Road Trip…of DOOM
An Invader Zim Fanfiction by KidKourage
Part 5—Good BurgerYaaaaaaay! Another chapter in this, the longest story I have ever written! Yes, it is official—this is the longest story I have ever written. No wonder it's taking so darned long…but I digress. Well, it was originally supposed to just be about a trip to the Lakota Preserve, but then I had to get them there and that's how Part 1 was born…and then I was writing the hiking part and that got out of hand and Part 2 was going to be like 50 pages long, so I split it up. And then I decided I wanted to write about lunch, but Part 4 was getting long too and so that got split. And so now I'm on Part 5 and suddenly getting images in my head involving outlet shopping in Flemington…no! No! Bad head images! Stay in there and don't start coming up with dialogue for yourselves! Waaaaaaa! OK, end rant. The saga of Burger King begins…now.
The scene is the Flemington Burger King! Wow, it's so amazingly like every other Burger King in the multiverse that it's scary! I'm reeeeeally trying to finish this thing, so let's skip the ordering process and get straight to the eating. To accommodate the whole group, they've pushed together two four-person tables and a two-person table. This is the seating arrangement, and the reasoning behind it. 'Nny sits down by the window to stay as far away from the rest of mankind as possible. KidK sits across from him because, as you'll see, they're sharing food. Zim immediately throws himself into the seat next to KidK, then glares at the inevitable taunting from Dib. Gir leaps on 'Nny, declaring that he 'misses his pointy friend,' and so gets the seat across from Zim. Dib takes the seat next to Gir, to 'keep an eye on Zim.' Mike takes the seat next to Dib, to have a buffer between himself and Gir, and Gaz takes the seat across from him so they'll be able to battle. KidK's Mom and Dad take the end seats, with Dad on Mike's side since he's a lefty. This leaves one spot for Squee—in the middle, completely surrounded by 'scary people.' And thus, the meal begins.
KidK's Mom (leaning forward): Missy!
KidK: Yeah, Mom?
KidK's Mom: Are you sure that's all you want to eat?
KidK: What? We've got eight chicken tenders! That's four each!
KidK's Mom: I'm not sure that's healthy…
Zim: I'm not either.
KidK: It'd be unhealthy if I ate more.
'Nny: You're really certain you don't mind sharing?
KidK: Of course! I was gonna get a Kid's Meal anyway, since I don't like to eat a ton of food all at once, and this way I could save you a few bucks…unlike the rest of my family. (she glares at her Dad)
KidK's Dad: Huh? What'd I do?
KidK's Mom: Nothing, honey. Though ordering two bacon triple cheeseburgers was a bit…much.
Mike-the-Brother: Yeah, Dad, why didn't you get chicken sandwiches like the rest of us normal people?
Dib: Hey! I've got a Whopper!
Mike-the-Brother: I rest my case.
Dib: Shut up!
Zim: Bwahahaha! The Dib is not normal!
Dib: You're one to talk, alien! What kind of person goes to a fast-food restaurant and orders a veggie burger?
Zim: The kind who knows where human meat-products come from! (he makes a pukey face) Dis-gusting!
'Nny: So, Zim, you're a vegetarian then? That's admirable.
Zim: Indeed it is! You will all bow before my vegetarian might! How can you eat that meat stuff when you are made of meat yourselves?
KidK: Zim, don't even joke. You're not a vegetarian and you know it. Just yesterday you were ranting to Mom about how her chicken cacciatore is the most delicious food in the universe and that you must have the recipe to tempt the humans into complacence!
KidK's Mom: That's true, you did.
Zim: …curses! Well, from now on I am vegetarian! No more filthy meat products for me! No sir!
Squee: I saw on TV that Burger King meat is made from napkins anyway, though, so we're all kinda eating vegetarian.
Gaz: I'm willing to believe that. Mike, why did you tell me that this chicken club sandwich was good? It's got…mayonnaise on it!
Mike-the-Brother: It does? Oh, so that's why it tastes like a rotten salad! I guess what I wanted to get wasn't a chicken club sandwich, it was just the regular chicken sandwich. (we are confused every time we go to Burger King)
Gaz: Fat lot of good that does us now.
KidK's Mom: You can just scrape the mayo off with a French fry. See, that's what I did with mine.
Gaz: And waste a perfectly good fry?!
KidK's Dad: Here, you can have one of mine as a replacement. I got the biggest size, so…
KidK's Mom: Honey! You can't eat all that!
KidK's Dad: I know. But everybody else ordered the really small sizes, so when you all finish and want more fries I'll be ready to ward off your whining.
