Shattered
Chapter 14
Disclaimer: None of it is mine, I'm only borrowing the characters and having some fun with them.
Authors note: This probably wasn't what you were expecting but I hope you enjoy it anyway :) Thanks so much for the kind reviews for the last chapter, I was worried about that one (as is this one) :)
Feedback: Wanted always :)
E-mail: wine_into_water@hotmail.com
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"My god Bosco, what happened? What's wrong? You look like hell."
Bosco slowly walked up to the side of her bed and sat down in the chair. He rested his head in his hands and closed his eyes.
"Something is wrong with me Faith. I'm loosing control. I don't know what's happening to me....I'm scared Faith." He said quietly.
"Bosco it'll be ok, just tell me what happened." She said trying to sound as reassuring as possible.
"Last night when I went and talked with Mikey.....he was so cold. I didn't understand it. He hated me Faith. He hated me so much. He blamed me for everything, he said it was all my fault.....It wasn't my fault Faith, it wasn't. I thought he was telling the truth that he came back to see me. So I let him in....every time I let him" He said shaking his head. "I just wanted him to love me. To actually be there to see me. That's all I wanted. That's all I ever wanted."
Faith reached over and touched his hand but he didn't look up he just kept talking.
"Mikey kept throwing it in my face, kept telling me that I'm the reason you're in here. That I'm the reason ma got hurt all those times.....I couldn't listen to it anymore. Something happened and I grabbed him. I grabbed him and held him against the wall. I started squeezing his throat, harder and harder." His voice getting distant as he remembered he continued, "He was dying Faith. He was dying and I was the one killing him. If Sully hadn't shown up when he did I would have. I would have killed him Faith, my own brother. I would have killed him with my bare hands."
"Bos..."
He cut her off, "I didn't even realize it, It wasn't until Sully came in did I realize what I was doing. It was like something took me over.....What's wrong with me Faith? What if I can't control whatever this is and I end up like him. I don't want to end up like him Faith. I can't. I can't be like him. Please Faith I can't." He pleaded.
With her heart breaking for him Faith ran her fingers through his hair trying to comfort him, "Bosco you have nothing to worry about your heart is to good to be like that. You've just had to much on your mind these last few days. That's all this is. You'll be fine Bos. We'll get you through this, everything will be ok. I promise."
"No it wont Faith. It's to late for that."
"Bosco it's not to late."
Before she could continue he looked up and said, "Fred was here."
Her face paled at the mention of his name, "What?"
"When I got back here tonight he was here. He was trying to get past the nurses desk. I couldn't believe he was here. I was so angry, I stormed up to him and turned him around. He swung around and clipped me and then I knocked him down and we fought...."
"Is that why your cut up and have that blood on you?" She asked sympathetically.
He didn't even notice that he hadn't cleaned up yet. He had dried up blood on his face, his hands were all bloodied and his shirt had some on it.
He nodded and continued on," Security came and broke us up. When they found out I was a cop they left Fred with me. They just left him there all cuffed up. So I figured this was the best time to give him a scare, teach him to never come back here. That's all I wanted to do was scare him, I swear it Faith. That's all....I drove him to that old abandoned factory down by the river" He paused for a moment and then continued. "I walked him to the middle of the parking lot and uncuffed him. But before he could turn around and start fighting again I pulled out my gun and held it to him."
"Bosco what happened. What did you do?" Faith asked starting to get worried.
"He started apologizing. Saying it would never happen again. That he only came back to make sure you were ok. That he would leave right after and not come back until you wanted him to. He said that he had quit drinking, that he was better and this time it would be different. All he wanted was for me to let him see you....He sounded just like him Faith, just like him. That's when something went wrong...Fred was gone and dad was there. Telling me everything I wanted to hear so that I'd let him back in but all I was thinking was this time I wouldn't let him. This time he wouldn't get near anyone I cared about. I was stronger now." He looked back down to the floor and continued, "I wanted to stop him for good this time, So he'd never come back. I hated him so much for what he did to us and this was my chance to get him back....I started to pull the trigger..."
"Bos?" she asked quietly.
"In that tiny moment of time it took to finish pulling it I saw Fred again and I realized what I was doing. I moved my hand in time. The bullet went right past him Faith. Another inch and I would have hit him.....I almost killed him Faith. I almost killed Emily and Charlie's father!...What the hell is wrong with me?"
Reaching for his hand Faith said, "Bos it's going to be all right..."
