January 4th Friday
11:35 a.m.
Weight: 135 pounds (have replaced Miguel with food)
Alcohol units: 6 (going on 7)
Ciggis: 2 (it's early)
Drinking has become my only way to hide from the drab reality that I just ruined the one relationship I've ever wanted to last. Have decided to become a zombie. I think I'll write an advice column in Sean's "magazine." Ask Bess Anything About Your Life - But do Stay Away From Hers.
(5 minutes and 2 drinks later)
Have just finished the old box of cereal I keep around for Mary-Anne. Lovely cereal. I bet the cardboard taste even goes away after 12 drinks. I'll have to try it at lunch.
I am so bloody miserable I could join a smug married cult - except that I'm not married - which bring me back to the point that I am in fact, v. miserable. And, I cannot give in.
He USED to understand that I NEVER wanted to get married.
And what does he do?
The bloody idiot asks me anyway! I WAS happy. And, I am hardly ever happy enough to admit to being happy. And, I'm so drunk that I'm beginning to wonder if my happiness ended BECAUSE I admitted to myself that I was, indeed, v. happy. My drunken self is a v. confusing thing.
O, bugar. The phone is ringing.
11:50 a.m.
It was Bridget. God, my sister has turned into one of those happy people. And I hate her for it. She asked me to be a bridesmaid with Shaza and Jude at her wedding. It's six months away- She wants June - how very trite! God, I need another bloody drink.
12:15 p.m.
Have now had 12 drinks. And, I think I'll have to blow up my radio. It's playing "All by Myself"
12:16 p.m.
I think I breaked it.
I thinks Bess be a bit drunk.
3:00 p.m.
In my drunken stupor earlier, I forgot to mention a few things. I DID accomplish something in the last 14 hours.
I've successfully taken a leave of absences. 3 weeks to myself. My old clients are doing fin and my afore mentioned new client will be given to - holding of breath- Jordan Davison (prick who turns youths into zombies - much like alcohol was done to me.)
One more thing to be depressed about.
January 6th Sunday
2:15 a.m.
I just woke up. In my bathroom.
I think it's time for an emergency urban family meeting. Mission: to help Bess.
God, this means I have to get up.
Ah, well, none of them go to church anyhow. I'll call later.
11:00 p.m. - Same day
Yes, urban families are wonderful things. In the event of a crisis, the Urban Family is good for the following things:
#1: Not being overly judgmental.
#2: Being on one's side.
#3: Dispensing perfectly reasonable advice.
(All three are not included in my real family)
#4: Being depressed with you.
#5: Getting drunk with you.
#6: Sobering up with you.
#7: Being there for you, even on Sundays.
All v. good qualities in an urban family.
The Urban Family:
Sean:
Hair: Brown and short (buzzed 2 months ago)
Eyes: Green
Age 28
Job: p.m.
Character: p.m.
Renee:
Hair: Dark brown and below the shoulders
Eyes: Brown
Age: 27
Job: p.m.
Character: p.m.
Eva:
Hair: Red, short bob.
Eyes: Blue
Age: 28
Job: Photographer - helps Sean when he can't find any more movie stars to spread rumors about
Character: Likes to smoke and drink and also likes to try to stop doing each. She is also known for her diets. For a week, she ate nothing but gherkins. She was taken to the e.r.
Kate:
Hair: blonde
Eyes: Blue
Age: 30
Job: Researcher for the news - she likes to leak information to Sean, but he can never use it for the so-called magazine.
Character: She's drunk most of the time, doesn't give v. good advice, and is known for throwing herself at men with black hair and "cowboy butts." She's a typical Blondie.
Clark:
Hair: black (ha, ha!)
Eyes: Blue
Age: 29 1/2
Job: N/A. We're not quite sure what he does, but he likes to write poetry. He is often referred to as "The Poet." Rumor has it that he has an enormous bank account. He surely does not show it, however.
Character: Canadian-American living in Britain. Smart, nice, funny - basically perfect for Kate (though she's too drunk to notice the way he looks at her. It's v. sad.)
Jo: (Call her Josephine and you'll find a steak knife in your back :))
Hair: Black - v. long.
Eyes: Also v. dark. (Has made some people call her the Devil's Wife. v. interesting.)
Age: She won't tell us. :(
Job: French waitress at an Italian restaurant in Britain. (I've found it's best not to ask about such things.)
Character: Likes to jump anything male that moves and ahs a nice car. Although - she hasn't been seeing anyone for a while now. Interesting enough.
And Finally:
Mary-Anne:
Hair: Brown and short.
Eyes: Green
Age: 28
Job: English professor.
Character: Health fanatic. She's the one with the best advice and the worst habits: falling in love with the WRONG men and not following her own advice.
Today, we didn't accomplish much. Mary-Anne couldn't make it. So, we just got drunk and had taxis take us home. Ah- I'm fine with this. Being heartbroken and sober is a lot worse than being heartbroken and drunk.
