Road Trip…of DOOM
An Invader Zim Fanfiction by KidKourage
Part 3—Dances With Wolves
Well, it's finally happened—I've written a story that's gotten absolutely, completely out of hand. This thing is a monster, no? It's gone through so many changes since the beginning that what was supposed to be a three-chapter story will almost definitely become four…and all thanks to the fact that once I start writing a conversation I just let it take its course no matter how many twists and pointless sidebars that course might have. So, for those of you who've been waiting all this time for me to get around to writing about wolves, you're in for a treat—twenty-seven pages worth of wolfy wolf fun! Yaaaaaaaay! Let said fun begin!
The scene is the Lakota Wolf Preserve! Our heroes have bravely braved the rocky, muddy trail to the top of the hill, and are now about to meet the inhabitants of this beautiful place.
Zim: Now that we have arrived, what is it that we're supposed to be doing now? I don't want to just stand here looking at the ugly Dib-monkey until 10:30.
KidK: Oh, no! Don't look at Dib! Come over here and look at Silver and Kazan and Jasmine and Sasha and Kimba and Shania and Princess Jo-jo!
Dib: You know their names?!
KidK: They're my friends! Well…not really. But I've always loved wolves and so I love this place, and so I guess I just learned their names.
Gir: Princess Jo-jo? A princess wolfie? Is she a faaaaairy princess?
KidK: Well, last time I checked she wasn't, but we should go make sure. Let's go! Mom, can I have my camera?
KidK's Mom: Be careful with it…(she produces the camera and hands it over) These disposable cameras cost more than you'd think.
Mike-the-Brother: Heyyyy, don't I get one?
KidK's Mom: I wanted one for myself, but…here you go.
KidK's Dad: Don't give that ungrateful kid your camera! It's yours! You're such a pushover to those two.
KidK's Mom: So, honey, where are you going to go to buy that Super Super Slash 3 for Michael?
KidK's Dad: Well, I was thinking the GameStop in Moorestown, but if I can get it at…hey! I know what you're trying to insinuate here!
Meanwhile, while KidK's Dad argues his merit as a parent (which is great ^.^), the 'gang' goes over to see the wolves. At Lakota Wolf, there are three huge enclosures for three packs to live, as well as a smaller one that only has one pair living in it. These are all surrounded by two sets of fence—one set that separates each pack from the others, and one set that goes around the entire preserve. For the WolfWatch, you get to go inside the outer fence to a clearing in the center of all four habitats. However, before that starts there's nothing to stop you from watching the Tundra Pack from outside. Now, you might think that this is another one of those places that promises that you'll see animals, but then when you get there the animals are hidden amidst a vale of green so you question that there is even anything living inside. Well, it's not. The wolves have plenty of greenery to keep them happy and fulfilled, but since they were raised by humans they are very social animals. When people come up to the fence, they bask in the attention. They're curious to see visitors, and will follow a crowd from one end of the fence to the other, seeming to 'pose' for photographs—they know they're beautiful. I could gush about this for hours, but that wouldn't be fanfiction, would it? So I'll let KidK do the talking for me.
KidK (starry-eyed): Wowwwww…look how pretty they are with their winter coats!
Gir: Fluffy wolfies! They're all snuggly warm!
Mike-the-Brother: Yeah, when we came in the summer they were all gangly and stuff.
Gaz: Like you? Heh.
Squee: Gosh…I thought wolves were scary, but they're cool-looking.
Dib: There's seven in this enclosure?
KidK: Yeah. This is the Tundra Pack. The Timber Pack is bigger, but these are the most beautiful…not that they're not all beautiful, because they are. So, what do you think of the evil demon wolves now, Zim?
Zim: Hmmm…they seem docile enough. And as your sub-par human animal species go, they're not so ugly.
Jasmine: *bark!*
'Nny: It would seem that she doesn't agree with your assessment.
Jasmine, a smallish tan Tundra with black back and face markings, turns to regard the tall, thin human with interest.
Jasmine: *whine*
KidK: Hey, 'Nny-kun, she likes you! If I remember correctly, Jasmine is the smallest of the pack and is something of a trickster. But sweet. And that big tan guy over there is Kazan, the alpha male.
Mike-the-Brother (pointing): I thought Kimba was the alpha.
KidK: Not officially yet. He's being trained up by his daddy to take over the family business. ^_^
Kimba, a male with gorgeous black-tipped ears, saunters regally over to Jasmine and gives her a nose touch.
Kimba: *whine*
Jasmine: *whine*
Kimba: *bark!*
With that, Jasmine gets up out of her place and starts walking to the other end of the fence. About halfway down, she turns and gazes soulfully at Johnny, then continues on her way.
Dib: What was that all about?
'Nny: I think she's the omega. The bottom of the heap. He wanted her spot on the rock, so she had to go.
Zim: How can you know that, 'Nny-human?
'Nny: It's pretty obvious if you pay attention to context.
Zim (haughtily): I have a universal translator, you know. I can fix it so we can all know exactly what the hair monsters are saying.
He produces the translator and begins fiddling with it. Johnny simply shrugs and wanders over to Jasmine's new resting spot. Meanwhile…
KidK: Look look! 'Tis Silver!
