Shattered
Chapter 11
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! Just borrowing Bosco for a little bit :)
Authors Note: Ok well here it is, I did something a little different with this chapter, hopefully it works and comes across like I intended. Now for the song that is stuck in Bosco's head, it's Rascal Flatts "I'm moving on" It may not fit perfectly with the chapter but some parts did and I needed a song stuck in Bosco's head so you got that one :) To make it less confusing I put the song in these ~*~ Hope you like this chapter.
Feedback: You know I want it :)
E-Mail: Farewellparty2002@yahoo.ca
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~*~
'I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with the past I regret
I found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame
trapped in the past for to long
I'm moving on'
~*~
He sat there staring out of the window humming that stupid depressing country song he got stuck in his head over at the truck stop. He was pretty tired. He had been driving all night but there wasn't anyway he could sleep. He was trying to decide if he made the right choice. He thought he did, he was pretty sure he did, didn't he? It didn't matter anyway it was to late to turn back now. What was done was done. Now he just had to live with his choice and hope he made the right one. He sat there trying to convince himself he did make the right choice but he still wasn't sure.
~*~
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up were I don't belong
I'm moving on
~*~
Everything was still so clear to him. He wondered if he would ever forget anything that happened these last couple of days. He didn't think he would but he hopped it would become fuzzier. He didn't need to be reminded of it everyday. He had to move on. He had to be strong, right?
"Officer down, officer down! We need an ambulance fast! She's loosing a lot of blood! Hurry!"......"Doc! She's flat lining, I don't have a pulse!" He shuddered at those words again. He had been through a lot in his life, more then most but when you added it all up those were some of the scariest words he had ever heard. As bad as they were they still weren't as bad as seeing her lay there, blood surrounding her, her getting paler and paler, colder and colder...."Don't you want to know about the look of fear I saw in her eyes when she knew I was going to pull the trigger? Or how about the sound she made when she hit the ground, you know the loud lifeless thud. Or maybe you might want to know how the blood started slowly flowing out of her, staining her cloths and forming a puddle on the ground.....you got there to see the rest. The color draining out of her and her warm body starting to get cold. You felt it didn't you? You felt her drifting away...." He had to stop this he had to block it out somehow, he had too but the harder he tried the more they came. With every memory he second guessed his decision.
"Maurice, I'm sorry man, I didn't know it was Faith.....Oh man I didn't mean too. You have to believe me Mo!....It was an accident I...I didn't know it was her. I didn't mean to shoot her....He's lying, He knew it was her....she.....she said his name before he pulled the trigger....You remember it was Mikey right?.... Faith answer me!....Yeah I remember it was Mikey....He knew it was you!....It happened so fast he couldn't have known" It took him awhile to figure out why Faith would cover for Mikey after what he did but then it hit him, to protect him, to save him from knowing the truth and having to live with the guilt, from having to deal with the fact that his little brother was capable of something like that. She was always thinking of him. Trying to help him. He was returning the favor now, he was protecting her, wasn't he?
"Well because of you of course.... Because of me?..... Well yeah, What better way to get to you?.....It's your fault! It's all your fault!.....I never want to see you again. I hate you! I hate you!" How could he have let this happen? He should have seen it coming. shouldn't he? There must of been something that clued into this right? Why wasn't he paying attention? If he was maybe this could all have been avoided. Well he was paying attention this time and he wouldn't let anything like this happen again.
"Why weren't you there? Why weren't you there protecting your partner huh?....I expected you to come running from somewhere, but you didn't did you? You weren't even there.....How come she got shot?.... Where were you?....You're suppose to be with her....You're suppose to make sure she stays safe....Why weren't you there to protect her?...you promised remember?" He remembered and he was keeping his promise, He was going to protect her, keep her safe this time. This time he would, he was sure of it. Well almost sure.
"I'm a mess Faith.... I have never felt so lost, even with all the the shit I've been through. I've never felt like this.....I almost lost you Faith and it was my fault, how am I suppose to come back from that? I need you in my life.....I know I might not tell you that everyday or maybe ever but it's the truth.....I need you. You are the one sure thing in my life. No matter what I do I know you'll be there to pick up the pieces. You're always there. If I need someone to talk to you're the first one I go to..... I can't loose you Faith....I just can't....I wasn't there Faith....I didn't protect you....I'm sorry Faith. I'm sorry.....Bos you have nothing to apologize for. It wasn't your fault, any of it. You couldn't have changed anything.....Yes I could have. I could have been there, I should of been there.....It doesn't matter. You're here now, that's what matters." He felt sadness shoot though him.