KidK: I for one am not gonna whine…I've got all I want right here.
KidK's Mom: What size fries have you two got down there?
KidK: Just small.
KidK's Mom: No way is that enough food for two people!
Mike-the-Brother: It is if those two people are as skinny as KidK and Johnny!
KidK: Look who's talking, Mike! You weigh less than I do!
Mike-the-Brother: Oh, right. (note: Mike is exactly 'Nny's height and weight…isn't that spooky?)
'Nny (pensively): It's just too bad that they didn't have that Black Cherry 'freezy flavor anymore…or we two would be consuming more calories than the rest of you combined.
KidK: Right on! Cherry 'freezy is worth it! I would've probably ordered three just for me! (she raises her drink in a mock toast to Cherry 'freezy everywhere, then takes a gulp)
'Nny: Me, I would've forgone food entirely and just ordered about six drinks.
Mike-the-Brother: Heh, but instead you've got one Blue-Raspberry-and-Vanilla Twist between you.
KidK: Again, an economical decision. Poor 'Nny-kun barely got away with loose change left over as it is.
'Nny: Don't worry about that. I've got plenty of money at home…I think. Ah, well, it doesn't matter much. (he takes a drink of the decidedly not-Cherry 'freezy)
Mike-the-Brother: But…sharing a drink…isn't that like…indirect kissing?
'Nny (nearly choking on the 'freezy): O_O…what?!
KidK: Mike, you jerk! You made 'Nny all chokey.
Gir: Don't die, Johneeeee! I luvs youuu!
'Nny: It's…okay. I'm…fine.
KidK: You sure? Cuz I'll beat Mike up if you want.
KidK's Mom: No fighting!
Zim: Mike-beast! Were you telling the truth?!
Mike-the-Brother: Yeah. Duh! You know, sharing spit and all.
KidK: Well congratulations, Mike. That's just about the stupidest thing you've ever said.
Zim: Yes! Why would KidK want to kiss the 'Nny?
Dib: Zim is just jealous.
Gir: Oooo! What flavor?
Everyone: ……………
Gir: I'm a happy Burger King! Lookit my crown! (he waves the cardboard crown, mildly concussing Dib)
Dib: Hey! Gir, the crown belongs on your head, not hitting mine!
Zim: *gasp!* That reminds me! I must develop my plan to overthrow the King of Burgers!
Mike-the-Brother: Oh, god, not this again. What have you guys been telling him this time?
Zim: Silence! Do not break my concentration or I will terminate you with extreme prejudice!
Dib: Doesn't that mean 'with an ax?'
KidK: Yay for Pratchett quotes! You go, Dib!
Zim: Did I not tell you to be quiet?!
KidK's Dad: Yeah, all of you shut up! I'm trying to enjoy my burgers over here!
KidK's Mom: You're only adding to the noise!
'Nny (quietly to Gir): I suppose I should thank you for taking the attention off of me.
Gir: I'm royal-tee! I'm gonna ride in a punkin' and have horsies an' balls an' a fairly god-thingy-lady just like Cindy-reller!
'Nny: Well, your Highness, would you like some brainfreezy?
Gir: I wooooood…heehee! Happy 'freezy Burgery King!
KidK's Mom: Shhhh! Be quiet or no dessert when we get home!
Everyone: ……………. (absolute silence)
Radio: Oo--oo, lollipop! You make my heart go giddyup!
KidK's Mom: Better. Oh, I haven't heard this song in years.
KidK's Dad: I've never heard this song ever.
KidK's Mom (singing along): You set my heart on fi-ire…yes you have!
Mike-the-Brother: Mom, what's with you and weird old songs?
Note: from this point until I say otherwise, this is a real conversation I had on March 1, 2002, in an area Burger King…only with a couple fictional people taking over some of Mike's and my lines.
KidK's Mom: You know, I don't think I've heard this since the time when I went to visit my Nana on Long Island for the World's Fair.
KidK: And when was that, Mom? Like forty years ago, right?
KidK's Mom: I don't know exactly. I was really little, though, so probably about that long.
Mike-the-Brother: And you remember the lyrics?
Kid's Mom (singing again): You are my burnin' de-si-ire…why shouldn't I?
Mike-the-Brother: Cuz that's a really long time! It's not like you went to visit Nana for the World's Fair every week or anything…
KidK's Mom: No…they don't have the World's Fair every week.
Dib: Actually, didn't they stop having that altogether a long time ago? My dad said once that he used to debut his inventions there when he was a kid, but now…not.