Gaz: That's the one you sponsor, right?
KidK: Yup!
Gaz: Cool. (she goes back to her game)
Dib: How are you telling them all apart? They look mostly the same to me, except for the alpha…Kazan was it? He's got a lot less black in him, but the others…identical.
KidK: Not if you look close. See, Silver looks a lot like Jasmine, but she's bigger, and while Jasmine has a playful, flirty look to her face, Silver looks more regal and reserved. Princess Jo-jo has a darker tan cast to her features, Sasha has less dark markings around her eyes, and Shania has the whitest feet of anyone. And Kimba's got those awesome black ears.
Dib (totally confused): Oh.
KidK: Don't worry about it. Not everybody's a total wolf freak like me.
Mike-the-Brother: No one's a total wolf freak like you.
Dib: Probably the people who own this place are.
Silver (approaching the sleeping Jo-jo): *growl* (she lays a paw on the other wolf and then springs back, inviting a chase) *bark!*
Princess Jo-jo: *yelp!* (she follows)
Zim (brandishing the translator): OK, I've got it working now. Be amazed at Irken craftsmanship! (convinced he has gained attention, he begins to 'amaze') The big one said 'Hey Miss Layabout, let's do something to entertain the audience. Come on and chase me!' and the other one said 'Don't you ever put your foot on me! I'll get you for this!'
KidK: Hey, Jo-jo sounds like you, Zim! Soul mates, I'd say.
Squee: Look at them run! And…hey, they're not making any noise! Shouldn't you be able to hear their feet? (note: this is very cool ^_^)
Mike-the-Brother (sneaking up behind Squee): All the better to creep up and eat you! Muhahahahaaaaa!
Squee: Yieee!
Gaz: Mike, has the high altitude affected your brain somehow? You're acting really weird today!
Mike-the-Brother: I dunno. Maybe. (holding up his camera with a wild gleam in his eyes) I'm gonna take the first picture! (Mike does act weird at Lakota…it's inexplicable)
KidK: Nuh uh! I'm gonna do it!
Kazan: *bark! bark!*
At their leader's call, the others return to the fence to check out the humans looking at them with those funny clicking machines. All except Jasmine, that is. Down at the other end of the enclosure…
'Nny: They pick on you, huh?
Jasmine: *whine*
'Nny: I'm sorry. It's probably because you're smaller…different. Just the way the world works, unfortunately. They treat me like that, too.
Jasmine (cocking her head): *whine?*
'Nny: Missy's got some notion that if we don't let it intrude on our lives, we can still be happy. Why don't you make believe she's right? At least you've got good looks going for you. Why not just run around and do whatever you want without regard for that other guy says to you?
Jasmine (looking over at Kimba): *bark!*
'Nny (shaking his head ironically): Don't I know it.
Gaz (wandering over): Looks like you've found a friend, at least.
'Nny: We have some things in common. (he turns to Gaz) How come you're not over there with the others?
Gaz (shrugging): Even Mike is getting on my nerves today. He just won't shut up! God, if I have to hear him say one more quote I'm going to—rrrrrr! (she gestures like she's strangling an imaginary Mike)
'Nny: Me too. Only mine's more like this. (the imaginary Mike gets stabbed)
Gaz: Heh. Good one.
Mike-the-Brother (jogging over): Hey Gaz how come you came over here? Johnny, can I take a picture of your wolf so's I'll have one and KidK won't?
'Nny and Gaz (scary!): ¬_¬ …………………..
Mike-the-Brother: Whoa! Okay, I get the picture! Or rather I don't! (he goes back over to where KidK is snapping pictures and whines) KidK, Johnny and Gaz are being mean to me…
KidK: Maybe that's because you're being a pest. (she goes back to what she's doing) Ooooo, that one's gonna be nice!
KidK's Mom: Don't waste all the pictures now, honey—you want to have some left for the other packs once we get inside the fence.
KidK's Dad: Cameras don't grow on trees!
Gir: A camera tree! Clicky click! Missy, can I take a picture?
KidK (warily): Okay, Gir, but make it a picture of a wolf and not your hand, all right?
Gir: Okeedokee! I'm gonna take a picture of Master Jo-jo Wolf!
Princess Jo-jo: *yip! bark!*
Zim (reciting): 'Do not point that thing at me, two-legger!' Hmmmm…this Jo-jo beast has quite an antagonistic attitude.
Princess Jo-jo: *growl*
Zim: 'How dare you, short green thing.' Grrrrr, how dare you, garbage dog!
Princess Jo-jo: *growwwwwwwl*
Zim: Geh! You wouldn't be so disrespectful if there weren't two fences between us!
Dib: No, she'd probably tear your throat out instead.
KidK: Hey, now, you know there's never been a recorded attack by a wolf on a man before! (if I had a nickel for every time I've had to say this…)
Dib: Heh. Zim's hardly a man, KidK.
Zim: And you are, Dib-buh? (shaking his head) Poor big-headed boy…
Dib: At least I'll eventually get taller! You little shrimp! (he turns to the wolf behind the fence) Go Jo-jo! You know what he is, don't you? You can probably smell the alien-ness on him!