"So what, because he said you were the reason you're going to run. It's not you Bosco....It will keep you safe. It'.. I'm not going to let you get hurt again. I owe you that much....What you owe me Bos is to stay here and be my friend. To help me get better and out of this place. I need you here Bos I can't do this by myself, That's what you owe me, Nothing else....this will keep you safe. I know it Faith. Trust me on this....I can't trust you on this because it's not right. You're wrong this time Bosco. You're wrong!" Was he wrong? Or was leaving the smartest thing he had ever did?
"Will you be here in the morning?....Sure I will....Promise me Bos. Promise you'll be here when I wake up...I promise Faith..." He had never broken a promise to her before, well aside from this whole mess that is. Was he going to start now?
"I should have known she would run to you, Maurice Boscorelli her fucking knight in shinning armour. Her hero....For the life of me I can't see what she see's in you. You're like some kind of God in her eyes. You can never do anything wrong, for some stupid reason she believes in you. She needs you. She lives for you!" Some hero he turned out to be. For the life of him he didn't see what Faith saw in him either but she must have seen something or why else would she have stuck with him all these years right by his side. Always. Did she need him? He needed her there was nothing he was more sure of. Her believing in him was the greatest gift he ever had in his life but was it worth risking her again?
~*~
I'm moving on
At last I can see life had been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life when all you can see are the years passing by
And I've made up my mind that those days are gone
~*~
He pulled out his wallet and flipped to the picture of Faith and the kids, his "family". Everything he did was for them. They meant everything to him. Everything was about them. It didn't matter what he was going through, that this was killing him. He had to think of them first. They always came first, nothing was going to change that. He was fed up with the weak and broken Bosco It was time to be strong, time to do the right thing. He may not have been sure about much in his life but he was sure about this. He had made the right decision. He wasn't turning back now. He owed it to her.
~*~
'I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should and lived like I shouldn't
I had to loose everything to find out
maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down the road
I'm moving on
I'm moving on
I'm moving on'
~*~
"You're still here?!"
"Of course I am," he said getting up from his chair by the window and holding her hand "Where else would I be?"
Chapter 11
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! Just borrowing Bosco for a little bit :)
Authors Note: Ok well here it is, I did something a little different with this chapter, hopefully it works and comes across like I intended. Now for the song that is stuck in Bosco's head, it's Rascal Flatts "I'm moving on" It may not fit perfectly with the chapter but some parts did and I needed a song stuck in Bosco's head so you got that one :) To make it less confusing I put the song in these ~*~ Hope you like this chapter.
Feedback: You know I want it :)
E-Mail: Farewellparty2002@yahoo.ca
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~*~
'I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with the past I regret
I found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame
trapped in the past for to long
I'm moving on'
~*~
He sat there staring out of the window humming that stupid depressing country song he got stuck in his head over at the truck stop. He was pretty tired. He had been driving all night but there wasn't anyway he could sleep. He was trying to decide if he made the right choice. He thought he did, he was pretty sure he did, didn't he? It didn't matter anyway it was to late to turn back now. What was done was done. Now he just had to live with his choice and hope he made the right one. He sat there trying to convince himself he did make the right choice but he still wasn't sure.
~*~
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up were I don't belong
I'm moving on
~*~
Everything was still so clear to him. He wondered if he would ever forget anything that happened these last couple of days. He didn't think he would but he hopped it would become fuzzier. He didn't need to be reminded of it everyday. He had to move on. He had to be strong, right?
"Officer down, officer down! We need an ambulance fast! She's loosing a lot of blood! Hurry!"......"Doc! She's flat lining, I don't have a pulse!" He shuddered at those words again. He had been through a lot in his life, more then most but when you added it all up those were some of the scariest words he had ever heard. As bad as they were they still weren't as bad as seeing her lay there, blood surrounding her, her getting paler and paler, colder and colder...."Don't you want to know about the look of fear I saw in her eyes when she knew I was going to pull the trigger? Or how about the sound she made when she hit the ground, you know the loud lifeless thud. Or maybe you might want to know how the blood started slowly flowing out of her, staining her cloths and forming a puddle on the ground.....you got there to see the rest. The color draining out of her and her warm body starting to get cold. You felt it didn't you? You felt her drifting away...." He had to stop this he had to block it out somehow, he had too but the harder he tried the more they came. With every memory he second guessed his decision.
