared of… of this… of me? I've never, ever felt like dis before. I had a hell of a time tellin' ya! I didn't wanna tell ya until I was so sure of it, and I was. I was so sure dat you were da one I loved… dat you were da one I wanted to share me life with. I ain't ever told people da things ya know. I ain't never wanted to tell no one what ya know… but I guess I made a mistake…"

Filly shook her head, her thick, brown hair scattering across her tan face. "No! You didn't make a mistake!" she cried, her hand reaching out to grab his arm. "I-I made the mistake of runnin' away," she whispered softly, her eyes focusing on the cobblestones beneath them. "I was scared of getting hurt… I don't want to admit to lovin' someone only to have them leave me later… If that happens, I guess I thought, why love in da first place? I'm scared of how much I want to be with you, Skittery. I don't… I don't know how to control love once I set it free inside. I'm afraid I won't be able to control myself, or my actions. I didn't want that burden."

"Is that what I am? Some sort of burden to you?" Skittery asked, gently freeing himself from her hold. He wouldn't have her besmirch him twice. If she were to leave again, he'd be sure to be the one who turned his back first.

"Dat's not it at all! Dat's just what I thought… at first… I thought this would be so hard. It would be a burden on both of us. I thought we would end up getting hurt. But, I realize dat taking chances comes wid life, and dis is one chance… Well, dis is one chance dat I want to take. I know you love me. I want to love you like I know I already do. I don't want to run anymore. I wanna show you dat I do love you."

His eyes growing softer, Skittery let his hand reach out, taking hers gently in his grasp. "Dis is pretty damn hard for you to say, ain't it?" he asked, smiling slightly.

"Bloody hell it is!" Filly agreed. "So, can we stop dis talk and take a stroll 'round town?" She locked arms with him and pulled him near, planting a soft kiss on his cheek.

"I love you, Filly," Skittery whispered.

"I love you too," she answered – for the first time, those words coming easier than she thought they ever would.

****

"Auty has a date tanight? No, ya gotta be kiddin' me!" Moneybags cried, shaking her dark brown hair back and forth.

"I don't believe it!" Satine chimed in, giggling softly, her vibrant, blue-green eyes shining in amusement.

"Shut ya hole," Filly piped up, annoyed at the amount of squabbling in the room. "Some of us woiked hard taday and would like some peace and quiet!"

Rolling her eyes, Autumn turned back to the interested girls. "Yeah, I do gots me a date, and if ya all would be nice enough ta help me out, I just might get ready in time ta actually meet da man."

"So what does he look like, hmm?" Lee Lee asked, her inquisitive nature taking over.

"Like a boy," Autumn answered simply.

"No, really?" Mischief frowned as she plopped down on a nearby bed. "A little more detail is in order."

Autumn shrugged. "He's tall and handsome, and dat's all ya get ta hear," she insisted.

Mischief shook her head. "I think ya just don't wanna tell us 'cause he's uglier den a Delancey," she muttered.

Glaring, Autumn was silent for a few moments. The girls always seemed to want to push one another to the edge, and Mischief was doing a fine job of that tonight. "He's Jack Kelly, leader of da Lower Manhattan Newsies… and far more handsome den any boy you've ever dated," Autumn declared before she could hold back.

A hushed silence came over the crowd of girls as Autumn looked in the mirror once more before leaving the room. As she shut the bunkroom door behind her, all but Mischief burst into laughter. It wasn't everyday that Autumn spoke up, as her shy nature held her back, and everyone except Mischief was glad to witness the day Autumn finally did so.

~~

David had gone home, his homework needing attention, and Jack was left with his conscience. Was this the right thing to do? He had to admit, Autumn was attractive and they had such a pleasant lunch together, but David was the one who really liked her, and Jack had done this all for David, not for himself.

On the other hand, David wouldn't find out, would he? They would be blocks from both the lodging house and the Jacobs' apartment and he didn't want to stand the girl up. This would be better in the long run anyhow. Autumn wasn't interested in David, so Jack thought, and Jack could find someone to keep David occupied tomorrow, that would make him forget all about Autumn. The pros outweighing the cons in his mind, Jack strutted towards the girls' boarding house.

~~

Autumn was waiting by the front door, straightening her dress for the hundredth time. She was so anxious that she had to keep herself from standing outside. She kept telling herself that looking too eager wouldn't be the best idea. As she heard a knock at the front door, she nearly ran in the opposite direction, nervousness overcoming her features.

The only thought that helped her towards the door was the look on Mischief's face earlier that night. For once it was Autumn going out for the night, and she wanted to show the girls that she had the courage to do this.

Fiddling with the handle, Autumn opened the door and couldn't help but smile. Jack stood there, flowers in hand, and a small grin on his own face.

"Evenin' miss," he greeted. "I thought dese flowers would be a welcome addition to your attire, but seein' as how ya look gorgeous, I fear I picked dese in vain. I don't believe ya need any flowers at all, 'cept dat I could show dese flowers what real beauty is, just by lookin' at ya." It was Kid Blink's line, but it was one of the best he had ever come up with and Jack wasn't about to waste it.

Giggling, Autumn took the flowers from his hand and kissed his cheek. "Thank-you."

Jack bowed slightly. "Yer welcome. I was thinkin' we could go to dis restaurant I know down the street. It ain't too far away. What do ya say?"

Autumn smiled and nodded her approval, and the two headed for the restaurant. Light conversation filled the air on the way, Jack and Autumn both struggling to find topics to talk about freely.

As they arrived, Jack opened the door for Autumn and followed her inside, but once he searched the restaurant for a place to sit, his face dropped in sheer disbelief.

"Jack?"

"Davey?"

~~~~

Ya gonna tell us da truth, or ya gonna let us sit here like idiots wonderin' what happened ta ya?

Relinquishing his 'scabber' ways, Jack was once again a Newsie, but convincing the others that he was here to stay was more than a bit difficult. Heaving a sigh, he began to open up to his fellow lodgers, letting them into a world where only his mind had traveled before – where his parents still lived in his memory, and boyish thoughts of a better place in Santa Fe filled his hopes.

****