Road Trip…of DOOM
An Invader Zim Fanfiction by KidKourage
Part 4—The Ice Storm
You are all very tired of my movie titles, aren't you? Almost as tired as Gaz and KidK are of Mike-the-Brother's quoting? Want to strangle me for the stupid puns? Well you can't! Because you are all very far away from where I am! Wahahahahaaaaaaa! Geez! All this not being in skool is getting to me and making me create pointless author notes at the beginnings of chapters! You are all still in skool, though, probably! I laugh at your pain! Wahahahahaaaaaa! OK, now, this is getting repetitive and slightly nasty, so I will stop before…I will stop now. ^_^
The scene is, for the third time, the Lakota Wolf Preserve! About half-hour after the magical time of the wolf-song has passed and the tour is over, the group has made their way back down the trail to their cars.
Gaz: All I can say is wow.
Mike-the-Brother: Pretty cool, eh?
Gaz: 'Pretty cool?' That was the best thing ever!
KidK: And you know it was good if Gaz is getting worked up about it! ^_^ It's just a shame that we have to go home now.
Dib: Zim thinks it's a shame he has to get off of you!
Zim (waving his iron fist in the air from his perch on KidK's back): I will have your hide as a rug, Dib-monkey!
Dib: Oh, why don't you just admit it, Zim? You like being near KidK!
Zim: So what? You are just jealous because I am now taller than you!
Dib: Whatever, Zim. Whatever.
KidK's Dad: Well, is everyone ready to go?
KidK's Mom: I need to fix up my hair in the ladies room. (she wanders off)
'Nny: If you don't mind, I need just a minute to do something in the gift shop.
KidK: You're gonna go sign up to sponsor Jasmine, aren't you?
'Nny: Yes. It seems that my list of good things has gotten a little bit longer today. (he smiles one of his rare genuine smiles)
KidK: I'm glad. ^_^
Johnny disappears inside the general store, and the rest of the group waits in the parking lot.
Dib: You know, Zim, you can get down now. The parking lot is all stones.
KidK: Yeah, Zimmy, I love you and all, but you're getting a bit heavy.
Zim: Fine! I will be all too glad to disembark! Shows how much you know, Dib-buh!
He drops from KidK's back and stands triumphantly, slamming a fist into one of the pillars holding up the overhang of the store to accentuate his point. Unfortunately, though the parking lot is not covered in snow, the roof of the shop is, and this jarring causes a huge slab of ice to detach from its place and teeter precariously over the edge—just above the posing Irken's head. What follows are several crowded seconds that, slowed down, might go something like this:
Mike-the-Brother: Hey, get out of the way, stupid!
Gir: Watch out, Master! Da ice is gonna hit youuuuuuuu!
Zim (cringing in terror): Yieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
KidK: Eat hot laser, ice!
She whips her Ultimate Power Blaster 6000 out of her trenchcoat's deep pocket and fires it at the ice block, which explodes into so many atoms, leaving no residual molecules of water to harm Zim in the least.
Everyone: O_O ………………………..
KidK: What?
Gaz: You just…shot that ice brick with that laser…it was just like in…well…every sci-fi battle game I've ever played!
KidK: I did? (she looks down at the smoking laser) Hey! I did! I saved Zimmy! Zimmy, I save-ded yooooooou!
Mike-the-Brother: Uh oh. The only thing worse than KidK high on Lucky Charms is KidK high on self-esteem.
Zim (stunned by all this): You…saved me…(he recovers veeeeery quickly) Wait, no you didn't!
Gir (running over to tackle his Master): Yup! Missy sure did! She was like (he leaps up, points his puppy paws like a gun, and pretends to fire) bam! Zap! To the moon! Wheeeeeeheeeheee! It was soooo coooool!
Zim: But…but I could've taken on that pathetic block of ice myself! I had no need of human assistance whatsoever!
Dib: Were you planning to combat the ice by cowering in fear, Zim? Because, you know, that's what you were doing.
Zim: Silence! The Irken elite do not require the help of the lowly denizens of the planets they invade!
Mike-the-Brother: Tell that to my sister. (he points to KidK, who is currently doing a victory dance in the background)
KidK's Dad: All I'm saying is…what I think we should do is…well, in my opinion…(he finishes lamely) don't tell your mother.