Princess Jo-jo (turning her head away sharply): *sniff*
Dib: What'd she say? Gimme that! (he snatches the translator) 'All you two-leggers smell bad.' Hey!
Gir: Pretty pretty Princess! I'm takin' a piccie of yoooooou!
Princess Jo-jo: *growl*
Sasha (coming over and prodding Jo-jo with her paw): *whine*
Dib: 'Don't talk to the visitors like that. They pay our bills.' How can they know things like that?
Squee: They must be really smart to understand human speech.
'Nny (rejoining the group): Why? Just another form of grunting and whining, really. It's sad that we think ourselves more (air quotes) 'advanced' than these animals, especially since we can't understand them.
Gir (looking up from his camera): Mister Purple-man says I'm advanced! He's so niiiiiiice.
Zim: Yes, speak for yourself 'Nny-monster. My species is so advanced that we have developed technology to do the understanding for us! (he grabs back the translator from Dib) Don't put your dirty fingers on that!
Gaz (poking Mike, who is busy with his own camera): Hey.
Mike-the-Brother (looking down at her): Hey.
Gaz: Sorry.
Mike-the-Brother: Whatever.
Gaz: Game?
Mike-the-Brother: Sure.
He pockets the camera and the two link GameBoys as if nothing has happened. Two game freaks can't stay within a mile of each other without battling, after all. ^_^
Dib: Isn't it 10:30 yet?
Zim: Yes, the sooner this…thing begins, the sooner we can leave and I can be away from the evil Jo-jo beast.
Princess Jo-jo: *yip!*
Zim (looking down at the translator and then back up in horror): O_O
Gir: What's she sayin'? Lemme seeeeeee! (he takes the translator from the upset Zim) Hmmmm…jinkies! Princess loves you, Master!
KidK's Dad: Well, my watch has 10:30. What's keeping them so long?
Random Male Visitor: Oh, didn't you hear? They've got a Girl Scout Troup here today.
His Wife: The little girls are probably having trouble on the hike is all.
Mike-the-Brother: Aw, Girl Scouts? Why didn't they just take the van like everybody else who's too weak to hike?
KidK's Mom: That's not nice, Mike. They probably couldn't all fit in the van! Little Girl Scouts are cute! Remember your sister was one once.
KidK: Someone say something else quick, before I'm overcome by a wave of horrible nightmare visions involving brown jumpers.
Dib: You were a Girl Scout, KidK?
KidK: *sigh* That was not the right thing to say, Dib.
Squee: Whenever the Girl Scouts come to my house to sell cookies, my Daddy buys those icky Lemon Pastry Cremes and then yells at me about how I don't earn any money and I'm no good to anybody.
Gaz: I was a Girl Scout for about a day when Dad suddenly insisted that I make some friends my own age…
KidK: Oh? What happened?
Gaz (darkly): I made some enemies my own age.
Suddenly, all the wolves perk up their ears. Those who were sitting or lying down stand up straight. They walk over to the end of the fence closest to the big sign and the end of the mountain trail. Even little Jasmine bounds over, wagging her tail happily.
KidK: Wow, I'm always amazed by their powers of hearing and smell. They always know when the tour guide is almost here.
Jasmine: *whine!*
'Nny: Right, right. Your friend is coming. Won't that be nice?
Zim (disdainfully): Do not pretend to know what the fuzz-dog is saying. I'm the one with the translator.
'Nny (raising an eyebrow): Well, what does she say, then, oh mighty one?
Zim (reading): 'Listen—our friend is coming.' (enraged) Treacherous cur!
KidK: Calm down, Zim. You'll scare the Girl Scouts.
Mike-the-Brother: I thought Girl Scouts were supposed to be brave and stuff. No one with half a brain would be afraid of Zim.
At that moment, our heroes hear one of the most disturbing sounds a human being (or wolf, for that matter) can hear—the cry of the Brownie Girl Scout who has just caught sight of a fuzzy wuzzy aminal.
Girl Scouts (emerging from the forest): Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (they stampede over to the fence, crowding out KidK and Co.)
Brownie Karyn: Ooo, they're so cute!
Brownie Skye: I wanna give him a hug!
Brownie Layla (people today like names with 'y's): Look at his purdy furry tail!
All Girl Scouts: *inane chatter*
KidK: I must be cursed.
Gir: Aw, the cute girly girls are happy!
Zim: Madness! Get away from me, dirt females!
Brownie Taylor (y! ^_^): Lookie! A cute green doggie!
Gir: Lookie! A cute pink girly!
KidK: Oh no. You are not fraternizing with these people, Gir. (she picks Gir up and holds him Misty/Togepi style) You'll be able to see better this way anyway.
KidK's Dad: So much for getting here early. These brats are just taking our spots at the fence!
Troop Leader Marla (not in Generation 'y'): Hey, Mister, where do you get off talking about our kids like that? We've got just as much right to be here as you!
'Nny: He wasn't saying that you don't, ma'am. He was merely expressing disgust at the incredibly rude behavior of your charges, who are acting as though they have more right to be here than anyone. With all undue respect, you should probably evaluate your own actions before you berate others.
Troop Leader Marla: Why should I do what you say, you man?