KidK: Yeah, Mike, and it's not even as though they had the World's Fair at Nana's house every time, either!
Mike-the-Brother: O_o………….(he bursts out laughing)
KidK: What? What'd I say?
Mike-the-Brother: Oh, that's good! They had the World's Fair at Nana's house! Hoo, boy!
Dib: Hey, that's true! She did say that! Wahahahahaaaaa!
KidK (glowering): ¬_¬ ……………….that's not what I meant.
Mike-the-Brother: It's like--(he holds up one hand to his ear like a 'phone')--Oh, hello, Nana? We need a place to have the World's Fair this year, and we want to use your backyard!
Dib (into his own 'phone,' as Nana): Oooooh, I'd be so honored!
KidK's Mom: You shut up! My Nana didn't even have a backyard! And anyway she could kick your butts!
Gaz: Really? Like a real-life version of Kung-fu Grannies of the Apocalypse?
Mike-the-Brother: She could unleash her army of gypsies on us! (note: Mom always says that her Nana was always worried about the gypsies…okaaaaay…)
KidK's Mom: No, she didn't like gypsies! They would steal away children!
Squee: Really? (he looks around nervously) You don't think there are any around here, do you?
Gir (jumping up and doing a little dance): I am the Queen of the Gyp-sies! Gyp-gyp-gyp-gyp-gyp-sies! (if you've never seen this episode of 'I Love Lucy'…I pity you)
Dib (scornfully): There are no gypsies…that's just a myth.
KidK's Mom (menacingly): Are you calling my Nana a liar?
Dib: *gulp!* Noooo, Mrs. KidK's Mom…
KidK's Mom: Good. Now everybody be quiet and eat your food.
Note: I have all respect for the Roma, or 'gypsy' heritage, and in no way mean to defame this often-persecuted group of people. It's my ancestors who were disrespectful fools, not me. ^_^ Anyway, that's the end of my real-life conversation, which really happened. Silence prevails for a few moments as people consume what for lack of a better word must be called food. Then, suddenly…
Zim: I have completed my meal…(he stands up, one foot on his chair and the other planted firmly on the tabletop, and raises his iron fist skyward)…and now it is time for conqueeeeeeeessssst! (he jumps down and scurries off toward the ordering…place…heehee, scurry)
KidK's Dad: Hey! I'm not done my fries yet! Don't get us thrown out!
Zim (looking back): Oh, by the time my plan is complete, you won't have to worry at all about being thrown out ever! For I shall rule the Burger King, and with its might…I shall rule the world! Muhahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Gaz (looking over at Dib): Well? Aren't you going to run off bellowing about how you're gonna 'save mankind' like you always do?
Dib (surprised): *blink blink* You…you want me to save mankind? You…care? Oh, sis, that's so--
Gaz: No I don't care. I just want you away from me. Maybe you and Zim can destroy each other. Now that would be something to look forward to.
Dib (dejectedly): Oh…well, I guess I'll be going, then. (he slides down off his seat looking all sad, pauses for a second, then points his index finger in the air and yells, with all confidence) You won't get away with this, Zim! (he runs off after Zim)
KidK: *sigh* Well…this should be interesting…I don't think anyone's ever tried to conquer Burger King before.
'Nny: One time there was this homeless guy in the local McDonald's who was ranting something about 'ruling the corporation,' but I gave him a Noodle Boy comic and that quieted him down.
KidK: Oooo, 'Nny is the savior of McDonald's! And bringer of entertainment to the impoverished masses…I'll bet he was really happy to have something to read and laugh at, huh?
'Nny (raising an eyebrow questioningly): What? No. He used it to blow his nose, actually…then he fell over and went to sleep.
KidK: Oh.
'Nny: At least he didn't throw anything at my head this time.
KidK: Well…that's good, then.
Zim (off in the background): You! Fry-making…person! Where is the King of Burgers?!
Mike-the-Brother: Sounds like it's starting.
Gaz: Who cares? Let's battle! Your Mom gave me an idea—I should beat you at Kung Fu Grannies next.
Mike-the-Brother: My Custom Nana-samurai can kill anything you throw at her!
Gaz: Suuuuuure…my Grampy of Doom has a special cane that shoots lasers and has a blade at the end!
Mike-the-Brother: Nana-samurai has a rocket wheelchair!
Gaz: What-ever. Less talk, more fight, okay?
KidK's Mom: I hope those boys don't get themselves into too much trouble…it'd be so embarrassing.