Shooting up from his chair and going to the foot of her bed, "It's not going to be all right Faith! It's not. There is something wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it....I'm a cop Faith, I'm suppose to help people and look at me. All I do is hurt people, in the past three days I've almost killed three people...."
"Three?" Faith cut in.
"Yeah three Faith. You, Mikey and Fred."
"Bosco we went over this. It wasn't your fault I got shot."
"No Faith! No! It was and you can tell me over and over again that it wasn't. That there was nothing I could have done but it's not true. I'm the reason you're lying here and I know it. All these years I thought Fred was scum, an idiot for treating you and the kids like he did but it turns out I'm no better then him or my father. It just took me longer to realize it. I shouldn't have came back here this morning. I should have kept driving. I came back to make sure you would be protected from everything out there." He pointed to the window, "To protect you from bad guys from Fred and here all along I should have been protecting you from me. I'm the one you should be scared about. I wreck everyone I touch Faith. It may take awhile but I do. Mikey, Ma, You, everyone I touch Faith, Everyone." A tear slid down his check.
"Charlie?"
"What?"
"Have you wrecked Charlie?"
Bosco just stood there and looked at her.
"I talked to him tonight, he told me what happened today. All he could talk about was you Bosco. How you let him stay there and how you guys talked, how he fell asleep with you on the couch and he didn't have one bad dream, not one. How you're so cool you're like Super Man or something because you make him feel better, you make all the bad memories go away. He talked about how tomorrow you're picking him up after school and you guys are going to spend a couple of hours together, just him and you, going to the park or the movies or maybe even staying at home with you but that would be ok too as long as he was with you."
Another tear slid down his cheek.
"He thinks the world of you Bosco, he loves you....If you had the littlest bit of your father in you he wouldn't. He see's you Bosco. He's see's the real you just like I do. You have nothing to worry about Bosco because there isn't any way for you to become like your father, there just isn't...You've had a rough year and this last week only added to it but you're fine Bosco. You and me we'll get you through this. I promise." She gave him a reassuring smile.
He walked over to the side of her bed and sat down again. He grabbed her hand in his and kissed it. He took a deep breath. Maybe she was right, maybe he would get through this and he'd be normal again. He looked up at her and saw those big blue eyes looking back at him. He smiled. There were no maybe's about it, He would get through this, he would get back to normal because she was here to help him through it. With her by his side there was nothing he couldn't do.
Chapter 14
Disclaimer: None of it is mine, I'm only borrowing the characters and having some fun with them.
Authors note: This probably wasn't what you were expecting but I hope you enjoy it anyway :) Thanks so much for the kind reviews for the last chapter, I was worried about that one (as is this one) :)
Feedback: Wanted always :)
E-mail: wine_into_water@hotmail.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"My god Bosco, what happened? What's wrong? You look like hell."
Bosco slowly walked up to the side of her bed and sat down in the chair. He rested his head in his hands and closed his eyes.
"Something is wrong with me Faith. I'm loosing control. I don't know what's happening to me....I'm scared Faith." He said quietly.
"Bosco it'll be ok, just tell me what happened." She said trying to sound as reassuring as possible.
"Last night when I went and talked with Mikey.....he was so cold. I didn't understand it. He hated me Faith. He hated me so much. He blamed me for everything, he said it was all my fault.....It wasn't my fault Faith, it wasn't. I thought he was telling the truth that he came back to see me. So I let him in....every time I let him" He said shaking his head. "I just wanted him to love me. To actually be there to see me. That's all I wanted. That's all I ever wanted."
Faith reached over and touched his hand but he didn't look up he just kept talking.
"Mikey kept throwing it in my face, kept telling me that I'm the reason you're in here. That I'm the reason ma got hurt all those times.....I couldn't listen to it anymore. Something happened and I grabbed him. I grabbed him and held him against the wall. I started squeezing his throat, harder and harder." His voice getting distant as he remembered he continued, "He was dying Faith. He was dying and I was the one killing him. If Sully hadn't shown up when he did I would have. I would have killed him Faith, my own brother. I would have killed him with my bare hands."
"Bos..."
He cut her off, "I didn't even realize it, It wasn't until Sully came in did I realize what I was doing. It was like something took me over.....What's wrong with me Faith? What if I can't control whatever this is and I end up like him. I don't want to end up like him Faith. I can't. I can't be like him. Please Faith I can't." He pleaded.
With her heart breaking for him Faith ran her fingers through his hair trying to comfort him, "Bosco you have nothing to worry about your heart is to good to be like that. You've just had to much on your mind these last few days. That's all this is. You'll be fine Bos. We'll get you through this, everything will be ok. I promise."
