"OMG! Professor, I play the viola! I can't believe you knew this! Anyways...Professor, do *you* play an instrument?
Medrelina Viqiuna Ravhelinus, 3rd year Gryffindor
A.K.A. Medrelina the Weird"
"Dear Medrelina,
My inner eye clearly shows you to be a woman of highly sensitive sensibilities. One can easily discern your musical talent from the delicate aura of your handwriting. I also sense that you are a lover of animals. A talented witch such as yourself must surely own a cat.
As for myself, I do not play an instrument. I find the concentration necessary clouds my ethereal awareness."
I see a magical musical instrument in your near future. Perhaps as a replacement for the viola that you will forced to break over Mr. Potter's head.
Sincerely,
Madam Trelawney
Dear Madam Trelawney
Thankies for the advice, it worked great!
I wacked Potter and Ganger both up side the head, but I only winged them. Still Snape did laugh pretty damn hard, and I get dentention with him for six months every night! I'm still in school cause I managed to make it look like Longbottoms fault when his potion blew up. My question is which dress should have on for my first night of dentention aka suduction of Snape, a short little black velvet or a red velet with a very low cut?
Soon to be in Snapes bed aka
Katherine
"Dearest Katherine,
Excellent! I mean, how unfortunate that Mr. Longbottoms' potion blew up and sent Potter and Granger to the hospital rather than the morgue. Still, this was a promising beginning, even if I was forced to award Mr. Weasley extra credit for correctly predicting dire happenings during a potions class.
I do urge circumspection with regards to the Seduction of Severus. If you come on too strongly he is likely to panic and assign you detention with Mr. Filch. (Trust me, you don't want to go there.) You will have to make your move gradually. Let Severus get used to your presence at night.
On your first night, wear old trousers and a knit turtleneck. Every day, wear better pants and shrink the turtleneck about half an inch. In about two weeks, Severus will really be noticing you. Color isn't important, but for heaven's sake, don't wear Gryffindor red!
Lastly, be sure to bring treats to every session. If, after two weeks, the tight turtleneck hasn't turned his head, slip a love potion into your pumpkin pasty. Severus won't be able to resist.
I foresee many happy hours for you in detention. Especially if you trip Mr. Potter on the stairs leading to the dungeon.
Yours,
Madam Trelawney"
"Dear Madam Trelawney,
I'm in love with my brother's best friend, but he only knows that I'm alive because he saved my life back in my first year. How do I get him to notice me as a woman?
Signed, Red Hair, Pink Cheeks."
Trelawney grinned. Oh, this should be good.
"Dear Pinky,
I'm afraid that Potter's been hit in the head with too many bludgers (not to mention cauldrons) to really appreciate you. I suggest you learn a good love potion. Consult with Katherine, as she has a similar problem.
Signed,
Madam Trelawney."
"Dear Katherine,
Work with Ginny Weasley. Learn how to turn a love potion into a vertigo potion. Make sure the right potion gets to the right person. (Though, really, if Severus gets the vertigo potion he just may wind up swooning in your arms. Come to think of it, the vertigo potion is probably what you want. He may have taken antidotes for love potions. There really must be a reason he hasn't been hit with one yet.)
Sincerely,
Madam Trelawney."
"Dear Madam Trelawney, Can you tell me the date of the next full moon? I need to make plans. Signed, Former DADA Professor."
"Dear Professor,
My, aren't you the romantic? Come up and see me sometime."
Really most sincerely,
Sibyll Trelawney"
"Dear Fraud-face,
Nice try, but I'm still alive,
Seeker-boy."
"Dear Medrelina,
Viola, Potter's head. Soon.
Sincerely,
Madam Trelawney"
"Dear Katharine,
Vertigo Potion. Potter's pumpkin juice. Soon.
Sincerely,
Madam Trelawney."
"Dear Christmas Moon,
I am so pleased that you are enjoying my column. Please feel free to send in a question. I can sense one burning in your mind… wait, it's coming clearer… Sorry, even I, the great Sibyll Trelawney, cannot predict when Book 5 will be out.
Do watch out for falling Gryffindor Seekers.
Yours,
Madam Trelawney."
"Dear Madam Trelawney,
Erm, thanks for the tip about the tarot, but I was wondering what I needed to study for my favorite class, Muggles Studies. My boyfriend is half muggle and I want to do well in this class to impress him.
Love, Flower Girl."
"Et tu, Lavender?" Trelawney sighed.
"Dear Flower Girl,
I'm afraid Muggle Studies are too mundane to cause enough of a stir in the great ether for me to see what portends.
Signed,
Madam Trelawney
PS -- I foresee a sudden drop in your grade in Divination Class in the near future. Potions isn't looking promising, either."
"Dear Katherine,
I do hope you haven't retired your cauldron.
Love,
Madam Trelawney."