Mike-the-Brother: 'Kay.
KidK (really super hyper): Woooooooooo! I am the savior of the universe! A warrior of love and justice fighting against the evil Ice Army! (she runs over to Dib and shakes him by the shoulders) Didja see? Huh? Didja?!
Dib (unnerved): Yes! Yes! I saw, I saw!
KidK: That slab of freezy H2O was all like (she jumps away and places her hands on her hips, imitating an evil overlord) 'Oh, lookit meeeeeee! I'm a big block of ice and I'm takin' you down with me!' Well, not today, pal!
Gir: Heeeeey, that's like what the funny llama-man said in the llama movie!
KidK (out of breath from her dancing): I gotta…I gotta…I gotta…
Mike-the-Brother: Quit quoting?
Dib: Breath into a paper bag?
KidK's Dad: Drink something before you faint?
Gaz: Give me your laser cuz it's like the one from Alien Battleship Raiders?
Zim: Stop going on about how you 'saved' me, since you didn't?
Gir: Eat tacos?
KidK: I gotta…(she looks up from her panting and points an index finger skyward)…I gotta call Red-sama!
If this was a shoujo anime, everyone in the group would become superdeformed and fall over humorously, their bodies perfectly stiff. But it's not, so KidK goes about her business of hitting a series of buttons on her wrist communicator. It would appear that some improvements have been made—Zim's Christmas present to KidK. Within a few seconds, a hologram projection of the Irken logo is hovering over the screen of the communicator, and there is the sound of a ringing phone.
Zim: No, no! Do not call my Tallest now! We are in a public place and your father-beast is here and (he lowers his voice to an angry mutter)…it's just embarrassing.
Mike-the-Brother (with surprising foresight!): Hey, Dad, don't you want to hit the bathroom before we get on the road again?
KidK's Dad: Oh, hey, yeah! I forgot that we have a long drive ahead of us! Can't risk your Mom's wrath by stopping at a filthy rest stop on the way! (he goes off to find the store's men's room)
Dib: Wow, Mike did something smart! Mark your calendars!
Gaz: Don't make me destroy you, Dib. Do you think she'll let me use that laser?
KidK (to the communicator): Come on, come on, pick up, pick—
She is interrupted by a long *beep* sound, and the hologram changes to a view of the Tallests' quarters aboard the Massive. KidK is greeted by these happy words of love from her bestest buddy in the whole universe:
Purple (quite distracted): Yeah, yeah, what is it? We're kinda busy right now, Zim, so maybe you could call back—never.
KidK: Hi, Purple-sama! I'm not Zim, I'm KidK.
Purple: Oh! Sorry 'bout that, KidK. I thought you were Zim. Is that little nui—oh, hey there, Zim! Ahahaha…
Zim: Greetings, my Tallest. I apologize for the girl's intrusion. I assure you, she has nothing of importance to tell you, much less any humiliating information about me.
Dib: Oh, yes she does.
Zim (storming over to Dib to renew the perpetual fight): No she does not, Dib-monkey!
KidK: Ac-tually, I have something that I've absolutely gotta tell Red.
Purple (affronted): What, you'd rather talk to that laser-brained idiot than me?
KidK: Well, it's just that what I wanna say has to do with lasers, and I know how much you despise them, so…
Purple: Oh. Hmf. I'll go wake him up then. (he disappears offscreen, and there are sounds of an argument) Hey, Red! You dolt, you can't sleep all day like that!
Red (muffled by several blankets): Mmmmph? Whadya want, Purple? M'tired.
Purple: Who cares?! Get your stupid butt out of that bed now!
Red: Why should I? Another one of your pointless meetings or another boring battle? I wanna sleep in today.
Purple (incredulous): The day's half over!
Red: So? Nothin' worth gettin' up for, since you had the breakfast cook thrown out the air lock. Mmmmm, I miss that French toast…
Purple: If you don't get up right now I'm gonna tell KidK that your brain imploded and that you now think with your rear end, though if that did happen it's not like anyone would notice because you're such an imbecile!
Red (suddenly perky): Missy called me? Coming!
There is a sound like someone trying to get out from a tangled mess of sheets, failing, and falling face-first on the floor, then a muted Irken swear word, then the sound of someone being shoved into a wall by someone moving very quickly, and then Red appears on the little projected screen.
