Ever had fever dreams? Well, I haven't, but this is a guess from me.

Thanks for all the lovely reviews by the way… I really appreciate it… and I'm sorry that I've been too busy with uni work to post more regularly. Bastards, making me work for my education.

Disclaimer: You know it ain't mine.

I don't talk to anyone for the next day. They try to talk to me but I stare at the roof and refuse to hear them. They don't understand this, this growing ache, the tearing emptiness inside me.

After all, in a week's time, they'll be alive.

I'm- I'm losing my control… I can feel the fever starting to claim my senses.

Who is it, there?

TK.

"TK," I smile. "I love you, little mon."

It is him. He hugs me tight. "Love you too. But don't start saying goodbye."

Sadly, I shake my head. "I'm sorry, bro. I can't help what's happening to me. I will die, and it will be slow."

Vaguely, I feel guilty for making him cry.

"I'm sorry."

"You're not going to die," he sniffles. "You gotta have hope, Matt, always."

I don't reply, just hug him harder.

… but I have to lie back, as the heat claims my thoughts…

Someone is here. Someone… I don't know. I can't see. It's dark. I don't like it.

I'm scared.

It hurts.

I slip outside myself for a moment and see my shivering, mumbling body watched over by TK, the little princess keeping him company. They're talking softly, knowing that I won't hear them through my fever.

"I don't have a brother," the brunette sighs. "I love my parents very much, though."

TK sighs. "I love Matt more than just about anything. He's watched out for me my entire life; he's my whole family."

She takes his hand.

"I mean I even pretend to still be a little kid for him. It makes him feel better- more needed." He tries not to look at Kari's fingers laced with his. "Matt needs that."

"Everybody needs that," Kari smiles.

Now he does look at their hands, and his lips curve upward. "Yeah. I guess so."

After a moment's warm silence, Kari asks, "So why is he so- bitter? Did something awful happen to him?"

"I think so," TK says uneasily. "He did… something bad to get money for us, for most of my life. I still don't know exactly what it was… He puts a lot of effort into stopping me finding out."

Kari squeezed his hand. "You don't know?"

He hangs his head. "Matt saw a lot of men. He called them his clients. And… the captain touches him a lot. All the time. Matt touches him too, but he only seems happy about it when Tai can see him."

She's wordless.

"People call him… they call him a whore," he finishes quickly. "Sometimes I wonder if that's what he is. It would explain an awful lot." He rubs at his eyes. "If- if he's- letting Tai do those things to him… the only reason he'd do that would be to help me."

I'm fading away again, filled with despair. I don't want TK to know that! He's never supposed to know that. Never…

Strong hand across my brow. Male voice.

Is it- is it Tai?

No… no, it's someone else… a… a tall man, dark hair, face hidden in shadows… if I wanted to, I could remember who this is…

He smiles, eyes dark with something I can't name… reaches for me. I can't defend myself; that lady with the hat put me in here and this man wants to hurt me! I thought she was nice!

How can I stop him? I'm just a kid! He thinks it's funny when I struggle. My hand cracks across his cheek and suddenly he doesn't think it's funny… He hits back, hard.

"Brat! Didn't Sora tell you to do as I said?"

She did. "She didn't say you were going to hurt me, sir."

"Shut up and take those clothes off."

I'm scared. I don't know what he wants but I'm frightened of it. But I have to make Sora happy so she'll take care of TK, he's so sick, he was coughing blood this morning… I have to do what they say. I take my clothes off.

He's staring at me, and I don't like that.

Tai's hand- this man's hand on my brow, my cheek- bends me over the edge of that big bed…

My scream rips the air.

Is there this much pain in the world?

(arms around me, murmuring, worried voice)

I can't stop screaming. This- this isn't right! I'm being torn apart!

(lips on my brow, rocking gently)

Oh god it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it HURTS!

… and it doesn't stop, it just keeps on and on…

I HATE THIS!

- and I've been doing it for more than ten years.

I can't stand it. I hate it. I hate them; the way they measure me with their eyes- look at the blond boy, look how pretty, with his big blue eyes and that tight little ass- the way they touch me, so light and shy, so full of greed and want; the way they fuck me.

It doesn't even hurt anymore. It's been done to me so many times that I don't even feel the pain. What I do feel is the shame, the shame of being so violated, of pretending I enjoy this violation- and the hatred. The raw hatred that seethes through me whenever someone wants me.

And the worst of them is Tai. The sex- that is just sex. It doesn't mean anything. I could live with that.

But love; love means something. Love is real, love matters. How dare he cheapen it like this?

At least- oh, thank god- he's never made me say those words. That would be the greatest violation of all.

A moment's clarity.

The echoes of my snarling words still roll around the small room. Tai backs away until he hits the wall; sinks to the ground, eyes wide; and starts to weep.

I guess I have no inner monologue.

More soon, I promise! Keep up the flow of reviews! Considering changing my MSN handle to AW (approval whore)!