Ch.5: Puppetmaster
"Gareas didn't like you very much, did he?", Rio commented softly. I gave an inward sigh at that statement.
I struggled with words. "He…he saw my brother in me. He didn't quite see the whole difference between us. I think he realized we were very different, but he didn't see all of it. It was as if…", I stopped, and tried to express what I was trying to say – I was used to expressing everything to Ernest in thoughts and colors, "he could see the differences physically, and maybe not mentally, but somehow, we were different. I am not my brother, as close as I was to him. Saa, you felt those differences too, the day you found me."
That was what I called it. "The Day You Found Me" was that day in the circular tree room (actually called the Atrium, but no one called it that – it was all the 'circular room'), the day I found someone actually looking for me, not physically but for the 'Erts' that was apart from Ernest. That was the day I found someone else to depend on. Were telepaths all like me, ever searching for a person to lean on? But I couldn't be any more content with the arrangement – Rioroute wasn't the perfect brother, like the projection Ernest was, but rather he liked to project his imperfect side. He ran repeatedly into doors and doorways, tripped over chair legs, pressed a wrong button on the projection screen, and dropped everything from pens to his favorite thing in the world – food. Of course, that did not stop him from getting several more helpings. It was almost comical to see him make his way past repairers and staff during mealtime and fall over every other person's foot even when it was completely out of the way and there was no possible explanation for him falling over something that wasn't even in his path.
It was a different kind of brother. He wasn't completely open like Ernest was, but that would come with time. Ernest had been my brother, and that was a different kind of friend. Truth to be told, my brother had not been completely open at first with me either; we had lived on completely different colonies before we came to G.O.A., as our father had wanted us to attend the best schools available. Therefore, we were sent to different schools, one for elementary and the other for middle and high school level, and we stayed there for more than three-quarters of the year. There was not much chance to see my brother, even when we were on vacations (which were ultimately too short and did not provide any rest at all because teachers continued to pile homework), as both of us did not seem to do anything but eat, sleep and do homework each day. The only good part was that our work was done in another location, a warm location, and one that we were much, much more comfortable with. The schools looked generally the same inside and out: white walls, low ceilings so that we could fit more people inside and wouldn't have to pay as much. I could understand why we liked it so much better at home; it was comfortable, and I'm more than sure that my brother was in a much more relaxed mood than if I had seen him at his school.
"I think he wanted me to be Ernest, despite the fact he knows my brother is gone", I continued, and tried to look ahead. I didn't want to see what expression he had on his face. "Unfortunately I'm more empath than telepath because I can sense feelings or mood colors more than I can see actual words forming in a person's head, like Ernest's EX ability. That backfired on me, I guess, when I could feel Gareas' want for not me, but my dead brother to be here."
Even without turning to look at him, I could feel Rio wince in sympathy.
"Then…do you hate Gareas?", my new, imperfect brother asked me tentatively. "I should think he should have a little more rein over what gets filtered out to you, you know. Years with Ernest should've paid off somehow."
"Gareas can block himself from me, somewhat. My brother did teach him. Anyone can do it, not just a mentally potential person. However, he is very used to opening up to Ernest no matter what the circumstance without holding anything back. Once a person's mind gets used to opening up to a certain wavelength, like one of those radios we saw in Old Planet History, it's very hard to close it up to a similar wavelength, like mine. When Gareas' touches me, his mind doesn't immediately discern the difference between my brother and my mind signatures, so it opens up to me. Gareas has to forcibly close it down and put shields up – he didn't do it before, so his mind does what it did before." At Rio's look of "go on", I sighed and said softly, "No, I don't hate him. In fact, I can't help but sympathize with him – he was my brother's most trusted person, and I can only imagine just how close they were."
A rippled sounded through my mind. Was someone else thinking of something similar? Quickly I gave a quick scan of any people in the halls. No one seemed to be thinking about sympathy…who had I sensed? I pushed it to the back of my mind as Rio began to speak again.