Red: Missy? You still there?
KidK: Yo, Red-sama! 'Sup? (she notices something) Heeeeeey, what'd I tell you about calling me Missy?
Red: That I can cuz I'm almighty? Come on, it's so funny! Pleeeeeeze?
KidK: OK, but I can't help but get the feeling you're making fun of me…
Red (all innocent): Who, me? Make fun of you? No way, Missy! *snort* 'Missy…' heheh.
KidK: Aaaaanyway, I called cuz I've got something really cool to tell you!
Red: You killed Zim? Way to go!
Zim (turning away from his quarrel with Dib): What'd he say?
Mike-the-Brother: He said he loves KidK! Hurry up and defend your claim on her before it's too late!
Zim (aloof): Why? It's not like it matters to me.
Dib: Yes it does, and you know it does!
Zim (turning back to his nemesis): No it doesn't! I don't like KidK at all!
KidK (ignoring all this): No, silly! Why'd I do something like that? In fact, I just saved his life!
Red: And…why would that be good?
KidK: Because I used…(she holds up the Ultimate Power Blaster 6000)…this! Tadaaaaa! I am an official laser-wielder!
Red: Wooooo! Go Missy! Lasers rule!
KidK: Yeeeeeeah! Just wanted to tell ya thanks, since you were the one to give it to me.
Red: Hey, no prob.
Purple (in the background): You gave KidK an Ultimate Power Blaster 6000?!
Red (turning from the screen): Got a problem with that, Smoke Machine Loser?
Purple: Uh, yeah! Duh! Only we are allowed to have those! And what's worse, she used it to save the life of that creep Zim!
Red: S'not like you were even using yours.
Purple: You gave her my weapon?! Something of mine was used to save the life of that creep Zim?!
KidK: Oh, hey, I didn't know it was yours, Purple. You want it back?
Purple: After it's been used for so evil a purpose? No, no, you keep it. Smoke machines are better anyway.
Red: Nuh-uh.
Purple: Yeah-huh.
Red: Nuh-uh!
Purple: Yeah-huh!
KidK: Well, guys, it was nice talking to you and all, but my parents'll be back soon so…
Red: Wait! Don't go yet!
Purple (tackling Red from behind): This'll teach you to say that about my smoke machines!
Red: Hey! You jerk, you'll mess up the—*fizzzzzzzzzz…*
KidK: Huh. Why do all my conversations with those two end with somebody accidentally terminating the connection?
Gaz: Because if it's at all possible, they fight as much as those two idiots? (she indicates Zim and Dib, who are flicking gravel at each other)
Dib: Take this, alien scum!
Zim: Die, monkey-beast!
KidK: Hey, Zim, I didn't save your life so you could use it to kill Dib.
Zim (glaring at KidK): You didn't save my life at all…ow! Dib, you pathetic fool!
Dib: Heheheheh…yow! That one hurt!
Zim: Wahahahahaaaa! Right in the head! It's child's play to hit such a huge target!
Dib: Rrrrrrrrr! You'll pay for that, Zim!
Zim: Bring it on, Dib-buh!
KidK's Mom (appearing out of nowhere—she does that): Stop that fighting, you two!
Dib: O_O………..sorry, Mrs. KidK's Mom.
Zim: O_O………..yes, we are very much at fault. Please don't hurt us!
KidK's Mom: Hurt you? Why would you think I'd do that?
Mike-the-Brother: Come on, Mom, you know you have that way of looking at people when you're mad…
KidK's Mom: I have no idea what you're talking about. Where's your father?
Mike-the-Brother: Bathroom. Oh, wait, here he comes.
KidK's Dad: I'm back. Ready to go?
KidK: We're just waiting for 'Nny…and has anyone seen Todd lately?
Gaz: He was going to walk down the trail with the Girl Scouts.
Mike-the-Brother: Eeeew, why?
Gaz (shrugging): To stay by that girl, I guess. Maybe he thinks she'll give him free cookies. Speaking of which, did you bring your copy of Chef Bake Off of Doom?
Mike-the-Brother (producing the desired game from a pocket): How could I forget it? This is the one I'm going to beat you at!