Bess Jones
11:35 a.m.
Weight: 135 pounds (have replaced Miguel with food)
Alcohol units: 6 (going on 7)
Ciggis: 2 (it's early)
Drinking has become my only way to hide from the drab reality that I just ruined the one relationship I've ever wanted to last. Have decided to become a zombie. I think I'll write an advice column in Sean's "magazine." Ask Bess Anything About Your Life - But do Stay Away From Hers.
(5 minutes and 2 drinks later)
Have just finished the old box of cereal I keep around for Mary-Anne. Lovely cereal. I bet the cardboard taste even goes away after 12 drinks. I'll have to try it at lunch.
I am so bloody miserable I could join a smug married cult - except that I'm not married - which bring me back to the point that I am in fact, v. miserable. And, I cannot give in.
He USED to understand that I NEVER wanted to get married.
And what does he do?
The bloody idiot asks me anyway! I WAS happy. And, I am hardly ever happy enough to admit to being happy. And, I'm so drunk that I'm beginning to wonder if my happiness ended BECAUSE I admitted to myself that I was, indeed, v. happy. My drunken self is a v. confusing thing.
O, bugar. The phone is ringing.
11:50 a.m.
It was Bridget. God, my sister has turned into one of those happy people. And I hate her for it. She asked me to be a bridesmaid with Shaza and Jude at her wedding. It's six months away- She wants June - how very trite! God, I need another bloody drink.
12:15 p.m.
Have now had 12 drinks. And, I think I'll have to blow up my radio. It's playing "All by Myself"
12:16 p.m.
I think I breaked it.
I thinks Bess be a bit drunk.
3:00 p.m.
In my drunken stupor earlier, I forgot to mention a few things. I DID accomplish something in the last 14 hours.
I've successfully taken a leave of absences. 3 weeks to myself. My old clients are doing fin and my afore mentioned new client will be given to - holding of breath- Jordan Davison (prick who turns youths into zombies - much like alcohol was done to me.)
One more thing to be depressed about.
January 6th Sunday
2:15 a.m.
I just woke up. In my bathroom.
I think it's time for an emergency urban family meeting. Mission: to help Bess.
God, this means I have to get up.
Ah, well, none of them go to church anyhow. I'll call later.
11:00 p.m. - Same day
Yes, urban families are wonderful things. In the event of a crisis, the Urban Family is good for the following things:
#1: Not being overly judgmental.
#2: Being on one's side.
#3: Dispensing perfectly reasonable advice.
(All three are not included in my real family)
#4: Being depressed with you.
#5: Getting drunk with you.
#6: Sobering up with you.
#7: Being there for you, even on Sundays.
All v. good qualities in an urban family.
The Urban Family:
Sean:
Hair: Brown and short (buzzed 2 months ago)
Eyes: Green
Age 28
Job: p.m.
Character: p.m.
Renee:
Hair: Dark brown and below the shoulders
Eyes: Brown
Age: 27
Job: p.m.
Character: p.m.
Eva:
Hair: Red, short bob.
Eyes: Blue
Age: 28
Job: Photographer - helps Sean when he can't find any more movie stars to spread rumors about
Character: Likes to smoke and drink and also likes to try to stop doing each. She is also known for her diets. For a week, she ate nothing but gherkins. She was taken to the e.r.
Kate:
Hair: blonde
Eyes: Blue
Age: 30
Job: Researcher for the news - she likes to leak information to Sean, but he can never use it for the so-called magazine.
Character: She's drunk most of the time, doesn't give v. good advice, and is known for throwing herself at men with black hair and "cowboy butts." She's a typical Blondie.
Clark:
Hair: black (ha, ha!)
Eyes: Blue
Age: 29 1/2
Job: N/A. We're not quite sure what he does, but he likes to write poetry. He is often referred to as "The Poet." Rumor has it that he has an enormous bank account. He surely does not show it, however.
Character: Canadian-American living in Britain. Smart, nice, funny - basically perfect for Kate (though she's too drunk to notice the way he looks at her. It's v. sad.)
Jo: (Call her Josephine and you'll find a steak knife in your back :))
Hair: Black - v. long.
Eyes: Also v. dark. (Has made some people call her the Devil's Wife. v. interesting.)
Age: She won't tell us. :(
Job: French waitress at an Italian restaurant in Britain. (I've found it's best not to ask about such things.)
Character: Likes to jump anything male that moves and ahs a nice car. Although - she hasn't been seeing anyone for a while now. Interesting enough.
And Finally:
Mary-Anne:
Hair: Brown and short.
Eyes: Green
Age: 28
Job: English professor.
Character: Health fanatic. She's the one with the best advice and the worst habits: falling in love with the WRONG men and not following her own advice.
Today, we didn't accomplish much. Mary-Anne couldn't make it. So, we just got drunk and had taxis take us home. Ah- I'm fine with this. Being heartbroken and sober is a lot worse than being heartbroken and drunk.
Bess Jones