Disclaimer: I can hope all I want, I'll never be as rich as the people who own CSI and the associated characters. See how clever I was in showing I'm not one of said people? Okay, then. Let's go.

~*~*~*~*~

Give Me A Chance

Chapter Thirteen

~*~*~*~*~

Nick was standing in the doorway of Grissom's nursery, admiring the bright borders and new white furniture.

"Seriously, Grissom, I love that stuffed bug!" Nick's enthusiasm was draining on Grissom, who only had about an hour before his first shift back at work since the attack.

"Sara bought that almost a month ago," Grissom told him.


"Really?" Nick asked, a characteristic confused expression crossing his face. "It doesn't look like anything Sara has in the nursery at her place."


"Sara has a nursery?" Grissom asked. She had been helping him with this one, and he had not known that she was working on her own.

"Yeah. It's nicer than this, too," Nick observed. "Warmer."

"Warmer?"

"Yeah. Wood and pastels. Everything looks soft. It's a really nice room." Nick chose that moment to finally acknowledge Grissom's irritation, and misunderstood the cause. "There's nothing wrong with this room, though."

"I know there's not," Grissom replied, walking down the short hall to his living room.

"So..." Nick was following him. "Looking forward to getting back to the lab?"


"Looking forward to being useful again," Grissom answered, pulling on his jacket and grabbing his car keys.

Nick looked at his watch. "It's early."

"I have to talk to Ecklie before he leaves."

"Oh. Is something wrong?" Nick asked.


"No." Grissom held the door open, then followed Nick outside.

"See you in a little while," Nick said as he unlocked his car door.

"Yeah," Grissom replied absently. He realized as he backed out of the driveway that he had been holding his breath. He slowly exhaled. He needed to steel himself for his conversation with Ecklie.

It was unsettling for him to have to turn to Ecklie for help, but he was aware that he did not really have a choice. Ecklie had agreed not to ruin the life that he and Sara were trying to build, but Grissom knew that it was going to be difficult to find a way around department regulations. If anyone could figure it out, unfortunately, it was Conrad Ecklie.

The parking lot of the lab seemed to appear too soon, and Grissom sat for a moment after he parked, trying to collect his thoughts.

His first priority was protecting Sara and their baby. The second was to make it so that he could be with them while doing so.

He needed Ecklie to accomplish either.

~*~*~*~*~

"I've been looking over the department's rules governing relationships," Ecklie told Grissom, who sat on the other side of his desk. When Grissom did not respond, the other man continued. "No one can say anything about you and Sara raising your child. There are privacy issues there, especially on her side."

Grissom nodded. "But they can say something about us having a relationship?"

Ecklie sighed. "Yes. You're her boss. Wouldn't you rather just be in your child's life without complicating things?" he asked, his voice uncharacteristically hesitant.

"I love both of them," Grissom said, without thinking, feeling too helpless to care who he was talking to.

"I don't know what you're expecting," Ecklie said, frustrated. "It would be bad enough if you were just another investigator, that wouldn't be looked at very well either, but you're not. You're her boss. She's the lowest ranking person on your shift. It looks bad."

"So, that's it?"

"Basically." Ecklie watched Grissom, then added, "Unless you give up your position."

Grissom stood up. "I figured there was a reason you were so willing to help me. I refuse to give my job up to you," he said before turning to leave. His position meant more to him than he had realized. It was not something he had planned for, but it was important to him now.

"There is a reason I'm helping you, but believe me, you have no idea what it is," Ecklie told him. "Anyway, can you think of anything else?" Ecklie asked.

"No," Grissom replied honestly, pausing in the doorway.


"Well, you could always marry her," Ecklie said, as he turned his attention to packing up his briefcase.

"What?" Grissom was facing him again.

Ecklie looked up from the files he was leafing through. "Marriage supercedes job titles."

"Why are you telling me this?" Grissom asked. "Just a few weeks ago you would have been happy to see Sara in prison and me fired."