Gaz: With your second-rate strawberry shortcake? No way! (they begin a new battle)
Dib: Come to think of it, where are those Brownies? They can't be this slow.
KidK: Oh yes they can. The troop leaders are probably making them stop every five steps to examine the foliage or dirt so they can earn the (air quotes) 'Indigenous Mushroom Badge' or the 'Foot-Long Nightcrawler Badge.'
Gir: Nightcrawlers are yummy!
KidK: I'm gonna assume you mean the gummi candy. Oh, hey! Here they are, finally. (shouting) ¡Oye! Todd!
Squee (yelling back): Hi, Missy!
KidK: We've gotta get going!
Squee: OK! (he turns to his new friend) I gotta go, Danyelle.
Brownie Danyelle: Okay. But first you've gotta tell me your address and how many boxes of cookies I can bill you for.
Squee: Um…what? I don't—
Brownie Danyelle: Come on! You've gotta buy some Girl Scout cookies! Don't tell me you don't like 'em—everybody loves Girl Scout cookies!
Squee: But…I don't have any money or anything, and my Dad'd be mad if I ordered anything. So…I'm sorry, but I can't buy any cookies.
Brownie Danyelle (cute face suddenly turning savage): What do you mean you can't buy any cookies?! That was the whole point!
Squee (confused): Huh?
Brownie Danyelle: The cookies aren't selling too well this year, you know? So Miss Marla and Miss Gwen and Miss Barbara say we've gotta (as if reciting an inner script) 'do whatever it takes even if it means using our feminine wiles on unsuspecting men.' That's why I was talking to you! I wanted you to buy my cookies!
Squee (genuinely hurt): You mean…you don't like me or wanna be my friend or anything?
Brownie Danyelle (scoffing): Tch! Right. As if!
Squee: Oh. That's…okay, I guess.
'Nny (appearing much like KidK's Mom always does—creepy): No it's not.
Squee: Eep!
'Nny: It's very not okay, as a matter of fact. (he glares at the little jumper-clad girl) I suggest you think again before you treat my friend like a soulless consumer.
Brownie Danyelle: But that's what Miss Marla and Miss Barbara and Miss Gwen say all men are! They say that you all (there's that reciting again) 'think of only one thing, the exploitation of females, and so we should exploit your inferior minds every chance we get.'
'Nny: Oh, really? Is that what they say? Hmmm, interesting…little girl, it seems that you have only committed the error of following the wrong people. Likely all your little comrades think the same way. Let me give you some advice. (he goes down on one knee to look her in the eyes) Don't believe everything you're told. Prejudice can cause you to miss out on so many things. (he turns a malevolent stare on the unsuspecting trio of troop leaders) Life, for one.
Brownie Danyelle: You're scary, mister. Um…m'sorry, Todd. I guess I do kinda like you…kinda.
Squee: S'okay. It's not like you're the first person to tell me you don't want to be around me. (he cocks his head, listening to an inner voice) Yeah, Shmee, we should go find Missy. She likes us.
'Nny: Right, Squeegee, go over and get in the car with everybody else. Tell Missy I'll be right there. (he stalks purposefully over to the three troop leaders) Excuse, me, ladies, but I couldn't help noticing…
Squee: Um…bye, Danyelle. I hope you find someone to buy your cookies.
Brownie Danyelle (tossing her red ponytail imperiously): Oh, I will. Most boys aren't as smart as you are.
Squee: No…they're not.
Brownie Danyelle: Bye Todd!
The little red-haired girl goes over to gossip with her friends Taylor, Kennedy, and Madison, who are all inexplicably named after the last names of presidents, and Squee trudges over to Johnny's car.
KidK: What happened, Todd?
Mike-the-Brother: Didja get dumped by your girlfriend?
Squee: She wasn't my friend. She made that very clear.
KidK: Aw, I'm sorry Todd. I told you guys Girl Scouts were evil.
KidK's Dad: So, can we go now? Everybody accounted for yet?
KidK: Where'd 'Nny get to, anyway?
'Nny: Right here. Let's go.
KidK: Hey, where were you?
'Nny: Just…doing something.
KidK: O…kay…(she turns to her family, Gaz, and Gir) Well, I'll see you guys when we stop for lunch, okie?
Mike-the-Brother: You will? Too bad.