"Doesn't he have to put up different shields, though, because your EX is different?", he asked. I inwardly smiled; apparently Rio did not become a pilot by means of his clumsiness, as most people thought. Rio was much, much more in tune with his surroundings than most other people walking down the halls. He was inquisitive, asked questions often, and kept his surroundings in check. He liked a stable world, and that was what I thought was probably his reason for fighting: he wanted others to live in a place where there was stability, and no fluctuations in schedule.
"Yes, of course. My EX is actually quite different from my brother's EX, if you get into the neurologist's nitty-gritty details. Gareas is used to blocking a flow of words; I sense colors and how they move and change determine what they are thinking along with some very surface thoughts that are shouted loudly so I can hear them. However, the shields or blocks that regular people can learn are the kinds that can block all kinds of mental infiltration, including my brother and my EXs. However, these can only provide a rough shield, and if the mind reader is talented he can still make his way through those. There are more specific shields, but that takes time to learn."
Rio looked rather abashed. I knew what he was going to say. "Then…can you teach me, Erts?"
I frowned. "Rio", I began slowly, "I don't know how to block people. I never learned it from my brother, and I believe he developed those shields he taught Gareas himself."
The older boy gave a grin. "Try, then."
"It will take time", I warned. Rio was not known for his patience.
"That's okay", he answered, and if possible, his smile grew wider.
I couldn't help but smile in return. "Then of course, Rio".
* * *
Sitting down on a stair near my brother's sanctuary, I took Rio's hands and clasped them in between mine. I tried to give as reassuring a smile as I could; I had never done anything like this. Rio squirmed a bit on the step and tried to return the shaky smile. I could see the colors of current mood, turning from a bashful red to a shy blue and then back again. Rio, don't be embarrassed. Remember, I'm just as inexperienced in teaching shields as you are.
His mind color turned a deeper shade of red in utter embarrassment. "You can read my mind now?", he asked out loud, very conscious that I probably was reading his words right off of his head. Instantly the colors in his mind turned an abashed red and I gave a soft mental laugh to reassure him. Rio, there's no need to be nervous. I'm not going to brainwash you or anything.
His eyes turned up to me skeptically and I felt the mock "You won't?" echo in our minds. I gave another whispering laugh, and tried to imagine what he was feeling when he heard it.
Rio's mind was not weak. I could only imagine how many times he had actually touched Ernest. Not a lot, he admitted. I don't know…maybe I was just waiting for someone else to be touched by me – I sure as heck wasn't afraid of him like I think he thought I was, but I wasn't exactly willing to touch him either…it wasn't for the fact he could read my mind, though. It was because…because I felt that I could save my mind for someone else who'd need it more later…or something like that!, he added quickly. I was thoroughly surprised – an oracle of some sort? A person who could possibly, in some little way, tell the future?
But…I'm not some fortuneteller, Erts! I'm just…well, Rio. For a moment I tried to guess why he could hear me, and gave an embarrassed dash of mind color when I realized I hadn't exactly been shielding myself. My brother had been used to, so only what he wanted to say came out. Of course, he had trained himself, and that was what I had to teach Rio and myself. It could almost be considered a backlash – you could hear others and yet you couldn't shield yourself.
Very gently I tried to push Rio's mind back. He frowned as I slid a sort of "wall" between our minds. When it was in place, I couldn't hear him nor could he hear me. "Erts?", he said out loud. "Can you even talk through that?"
I gave a small shake. "It's too solid, or too thick, you can say." At my lack of concentration the wall dissolved, and I grinned wryly. "And too weak as well. I don't quite know how my brother managed to keep the wall up and talk to Gareas at the same time."
And from behind us, there came a soft voice. Yu never did speak much, so it was surprising to hear him talk this much for the first time. I didn't need to ask him to know that he spoke much more to his sister than to the rest of us. Rio immediately thought, He probably has a quota of twenty words per day and no more.
"He researched", said Yu softly. I didn't quite have to strain to hear; his colors were twisting rapidly, as if he had been anxious to tell me this for some time now. "He could memorize the lectures that the teacher was giving without any problem, so instead of listening to lectures he researched all he could. He was absent for a week once, and had training to improve his EX with another former pilot who resigned but had similar powers."