'Nny (narrowing his eyes and grinning wickedly): Because I'd hate to be a bad example for the children…
Troop Leader Gwen: Don't let him oppress you with his man-ness, Marla! Remember, Girl Scout Leaders are as strong and proud as any thickheaded male…and we've got a whole army of little girls to do our bidding! Muhahahahaaaaaa!
'Nny: O_ That laugh is really quite irksome, you know.
Troop Leader Barbara: You've insulted an official Troop Leader for the last time, Mister! (at the top of her lungs) Brownies! Attack Formation! Swarm!
Everyone in a Five-Mile Radius: …………………. (obligatory cricket chirps in the background)
Brownie Krystal (breaking the silence): Ooo, look! He's giving him a kiss!
All Girl Scouts: Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Dib (raising his hand): OK, who else felt that that was…disturbing?
Squee: Me.
Squee, whose nerves have never been too good to begin with, nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels the tap of fingers on his shoulder. He whirls around to see, standing behind him, a cute little girl with an orangey-red ponytail, bright blue eyes, and freckles.
Brownie Danyelle (OK, the 'y's are outta hand): Hello. What's your name?
Squee (very surprised by this attention): Me? 'm Todd.
Brownie Danyelle: I'm Danyelle! Is this your first time here?
Squee: Yup.
Brownie Danyelle: Me too! Hey, wanna stand together by the fence?
Squee: Ummmm…sure!
Brownie Danyelle: Neato! Let's go! (she grabs Squee's hand and they disappear into the crowd)
KidK's Mom: Oh, that's so sweet. Little Todd found a little Brownie friend.
Gir: I want a little Brownie friend! They're all so wiggly jiggly giggly good!
KidK: Shh shh, Gir! Look, the tour's gonna start.
Tour Guide Dan (fiddling with the gate lock): Well, everyone, who's ready to meet our wolves?
All Girl Scouts: Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
KidK: I am! (yes, I do get excited like a Girl Scout)
Tour Guide Dan: It's certainly nice to hear so many enthusiastic voices! (he gets the gate open) Let's go in, then.
The elderly man leads the way through the gate in the outer fence into a clearing surrounded by the four inner wolf habitats. To the right are the Tundras and Arctics, and to the left are the Timbers and one separate pair, Midnight and Misty. The Brownies quickly fill up much of the space near the short wooden railing, which is situated about three feet from the fences to keep children from putting their fingers inside. Dan, on the other hand, stands within inches of the fence, greeting his furry 'children.'
Tour Guide Dan: Why hello, Silver! Hey, Kimba, you keeping everyone in line so your old dad can rest? Jasmine, you're looking cute as always.
Jasmine (happily): *bark bark!*
Tour Guide Dan: Well, it sounds like you're ready to start, eh girl? (slyly) Or do you all just want my treats? (he pulls out a bag of doggy snacks and tosses a handful of them over the fence) Yup! That's what you wanted, all right! ^_^
Brownie Danyelle (leaning over the railing): Aw, isn't that cute Todd? He feeds 'em like puppies!
Squee (crowded in with her): Yeah! They're cool!
Meanwhile, back in the back of the crowd…
KidK's Dad: It's so weird that they eat dog treats like that.
'Nny: They're not as wild as they should be.
KidK: Yes, it's really a shame that they can't live totally free…but at least they're living period. If they weren't protected like this, they probably would've been shot (air quotes) 'accidentally' years ago.
Dib: Really? I knew there were stereotypes, but…
KidK: People are stupid. They see a wolf, and all their childhood memories of 'Little Red Riding Hood' come back to them. So they shoot them. Technically it's illegal, but most people can get away with it if they say that the wolf was menacing a pet or cattle or something.
Zim: Hmf. The Jo-jo beast deserves to be vaporized.
Dib: That's just because you're afraid of her.
Zim: I do not fear that dog-monster! She insulted a high-ranking Irken soldier!
Dib: Really? I don't remember any more of your bloodthirsty kind landing here recently. And if they had, I of course would've known about it.
Zim: I mean m—you know very well of whom I am speaking, evil Dib, and I am not going to give you the satisfaction of retaliation this time.
KidK: Good, good. Cuz the talk's about to start.
Gir (screeching): Look, Missy, it's Santa Clawz! Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Santa!
Tour Guide Dan (laughing—he does look like Santa): Hahaha…no, son, I'm not Santa Claus, though I'm always spoiling these guys with presents!
All Adults: *polite laughter*
Tour Guide Dan: Well, now, if everyone's here, we can get started. Welcome to the Lakota Wolf Preserve, home to twenty-six wolves—seven Tundras, seven Arctics, and twelve Timbers. Now, you're probably wondering how we came to be in possession of such a great group of animals. Well, it all started with the namesake of our Preserve, the lovely Lakota over here. See her there, in the Timber area? She's the one with the ragged ear.
The crowd, which had been focused on the other side of the preserve, on the Tundra and Arctic habitats, now finds itself backwards.
KidK: Yay! I'm in the front after all! Yo, Timber friends!
Mike-the-Brother: I'm taking more pictures than you! (he clicks wildly)
KidK: No fair! I've gotta hold Gir!
