This
Brian VO* Actually hearing Jordan Catalano call me a friend…it was too much. I mean, how much can one person take? The thing is I was almost flattered just because I just don't…you know…have a lot of friends, but it's Jordan Catalano. He probably won't even remember what we talked about in a few hours. And, this is the guy who Angela worships and it makes me ill just seeing them together. I can't do this!
Brian stood up suddenly and walked out of the classroom without saying a word, leaving all of his things on the desk.
"Hey! Where are you…" Jordan asked, but Brian didn't reply. "Are we done?"
Brian rushed down the hall as if he had to use the restroom in an urgent manner. Turning the corner, he slammed right into Rickie carrying a large crate of play pamphlets. In one quick bump, the fliers scattered across the floor.
"I'm sorry." Brian said sympathetically as his shoulders sagged.
"Oh…god…I just had all these printed. What are you doing charging through the halls like…like…in such a hurry?"
"I'm sorry…Rickie…really." He knelt beside him and started to pick up pamphlets. "It's just that I was tutoring Jordan and he just thanks me outta like, no where for helping him and I don't know what to say because…"
"Because of Angela and you?"
"Because I can't stand him. He's the idiot that…that Angela totally adores and he has her, even though he screwed up and has no sense of decency. He doesn't deserve her and yet he has her! It makes me sick! I'm such a hypocrite!"
"For helping him still?"
"Because he called me a friend for crying out loud, and I almost liked it! I should hate him!"
"But you don't…do you?"
"No."
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Angela VO* Life has this way of making you doubt everything, everyone…including yourself. Every relationship I have is changing and I don't know if it's them…or me that's doing the changing. It makes me feel lonely.
"Angela!" Jordan called, walking up to her locker.
"Oh hi…aren't you supposed to be getting tutored…right now?" Angela asked awkwardly.
"Well, yea…but Brian just, like walked out…so…"
"What do you mean? I mean, he just walked out?"
"He just got up and left, so I figured we were done."
"It just doesn't seem like that's something Brian would…just do. You know?"
"No, not really."
"Did you like say something to him? To make him leave suddenly?"
"Say something? What would I say?"
"I don't know." Angela shrugged, "Because I was just wondering, you know, what exactly he helps you with…when he's tutoring you."
"Why?"
"Because you shouldn't just take advantage of someone…you know? Letting them help you with everything and then going on your merry way."
"Do you think I should go back?"
"Yes…I mean…you shouldn't use people and not show any sort of appreciation!"
"I thanked him."
"You thanked him!!?" Angela laughed nervously.
"You know…for tutoring me." Jordan didn't understand.
"You can't just thank someone for something like that…you have to give them credit too."
"Angela?"
"You can't just use your tutor to do everything for you…like it's an excuse…for whatever you need…at the time."
"He told you."
"Told me?"
"About that letter. I mean…you know."
"No…I mean, yes I do know and no, he didn't tell me. The thing is…were you ever going to tell me?"
"It's just that…I tried, but it was just too hard."
Angela VO* Too hard? Those words just stayed with me, echoing through me growing louder and louder. Too hard? It seemed that there was a lot that was too hard for Jordan Catalano. It was too hard for him to not care what his friends thought of me. It was too hard for him to understand why I didn't want to have sex with him, yet. It was too hard for him to say no to other girls. It was too hard for him to write me his own letter.
"Too hard? You mean, it was too easy for you not to tell me."
"I didn't mean it that way. You just really seemed to like that letter and…"
"I did! I really loved it, but since you didn't technically like, write it I can't feel the same about…this."
"This?"
"Did you ever stop to wonder why Brian wrote that letter for you in the first place?"
"Look…I'm not very good at this."
"Did you ever think about it?"
"I asked him."
"Well, I'd ask him about it again." Angela walked off, leaving Jordan alone in the hallway.
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Jordan walked back to the tutoring hall where he found Brian collecting the things he had left behind.
"Brain." He called.
"Uh…listen…sorry about that. I'm just not up for tutoring today if it's all the same to you."
"Sure…yea." Jordan seated himself back down in front of Brian.
"To be honest…I'm just not feeling, like that good today."
"That's what I thought…you know?" Jordan paused, trying to think of a way to ask Brian about the letter, wondering if he should ask him at all. "Brain…I mean Brian…about that letter?" he muttered.
"What?" Brian froze.
"Was there, like a reason…you wrote it?"
"Why? Did Angela…uh…say something?"
"She just told me to ask."
"That's all she like said though…right? I mean…she didn't say anything else?"
"What else could she tell me?"
"Nothing!" Brian quickly shoved his books into his bag.
"Ok." Jordan stood up, "Then there's nothing."
"Yea, nothing…you know because nothing means there's like, nothing else to talk about." Brian stumbled nervously.
The two boys stood and just looked at each other for a second, both knowing there was so much more to say but relieved that neither wanted to pursue the conversation. They turned away from each other simultaneously and left.