KidK's Dad and Mike (annoying sound): Wa-wa-waaaaaaaa. (they high-five)
KidK: Oh, real funny, guys. Remember, though—I'm packing. (she gets in Johnny's car and turns away from her male relatives dramatically)
KidK's Mom: What did she mean by that? Don't tell me she's got a gun or something! Where'd she get a gun?!
KidK's Dad: She hasn't got a gun, sweetie. Let's just get in the car, okay?
The group gets into their cars for the next leg of the road trip. This proves easier than expected, as Zim surprisingly doesn't protest Dib's allotted place in the front seat. The cars start up and pull out of the parking lot, the Camry again in the lead. In said Camry…
KidK's Mom: So what's this I hear about a gun?
KidK's Dad: I told you—there's no gun! Really!
KidK's Mom: Then why did she say she was packing heat?
KidK's Dad: She didn't say she was packing heat, she just said she was packing. That doesn't mean anything…it was a weird thing to say, even for our daughter.
KidK's Mom: I'm just worried that one of her little friends gave her a gun…that Johnny guy is a little wacky in the head, you know.
Mike-the-Brother: Johnny doesn't have any guns, Mom…
KidK's Mom: Oh, well, that's a relief.
Mike-the-Brother: …he prefers to use sharp objects.
KidK's Mom: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!
Gaz: He's kidding, Mrs. KidK's Mom. (she elbows Mike sharply) Aren't you, Mike?
Mike-the-Brother: Ow! Yeah, yeah, I'm kidding already! Save the violence for the games, Gaz!
Gir: Can I play this time?
Gaz: No. Get it through your metal head! You can't play—not ever.
Gir (screeching): Let me play or I'll bite you!
Mike-the-Brother: No you won't. And you can't play…yow! Gir, cut it out! Mom, Gir's biting me!
KidK's Mom: You should've thought of that before you decided to be so stingy with your game.
Mike-the-Brother: No, really, he's biting me pretty hard! Ngh…
KidK's Mom: So? Let him play, then.
Mike-the-Brother: Aargh! Okay! Here, Gir, take my GameBoy Advance!
Gir (back to 'normal'): Thankies, Mikey!
Gaz: Well, at least he should be easy to beat…
Minutes later…
Gir: I'm sorry, Gazzy! I didn't mean ta make your man-guy-thing fly away! I'll be real careful next time!
Gaz: Rrrrrrrrr…how can this creepy little robot be beating me?
Mike-the-Brother: Maybe he's more advanced than we thought?
Gir: Whee! I push da button! Again and again and again!
Gaz: Nah. It's all a fluke.
While Gaz and Mike try to work out the mystery of Gir's power, KidK has a mystery of her own on her hands.
'Nny: Hey, Missy, you mind if I borrow your cell phone?
KidK: Um, sure. (she pulls it out and hands it up to him) How come?
'Nny: I need to charter a bus.
KidK: Oh, okay…what? What do you need a bus for?
'Nny: Not me. The Girl Scouts.
Dib: Weren't the Girl Scouts being driven by their troop leaders in their unnecessarily huge vans?
KidK: Yeah. I hate those things. Make it impossible to see around them on the road.
'Nny: Well…maybe they came that way, but they need a bus to go home. Don't worry, I know the number…one time I had to do this for a Cub Scout troop whose leaders pointed at me and told them not to grow up to look like me.
KidK: Ohhhhhh…(realization dawns on her) O_O….ahahaha…
Zim: Weren't we going somewhere to eat?
KidK (grateful for the change of subject): Oh, yeah! We'll probably stop in Flemington cuz it's right along the way.
Dib: I've never been there.
KidK: Well, just hope that all Mom and Dad want to do there is eat.
Dib: Why?
KidK: Because it's an outlet-slash-craft store town.
Zim: Not like…Lancaster!
KidK: Oh, no, this is much smaller than that. But it's kinda like a scale-model, you know?—the same idea, but in a condensed space. And without the redeeming factor of Amish bakeries.
Zim: Ugh. We must keep your mother from feeling the pull of the shopping places at all costs! I never want to go through anything like that again.
Dib: Like what?