KidK's Dad: Yeah, you'd never be able to show your face in Flemington again…(he thinks about this, and grins) Hey, Zim! Do as much damage as possible! And Dib! Make sure you break things while you try to stop him! Heheheheh…
KidK's Mom: Very funny.
Gir: I'm the Burger Queen of Gypsies! (singing) Someday my prince will cooooome…
KidK's Mom: *sigh*
Meanwhile, over at the counter, Zim has leaped up onto the deep fryer to corner a hapless employee…
Fry Fryer Patrick: Um….whut?
Zim (grabbing Pat by the collar): Do not fool with me, filthy grease human! You know exactly what I mean.
Fry Fryer Patrick: King of Burgers? Uhhhhhh…nope!
Zim: You vex me! Thus you will be the first casualty in my war against the King! (he makes like he's gonna beat up Patrick, then stops, a thoughtful look on his face) Hmmmm…but perhaps he keeps his true identity a secret even from his underlings…human, you are given a second chance to live. Just answer this simple question—(he gets right in Patrick's face)—who is the master of this establishment?
Fry Fryer Patrick: Ohhhhh….ummm…duhhhhh…you mean the shift captain? Herb?
Zim: And where may I find this…Herb?
Fry Fryer Patrick: I think he's on drive-thru duty right now…I think. Mmmmmmyep.
Zim (dropping Patrick): Thank you. You have been most helpful. When my new burger order rules the world, I may have a position for you as Chief Fryer of…Fried…Things. Yes. (he pauses, then continues dramatically) To the drive-thruuuuuuuuuuu!
He runs toward the little enclosure-thingy where the drive-thru peeps are taking orders at (you like my grammar, si?). At that moment, Dib finally catches up, and vaults over the counter quite like an action hero.
Dib (pointing at a random employee): Hey! Did you see where the alien went?
Hello-My-Name-Is-Bryanna: Alien?!! (she flashes her perfect white smile) There's no such thing as aliens, silly!!!
Dib: *sigh* Then did you see where the extremely short guy with green skin and no nose or ears went?
Hello-My-Name-Is-Bryanna: Oh, him?! He went to see the boss!! In the drive-thru window!!! I think that kid is crazy, cuz he said Herb was the King or something! That's so wacky!!!
Dib (thinking): And I'm saving the planet for people like her… (he, too, takes off in the direction of the drive-thru, and once there sees Zim) Ha! I have you now!
Zim (smugly): Oh, no, Dib. It is I who have you. You see, after speaking with Mister (air quotes) 'Herb,' here, he has graciously granted me possession of his kingdom.
Shift Captain Herb: Ah tol' 'im, if'n he wants ta run th' Burger King, 'e kin have it! Ah don' want this 'ere dead-end job na more.
Zim: So you see, Dib, I have already won. The King of Burgers has relinquished his crown and his empire to the true ruler! Muhahahahaaaaaaaaaaa! (pointing, matter-of-factly) You lose. (he resumes his maniacal laughter) Bwahahahahahahaha!
Dib: So?
Zim: Ahahahahaha—what?
Dib: I said, 'so?' Who cares if you're now the shift captain of the Flemington Burger King? All you rule over is a handful of horribly brain-dead teenagers!
Zim: You delude yourself, Dib-monkey. You may believe that you have not suffered a devastating loss…but you have! You have, I tell you! With the power of the King of Burgers I am now lord and master of all cow-meat products and greasy potato-y simulations! And you humans simply cannot live without your precious beef and fries, can you?
Dib: Uh, yeah. We can. Duh!
Zim: You can not!
Dib: Don't you get it, Zim? When I said that there was a clandestine operation being run from Burger King in the car, I was trying to trick you! I wanted you to think that there was really a King of Burgers, because I wanted to make a fool of you! Boy, is everyone going to laugh when they find out that you successfully conquered this dive! (he strikes a victorious pose) Wahahahahaaaaaaa!
Zim: Stop that laughing, beast-child! It grates on my nerves even more than the sound of your normal voice!
Shift Captain Herb: So…are you gonna take over fer me or not, kid?
Dib: Yeah, Zim, are you gonna accept your fate as a burger flipper? Heheheh….ahahahahahaaaa, etcetera!
Zim (eye twitch): I will have reveeeeeeeeeeeenge! (he gets out a laser and levels it at Dib's head) It's no Ultimate Power Blaster 6000, but it will perform its function.
Dib: Ahahaha—oops! Time to go!
Dib flees from Zim's laser gun, knowing full well that if the Irken fires that thing, while it probably won't hit him, it will likely cause a grease fire or something equally dangerous.
