Door opens.
"Hey, lower that music, will you? It's hurting my ears."
"Hmmph. You have no taste in music."
"I do too. I just don't happen to think Marilyn Manson is all that great."
"No, he's not. He's doubly amazingly great."
"Jeff, that's stupid."
"Well, it's true."
Rolls eyes. "Okay, fine. Keep it loud. But you'll suffer the consequences later."
"Sure I will."
"Damn straight."
Walks into kitchen.
Dumps all sugar in the house in the trash.
"We're all out of sugar!"
"Whazzit? Can't hear you!"
"I said, we're all out of sugar."
Music stops. "NO!"
Chuckle. "Yes."
"Well, go buy some!"
"Come with me."
"Fine."
Climbs into car.
"I choose the music."
"No fair!"
"Is too. You were the one blasting Marilyn Manson."
"Well…"
"Let me see…"
"Nothing shitty!"
"What are you talking about? I like good music."
"No, you like Pearl Jam music."
Grumbling. "Nothing wrong with liking Pearl Jam."
"Why do you like them anyway?"
"I don't know. Why do you like the Stone Temple Pilots?"
"Because I do."
"And I like Pearl Jam for the same reason."
"I bet you I know the real reason why you like Pearl Jam."
"Why?"
Snickers slyly. "You like the way Eddie Vedder moans, huh?"
"What the hell are you smoking?"
"Weed…the usual."
"Why would I like the way he moans?"
"'Cuz it turns you on."
"You're sick."
"Well, you know, I know lots of people that get turned on when he—"
"That's enough. Shut your yap."
"Why? Because you know I figured out the truth!"
"Shut it!"
"The truth is out there, Mulder!"
"What are you now? Scully?"
"No. I'm a guy."
"If I'm gay then you're a woman."
"Transvestite?"
"No shit."
"Fine. But only for today."
"Cool. Now go dress up in on of Lita's outfits. I want the thong and the bra included."
"Okay. As soon as you go out and kiss some guys."
"Where?"
"On the mouth. Where else?"
Sigh. "I think you're high…"
"Nope."
"You want me to kiss a guy? Like which one?"
Shrugs. "Adam. Shane. Shannon. I don't know, take a pick."
"You're disgusting. The deal is off."
"But why?"
"Because I refuse to kiss a guy."
"But I'll dress up like Lita!"
"I don't care. There's no way in hell I'm going to kiss anybody except a girl. Or your on the cheek to annoy you."
Sigh. "I was looking forward to that."
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Then,
"So, does Eddie Vedder turn you on?"
"Jeff, shut up."