Even as Rio's mind said a recognized, Oh, so that's why he was gone that week in the second year, my mind whirled with possibilities. Who was this man, and could he come again to teach me the same things as he had taught my brother?
And most of all, the question that seemed to be painfully apparent was the question, Why didn't he tell me this?. It hurt, being put aside as a little brother. If Rio's intuition was correct, than I must have been no less than ten or eleven when he learned this. Why, why didn't he teach me this? Did he believe that I could develop and learn this by myself? At times like this, I wanted my brother to be here more than ever – he left so much unsaid and unexplained.
When I was accepted, everyone generally knew that Ernest had the most powerful and the most potential EX in all of G.O.A. And though I was proud to say that when I entered I tested several times higher on the EX telepathy tests than my brother did, it did not mean that my potential was any more than his. Perhaps, just perhaps, my brother had seen this, and known that I would not be able to learn how to make a mental shield. Was it because I did not have the ability the reason he never told me anything?
I could not be angry. I could not even be annoyed. I was just plain desperate, and plain puzzled as to why he didn't – why he couldn't, rather – tell me this vital information. It hurt, even when my brother was dead and gone and should remain dead. He still lived inside, and it burned like anger.
And I could not control my anger. To my side Rio shivered and crumpled against the chair, caught in another one of my visions. Yu helped me lift him onto his bed and gave a look that clearly condemned me to stay in the room as he went to get the doctor. Rio, Rio, had I hurt you? Ernest wasn't here, I shouldn't be feeling angry, and yet everything backfires on you. The desperate man once said, "Everything I touch crumbles to dust." Is that not true, Rio, that I am a desperate man? Will everything fall apart above my head, just at my peak of success, just when I have honed my skills to perfection?
The higher the rise to success, the more painful the fall. Why must you suffer the anger I have for my brother when you do not deserve it? Will you fall apart as well, left behind, trying to wonder why you hate me so much?
I realized for the first time I had been very angry. This must be the reason my brother never taught me this, I realized in a moment of revelation. My anger is the key. My anger lashes out at everyone and treads them into the dust. The thought left me trembling. I knew this now, I was the deemed the puppetmaster and the everyone else the puppets. Everything had been turned around, now. I had never become like my brother, he had become me and my habits. He had been MY puppet, my toy to play with and got lost when I didn't pay attention to it. He taught me so much, the curriculum, the study hall, the knowledge he gained day by day. I controlled him as efficiently as I thought he had controlled me. And yet, he held this one scrap of knowledge away from me, almost as a revenge for taking so much from him. I was not the one who needed to find his identity…
…it had been him all along.
My first thought was to utterly stay away from anyone. Let me be my own puppet and his master. Let no one get close to me – I will just use them as ruthlessly as I used my brother. Rio, my newfound brother, you are in danger, I thought. Do you not see the sheer potency of my poison? Will you withhold from me what my brother found and curse me as I leave you in the dust to bigger and better things?.
And then, inexplainably, there came from inside of me a feeling, a feeling I couldn't describe, but it showed a yearning for something I had just discovered. Thirst for knowledge, for influence, for power. Unmasked at last, I saw what drove all people, and myself especially: greed. They gave this gift to me, not the gift of telepathy that let me see deep in the minds of many, but the want, the desire always for more. I was destined to be this innocent-looking, beautiful boy who charmed everyone with his good looks and his politeness. He was open, he was caring. He was everything a good boy should be and everyone knew that. After you got over his telepathy he was the most trustworthy boy in the world.
Don't trust me. I will use you and leave you to the lions. You will scatter your own ashes over your mother's dead grave.
And yet, wasn't every nation governed by someone who could use people? G.O.A. had a headmaster/principal/governor or sorts who could use his staff to dig the best out of their candidates. But I was playing a different game. I wished I were ugly, suddenly. I wished I would be so revolting so that no one would look at me and see me as this pretty boy who loved to learn and try to be everyone's friend and always succeeded. Always succeeded, I thought. Those were the key words. I succeeded in everything I did. I succeeded in throwing people into the dust when I had sapped their knowledge away from them. I succeeded in using people as effectively as the government governs the people. I succeeded in pounding my enemy into the dust as hard as I could so they would never get up again.