Dib: Everybody! Quick! Alien on a mindless rampage! Run for you liiiiiives!
Zim: Come back here, monkey, so I can fry your head like a potato!
Hello-My-Name-Is-Bryanna: Like, ohmigawd!!! Eeeeeeeeeek!!!!
Fry Fryer Patrick: Duhhhhh…huh?
KidK: Uh ohhhhhh…
KidK's Mom (perfectly calmly): So, is everybody done eating?
KidK's Dad: Not me!
KidK's Mom (ignoring him): Is everyone but him done?
Everyone Else (sounding bored): Yes.
KidK's Mom: Then let's go!
Mike-the-Brother: Wait just a sec! I'm about to win!
Gaz: No you're not!
KidK's Mom (exasperated): Quick, before that Zim blows something up and gets the police on our trail!
Squee (pointing): Um…there were some policemen having coffee over there…where'd they go?
Policeman Rob: Hey, you punk kids!
Policeman George: Freeze! (he draws his gun and starts firing randomly—NJ cops are known for this _)
Zim: You're mine, Dib-mon—aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (he throws himself on the floor to dodge the errant bullets)
Dib: Don't fire at me, fire at the alien!
Policeman Rob: I don't see no alien, kid, but I do see a coupla troublemakers who need to be taught a lesson. George! Cuff 'em!
KidK (she's nuts!): I'll save you! (she jumps up, runs past the cops, and hoists Zim over her shoulder, then draws her Ultimate Power Blaster 6000 and turns it on the two officers, smiling cheerfully) Don't move, and everything will be aces, okay? (she turns to her stunned family) Well, what're you waiting for? Go out to the car! (they all go) Hey, Gir!
Gir: Yeeeeeees, Missy?
KidK: C'mere. (the puppy-android squeeks his way over) Now, when I count to three, I want you to run over and let Dib ride you out to 'Nny-kun's car, okie dokie? You refueled him, right Zim?
Zim: *sigh* Yes. Why am I always being dragged around like this?
KidK: Because you're accident-prone. Ready, Gir? One…two…three!
Gir blasts over to Dib, who is looking rather upset at being turned on by his own law-enforcement system, and lets him climb on his back before rocketing out to the car…through a plexiglass window. After safely depositing Dib in the shotgun seat, Gir happily skips over to the Camry as if nothing has happened. KidK, meanwhile, turns and bolts out the door, dodging bullets from behind. Once reaching the car, she launches herself and her Irken passenger into the back seat next to the severely traumatized Squee, and 'Nny quickly throws his seat back into position, jumps in, and floors it, following KidK's Dad, who has already done the same. The cops are left confused in a cloud of dust.
Policeman George: What just happened?
Policeman Rob: I think a teenage girl just held us at gunpoint with a SuperSoaker.
Policeman George: The Sarge isn't gonna like this when he hears about it.
Policeman Rob: If he hears about it.
Policeman George: If…if is good. (heehee, 'Hercules' reference)
Policeman Rob (turning to the crowd): Nothing to see here…
Fry Fryer Patrick: Uhhhhh…whuh?
In the Camry…
KidK's Mom (hysterical): I thought you said she didn't have a gun! Where did she get something like that? Ooooo, that Zim! I'll bet he was the one!
KidK's Dad: Could you calm down? She handled the situation and we're all safe now.
KidK's Mom (incredulous): This isn't like you! Normally you'd go flying off the deep end!
KidK's Dad (shrugging): She had to do something. It was actually…pretty funny. Ahahaha…(he looks over at his wife, who is not laughing) Well, fine. Want me to call her up and yell at her or something? Or maybe I could just confiscate her little gun when she gets home?
KidK's Mom: Little gun?! That thing was huge! We are so taking that thing away from her! I'm gonna call her right now and tell her just that!
She yanks her cell phone out of her purse and practically slams her fingers through the buttons. Meanwhile, in Johnny's car…
KidK: Phew! That was close, eh?
Zim: I could've taken them.
Dib (clearly shaken): I just…can't believe…they would put me on the same level as…him…
'Nny (very quietly): I can't believe that you have a gun, Missy. I had thought…that you weren't that kind of person.
KidK: Really, I'm not. It was just a present from my pal Red-sama. I would never, ever, fire it at anyone. It's just…those guys…they were gonna hurt Dib and Zim, and so…
Squee: You saved them. For real.
