Shattered
Chapter 4
Disclaimer: Same as always :) I still don't own anything :(
Authors Note: Sorry for the delay with this chapter I just couldn't get it to where I wanted it so I did a rewrite. I'm still not 100% pleased with it but it's better then what it was, hopefully :)
Feedback: Yes please! Pretty please :) Let me know what you think, good or bad.
E-Mail - Farewellparty@yahoo.ca
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Doc! She's flat lining. I don't have a pulse!"
He didn't remember anything after that. He had shut down, his heart stopped and he couldn't breath, everything was spinning, fuzzy, muffled and blurry. He couldn't remember what happened to Mikey. He didn't remember getting to the hospital and he wasn't even sure that they had gotten Faith here in time. He had guessed they did because he was sitting in the waiting room and the gang was scattered about. Talking with each other and every once in awhile whispering and giving him a sympathetic look.
That was the last thing he needed. What he needed was to scream to yell to hit something or someone, wreck something, drive too fast, something, anything he needed the pain to stop even if it was for a minute. He needed to forget the words she told him when he last spoke to her. He needed to forget that look she had on her face when the tear slid down her cheek. He needed to forget how cold she was getting when he found her, he needed to forget how pale she looked with all that blood around her. What he really needed was her. Faith would be the one he would go to in a situation like this. He didn't always open up to her about every thing and things has been strained a bit lately between them but when he needed reassurance when he needed to know the world was still turning he went to her. She was his life line. She was his best friend, he didn't know how he would have ever lasted as long as he did with out her. He never imagined he would ever have to find out. He had promised himself years ago that nothing would touch her, he would watch out for her and keep her safe. That he would always protect her. But this time he had failed. She was in the other room fighting for her life because of him. His own brother shot her. If he wouldn't have been so hot headed they would of been patrolling together and Mikey would never have gotten the chance to get close to her never mind shoot her.
Mikey shot her? He still couldn't understand that. Mikey had admitted to shooting her but he had insisted that it was a mistake that he didn't know it was her but Gusler said that Mikey had known, that Faith had called Mikey before he pulled the trigger. Why would Gusler lie about something like that? He had no reason to. It wasn't his fault that she was shot. He wasn't covering for himself. But if he wasn't lying then that meant Mikey was. That meant that Mikey stood there, looked Faith in the eye, knew it was her and pulled the trigger. Mikey couldn't have done that, could he? He wasn't perfect but there was no way he would stand there and shoot someone he knew, right? Maybe Gusler just read the situation wrong. Maybe Gusler thought that Mikey had enough time to react after Faith had said his name but what if he didn't, what if he had already started to pull the trigger and couldn't stop? That could be it, right?
"Bosco......Bosco?"
"Huh? What?" He said startled because he was lost in thought about the situation.
Davis let out a sigh of relief "Hey Bos don't you think you should get cleaned up? Sully stopped by the prescient on his way over and grabbed some cloths out of your locker"
"No, I'm fine. I want to wait here for news on Faith"
"Bosco the bathroom is just over there if the doctor comes out I'll go and get you right away. okay?"
What was the big rush for him to get cleaned up he was fine but he didn't want to argue so he nodded and grabbed the bag that Davis was holding and walked to the bathroom. When he got there he went to undo the buttons on his shirt, that is when he noticed his hands again. They were still covered in her blood. He rushed to the sink to wash it off but it seemed no matter how hard he tried it wouldn't leave. He scrubbed and scrubbed and it wouldn't leave. It was stuck there taunting him. All the memories came rushing back full force, "Serves her right for betraying me.....go to hell Bosco..........I swear I didn't know it was her.........He's lying.....He knew it was her....Blood was all over in seconds and he just stood there!..... Doc! She's flat lining. I don't have a pulse!"
He looked up into the mirror. It was his fault, it was always his fault. He had been such a jerk towards her lately and still she tried to help him through all the shit he was going through but all he did was push her away. Well this time he had pushed her to far because this time she walked away and never looked back. How could he have thought and said those things to her.... What if he never got the chance to apologize.... What if she hated him.... What if she wouldn't forgive him... What if he lost her....