Gir: I can take da piccies, Missy!
KidK's Mom: You'd better not let him, Missy. We don't want a whole roll of pictures of Gir's hand again.
KidK: Right. I'll just put Gir down for now. (she plunks her friend down)
Gir: Aw, man! (he realizes that he is now free) Wait…yay!
Tour Guide Dan: Since we've got our attention on Lakota, we may as well meet the rest of her pack—there's Cheyenne on the log over there, and Oshicca right by the fence, and the three youngest, Amaroq (Maniacal Dragon's favorite! Isn't it weird that both of our favs have wolves named after them at Lakota?), Apache, and Raven over here, and…
Dib: He can tell them apart too!
KidK: Well, realmente, I don't know any of the Timber pack on sight except for Oden, who's mostly all tan like Kazan, Lakota because of her ear, and her sister Willow because she's almost black. With the others, I'm just as in the dark as you are.
Tour Guide Dan: …and that's the reason why we have so many more Timbers than any other kind. (he indicates the smallest of the four enclosures) Now, can anyone tell me what's special about old Midnight over there?
Brownie Krystal: He's black!
Brownie Layla: And he's got yellow eyes!
Brownie Danyelle (now at the back of the group): Wish I could see…
Squee: Come on, Danyelle, my friends are up in the front. They'll let us cut in for sure! (he takes her hand and pulls her over to the front) Hey, guys, is there any room by the fence for Danyelle an' me?
KidK (scooting over): Sure! You're short anyway, so you can stand in front of me.
Dib: Just make sure you don't stand in front of Zim!
Zim: Or the little Dib-monkey, for that matter!
Gaz: Would you two idiots just shut up? I'm trying to hear!
KidK: Yeah, this is really interesting huh, Gaz?
Gaz: Of course! The soundtrack to Crazy Killer 7 is the best in the entire Crazy Killer series!
Mike-the-Brother: You've got Crazy Killer 7?!
KidK: *sigh*
Tour Guide Dan: …and because Misty has never produced any pups, she and her mate Midnight are the only wolves her who haven't been fixed.
Gir (waving his arms wildly): Ooo! Ooo! Santa! Pick meeeee!
Tour Guide Dan: Yes, little…(he realizes who, er, what is talking to him)…thing?
Gir: Ummmmm…were all the other wolfies brokened?
Tour Guide Dan: Hmm?
Gir: Cuz you said you hadda fix 'em!
Tour Guide Dan (a little nervous): No, they weren't broken…we just made it so they couldn't have puppies anymore.
Brownie Skye: How come?
Tour Guide Dan: Because we only have a permit to keep twenty-six wolves on this land, and so we couldn't keep any new pups who were born. We'd have to give them to zoos, and they wouldn't be as happy there. It's sad, because we loved raising these guys up from puppies and would love even more for them to become parents, but the government won't let us have more than twenty-six.
KidK (whispering): Who wants to help me start a petition to the government?
'Nny: I'll sign it, definitely. Poor little Jasmine can't ever be a Mommy…
Squee: I'd sign it too!
Brownie Danyelle: Me too, Todd! We learned in Scouts that everyone can make a difference if we work together and try our best.
KidK's Mom: Awwwww! Why can't you be a cute little Girl Scout anymore, Missy?
KidK: I don't think I ever talked like that, Mom.
Dib: I'll bet I could get Dad and a bunch of people at his lab to sign the petition.
Gaz: You could not, Dib. You know the guards don't have a clue who you are. I could get the signatures, though.
Zim (folding his arms): I'm not signing anything that might result in the creation of more…things…like that awful so-called Princess.
Just then, the group hears something quite unexpected. Wait…I guess it couldn't've been that unexpected, since it involves Gir.
Brownie Skye (in the back of the crowd): Look, everyone! The cute green doggy from before is in with the Tundra wolves!
Gir: Hey Princess Master Jo-jo! I wanna pet youuuuuuu!
Princess Jo-jo (warningly): *growwwwwl*
She gets up to walk away, and Gir, oblivious, follows. The other wolves, a bit upset that their space has been entered by something that they don't recognize, come over to sniff Gir.
Kimba: *sniff* *whine?*
Kazan: *bark!*
Shania: *yip?*
Silver: *whine*
Dib: What'd they say, Zim? Come on, the fate of your little robot pal may rest in the balance!
Gaz: You and your fate.
Zim: Wait…right. The one with the ear tips said 'Excuse me, but are you human?' and the big one said, 'Son, no way that thing is human!' and then the one with the foot-socks said 'Is it food?' and the one KidK likes so much said 'It looks hard to me.'
Troop Leader Marla: Oh my God! That little thing is gonna get eaten!
Tour Guide Dan: Now, ma'am, don't believe in what the prejudices tell you.
Tour Guide Dan and KidK: There's never been a recorded attack by a wolf on a man before.
Tour Guide Dan: O_O Is there an echo over here?
KidK: No, I just know that fact by heart, sir. But what can we do to get my friend out of there?
Tour Guide Dan: Well, I can go in there with the pack because they know me, but that little…thing of yours looks…dangerous.
Zim (pointing at Dan): That's right! It is very dangerous and you shouldn't touch it and try to find out about its true identity! Beware!
