Sara walked quickly down the hall just moments after leaving Grissom's room.

She needed to be outside. She could not breathe in hospitals. Every time she was in one it was worse.

She did not wait for the elevator. She found a stairwell that she figured she probably should not be in and ran down the flights of stairs to the ground floor. She exited through a side door and found herself in the courtyard of the hospital. It always amused her that some hospitals had gardens or courtyards.

When the door slammed behind her a man turned and looked at her. He dropped his cigarette and put it out.

The man stared at Sara. She was out of breath. He wondered if she was okay.

"I hate hospitals," she offered the bewildered man beside her.

"So do I."

"My best friend, not that that's saying much, almost died last night."

"I'm sorry. My wife's losing her battle with cancer. I love her but I hate being here."

"I'm sorry."

"She's made her peace with God. She's okay with it. It's all very bad movie-of-the-week. She keeps saying she's just worried about me."

"That's nice. That she's not terrified, I mean. Never mind, that came out entirely wrong."

"No, I know what you were trying to say."

"Sorry."

"Don't worry about it." He took a deep breath. "You look like you need to vent."

"Yeah."

"You can. I don't know you. I'm never going to see you again."

"I don't handle emotions well."

"So? What's the biggest problem in your life?"

"I'm a suspect in an attempted murder investigation, but it wasn't me."

"Your best friend?" Sara nodded. He continued, "Hmm. Anything more manageable?"

"I think I'm pregnant."

"Oh. My wife was pregnant a few years ago and we didn't know until after she started treatment. She lost the baby."

"Wow. I'm sorry."

"Can't be helped now. It hurts less and less every day." The man shrugged. "Are you with the potential father?"

"Same man again."

"Wow."

"And no."

"Hmm."

"Yeah."

The man's pager beeped. "I have to go. Good luck."

"You too," Sara offered.

He nodded and gave Sara a small smile before going inside.

~*~*~*~*~

Sara unlocked her apartment door and slipped inside. She had gone back to Grissom's room long enough to find out Catherine's arrival time and gate number and to say 'good night', then left. She wanted to get away from everyone. She wandered around her apartment and finally turned on her neglected computer.

While she waited for it to turn on she wandered into her kitchen and grabbed a glass of apple juice and a bag of graham crackers. It was a weird snack that she liked at night.

She grabbed the afghan off the back of her couch and pulled it around her shoulders while she waited for her slow phone connection to dial up. It never seemed worth the money to update it for all the more time she had to spend on the internet.

She signed in to her personal email and deleted all the newsletters and junk mail from the last two weeks. She went through the few remaining mails. An article that Nick had sent her. A nice letter from her college roommate about some of the people they had pulled all-nighters with in college. Yeah, some people outgrow that eventually, she thought.

The last email she came across was from her father.

Sara,

Hello, hun. I thought I'd let you know how we all are here, since your mother and I get the machine so often. Maybe you get a chance to check this.

Your mother is okay. She's upsetting because she's turning fifty-five soon. Do you think you might be able to fly here for a few days? Anyway, she doesn't seem to understand that her health is the important thing, not her age.

I am doing well. I hope you are too. Try to call some time.

We have had a guest with us the last few weeks. Do you remember your cousin Stephanie? Your mother's sister Chloe's daughter? She called one day after all this time and asked if she could stay with us. Jake told us that if we could handle her we were welcome to take her for a while. Apparently just a few weeks before she contacted us, things got bad between them. She has seemed fine since she got here, though. Maybe it's just an age thing. She is fifteen now.

I wish I could write more, but the truth is there is not much to tell. We love you, and I hope you come visit for your mother's birthday.

Your father,

"Dad"

P.S. Your cousin was asking about you. Just about who Sara was, not really about you. I figure she heard your name somewhere, but did not remember you. That's not a surprise. She was so young last time we went to visit Jake. ~Dad

So Stephanie was okay. Not that Sara trusted her parents to be able to tell when someone was in crisis, but if nothing else she was in a safe place now. Sara felt better.

It was nice to hear from her father. She loved her mother. But her father was always the parent she felt closer to, even if she rarely talked to him her entire life. She wondered if that was normal.

She sat in front of the glowing computer screen, her father's letter still open in front of her. The graham crackers were the honey kind instead of the cinnamon kind. She was still tired, even though she had really woken up only a few hours before.

She logged off the internet then told the computer to shut down and clicked the monitor off. It was about a fifty-fifty shot if the tower would actually shut itself down.

She took the barrette out of her hair and stared at herself in the mirror.

I am still Sara. Even if I am probably pregnant with Grissom's baby and suspected in his attempted murder.

I've been through worse.

~*~*~*~*~

Catherine stepped into the brightly lit airport. She spent about forty-five minutes looking for Grissom before noticing Sara in the corner.

"What's going on?" Catherine asked. Sara did not answer, and Catherine snapped her fingers in front of the younger woman's face.

Sara started. "What?"

"What's going on?"

"Grissom got attacked at a scene the night before last."

"Oh my god."

"He's going to be okay, though."

"That's the important thing."


"Yeah. Yeah, it is. Can we go?"

"Yeah." Catherine nodded and followed Sara to the car.

When they had been driving for a few minutes, Catherine said, "Sara, you don't look very good."


"Well, Grissom got attacked because I screwed up, then I found out I'm a suspect and Ecklie suspended me. It's been a lousy few days, and I already had problems before Grissom got hurt."

"Okay."

Sara had wanted to talk to Catherine. She had no idea who else to talk to. But the longer they spent in the car the more Sara remembered why she did not turn to Catherine. She was a great woman, one that Sara might even want to be more like. But Sara did not like her.

"Can I talk to you about something?" Sara asked.

"Yes."

"I think I might be pregnant."

"You think?"

"Yeah. Or my body is really out of whack."

"You're probably pregnant."

"I know."

"You should find out for sure."

"I'm going to."

They were both silent for a few minutes, then Catherine quietly asked, "Do you want me to stay with you?"

"Don't worry about it. You should probably go see Grissom. I'll be fine."

"Do you want me to call Nick for you?"

Sara laughed. "Why would I want Nick with me?"

"You seem to trust him."

"Yeah. He was a huge help to me that night." She realized that she was talking about it like it was a long time ago.

"He's an amazing man."

"Yes...I don't want him with me when I found out if I'm pregnant, though."

"It's a huge shock either way. I'd be happy to stay with you while you find out."

They were stopped at a traffic light, and Sara turned to look at Catherine's face. It was a genuine offer. She was getting more than her fair share of those. "If you don't mind."

Catherine sighed with relief. She worried about Sara. Too proud. She did not want her to get hurt because she would not ask for help. "It will be okay."

"Yeah," Sara replied as the cars in front of her began to move again. I feel like a scared teenager, Sara thought. Like I need my older sister to bail me out of something...I hate needing anyone.

Catherine could detect a note of fear in Sara's usually calm voice. That was the reason Catherine was not on her way home. She remembered being in this situation. And it was terrifying, even though she was under much better circumstances than Sara was right now. Catherine had been married and had a career. Sara's present situation could not be much less stable than it was.

Sara started to say something but stopped. She was worried but felt safer, albeit more embarrassed, to have Catherine with her.

Things were going to be fine. For now, at least.