He got a sick feeling, He took his fists and smashed them into the mirror shattering it, but it wasn't good enough so he did it again and again, blood streaming out of his hands from cuts, he threw things around the bathroom until he just stopped. He backed into the corner of the bathroom and slid down the wall crying. What if he lost her? How could he go on without her? How could he go on knowing that she hated him in the end. That he let her down. That he had failed to protect her. How was he ever going to look Emily and Charlie in the face again after he let their mother get killed. That he wasn't there to protect her because of his foolish pride. If he would of been with her tonight then he would of been the one who walked up to Mikey, He might have gotten shot but it wouldn't have been her, She would have been safe and she would have been going home to her kids instead of laying on the cold pavement with the life draining out of her.
He had finished crying awhile ago but he still sat there watching his hands bleed and every time the blood would start to stop he would hit the wall to start them again. He had too. It was the only thing he could do to make the pain go away, to somehow put himself in Faiths place. He knew the two didn't compare but it was something. Besides his blood was covering hers that he thought he still saw on his hands and he figured if he bled enough he wouldn't be able to see hers anymore. It was worth the try.
He had no clue of how long he had been sitting in the corner of the bathroom when he heard the knocking.
"Yeah, What?"
"Bosco are you ok? You've been in there for over an hour."
Am I okay? No I'm not okay! I'm loosing the one person that means the most to me and it's my fault. How can they ask if I'm okay?
"Yeah I'm fine. I'll be out in a few minutes"
"Well a nurse just came out and she said that the doctor would be out to tell us what is going on in a few minutes"
"Okay. I'll be right there"
He stood up and surveyed the damage he had made. He went to the sink and washed his hands again and this time the blood left, he still thought he saw a hint of hers but the cuts in his hand helped cover it up. There were some deep cuts but nothing he couldn't handle. He got changed into his grey t-shirt and jeans. Put his bloodied uniform in the bag and left the bathroom. When he got out he saw the gang standing with a doctor. Kim and Alex had tears in their eyes. His mind told him what he didn't want to hear. That she was gone but he wouldn't believe it until he heard it from the doctor, so with all the strength he could find he made the long walk to the doctor. It seemed like miles when actually it was only a few feet away.
"Doctor....is she okay?..did...did she make it?"
Chapter 4
Disclaimer: Same as always :) I still don't own anything :(
Authors Note: Sorry for the delay with this chapter I just couldn't get it to where I wanted it so I did a rewrite. I'm still not 100% pleased with it but it's better then what it was, hopefully :)
Feedback: Yes please! Pretty please :) Let me know what you think, good or bad.
E-Mail - Farewellparty@yahoo.ca
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Doc! She's flat lining. I don't have a pulse!"
He didn't remember anything after that. He had shut down, his heart stopped and he couldn't breath, everything was spinning, fuzzy, muffled and blurry. He couldn't remember what happened to Mikey. He didn't remember getting to the hospital and he wasn't even sure that they had gotten Faith here in time. He had guessed they did because he was sitting in the waiting room and the gang was scattered about. Talking with each other and every once in awhile whispering and giving him a sympathetic look.
That was the last thing he needed. What he needed was to scream to yell to hit something or someone, wreck something, drive too fast, something, anything he needed the pain to stop even if it was for a minute. He needed to forget the words she told him when he last spoke to her. He needed to forget that look she had on her face when the tear slid down her cheek. He needed to forget how cold she was getting when he found her, he needed to forget how pale she looked with all that blood around her. What he really needed was her. Faith would be the one he would go to in a situation like this. He didn't always open up to her about every thing and things has been strained a bit lately between them but when he needed reassurance when he needed to know the world was still turning he went to her. She was his life line. She was his best friend, he didn't know how he would have ever lasted as long as he did with out her. He never imagined he would ever have to find out. He had promised himself years ago that nothing would touch her, he would watch out for her and keep her safe. That he would always protect her. But this time he had failed. She was in the other room fighting for her life because of him. His own brother shot her. If he wouldn't have been so hot headed they would of been patrolling together and Mikey would never have gotten the chance to get close to her never mind shoot her.