"I wouldn't have wanted her to go to prison," Ecklie said, intentionally avoiding addressing the second half of Grissom's comment. He stood, briefcase in hand. "I have to leave, and your shift started five minutes ago." He followed Grissom into the hall and locked his office door. "You should be happy that you'll have a chance to be in your child's life at all," he said softly, then walked away.

Grissom stared down the hall. It dawned on him how fortunate he was to be there, alive and relatively healthy again.

He started toward the break room, where he could usually assume everyone was gathered before shift. He was looking forward to seeing Sara, who had not answered her phone at all that day. Finding out about the second nursery had somewhat unnerved him. He had assumed that they were preparing his house to be their home, but that was apparently not the case.

He walked into the break room, and was surprised to discover that Sara was not there. Warrick looked up. "Did you know Catherine thought your baby was mine?" he offered in place of a more conventional greeting.

"I'm not talking about that here," Grissom said absently. He was looking around the room as if he could make Sara appear.

"She's lying down in your office," Catherine told him, amused.

"Okay." He was trying to collect his thoughts. "Do you have tonight's cases?" he asked Catherine.

"Yeah. Nick, Warrick, and Sara are still working on one from last night. I figured you and I could take this." She handed him a folder. "Burglary at a hotel on the strip. If that's okay."

"Yeah. Is Sara sick?"


"She just looked tired, so I made her lie down," Nick said without meeting his eyes.

Grissom nodded. "I'll go get her so you can get started. I'll be back, Catherine."

A few minutes later he pushed his office door open. Sara was not sleeping, as he hoped, but was sitting behind his desk in the dark with one hand holding up her head and the other clutching a tissue.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, kneeling beside her.


"I'm so damn tired," she told him.


"Sara, you can take some time--"

"Did you talk to Ecklie?" she interrupted him, looking up.

"Yes."

"So did I. Weeks ago. That's why I've been getting my apartment ready for the baby, Grissom. Nick told me you were surprised. I already know we can't do this. I'm not going to give up my job here, and you sure as hell aren't."

"I will if we need me to," he said, only realizing it as he said it.

"I don't want you to." She started to cry again. "I don't want anyone else ruining their lives for my benefit."

"What are you talking about?"


She shook her head. "Never mind. I have to get to work. I'm late."

She stood up, and he did the same, holding her arm gently. "Sara, please tell me what's wrong." He had no idea what to do once he knew, but he needed to find out what was wrong.

"I'm not letting you give anything up for me or this baby, Grissom! You think you want this, you think you want to give up your world for our child, that's great. But what if next week, or in five months, or God help you in thirty years you finally realize how stupid you were? I'm not going to be the person you blame, and I'm sure as hell not going to be the person you leave."

He did not know how to respond. He reached up, meaning to push her hair away from her damp cheeks, but she pulled away from him. "Sara, I don't know what you want from me."

"Nothing," she whispered. "That's what I'm trying to tell you."

"So we're back to this?" he asked, unwarranted anger flooding his face and voice. "We're back to not being together."

"No, Grissom, I want to be with you. I just don't want to ruin another life."

"Sara. The only thing that could ruin my life is not having you in it. Both of you."

"Words, Grissom," she said bitterly. "You always have something to say."

"Not always." He took her hands and held them tightly. "I don't know what to say to you right now. You're wrong, because I don't know how to say this. And I didn't realize even until I told Ecklie today. I realized, but I didn't know for sure." He stopped.

"What?"

He suddenly did not want to tell her that he was in love with her. He still could not believe he told Ecklie. "Tell me what other life or lives you think you've ruined," he said, changing the subject. She needed to talk anyway, and he would not feel right adding to her stress with his own feelings.

"My parents. My mother never wanted me, Grissom. She never wanted to raise a child and she never wanted to be married. And my father, because of me, never got to know what it would be like to be with a woman who could bring herself to love him." He watched her fingers curl around his own. "I don't want to end up like her. I don't want to do that to our child, and I don't want to do that to you."

"Well, do you want and love our child?" he asked after a long silence.