KidK: I guess so. (she looks rather distraught) Please don't be mad at me, 'Nny-kun. I know how you despise firearms, but…
'Nny: You had to. (he meets her eye in the rearview mirror) To protect your friends. I believe you that you'd never actually use that…(venomously)…thing. And, anyway, who am I to judge anyone?
KidK: I'll send it back to Red as soon as I get home. I guess it was fun to have it for a while, but it really felt…wrong…to actually point it at somebody. *shudder* Scary.
Zim: You shouldn't have such a weapon anyway. Only the Irken elite are meant to have that kind of power.
KidK (relieved): Right! I don't belong wielding something like this. I don't belong wielding anything! I'm a warrior of love and justice, remember? They don't have weapons, they have magic powers.
Squee: You have magic powers?
KidK: Sure do! Magic…tickling powers! (she starts tickling Squee)
Squee: Heehee! Hey, cut it out! Heeheehee!
'Nny (more to himself than anything else): Innocent to a fault…after all…
Dib: Do you think they'll come after us?
KidK: Naw.
'Nny: In my experience, the police are usually just glad to stay where they are and argue amongst themselves rather than give chase.
KidK: Yeah, the one we really need to worry about is—(her phone starts ringing)—that's her now. Everybody stay really quiet, and I'll handle this. (she picks up the phone) Hi.
KidK's Mom: Don't you 'hi' me, young lady! Tell me what you were doing with a gun!
KidK: A friend gave it to me as a present, but I'm going to—
KidK's Mom: A friend, eh? Was it Zim?
KidK: No. It was somebody you don't know personally. His name's Red and he's one of the rulers of Zim's planet.
Zim: Don't tell her that!
KidK: Shhhh!
KidK's Mom: Oh, him. He called once while I was polishing Zim's console—that kid makes such a mess—and was all pouty because you weren't home. In my opinion, if he's such an almighty ruler, he should go do his job and not hang around giving my daughter a gun!
KidK (soothingly): Right, right. And I'm going to send it back to him as soon as we get home, okay?
KidK's Mom: You better had!
KidK: I will! Really!
KidK's Mom (diffused): Alright. See you later. (she hangs up)
KidK's Dad: Well, what'd she say?
KidK's Mom: She says she's gonna send it back to the guy who gave it to her.
KidK's Dad: That's good, right?
KidK's Mom (gruffly): Yeah, I guess.
KidK's Dad: Am I in trouble for this? You shouldn't be mad at me!
KidK's Mom: Did I say I was?
Mike-the-Brother: Can you guys argue some other time?
Gaz: Yeah, we're trying to play and all.
Gir: Don't be sad, Mommy! I'll sing a song to cheer you up! (singing) Ohhhh, I'm just wild about Mommy! And Mommy's wild about meeeeee!
KidK's Dad: I'm not gonna take an hour of that. Tell him you're cheered up.
KidK's Mom: Gir! Look! I'm smiling! (she smiles real big and scary) I'm so happy!
Gir: Yaaaaaaaaaaay! Heehee!
And in the other car…
KidK: Well, that's that, I guess. Red's gonna be disappointed.
Dib: You don't have to send that thing back to him…you could give it to me instead.
KidK: Really. And what would you do with it?
Dib: I dunno. Analyze it and use the data against Zim I guess.
Zim: KidK! Do not betray Irken secrets to our enemies!
KidK (raising an eyebrow): 'Our' enemies?
Zim: Of course! You are my ally, correct?
Dib: No she's not!
Zim: Yes she is!
'Nny: Before this gets any more annoying, let me remind you that—
Dib (hurriedly): Oh, you don't have to remind us of anything, Johnny! We already know, and will now proceed to shut up! Right, Zim?
Zim: Right, right. But KidK is still my ally.
Dib: For the sake of my life, and thus of the world…yes, you're right.
'Nny: Good. Now let's listen to Schumann like Missy wanted before. I found it in the trunk.
KidK: Neat! What stuff is on it?
'Nny: It's 'Scenes From Childhood.' Written entirely for piano in compilation with—
KidK: His wife. I know, cuz I played a lot of those songs. I like 'Of Strange Lands and People,' myself.
The tape goes on, and the five are treated to lovely piano music. Still, while I find this kind of stuff interesting and fun to listen to (and play!), I know that most people find Classical music to be sleep-inducing, especially when coupled with a day full of physical exertion. And, indeed, within about fifteen minutes…
Squee: *snore* …mmm, 'freezy…not the squirrels…
Dib: *snore* …whopper…deluxe…
Zim: *snore* …no, don't you come any closer…
KidK: They're cute when they're asleep, huh?
'Nny: I suppose. About sleeping, by the way…
KidK: Yes?