Squee: Yeah, that thing is creepy!
Brownie Danyelle: Aw, I think it's cute.
Squee: It always tries to eat my head!
Brownie Danyelle: Really? (she hides behind Squee) You'll protect me, right Todd?
Squee: *ulp!* Sure…
KidK: Nobody need protection from Gir. He's not malicious. Just lemme talk to him. (she pushes through the crowd to the other side of the clearing) Gir!
Gir (running wildly after Jo-jo): I'm gonna pet Princess! (he sees Silver and chases her next) And Silver-lady! (he notices KidK) Yeeeeess, Missy?
KidK: Come on, Gir, you're freaking the wolves out.
Gir: I am?
KidK: Just look.
Gir looks around, only to see that his furry friends are warily keeping their distance from this two-legged, screaming mystery organism. They look ready to bolt if Gir shows any more sign of giving chase.
Gir: They don't like me?
KidK: They're just naturally shy animals. They don't like new people.
Tour Guide Dan: That's right. Remember, kids, wolves are more scared of you than you are of them, so if you ever see one you should leave him alone and he'll probably run away.
Gir: Okay, I'm comin' out. (he tries to start his jet boosters) Rrrr! Rrrrrrrrr! Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I can't.
KidK: Let me guess—you had to make room for the tuna?
Gir: Noooooo…it's Jellooooo.
KidK: *sigh* Well, now how are we gonna get him out?
Zim (super dramatically): Fear not! I will save Gir from the evil Jo-jo and her cronies! (he points and yells as if in fear) Hey, worm babies! Look over there!
Girl Scouts and Troop Leaders (whirling around): *gasp!*
Zim makes use of his homemade diversion to rise up on his spider legs and leap over the fence. Once on the other side, he sprints over to Gir, who has resumed his pursuit of the wolves despite KidK's requests. The pack, upon seeing yet another intruder into their home, appear curious rather than afraid. Princess Jo-jo in particular seems greatly intrigued that the little green two-legger who had dared to insult her has now dared to enter her sanctuary. Just as Zim grabs Gir and is about to make a run for it back to the fence…
Princess Jo-jo (blocking the way): *bark!*
Zim (screeching to a halt): Move your smelly carcass, Princess Stinkbeast!
Gir: Aw, Master! Don't be so mean to the pretty Princess! She wanna be your friend! See, she gonna give you a kissy!
Princess Jo-jo (moving closer to the pair): *growl*
Zim (backing away): You think you're so special now with your 'other language,' but you wouldn't be growling like that if I had my translator!
Dib (cheering happily from the fence): Yeah, Jo-jo! Get 'im! Bite his head!
Gaz (shoving Dib): Why should she, when your head is such a much bigger target?
KidK: Hey, Zim! Don't be scared! She won't hurt you if you don't get all screamy or threatening, and probably won't even hurt you if you do!
Meanwhile, some of the other pack members have decided to take an interest in the new arrival.
Kimba (behind Zim): *whine?*
Silver (to the left): *sniff*
Zim (jumping a mile): Yieee! Filthy dogs, sneaking up on me!
Gir: Yaaaaay! More friends to play with!
Tour Guide Dan: Listen, son! I think they like your scent! Just let them sniff you a bit and then they'll leave you alone.
KidK's Mom: Just hold still!
Zim: Never! I am not some kind of smelly air freshener stink thing!
Kazan (stepping ever closer): *whine*
Zim (rising on his spider legs): No! Get away from me! Shoo! (he attempts to wave the pack away)
Brownie Layla (pointing): Hey, look everyone! That kid's got some kinda robot legs or something in his backpack!
Dib: Now you'll all see! They're alien appendages! Zim's an alien!
Brownie Skye (looking up disgustedly): Tch! As if! There's no such things as aliens.
Dib: Then how do you explain the mech legs?
Brownie Skye: Ummmmm…he's a genius scientist?
Mike-the-Brother: Heh, Zim classified with the same words as Washu…
Meanwhile, the ever-surprising Jo-jo has taken it upon herself to taste the spider legs, seeing them as a chew toy. Unfortunately, it is at exactly the moment when she clamps her teeth down on one of the legs that Zim decides to bolt. Held back by the unexpected pressure, he falls on his face in the snow—severing the mechanical limb. Sparks fly, sending the wolves into a panic. This chaos is greatly augmented when Zim, whose coating of paste has worn thin, springs to his feet and, with Gir shouting gleefully from atop his head, starts running around like a beheaded chicken. To escape from the upset wolves, he climbs a tree and sits panting on one of the limbs.
Zim: It…burns! Oh…the horror!
Gir: You made Princess sad, Master!
On the other side of the fence, KidK is not pleased with this turn of events.
KidK: What next? Mister Dan-person, can you go get my friends out now?
Tour Guide Dan: Well, I don't think I can climb all the way up there, miss. (he's old, remember) They'd have to jump down to me so I could escort them out.
KidK: But if Zim lands in the snow again he's toast for sure!
Dib (enthusiastically): Jump, Zim! You can do it!
Brownie Danyelle: Why'd he get all hurt when the snow got on him?