"Yes." She met his eyes. "Please don't doubt that, Grissom."

"I don't," he reassured her. He took a deep breath. He hated to have to ask this next question. "Do you think your mother could say the same, that she wanted you?"

Sara shook her head. "No," she eventually managed to say. "I'm really not sure there was a day in her life that she wanted me, that she was glad I was her daughter. People may say that, but for me it was true."

"I'm sorry," Grissom said softly.


"Don't be." She looked better now. Her voice was stronger. "I had my father. I had one parent who always loved and wanted me. I only wish she wouldn't have waited until last night to leave him. I hope she's happy, now that she can't hurt him anymore. Whatever was missing in her life, I really hope she can finally find it."


He knew she meant it, but that it was difficult to say. He pressed her face against his chest and ran his fingers gently through her hair. He felt her relax against him, and he was thankful that he was there with her.

"I told Ecklie that I loved you today," he said suddenly. It was as close as he could come to actually telling her at that moment.

"There are so many possible meanings to that statement, Grissom." She sounded exhausted. "But if I understood you correctly, I love you too."

He nodded. His eyes were wet, and he was thankful the lights were still off in the office. "I love you."

She kissed him softly. "That was really a sad performance for both of us, Grissom," she said quietly.

"Well, it's not going to be the last time we say it." He put his hand on her stomach. She was not making much of an effort to hide her pregnancy, and he found that he was glad. There was no reason for her to. "I wish you would just marry me," he surprised himself by saying. "It wouldn't be that different from the last few weeks, and it would solve the problems here."

"You're assuming I wouldn't."

"Are you saying you would?"

"I don't know," she replied. "I've never been asked."

"Would you marry me?" It was a question, not an actual proposal.

She was amused, but knew not to show it. "I would. To make things easier for all three of us, if for no other reason."


He prepared himself for the hardest words of his life. While he always known, or at least assumed, that he would someday have this conversation with someone, he had always thought there would be endless time to prepare. There obviously was not. His left hand still rested on Sara, just inches from their child. His right hand was now holding her left. "Sara," he finally started, "I love you. I can't make it sound natural, and hopefully you realize I mean it regardless. I want to be your husband, to make you happy." She squeezed his hand, knowing that he was not done yet. "Will you please marry me?" he finished.

"Sara, are you coming?" Nick asked, flipping the switch by the door and flooding the room in fluorescent light.

She was startled, and jerked away from Grissom. "Yeah." She combed her fingers through her hair, and her eyes met Grissom's apologetically.

Sara and Nick turned to leave. "Grissom?" she called. He looked back up at her, and she gave him a small smile. "Yes."

~*~*~*~*~

Grissom stood beside Catherine at their crime scene, clutching the gray case tightly in his hand.


"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah." Nothing's going to happen, he told himself. He was trying to be rational, but he was still scared. He felt relatively safe in the hospital and even at home, but he was not sure how to deal with being at another scene.

Grissom's cell phone rang, and he quickly answered it. "Grissom."

"Hey. It's Warrick. This case is at a standstill. We need to wait on results. Do you two want help over there?"

Grissom looked around. Another hotel room. There was going to be a lot to collect. "Yeah, while you have time."

"Okay. We'll be there," Warrick said. Grissom heard him hang up.

"Who was that?" Catherine asked, pulling the camera away from her face and looking up.


"Warrick. They're going to help here until some results come back."

"I'm glad Warrick isn't the baby's father," she said, continuing to photograph the corner of the room where a planter had been broken.

"So am I," Grissom said, and heard her laugh. He bent down to open his collection kit, and his hands froze on the latches. She chose that moment to turn to look at him.


"Grissom? Are you okay?" Catherine asked a second time.

He nodded, pulling his hands away with some effort. "I'm fine. I'm going to wait in the lobby until they get here."

"But I need help processing this scene," she said.

"Then wait a few minutes." He was in the hall before she could say anything else.