'Nny: I think I've finally worked out what I want to say to you about…the other night.
KidK: I already told you, you don't need to worry about that. It was just something that happened. It was actually kind of…nice, you know? So why would I hold it against you? Anyway, I fell asleep on you first.
'Nny: That's just what I was going to make mention of. As I said, I normally only sleep when I accidentally get comfortable with my situation and stop fighting it. After thinking about it for a while, I've realized that the fact that I fell asleep isn't even what surprised me—it's the fact that you fell asleep. See, though it was quite an odd turn of events that I should sleep at all, it does happen sometimes. No one has ever fallen asleep next to me, though.
KidK: So…it wasn't that you were comfortable that's getting you all embarrassed, it's that I was comfortable near you. Is that it?
'Nny: I…think so. Yes. Does that make sense at all? It's just…
KidK: You're not used to it. I know. Still, though I can warn you about impending hugs, I really can't warn you that I'm about to fall asleep—it always catches me off guard myself.
'Nny: You needn't warn me. Something so nice should be surprising; in fact, I think that's what made it so nice.
KidK: Thank you. (impersonating Marge Simpson) Now let us never speak of this again.
'Nny: Okay…Missy?
KidK: Yeeees?
'Nny: Earlier…you said that you lo—why is it so bloody hot in here?
KidK: Is it? Put on the AC.
'Nny: Can't. It…suffered a bad accident some years back. (he points at a hole where the knob for the air conditioning should be) It was blowing hot air instead of cold—so now it blows nothing. That solution seemed like a good idea at the time.
KidK: Then crack a window. Don't want ya'll to get overheated or anything.
'Nny: Actually…I think I'm OK now.
KidK: Good. So, what was it you were saying before?
'Nny: Nothing. Nothing at all.
KidK: Oh. Because I thought you were going to bring up the fact that I said I love you.
'Nny: Oh, yes…that. Was I? Um…………………hey! 'Of Strange Lands and People' is on!
KidK: Oooo, turn it up!
'Nny: Won't that wake everyone up?
KidK: Yes! And that's good!
'Nny (doubtfully): Okay….
KidK: Yay! (thinking) I don't mean to throw him off so much…I just forget. He can't say it, but…I know he wants to be my friend as much as I want to be his. And that's enough. Classical rocks forever!
Zim: *snirk* You stinking bears! (he looks around, all confuzzled) Wha--? Whaz goin' on here?
KidK: Shhhh! Listen, it's my favorite song of the collection.
Zim: Oh…it's just lovely. (he's still all sleepy from his hard day ^.^) G'night…
Dib (who has now also awakened): Hey, don't fall asleep again Zim! Nobody wants to listen to you snore!
Zim: Huh? (the insult registers, and he wakes up completely) I don't snore, monkey! You snore!
Dib: No, you do!
'Nny: Missy! Remind me why it was a good idea to wake them up.
KidK: I missed their happy voices of joy and happiness! ^.^
Squee: Aw, you talked right through the song! Can we hear it again?
'Nny: I'm not sure, but maybe this time we can actually hear it.
He rewinds the tape and 'Of Strange Lands and People' is played through once more. Still, it's hard to hear under all the arguing…. Thus, the journey continues until the gang finally reaches home. Obviously, they have to let Dib and Gaz off at their house first.
KidK: See ya later, Dib! I hope you had fun!
Dib: How could it not be fun to see Zim fall on his face in the dirt and get burned by snow and shot at by police? And obviously the wolves were pretty neat too. Thanks, KidK!
KidK: No prob.
Mike-the-Brother: Bye Gaz! You'd better practice your Mega Kicks, or you'll never beat Gir at Kung Fu Grannies!
Gaz: I'll pretend you didn't say that…if only because you're worth more to me alive than dead.
Gir: Gazzy lo-oves Mikey! Gazzy lo-oves Mikey! La la la la laaaaaa la!
Gaz: You, on the other hand…
KidK: Hey, Gir! Now that Dib had to get out, you can come ride in our car if you want!
Gir: Yaaaaaaaaay! I'm goin' with Squeezy!
KidK's Dad: That's a relief.
And so the final leg of the trip begins, with Gir now causing mayhem in Johnny's car, much to Squee's horror and KidK's Dad's relief. A few minutes later, upon arriving at KidK's house, the Camry pulls into the garage and KidK, Zim, and Gir disembark from the little gray car out at the curb. 'Nny gets out too, just cuz he's so polite (^.^), and Squee switches to the front seat.