KidK: Well, remember last summer when us six went to Lancaster for the day? Zim learned a great deal about where I got my obsessive personality from…
Flash back to sometime in August 2001! KidK, Zim, Gir, and KidK's Mom are standing in a dimly-lit shop filled with wood carvings of rabbits and crows, various quilts, and, of course, candles of all descriptions.
KidK's Mom: Oh, look at this one! Hee, the little mouse has an apron…I need one of these, and I need the goose in the sun hat, and…oh, and one of these rabbits with the carrots! Aren't they cute?
Zim and KidK: N—
KidK's Mom (sternly): I said, aren't they cute?
Gir: Yeppers! I want 'em all!
KidK's Mom: Me too!
KidK: *sigh of relief*
Zim: They're really not all that well-made, you know.
KidK: *choke!* Zim!
KidK's Mom: ……………………what did you say?
Zim (nervously): Ahahaha…oops?
Flash back to the present!
Zim: And then she had the audacity to throw me out of the store! And then the Mike-beast and the father-monster dared to laugh at my setback!
Dib: I can really picture that. KidK's Mom is pretty scary sometimes.
Squee: At least she takes you places and remembers all of your names even though you're not really her kids.
KidK: That's right. Mom's the best Mom in the world! And she makes good cookies!
Squee (darkly): Better than Girl Scout cookies, that's for sure.
KidK: Are you sad because of that brat Danyelle? Don't be. She's a creep anyway.
Squee: But she was so nice at first! People never really want to be my friends.
KidK: That's not true. I'm your friend, aren't I? And so's everybody else.
Dib: Yeah, at least you're smart enough to acknowledge that Zim's an alien.
Zim (muttering): Stupid human child, getting snow on me…
'Nny (getting off the phone): Well, that settles that. What are we talking about?
KidK: About how we're all Todd's friends.
'Nny: Right. Squee, you don't need to care about what flaws like that girl say. Someday you'll find someone who truly understands and appreciates you.
KidK: Wow, that was a really optimistic thing to say, 'Nny-kun!
'Nny: Well, I can't tell the poor kid that pretty much everyone is too stupid to relate to those of us with higher abilities of perception and so he'll probably never be fully accepted by society, now can I?
Squee: *whimper*
KidK: I think you just did, 'Nny.
'Nny: Oh, geez! I'm no good at this kind of thing…um…who wants music? The 'Tape of Pointless Happiness' is sure to cheer you up.
KidK: Good idea. Pop it in.
As usual, the crazily happy music of the tape soon brings everyone out of their bad moods. Can you really expect anything less from something called 'J&K's Tape of Pointless Happiness?' Even Zim sings along, if only to prove to Dib that he does indeed have the ability to do so.
Everyone: We are the cartoon he-roes, oh-oh, we are the ones who're gonna last for-e-ver!
KidK: For some reason, I always get really nostalgic while listening to this song…
Dib: Yeah, me too…it's almost as though…
'Nny: I can almost remember…
Squee: Singing it with all you guys one time…
Zim: But we never have.
KidK: Well, who knows? Weird stuff like that happens to me all the time, for some reason. (little does she know…*cackle*)
Dib: So, how close is this Flemington place? And what kind of food do they have?
KidK: Well, they've got most every fast-food chain you can name, even a--*squeeeee!*
Zim: What? What?
KidK (gleefully): I just remembered! Flemington has a Pizza Hut!
Dib: Well, that'll make Gaz happy, at least.
KidK (face falling): Oh…but we probably won't go there.
Squee: How come?
KidK: Dad doesn't like it.
Dib: Well, it's a vote of nine against one, then.
KidK: Well, eight against two—my Mom will vote with Dad just for the look of the thing—and anyway Dad's the leader, so…we'll probably end up at Burger King.
Zim: 'Burger King?' The ruler of cow meats?
Dib: No, Zim…(a crafty look crosses his features)…er, yeah! That's just what it is! It's the secret operating headquarters of the King of Burgers, who reigns supreme over all beef products!
Squee: Um, no it's not—
Dib (hurriedly): Yes it is! Of course, a kid like you wouldn't know that, Squee, since you're not 'in the know' about such things. I, on the other hand have…sources.
Zim: If this is true…then this may be the key to my mission! Yes! I shall overthrow this King of Burgers and rule the world! Wahahahahahaaaaaa!
