A/N: This is going to be silly/ just plain stupid also be warned of severe occ. Also it takes awhile to get to the plastic surgeon.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except maybe Rob, and the girl.

Now on with * drum roll * Raziel Goes to the Plastic Surgeon

It was a bright sunny day you know the kind. The sun is shining and smiling with sunglasses on his face. While girls get into their bikinis and go to the beach. Well this is where Raziel comes in...........

Raziel: I hope my custom made speedo comes in today. That other one I bought at K-mart is starting to chafe.

Sure enough Raziel goes outside and there's a pretty package with a bow on it. The pink wrapping paper on it however, makes Raziel start to wonder. Just as he starts to pick it up a Sluagh in a UPS uniform shoves a clipboard in his face.

Raziel: Well hello * looks at name tag on uniform * Rob.

Rob:....Oasadsahhhhhh OHHHHhhhh thissssssssss.

Raziel: Umm... could you run that by me again, only slower this time.

Rob:.............OOOOAASSSAAADDSSSAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.........OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh.........ttttthhhhhhhisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

Raziel: * sarcastically * Well, that was clear.

Rob: * in snobby British accent * Well, if you didn't understand that. I think you should listen to the recording. * under his breath * Don't they educate people anymore?

* Pulls out a large pink boom box. A recording starts to play and Rob begins to break dance*

Raziel: Ohh joy..... a song.

Recording: Umpa doompa doopedee dee I have a proposition for thee. If you find this package unsatisfactory, don't come looking for me. Umpa doompa doope dee dee don't even bother reading your warranty. BECAUSE IT'S EXPIREDAND THAT MEANS YOU'RE SCREWED!!! DO YA HERE ME SCREWED!!!!!!

Raziel: I think we get the point " WE'RE SCREWED " as you so bluntly put it.

With that Rob makes Raziel sign the clipboard. After that he moon walks back to the UPS truck and drives away.

Raziel: Well wasn't that interesting.

Raziel picks up the package not noticing the Victoria's Secret logo on it. He rips off the wrapping paper and opens the box, to find a pink thong with lace around the edges. Also in the box is Victoria's personal collection catalogue. What's even stranger is that it has Kain's address on it.

Raziel: O.O

~ 5 minutes later ~

Raziel: I guess I'll just have to get used to it. * Walks out of his house like a penguin with only the pink thong on *

* People are staring at Raziel with their jaws on the ground *

Raziel: What's their problem?

People: He's got to be a Manson fan.

Raziel keeps on walking to the beach ignoring all the dirty looks he's getting. As soon as he gets to the beach he notices the Elder God apparently teaching Kain to swim.

Kain: * Struggling to stay afloat with bright green arm floaties * Elder dear, could you help me with my trunks, they're slipping.

Elder God: Sure thing Kainypoo.

Raziel: Kainypoo?! TRUNKS?! O-O I'm not going to look or ask.

Elder God: * sees Raziel * Want to join us?

Raziel: @_@ JOIN YOU? No you two look like you're having fun plus three's a crowd. *Backs away making a cross with his claws *

Elder God: Could you at least rub lotion on my back?

Raziel: Ummm maybe later. Gotta go. * Runs like he's in the Olympics to get away *

Elder God: The thong is strong with that one.

Kain: * in a valley girl voice * Looking at other men Elder, that is like soooo not right. Come here so I can punish you big boy.

Raz's silver pheonix: O.O File that one under Info too much.

~ 5 minutes later ~

Raziel has found the perfect spot to do what he came here for...flirt. With girls of course. What did you think he was going to flirt with?

Raziel: * Making a Fabio like voice * Hello ladies.

Unknown to Raziel he's talking to a bunch of girls that forgot to put on their glasses.

Girl: Hello you're cute. Just give me a second to put my glasses on so we can talk.

Raziel: Score!!!

Girl: * now with glasses on * EEEEEEKKKK!!!!! Get this freak away!

Raziel: Ouch :( that hurts allot coming from a girl with the same IQ as a walnut.

Girl: Sorry it's just that pink thong really makes you unattractive. Besides you don't have a jaw. Maybe you should go see a surgeon about that.

Raziel: So we can't go out?!

Girl: It's not you it's me.

Raziel: That's real original.

Thus after about fifty or so replies nearly the same Raziel made a life altering decision. He was going to see the local plastic surgeon. After all look at the wonders they did to Ariel.

So he then waddled back home ( due to the thong ) and made an appointment with Dr. M. the plastic surgeon.

Receptionist: Hello this is Dr. M.'s office how may I help you?

Raziel: When's the quickest you can get me in?

Receptionist: Well Michael Jackson has appointments most of this week. * flipping pages * Next month too. * beeps * Can I put you on hold someone's on line two?

Raziel: No.

Receptionist: Too bad. * changes lines and cheesy music comes on *

Two hours later and the receptionist finally takes Raziel's call again.

Receptionist: Are you free Friday? Michael just canceled his appointment.

Raziel: I'll take it.

Receptionist: Do you want a hot apple pie with that?

Raziel: Sure! :)

Receptionist: Give me a second hon. * slides pie through phone *

Raziel: YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY I GOT PIE IN MY TUMMMY!!!!!!

Receptionist: Um.. what tummy?

Raziel: Don't know. It had to go somewhere. Maybe an inter galactic organic portal?

Receptionist: Right.... bye hon. :)

Raziel: Bye. :)

By the time Friday rolled around Raziel was pretty anxious to get to the surgeon. Even though it was Thursday when he talked to the receptionist. Also due to the apple pie he was hyper and literally bouncing around the neighborhood. Then again this came in handy when his lime green beetle broke down. When he entered the office he noticed that the receptionist looked allot like Ariel.

Receptionist/Ariel: Ghastly past, insufferable future, are they one in the same?

Raziel: Ummm...... Sure lady. * under his breath * Somebody's found the doctor's anesthetics and they obviously had a different effect if you know what I mean.

Ariel: Now this desk serves only to bind me here. My prison and eternal home without benefits or vacation pay.

Raziel: Can I see Dr. M. now?

Ariel: Yes little soul.

Raziel: I'll have you know I'm not little at all. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Ariel: I'm sure you are little soul.

Raziel: Ah screw it.

Ariel: Gladly.

Raziel: O.O

With that interesting conversation Raziel saw himself into the office.

Dr. M. : * hides playboy magazine * What are you doing in here?

Raziel: OMG!!!! Melchiah!! You're qualified to be a plastic surgeon?

Melchiah: What do you mean?

Raziel: Just look in a mirror beauty queen.

Melchiah: I can't they always seem to break before I can get a good look.

Raziel: What have I gotten myself into? I have a guy that looks like a melted birthday candle for a plastic surgeon! :{~

A/N: If you want more review!!!!!! Also yeah, I admit this is pretty stupid but I just got the idea and it was begging to be written. ^_~