Squee: I think he's allergic to it…he's an alien, you know.
Brownie Danyelle: Really?
Dib: Oh, sure, believe him.
Mike-the-Brother: Heh, Dib is outdone by a ten-year-old!
KidK: Guys! Let's focus! We've got to…
KidK's Dad (looking around): Hey, where'd that kid Johnny go? Wasn't he here a second ago?
Where has Johnny gone? I'll bet you can't even guess. Up in the tree…
Zim: You stay away from me, evil 'Nny-human! Don't you even try to kill me!
'Nny (pulling himself onto the branch): You idiot. Do you really think I've come to hurt you? Strange as this is undoubtedly going to sound, I'm here to get you out.
Gir: Woo! It's Johnny-man to the rescue! (he gets off Zim's head and latches himself to Johnny's)
'Nny: Well, at least I don't have to worry about carrying you, Gir.
Zim: Don't bother carrying me either, worm monkey! I don't need your help!
'Nny: No? You know if you jump down there, you're just going to get burned. And what's that going to prove, other than that you're a stubborn fool?
Zim: Me, a fool?! You are the fool, thinking that you can interfere with all your creepy, scary, dangerous…stuff! I don't know why KidK likes you so much, you lowly dirt beast.
'Nny: And I really don't know why Missy likes you so much, you pigheaded little alien, but she does. Why else do you think I'd want to help you? You think I feel any kind of attachment to you? Really, I wish the old wolf myths were true so I could see you torn to shreds! But despite all your misplaced arrogance, Missy does love you. And so here I am.
Zim (folding his arms): And you can just sit there as long as you want—though I don't think I can take the stench for much longer without expelling the contents of my stomach—because I am not coming with you.
'Nny: *sigh* Fine. You want to do this the hard way? No problem—I've dealt with flaws three times your size.
With that, 'Nny grabs Zim and slings him over his shoulder like a knight in shining armor rescuing a damsel in distress. Completely ignoring the Irken's protests, as well as the shocked cries from the audience, he simply steps off the branch, landing catlike in the snow below.
Gir: Whee! I wanna do that again!
Zim: O_O No you don't! Put me down, monster!
'Nny: Just a sec. I've got one last thing to do before we bid our friends farewell.
Zim: Not my friends. (muttering angrily) Stinking fur-beasts, ruining my mech legs…put me down or I will destroy you!
'Nny (completely ignoring Zim): Hey, Missy! Which one of these guys is Silver?
KidK (still in shock at the sight of 'Nny 'rescuing' Zim): …the big female with the tan face…
Johnny looks around for the right wolf, then approaches her with all confidence. The pack maintains a respectful distance from the tall, dark human, regarding him as one professional to another.
'Nny (kneeling before Silver): Sorry to bother you, miss, but my friend over there brought a gift for you and I'd just like to deliver it. (he produces the huge Milkbone from a pocket)
KidK (once again surprised): How did he get…?
Mike-the-Brother: Heehee, you must be so used to Johnny putting his hands in your pockets that you didn't even notice this time! Heheheheheh…
KidK's Mom: That guy is a little creepy, isn't he?
Squee (very serious): He has scary stuff in his basement. You can hear it at night…
Brownie Danyelle: Oooo, you live by that guy?
Squee: He's my neighbor.
Brownie Danyelle (starry-eyed): Wow, you're so lucky! He's so cooool…
Mike-the-Brother: The plot thickens as Squee's girlfriend falls for KidK's boyfriend! What will happen next? Find out next time on—Strange Love Triangles of the Strange and Creepy!
KidK: Mike, for the last time, shut up. (calling to Johnny) Hey, 'Nny-kun! Break that thing in half if you can and give half to Jasmine too!
'Nny: You sure?
KidK: Yup! ^_^ She's your friend, right?
Zim: Just hurry up and get your paws off me so I can be rid of these ugly creatures!
Silver: *growl*
'Nny: Please, ignore him.. You are, of course, beautiful. (he breaks the Milkbone and offers half to the wolf) This is from Missy, that girl over there, see? (he points, and Silver turns to regard KidK) You don't know her, but she likes you a great deal.
Silver (cocking her head): *whine?*
'Nny: Yes. A very nice person indeed.
Silver (taking the bone in her teeth): *crunch* (she looks happy)
Gir: Munchy wolfie cookie! (he leans down from his perch on 'Nny's head to pat Silver on the head, much to the regal wolf's chagrin)
'Nny (standing up and looking around): Now, where's Jasmine?
Zim: Would you hurry up?! This is horrible, being dragged around like a backpack by a pathetic human!
KidK: Hey, Zim, that's just rude! Johnny is helping you, so stop being so ungrateful!
Zim: I'd be more grateful if he'd stop fooling around and get me out of here! And I'd be infinitely grateful if you wouldn't betray me like that!
'Nny: She's not betraying you, imbecile. She just has some idea of what may happen if you continue to try my patience.
Zim: O_o Curse you! You win this time, 'Nny-human, but only because I want to live to doom you later!
Gir: Doom! I'm gonna sing the doo—
Zim (rapid-fire): Girshutupletthemonstercompletehisbusiness (he takes a deep breath and continues) sohedoesn'tslaughterusboth!