'Nny (to KidK): Should I tell him, or do you want to?
KidK: Nah…best to just let things like this run their course. If I try to convince him he's wrong, he'll just sulk and claim I'm keeping him from fulfilling his destiny.
'Nny: Oh. I suppose you're right. Hey, don't they have those brainfreezy-ish things at Burger King?
KidK: Oh yeah! They do! I think they might even have a flavor called Black Cherry!
'Nny: Cherry 'freezy? OK, now the vote is seven to three for Burger King. Or should it be six to four? Zim seems pretty passionate about destroying the King of Burgers, after all…
KidK (laughing): I know when I'm outnumbered. No way I'd complain and deprive anyone of brainfreezy.
'Nny: Yay! Cherry 'freezy here we come!
KidK: Right! Yay!
A new song starts on the tape, catching KidK's ear and giving her an idea.
KidK: Hey, it's 'I Want Candy!' Hee, I'll bet we can change the lyrics to something even better, can't we, 'Nny-kun?
'Nny: I'll bet we can at that, Missy.
Zim: Bet? Who's betting who?
Dib: Nobody. KidK's gonna sing, so I don't need to exploit your gambling weakness…you'll already be hypnotized by her voice.
Zim: You speak lies, big-headed monkey.
Squee: Shh! I wanna hear what Missy sings!
KidK: Heehee, fun! Let's do it! (the vocals of the song begin, and KidK sings her revised lyrics over top of them) I know a drink that's cold and sweet! So icy-good it can't be beat! Take it, 'Nny!
'Nny (also replacing lyrics): One of the only things that I desire! Sets all my taste buds on fire!
KidK and 'Nny (wow are they happy): Iiiiiiiiiiiii want 'free-zy! Iiiiiiiiiiiii want 'free-zy!
Dib: This is almost too…cute.
Zim: Ugh, for once we agree.
KidK (ignoring this criticism): Go to get some when the sun goes down, cuz there ain't no finer drink in town!
'Nny: It's my favorite thing, yeah, I adore it—so sweet I'd do anything for it!
Zim (under his breath): Like kill everyone in sight…
KidK (jabbing Zim with an elbow while continuing to sing): Iiiiiiiiiiiiiii want free-zy! Yeah! (whispering under cover of the musical interlude) Quiet, Zim. Don't mess up his good mood. He did save your life, after all.
Zim (grumbling): Hmf. Nuh-uh.
'Nny: 'Freezy when it's hot—there's nothing better, but I'll drink 'freezy in any kinda weather.
KidK (picking up the song once more): Thanks to Dib, the machine is mine! So I can have 'freezy all the time! Come on, sing along!
KidK, 'Nny, Squee, and Dib: Iiiiiiiiiiiii want 'free-zy! Iiiiiiiiiiiii want 'free-zy! Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii want 'free-zy! Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii want 'free-zy! Hey!
KidK: Yay! That was too much fun!
Squee: I think I like that version even better! Do you mind if I write it down when I get home?
'Nny: Why would we? Heh, it's not like we're big nasty music producers or anything.
Zim (still pouty): No, you're just evil humans who refuse to accept that you did not 'save' me.
KidK: We've gotta get you out of this funk, Zimmy! Come on, 'Calling You' is on!
Dib (sarcastically): Yeah, now we can listen as the members of Aqua prove they can spell the word 'calling.'
KidK (sinister): Don't…diss…the Aqua.
Dib: O_O…man! Scariness runs in your family, KidK!
KidK (sheepishly): Sorry. I guess it does, huh?
'Nny (reflectively): You know, this is the very first Aqua song I ever heard.
Dib: You didn't hear 'Barbie Girl' first? That's the only one that ever got played on the radio.
'Nny: Nah, most of the time I only listen to Classical, especially since the onset of the inescapable plague of depression in popular music this past decade. No, I have Missy to thank for introducing me to Aqua.
KidK: If I remember correctly, you introduced yourself. I was getting bandages for you and you 'borrowed' my Walkman. Heh, that was the first time you visited my window at midnight.
'Nny: So, as you see, Dib, this song has a nostalgic connection for us, so you really shouldn't criticize it.
Dib: What, I can't have my own opinion? I'm not saying you can't listen to it, I'm just saying that I, personally, don't like this one.