"No it wont Faith. It's to late for that."
"Bosco it's not to late."
Before she could continue he looked up and said, "Fred was here."
Her face paled at the mention of his name, "What?"
"When I got back here tonight he was here. He was trying to get past the nurses desk. I couldn't believe he was here. I was so angry, I stormed up to him and turned him around. He swung around and clipped me and then I knocked him down and we fought...."
"Is that why your cut up and have that blood on you?" She asked sympathetically.
He didn't even notice that he hadn't cleaned up yet. He had dried up blood on his face, his hands were all bloodied and his shirt had some on it.
He nodded and continued on," Security came and broke us up. When they found out I was a cop they left Fred with me. They just left him there all cuffed up. So I figured this was the best time to give him a scare, teach him to never come back here. That's all I wanted to do was scare him, I swear it Faith. That's all....I drove him to that old abandoned factory down by the river" He paused for a moment and then continued. "I walked him to the middle of the parking lot and uncuffed him. But before he could turn around and start fighting again I pulled out my gun and held it to him."
"Bosco what happened. What did you do?" Faith asked starting to get worried.
"He started apologizing. Saying it would never happen again. That he only came back to make sure you were ok. That he would leave right after and not come back until you wanted him to. He said that he had quit drinking, that he was better and this time it would be different. All he wanted was for me to let him see you....He sounded just like him Faith, just like him. That's when something went wrong...Fred was gone and dad was there. Telling me everything I wanted to hear so that I'd let him back in but all I was thinking was this time I wouldn't let him. This time he wouldn't get near anyone I cared about. I was stronger now." He looked back down to the floor and continued, "I wanted to stop him for good this time, So he'd never come back. I hated him so much for what he did to us and this was my chance to get him back....I started to pull the trigger..."
"Bos?" she asked quietly.
"In that tiny moment of time it took to finish pulling it I saw Fred again and I realized what I was doing. I moved my hand in time. The bullet went right past him Faith. Another inch and I would have hit him.....I almost killed him Faith. I almost killed Emily and Charlie's father!...What the hell is wrong with me?"
Reaching for his hand Faith said, "Bos it's going to be all right..."
Shooting up from his chair and going to the foot of her bed, "It's not going to be all right Faith! It's not. There is something wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it....I'm a cop Faith, I'm suppose to help people and look at me. All I do is hurt people, in the past three days I've almost killed three people...."
"Three?" Faith cut in.
"Yeah three Faith. You, Mikey and Fred."
"Bosco we went over this. It wasn't your fault I got shot."
"No Faith! No! It was and you can tell me over and over again that it wasn't. That there was nothing I could have done but it's not true. I'm the reason you're lying here and I know it. All these years I thought Fred was scum, an idiot for treating you and the kids like he did but it turns out I'm no better then him or my father. It just took me longer to realize it. I shouldn't have came back here this morning. I should have kept driving. I came back to make sure you would be protected from everything out there." He pointed to the window, "To protect you from bad guys from Fred and here all along I should have been protecting you from me. I'm the one you should be scared about. I wreck everyone I touch Faith. It may take awhile but I do. Mikey, Ma, You, everyone I touch Faith, Everyone." A tear slid down his check.
"Charlie?"
"What?"
"Have you wrecked Charlie?"
Bosco just stood there and looked at her.
"I talked to him tonight, he told me what happened today. All he could talk about was you Bosco. How you let him stay there and how you guys talked, how he fell asleep with you on the couch and he didn't have one bad dream, not one. How you're so cool you're like Super Man or something because you make him feel better, you make all the bad memories go away. He talked about how tomorrow you're picking him up after school and you guys are going to spend a couple of hours together, just him and you, going to the park or the movies or maybe even staying at home with you but that would be ok too as long as he was with you."
Another tear slid down his cheek.
"He thinks the world of you Bosco, he loves you....If you had the littlest bit of your father in you he wouldn't. He see's you Bosco. He's see's the real you just like I do. You have nothing to worry about Bosco because there isn't any way for you to become like your father, there just isn't...You've had a rough year and this last week only added to it but you're fine Bosco. You and me we'll get you through this. I promise." She gave him a reassuring smile.
He walked over to the side of her bed and sat down again. He grabbed her hand in his and kissed it. He took a deep breath. Maybe she was right, maybe he would get through this and he'd be normal again. He looked up at her and saw those big blue eyes looking back at him. He smiled. There were no maybe's about it, He would get through this, he would get back to normal because she was here to help him through it. With her by his side there was nothing he couldn't do.