Chapter 10 Continued

She thought better of her last question. Friends? What was the true meaning of that word? Tonight Midnight had wrestled herself into Estrella's brain, pressing every button she had, taunting Estrella to think twice about continuing life at the lodging house. Midnight had found things that no one else had about Estrella. She had gone through the depths of her psyche, pried open every door possible, searched through every filing cabinet of information in her brain and figured out a way to manipulate that knowledge while Estrella sat there, paralyzed by the thoughts Midnight had uncovered.

"What friends do I have?" Estrella scoffed lightly. At that moment, she wished that someone was up there with her, telling her she was worth something – begging her to stay here and not leave.

But there was no one there. The only sounds came from the dark streets below – sounds of drunken men laughing, sounds of horse hooves tapping out a gentle melody across the cobblestones, and sounds of police whistles as they broke up another bar brawl.

What kind of life is this? Estrella asked herself. Her inner turmoil was almost unbearable now as it screamed in her head. Did she go on living this life, doubting her self-worth, enduring girls like Midnight who didn't know the full damage they had done, or did she end it? Could she end the suffering?

Estrella pushed herself away from the warm chimney and walked to the edge of the roof. The breeze passed through her long locks as she stood closer to the brink, making her shiver. Her eyes closed, Estrella took several deep breaths – the smells of the city intoxicating her. Would she miss this? The scent of the restaurant on the corner filled the air and she smiled wistfully without even realizing it. They had the best apple pie there. Of course, she hardly ever had the money to afford such a luxury, but when she did, Estrella didn't hesitate to buy a piece for herself.

Her eyes fluttering open, Estrella stared out at the city in front of her. Tears brimmed in her eyes, but she pushed them away with the back of her hand. This was what she wanted – to be free of this place. She couldn't back out now. Midnight would find out about her attempt – she would taunt her, tell her that she wasn't strong enough. Estrella couldn't live through that.

Inching her feet closer to the edge, her legs shoulder-length apart and her eyes shut tightly, Estrella started to raise her arms in the air. She needed peace. This was the only way to achieve that. She could finally be a star in the Heavens like she always wanted to be. She would fly away and the pain would leave.

Gasping, Estrella realized she was about to take her last breath and inhaled sharply before she started to lean forward. She let out a meek cry as the wind started to push her faster than she was ready for. Then she felt herself falling… falling… but she didn't fly, instead she abruptly landed on her back.

"Estrella, what the hell are ya doin'!"

"Who…" Estrella muttered and winced. Tears cascaded down her cheeks and she grabbed her pounding head, which had hit the ground during the fall. Please don't be Midnight… was all she could think.

Midnight collapsed next to the sullen figure and gathered Estrella in her arms, the long hair from both girls hiding their shocked faces. Midnight had just pulled Estrella away from her death, and she couldn't get around that horrid thought. Her mind filled with questions – how far had she pushed her earlier?

Neither could speak, Estrella overcome with sobs and Midnight stuck in a stunned silence. She managed to rock Estrella back and forth as they held onto each other in the night, the sounds of the street slowly calming their souls.

~~~~

Crutchy? Little Man, one of the smallest boys in the lodging house, climbed up on the couch and leaned his head against Crutchy's shoulder.

Hiya kid, Crutchy smiled, as always.

Crutchy… he hesitated, his fingers fiddling with his shirt. Does it hurt? he asked.

Sighing, Crutchy held his tongue at first, not exactly sure what to say to the boy. Then he nodded. Yeah, sometimes, but ya gotta take da good wid da bad, right? he pointed out.

Can you fix it? he asked, gesturing to Crutchy's leg.

Crutchy shrugged. When he was little, his parents had the option to try a procedure to help his leg, but his father turned it down. It wasn't money that was the issue, but pride – a deep sense of pride that his father had. He wanted to show his son that life wasn't always easy, and thus, Crutchy's leg remained how it was.

I don't wanna fix it. It's part of who I am, Crutchy finally answered.

Curling up beside him, Little Man yawned. I like who you are.

****