Gir: Home! Ah missed you, house! Gimme a kiss, kid! (he 'hugs' the front door gleefully)
KidK: Gir, you goofball! *giggle*
'Nny: Well, it would appear that our journey together has come to an end. It's certainly been…interesting. Missy, your wolf friends were wonderful, and I'm honored to have met them.
KidK: Well, you made a friend of your own, too! Jasmine will be glad to see you if you ever decide to go back again.
'Nny: You know what? I think I will.
Zim (pointing at 'Nny): You! Johnny-human!
'Nny: Yes, Zim?
Zim: I just wanted to remind you that you did not save my life.
'Nny: Of course not. Why would I?
Zim: But though you were not of any help at all to me in any way, I want to thank you for…
'Nny: Nothing.
Zim: Right. So…thanks for nothing, 'Nny-person.
In a surprising twist, Zim suddenly sticks out a hand. Johnny raises an eyebrow quizzically, then shakes Zim's hand. As usual, Zim's show of courtesy and gratitude does not last more than a few seconds, and he quickly pulls away.
Zim: Good. Now go away. (he walks up to the door and opens it) Come, Gir, we have work to do. Important work.
Gir: Hokie dokie, smokey jokey! (he leaps through the door) Mikey! Let's play!
Zim: No, Gir! Now is not the time for play! Obey your master! (he turns around) And KidK…make your farewell short. I need to speak to you (he narrows his eyes dangerously)—privately.
KidK: OK, fine.
Zim: Fine. (he goes inside and slams the door almost too dramatically)
'Nny (sarcastically): Bye, Zim! Good seeing you again!
KidK: He can be so impossible sometimes. I can only imagine what he wants to tell me (she imitates Zim's stern voice) 'privately.' I apologize for his attitude.
'Nny: It's all right. That's just how he is, I suppose.
KidK: Well, even if he can't express it properly, you're my hero anyhow. Thanks for helping me out today.
'Nny: No, it was my pleasure. It was worth it, if it made you happy. Er…Missy?
KidK: Yes, 'Nny-kun?
'Nny (rather shyly): I…I'm going to give you a hug now. (he steps forward and wraps his arms around her, carefully, as if he's afraid she might break)
KidK (caught off guard): Oh!
'Nny: Thank you, Missy. (he breaks the embrace and steps back)
KidK: No, thank you.
'Nny: So I'll be seeing you soon?
KidK: Of course. See you later, 'Nny!
'Nny: Goodbye, Missy.
He walks down to his little car, gets in, and pulls away from the curb. KidK waves until the car is out of sight, then goes inside the house to find out what Zim wants. However, in Johnny's car…
'Nny: So, did you have fun today, Squeegee?
Squee: Yup. Some scary stuff happened, but good stuff happened too. And those wolves were really cool!
'Nny: Indeed.
Squee: Missy's really nice, isn't she?
'Nny: Yes.
Squee: You like her a lot, huh?
'Nny: ……………………yes.
Squee: Heehee!
'Nny: Just listen to the music.
Squee: Okay.
Meanwhile, down in Zim's 'secret lab…'
Zim: So you'd better not go around telling people you saved my life, got it?
KidK: Of course not. Who would I tell?
Zim: Right. So as long as we're agreed on that point…(he looks around, making sure that no one else is present)…thank you.
KidK: *blink blink* What?
Zim: You heard me. And don't tell anyone about that, either!
KidK (stunned): O…okay…
Zim: Well, that's settled, then. Now, come over here and help me with this. I want you to update my computer's data files on the wolf-creatures in light of the information I've gained through our trip today, while I work on repairing my mech legs.
KidK: Neat! So you'll dictate to me, and I'll put it all in.
Zim: Good. Ready?
KidK (saluting): Yes, my partner in doom!
Zim: Good. Type this: although the humans are fond of telling horrible stories about the atrocities supposedly perpetrated by the wolf-beasts, in reality they seem more likely to sniff and lick than bite. Still, it is important to exercise some caution, since—ugh—they have strong jaws that are somehow able to destroy advanced Irken workmanship. (he pauses, pondering which data is important) Beware any wolf with the words 'Princess' or 'Jo-jo' in their names. They are evil. Did you get that so far, KidK? Read it back to me.
KidK (reciting): Although the humans are fond…(she continues repeating Zim's words, all the while thinking to herself about the events of the day) Well, I suppose 'Nny-kun was right…it is nicer when it's surprising. (she looks over at Zim and smiles)
Zim (noticing this): What?
KidK: Nothing, Zim. Nothing at all.
The End!