He watched Sara enter the lobby and walk over to him. "Where are Nick and Warrick?" he asked once she was beside him.

"Separate car. They should be here any minute."

He nodded. "You might not have to marry me after all," he told her. He sounded angry and tired.

"What do you mean?" Her eyes were still swollen and red, but now they were also looked very scared.

"I can't do this anymore. Work, I mean. I can't even breathe up there." He was frustrated. "I can't believe I survived someone trying to kill me, but I can't even get my hands to...Forget it."

She gently pressed his fingers against her lips, then held his hands between their bodies. "Whatever happens, I'll be here. I'm nervous about a lot of things that are might happen to us," she told him, "but I want to try it all with you."

"I don't want you worrying about my job, Sara."

"I'm not. I'm worried about you, because I know that what you do is important to you."

"It's not the most important thing," he said. It was true, but he also knew that there would be a horrible void in his life if he could not continue his work. "God, what if I can't do this anymore?"

"Even if you can't, it would only be temporarily." She moved his hand to her stomach again. "We don't want you to get upset."

"I love you so much," he said. It seemed so much easier to say the second time. "I love the baby, too. I don't say it enough. Seems like such an abstract idea for some reason. But I really do."

"I understand. And I love you too, Grissom."

"Las Vegas used to be in the desert, right?" Nick asked from a few feet behind her. She turned around and laughed.

"You two are soaked," she observed. "You look awful."

"Thanks," Warrick replied dully.


"You two can't go into a crime scene like that," Grissom told them.


"We might as well go back to the lab, then," Nick said.

Warrick sighed and shifted his case from his right to left hand. "Let's go, then."

"Hey!" Catherine called, appearing in the lobby. "I'm glad you guys are here. I have to go, the sitter called."

"Is Lindsay okay?" Warrick asked.

"I don't know. She fell. I mean, she'll be fine, but her wrist is broken and she hit her head." She was scared, and Warrick came over and put a hand on her arm.

"Here, I'll drive you." He put his arm around her shoulders and led her toward the front door. Grissom, Sara, and Nick watched him sit down his case and take off his jacket to put it over her head before they left.

"What was that?" Nick asked.

"I don't know," Grissom admitted.

Sara looked amused, then suddenly alarmed. "There's no one watching the crime scene."

"I need to get back up there then. Are you staying or going with Nick?" Grissom asked her.

She looked at Nick, who told her, "Stay here. You need to get the collections done. I can figure out the results myself if Greg ever gets done with them. I'll see you back at the lab." They watched him leave through the plate glass windows of the lobby, then returned to the room.

It was only a few minutes before Grissom found himself at the crime scene again, this time with Sara. "I wish I understood this more," he said quietly. "I know that nothing else is going to happen, but I'm still scared." It was almost as difficult to tell her that as it had been to say he loved her.

"Fear is created in your mind," she told him. "We can't to rationalize it, as much as we want to. It's normal."

"I know." He sighed and started to collect some fibers he found noticed in the one of the hinges of the room's long cabinet. "When is it going to stop?" he asked, not really expecting her to answer.

"Someday." It was an honest answer, and the best one she could give him.

He realized the truth of her statement, and decided to change the subject. "Seventeen weeks already. Can you feel anything yet?"

"No, and I would tell you if I did. Still, it will be any day now. And tomorrow will actually be seventeen weeks," she corrected. She was trying not to care that he had the day wrong.


"I know, Sara. I don't forget dates that are that important."

"The conception of your child."


"It was important to me before I knew that," he told her quietly.


She was surprised, but managed an embarrassed, "It was for me, too."

"Do you know what's going on with Warrick and Catherine?" he asked her, mercifully changing the subject.

"No. It was probably nothing. She needed a ride. Anyway, you know them a lot better than I do."

"I haven't really talked to either of them in a long time, though."

"No one's going to fault you for that."

"I know."

She watched him. The conversation had distracted him somewhat, and he was working efficiently. "We're going to be okay, you know that?"

He looked up and offered her a small smile. "We already are."