Gir: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
'Nny (spotting Jasmine): Ah, there you are. (he strides over to stand by the little wolf, Zim and Gir in tow, and proffers the other half of the Milkbone) Here you go.
Jasmine (a bit apprehensively): *whine?*
'Nny: Yes, for you. Go on and take it. For once, you can have something your tormentors can't have and can't take from you.
Jasmine: *bark*
'Nny: Okay, maybe not tormentors—I'm applying too much of my own terminology to you—but you get the idea. The last becomes first, eh? Well, second anyway.
Jasmine (wagging her tail): *bark!* (she crunches the bone)
'Nny: You're welcome.
Jasmine (gazing up adoringly): *whine*
'Nny: Be happy, Jasmine, despite what they may do. It might just be possible to live in Missy's kind of world. Find out, and tell me next time, okay?
Jasmine: *bark!*
The little wolf darts forward and gives Johnny's hand a quick lick, then bounds off to join her pack. 'Nny, in turn, goes to the fence to join his own species once more.
'Nny (indicating Dan): Sir, could you please open the gate for us now?
Tour Guide Dan (practically speechless): ………..of course…………. (he does so, and 'Nny exits the wolf enclosure) I must say, my boy, you are quite a special young man! Not everyone can communicate so well with these animals!
'Nny (shaking his head): Not true. Anyone could—few bother to try, however.
Zim (exaggeratedly polite): Perhaps you might set me down now? Nonotinthesnow!
'Nny: The whole ground is covered in snow. So what do you propose I do? You certainly can't stay up there.
Zim: I wouldn't want to.
Gir: I want to! So high in the sky with tall Mister Johnny-man!
KidK (pushing her way through the crowd): Guys! Oh, I'm so glad! Thank you, 'Nny-kun.
'Nny: I could hardly stand by and let you lose two of your 'good things.' But we seem to have another problem. It would appear that your friend here cannot walk in the snow.
KidK: Aw, poor Zimmy! And you broke your mech legs too! Want me to carry you?
Zim (now exaggeratedly weakly): Oh, would you? My poor burned body just can't take any more of the powdery evil…I would appreciate it ever so much…
KidK: Awwwwwww! Here, just put your arms around my neck and—
Dib: Zim is getting a piggyback ride from his girlfriend! Oh, that's rich!
Dib and Mike: Wahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!
Zim: Close your stench holes! While you lowly sub-beings have to trudge along in the snow, I will be high above you! (he takes his place on KidK's back, wrapping his arms tight around her neck) Witness my splendor!
Dib: Oh, sure, Zim. Sure.
Tour Guide Dan: Well, who wants to get to the next part of the tour? I know not much could top the great show we've just had, but we still have what most visitors consider the most fun thing of all—we're going to see if we can't get our canine friends to howl with us!
Girl Scouts: Oooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Gir (still atop 'Nny's head): Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Let's sing with the wolfies! Strike up the beat, Santa!
Tour Guide Dan: Well, wolves howl to communicate with each other over long distances or just to reinforce bonds within the pack. So if we start off the howl, they'll want to reply to us. Now, don't be shy! Let loose with your best wolf howl!
Gir: Aaaaaaarooooooooooooooooooooo! Yippee! Wooooooooooooooo!
Girl Scouts: Aroooooooooooooooooooo!
KidK (doing that uncanny howl of hers): Aaaaarrrroooooooooooooo!
KidK's Dad: I'm not doing it.
KidK's Mom: Oh, come on honey, don't be a spoilsport.
Gaz: This reminds me of one of the miniquests in Werewolf Journey.
Mike-the-Brother: Still not gonna do it, though.
Brownie Danyelle: Wooooooooooooooooooooo! Come on, Todd!
Squee: Heehee! Aroooooooooooooooo!
As the humans howl, the wolves perk their ears up and a few start to whine. Then Kazan, the leader, points his nose skyward and calls forth a deep, rich note from his throat. The others follow suit, each adding their unique tones to the song. The Timber and Arctic packs join in, along with Midnight and Misty, and presently the clearing is surrounded by a symphony of wild music. The imperfect imitations of the visitors are drowned out, and then stop altogether as everyone listens quietly to the calls of the wolves. They, even the noisy Brownies and their pushy leaders, are caught up in the haunting magic of the melody, which rises and falls as the wolves pour their emotion into the still air.
KidK (breathlessly): Beautiful.
Zim: Yes…(he rests his chin on her shoulder and whispers in her ear) Thank you.
KidK (reaching up to take one of Zim's hands in her own): You're welcome. I'm glad I could share this with you.
Zim: Me too.
There is absolutely no more I can say. Words really can't describe the feeling you get when you hear a wolf pack sing. I swear, even if you aren't the emotional type, even if you have never felt anything strongly in your whole lifetime, their voices will break your heart and rebuild it in the same moment. So let's just take a break now, to let everyone recover from the wonder.
Did Everyone Enjoy The Wolfy Wolf Fun? Heh. Read On For More, Yet Non-Wolf Fun As The Road Trip Continues!
Special note for Kat23a: Pterry's Thief of Time is out in the US! Go read it, if you haven't already! ^_^