"Maurice, I'm sorry man, I didn't know it was Faith.....Oh man I didn't mean too. You have to believe me Mo!....It was an accident I...I didn't know it was her. I didn't mean to shoot her....He's lying, He knew it was her....she.....she said his name before he pulled the trigger....You remember it was Mikey right?.... Faith answer me!....Yeah I remember it was Mikey....He knew it was you!....It happened so fast he couldn't have known" It took him awhile to figure out why Faith would cover for Mikey after what he did but then it hit him, to protect him, to save him from knowing the truth and having to live with the guilt, from having to deal with the fact that his little brother was capable of something like that. She was always thinking of him. Trying to help him. He was returning the favor now, he was protecting her, wasn't he?
"Well because of you of course.... Because of me?..... Well yeah, What better way to get to you?.....It's your fault! It's all your fault!.....I never want to see you again. I hate you! I hate you!" How could he have let this happen? He should have seen it coming. shouldn't he? There must of been something that clued into this right? Why wasn't he paying attention? If he was maybe this could all have been avoided. Well he was paying attention this time and he wouldn't let anything like this happen again.
"Why weren't you there? Why weren't you there protecting your partner huh?....I expected you to come running from somewhere, but you didn't did you? You weren't even there.....How come she got shot?.... Where were you?....You're suppose to be with her....You're suppose to make sure she stays safe....Why weren't you there to protect her?...you promised remember?" He remembered and he was keeping his promise, He was going to protect her, keep her safe this time. This time he would, he was sure of it. Well almost sure.
"I'm a mess Faith.... I have never felt so lost, even with all the the shit I've been through. I've never felt like this.....I almost lost you Faith and it was my fault, how am I suppose to come back from that? I need you in my life.....I know I might not tell you that everyday or maybe ever but it's the truth.....I need you. You are the one sure thing in my life. No matter what I do I know you'll be there to pick up the pieces. You're always there. If I need someone to talk to you're the first one I go to..... I can't loose you Faith....I just can't....I wasn't there Faith....I didn't protect you....I'm sorry Faith. I'm sorry.....Bos you have nothing to apologize for. It wasn't your fault, any of it. You couldn't have changed anything.....Yes I could have. I could have been there, I should of been there.....It doesn't matter. You're here now, that's what matters." He felt sadness shoot though him.
"So what, because he said you were the reason you're going to run. It's not you Bosco....It will keep you safe. It'.. I'm not going to let you get hurt again. I owe you that much....What you owe me Bos is to stay here and be my friend. To help me get better and out of this place. I need you here Bos I can't do this by myself, That's what you owe me, Nothing else....this will keep you safe. I know it Faith. Trust me on this....I can't trust you on this because it's not right. You're wrong this time Bosco. You're wrong!" Was he wrong? Or was leaving the smartest thing he had ever did?
"Will you be here in the morning?....Sure I will....Promise me Bos. Promise you'll be here when I wake up...I promise Faith..." He had never broken a promise to her before, well aside from this whole mess that is. Was he going to start now?
"I should have known she would run to you, Maurice Boscorelli her fucking knight in shinning armour. Her hero....For the life of me I can't see what she see's in you. You're like some kind of God in her eyes. You can never do anything wrong, for some stupid reason she believes in you. She needs you. She lives for you!" Some hero he turned out to be. For the life of him he didn't see what Faith saw in him either but she must have seen something or why else would she have stuck with him all these years right by his side. Always. Did she need him? He needed her there was nothing he was more sure of. Her believing in him was the greatest gift he ever had in his life but was it worth risking her again?
~*~
I'm moving on
At last I can see life had been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life when all you can see are the years passing by
And I've made up my mind that those days are gone
~*~
He pulled out his wallet and flipped to the picture of Faith and the kids, his "family". Everything he did was for them. They meant everything to him. Everything was about them. It didn't matter what he was going through, that this was killing him. He had to think of them first. They always came first, nothing was going to change that. He was fed up with the weak and broken Bosco It was time to be strong, time to do the right thing. He may not have been sure about much in his life but he was sure about this. He had made the right decision. He wasn't turning back now. He owed it to her.
~*~
'I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should and lived like I shouldn't
I had to loose everything to find out
maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down the road
I'm moving on
I'm moving on
I'm moving on'
~*~
"You're still here?!"
"Of course I am," he said getting up from his chair by the window and holding her hand "Where else would I be?"