Mikey shot her? He still couldn't understand that. Mikey had admitted to shooting her but he had insisted that it was a mistake that he didn't know it was her but Gusler said that Mikey had known, that Faith had called Mikey before he pulled the trigger. Why would Gusler lie about something like that? He had no reason to. It wasn't his fault that she was shot. He wasn't covering for himself. But if he wasn't lying then that meant Mikey was. That meant that Mikey stood there, looked Faith in the eye, knew it was her and pulled the trigger. Mikey couldn't have done that, could he? He wasn't perfect but there was no way he would stand there and shoot someone he knew, right? Maybe Gusler just read the situation wrong. Maybe Gusler thought that Mikey had enough time to react after Faith had said his name but what if he didn't, what if he had already started to pull the trigger and couldn't stop? That could be it, right?
"Bosco......Bosco?"
"Huh? What?" He said startled because he was lost in thought about the situation.
Davis let out a sigh of relief "Hey Bos don't you think you should get cleaned up? Sully stopped by the prescient on his way over and grabbed some cloths out of your locker"
"No, I'm fine. I want to wait here for news on Faith"
"Bosco the bathroom is just over there if the doctor comes out I'll go and get you right away. okay?"
What was the big rush for him to get cleaned up he was fine but he didn't want to argue so he nodded and grabbed the bag that Davis was holding and walked to the bathroom. When he got there he went to undo the buttons on his shirt, that is when he noticed his hands again. They were still covered in her blood. He rushed to the sink to wash it off but it seemed no matter how hard he tried it wouldn't leave. He scrubbed and scrubbed and it wouldn't leave. It was stuck there taunting him. All the memories came rushing back full force, "Serves her right for betraying me.....go to hell Bosco..........I swear I didn't know it was her.........He's lying.....He knew it was her....Blood was all over in seconds and he just stood there!..... Doc! She's flat lining. I don't have a pulse!"
He looked up into the mirror. It was his fault, it was always his fault. He had been such a jerk towards her lately and still she tried to help him through all the shit he was going through but all he did was push her away. Well this time he had pushed her to far because this time she walked away and never looked back. How could he have thought and said those things to her.... What if he never got the chance to apologize.... What if she hated him.... What if she wouldn't forgive him... What if he lost her....
He got a sick feeling, He took his fists and smashed them into the mirror shattering it, but it wasn't good enough so he did it again and again, blood streaming out of his hands from cuts, he threw things around the bathroom until he just stopped. He backed into the corner of the bathroom and slid down the wall crying. What if he lost her? How could he go on without her? How could he go on knowing that she hated him in the end. That he let her down. That he had failed to protect her. How was he ever going to look Emily and Charlie in the face again after he let their mother get killed. That he wasn't there to protect her because of his foolish pride. If he would of been with her tonight then he would of been the one who walked up to Mikey, He might have gotten shot but it wouldn't have been her, She would have been safe and she would have been going home to her kids instead of laying on the cold pavement with the life draining out of her.
He had finished crying awhile ago but he still sat there watching his hands bleed and every time the blood would start to stop he would hit the wall to start them again. He had too. It was the only thing he could do to make the pain go away, to somehow put himself in Faiths place. He knew the two didn't compare but it was something. Besides his blood was covering hers that he thought he still saw on his hands and he figured if he bled enough he wouldn't be able to see hers anymore. It was worth the try.
He had no clue of how long he had been sitting in the corner of the bathroom when he heard the knocking.
"Yeah, What?"
"Bosco are you ok? You've been in there for over an hour."
Am I okay? No I'm not okay! I'm loosing the one person that means the most to me and it's my fault. How can they ask if I'm okay?
"Yeah I'm fine. I'll be out in a few minutes"
"Well a nurse just came out and she said that the doctor would be out to tell us what is going on in a few minutes"
"Okay. I'll be right there"
He stood up and surveyed the damage he had made. He went to the sink and washed his hands again and this time the blood left, he still thought he saw a hint of hers but the cuts in his hand helped cover it up. There were some deep cuts but nothing he couldn't handle. He got changed into his grey t-shirt and jeans. Put his bloodied uniform in the bag and left the bathroom. When he got out he saw the gang standing with a doctor. Kim and Alex had tears in their eyes. His mind told him what he didn't want to hear. That she was gone but he wouldn't believe it until he heard it from the doctor, so with all the strength he could find he made the long walk to the doctor. It seemed like miles when actually it was only a few feet away.
"Doctor....is she okay?..did...did she make it?"