A few tense seconds pass as Johnny regards Dib critically. At first, Dib glares right back at him, but after a while he looks a bit nervous. Then, suddenly, 'Nny grins and turns back to the road.
'Nny: Good for you! You've worked it out just right. It's like John Stuart Mill says, eh, Missy? Everyone's entitled to believe whatever they want, so long as they don't use those beliefs to oppress the beliefs of others.
KidK (dreamily): Ah, Mill…it's just too bad he's dead…it would've been awesome to meet him…
'Nny: Yes…Dib, you should read his book. Everyone should, really. God, if people could just be like Mill says they should be, we could avoid so many unpleasant situations.
KidK: Indeed. (her pocket starts ringing and she extracts the cell phone once more) Hey, somebody's calling me during 'Calling You.' Weeeeird…(she pushes the 'answer' button) Myello? (I like answering the phone like this)
KidK's Mom (split screen dealie): Hello, silly. Just wanted to tell you we're almost to Flemington—that's where we're stopping, you know.
KidK: Yeah, I figured as much.
KidK's Mom: Is Burger King all right with you guys? Ask everyone if you need to.
KidK: Already discussed it, and we all felt Burger King was a fine choice.
KidK's Mom (sounding relieved): Oh, good. I was worried you'd whine for Pizza Hut.
Gaz (in the background): This town has a Pizza Hut?!
KidK's Dad (also background): Actually, didn't they shut that down?
KidK: Tell Dad he's a genius if Gaz believes that. Anyway, we want Burger King cuz they have brainfreezy and cuz Zim wants to usurp control of the world from the King of Burgers.
Zim: I will defeat him!
KidK's Mom: Uh, sure.
KidK's Dad: Ask her if Johnny's still keeping his promise to buy lunch.
KidK's Mom: Missy, is Johnny still—
KidK: I heard. Lemme ask him. Hey, 'Nny, Dad wants to know if you're still buying lunch.
'Nny: Why wouldn't I be?
KidK: He says why wouldn't he be.
KidK's Mom: Okay. If he's sure…well, remember the Flemington roads are all twisty-curvy and confusing, so make sure you follow properly.
KidK: Yeah. Try to keep Dad from making illegal U-turns, though. They're fun and all, but if you just keep doing it it becomes…less fun.
KidK's Mom: I'll do what I can. See you soon.
KidK: Byebye. (she hangs up) We're almost there and Mom just wants us to be careful.
'Nny: Well, that all depends on your father.
KidK: I know. That's…not so good.
Flash to the Camry!
KidK's Dad: You guys've gotta help me now—let me know when you see the Burger King on the other side of the road, so I can take the next jughandle.
Gaz (looking out the window): So this is Flemington. Man, it's like fast-food world here.
Mike-the-Brother: Yeah, this is just the highway part. Off this road are…*shudder*…outlet stores.
KidK's Mom: Hey! I like outlet stores! Maybe we can go—
KidK's Dad: Look! There's the Burger King!
Gir: Yay! I'm gonna get a crown! And a Happy Meal!
Mike-the-Brother: There's no Happy Meals at Burger King, Gir. They're Big Kid's Meals.
Gir (singing): Mommy, wow! I'm a big kid now!
Mike-the-Brother (smacking his forehead): Oy…I am not sitting next to him in the restaurant.
Gaz: You call Burger King a restaurant?
KidK's Dad: I'm taking the jughandle now, so hold on.
Flemington's streets are horrible. The town is a maze of circles, jughandles, U-turns, one-way streets, and mysterious throughways. Mom and Dad used to live here, but I still don't know how they can find their way around. Miraculously, both cars make it to Burger King without crashing, despite the best efforts of the idiot drivers that are as much a part of Flemington's traffic as the poorly-designed road system.
Well, that's it for now! Wow, that was a great chapter, huh? Lots of heroism and of course an epic appearance by the Tallest! Are you sick of this story yet? Hope not, because the next bit gets really good! ^_^
Well, It's Time For Lunch! Will Zim Conquer The King Of Burgers? Will KidK And 'Nny Get The Brainfreezys They So Richly Deserve? And, Most Importantly, Will Gir Get His Crown?! Find Out In The Next Installment Of: Road Trip…Of DOOM!