Eric Explained everything to masterson. But it's not worth explaining again. Eric retreated to his bunk and opened the diary of Dimitri Grigonavic` (Neil Simmons)

February 22, 1953


Dear Journal,

It's me, Neil. I'm really starting to believe that this job isn't all it's cracked up to me. Oh sure, i get gourmet meals with primeir Romanov, I can boss around anyone in the Soviet Union, Anyone in Lybia, In cuba, Or In Iraq, but on the other hand, everyone in my homeland fears me and hates me. This wouldn't bother me so much... If only... If only. If only my Almost-wife didn't work for the american navy S.E.A.L's. I hate it. I need to find out the results of the test that day... I left Moscow, Idaho, To go to Moscow, U.S.S.R, before I knew. But all the same, it's in the past. I need to talk to her. But I need Romanov's help. But how to do it without revealing my true identity? Well, He won't question me if i do it large scale. Besides, as of today, Alex owe's me a favor. I saved one of hes key bases in Ob, Siberia. By myself. I defeated a few british tanks and a German Tank Destroyer, by myself, with a custom MIG. Well, that's all for today. I have to go now.

Scrawled at the bottom, in Neil's beautifly Caligraphy, was a note;

Etcetera,

I want you to have this. Your grandfather, nor your father, would understand much of it. I bieleve you would. Look on page 525, There's something for you there.

Eric flipped to page 525. There was a sidenote scrawled in the margin;

Etcetera, Etc, Eric, E!, Or whatever it is you go by now,

I want you to be lying down, in a dark place. Ready? good. Your great-grandmother is Tanya. THE tanya. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. I got back to her... She tested positive. Well, hell, this was before birth control, can ya blame me? I never even told Journal until now. But i'm glad i got that off my cold, dead... WALLET! Lol, anyhow. I'll see ya round... or not.

Neil

So eric just sang to himself in a brush with insanity.

Sometimes you get suckered in
By drugs, and alcahol, and sex with wo-men
But it is when you do these things too much
That you become an addict, and must get back in touch

Come on! It's Easy! You can change your life to-day!

You don't have to spend your life
Addicted to smack
Homeless on the street
Givin' Hand Jobs for crack
Just follow this plan and pretty soon you will say
It's Easy M'kay!

"Shut up!" Said Marc "If you're gonna sing a South Park song, then sing Uncle Fucka!"

But lickily, he just shut up.

*********************************************************************************************

The next day, Eric got the day off, because reinforcements were coming from the Omega base while Colonel Wesly Did an inspection. Eric and Marc went to the Wal-Mart in Waco and bought Ready 2 Rumble; Round 5, they went in on it together, and 2 copies of the south park sound track, and Eric got a Blood Red I-Book. They were to meet Rugget, Kris, and Barney at an Italian Restaraunt that Rugget knew about. When they finally got there, Rugget told them that his uncle was the owner, and got them a table for 5. The restaraunt was called Un bit piccolo dell'Italia. Or as they say in america, A little bit 'o italy, Rugget and Eric had the fetucini Alfredo, Marc and Kris had the Chicken Parmesan, and Barney had Rigatoni alfredo, with some italian sausage and parmesean cheese, plus a couple of plates of Lasagna. A little before their meal arrived, an angry customer rose from his seat

"I DID NOT ORDER ALL THIS CRAP!" Screamed an angry patron

"Prego, il signore, non fa nulla drastico!" Begged the waiter

Rugget ran over to the waiter "Prego, sono nipote del proprietario, me ed i miei amici sono membri della difesa globale Innitiative, li lasciano maneggiare questo!" Explained Rugget, Pointing to us. Then he came back and said "Code Blue". Code Blue meant that there was a possibly hostile civillian. Approach with care. Eric Walked up behind the man.

"You're gonna pay for this!" He shouted. He pulled out a walther and fired three shots in the ceiling, and everyone rushed under the tables. Rugget pulled out a Rugger Magnum .44 and pointed it at the man's head. "I get it... He gets it" Said the man, at the wrong time. Eric Disarmed the man by rushing under him in a deep, wide horse stance. He grabbed his arm, and looped around and stratled it. Then he pulled the release and the Magazine dropped to the floor. He yanked his arm up, just barely missing Eric's crotch, he pulled it harder, and harder, until he eventually heard it break, then, he did a wrestling finale` he had made up; the bobsled. He pulled his arms behind his back, elbows extended, then he shoved his knee in the man's back, his arms deadbolted through the mans arms, and simply fell foreward onto a table, breaking the table, and the man's ribcage. When he returned, he went to go tell Masterson what had hat happened at Un bit piccolo dell'Italia, but at the time, he was finishing an evaluation with Colonel Wesly.

"Nice setup, Masterson" Commented colonel Wesly "now for the criticisms. Too low ranks, too few troops, not enough pavement, can never be too careful of devil's tounges and other subteranian units. I also feel you dont have enough maintnence tending your E.M. Pulse Cannon. But on the other hand, I heard about the walk of shame from my Brother-in-law, Sirius Moore, He's an english Poet."

Then Eric told masterson about the incident, in great detail, using many hand motions, leaving Colonel Wesly Rolling on the floor in laughter. Masterson told him to go back to his bunk and do something. Back in the bunkroom, marc had started up their Mega-Nintendo (A 512 bit gaming system) Plugged eric's "Bloody-Mess red controler in 1st slot, meanwhile, eric was on his laptop, and just found a site with R2R5 on it.

"Dude!" said eric, picking up his controler. He typed in BALDINGEAGLE in the name slot.

"What'zat do?" Asked Marc

"Unlocks Mean Gene, I hear he's a sweet-ass character"

"MMMmmmm..." Came a voice from behind them "I'm glad you boys think so highly of me"

It was colonel Wesly.

"Err, howdy Colonel Wesly" said Eric

"Call me gene" Said Colonel Wesly "My father always said I had a sweeeet name"

"What brings you to the bunks of squad 6?"

"I'm considering having you removed, Corpral Simmons"

REMOVED?!?!?!?!?!