My beautiful brother, Ernest, had been one of these enemies, though I never realized it. I stayed on board the ship when I could have saved him – the Luhma Klein, as it was called back then, would keep his body intact. I could have kept his mind intact. To find I had this POWER, this immensely useful thing on my hands: my will for victory in my life, this gift that allowed me to see into others minds without a second thought – this was what my brother knew I could, and would, become. This was why he hid that knowledge away from me; because he knew I would become a beautiful, terrible person who used his chess pieces as blindingly ruthlessly as he could.
And as I looked over Rio on the bed, I knew my new, clumsy, food- loving brother would be used and tossed the same way. I would not know it – I would think that Rio was becoming my brother, falling into me as my brother and I became almost twins. We would become close, and I would force his guard down little by little. I would use him without knowing it. And then I would forget about him just when he needed me.
The door opened, and Doctor Rill came in, eyeing me curiously. But before she could say anything, I swept past her and made my way to the Reneighd Klein. I had a feeling all my questions would be answered there.
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \
Author's note:
Well...I did not plan all of this before. The dark part...ooooh, I love it. I thought of it while I was writing, and I just had to write more on it until became a complex webbing of thoughts and what could happen. But don't you see? Erts thinks, now, that he's destined (sorry, too much X/1999 here) to be the puppeteer, the one who controls everyone's future to either good or bad. He knows he's using these people for the right thing, but he can't help but wish that some of them who had helped him on his little ascent to greatness could remain a little longer in his mind. He feels like some kinda cold-bloodedkidnapper who stole everything that was his brother's identity away and replaced it with himself. Oh, I feel sorry for him. He is Erts, after all. And it's his beautiful compassion that compels him to feel this way. *sighs* Poor, poor Erts.
Andrea Weiling
"Gareas didn't like you very much, did he?", Rio commented softly. I gave an inward sigh at that statement.
I struggled with words. "He…he saw my brother in me. He didn't quite see the whole difference between us. I think he realized we were very different, but he didn't see all of it. It was as if…", I stopped, and tried to express what I was trying to say – I was used to expressing everything to Ernest in thoughts and colors, "he could see the differences physically, and maybe not mentally, but somehow, we were different. I am not my brother, as close as I was to him. Saa, you felt those differences too, the day you found me."
That was what I called it. "The Day You Found Me" was that day in the circular tree room (actually called the Atrium, but no one called it that – it was all the 'circular room'), the day I found someone actually looking for me, not physically but for the 'Erts' that was apart from Ernest. That was the day I found someone else to depend on. Were telepaths all like me, ever searching for a person to lean on? But I couldn't be any more content with the arrangement – Rioroute wasn't the perfect brother, like the projection Ernest was, but rather he liked to project his imperfect side. He ran repeatedly into doors and doorways, tripped over chair legs, pressed a wrong button on the projection screen, and dropped everything from pens to his favorite thing in the world – food. Of course, that did not stop him from getting several more helpings. It was almost comical to see him make his way past repairers and staff during mealtime and fall over every other person's foot even when it was completely out of the way and there was no possible explanation for him falling over something that wasn't even in his path.
It was a different kind of brother. He wasn't completely open like Ernest was, but that would come with time. Ernest had been my brother, and that was a different kind of friend. Truth to be told, my brother had not been completely open at first with me either; we had lived on completely different colonies before we came to G.O.A., as our father had wanted us to attend the best schools available. Therefore, we were sent to different schools, one for elementary and the other for middle and high school level, and we stayed there for more than three-quarters of the year. There was not much chance to see my brother, even when we were on vacations (which were ultimately too short and did not provide any rest at all because teachers continued to pile homework), as both of us did not seem to do anything but eat, sleep and do homework each day. The only good part was that our work was done in another location, a warm location, and one that we were much, much more comfortable with. The schools looked generally the same inside and out: white walls, low ceilings so that we could fit more people inside and wouldn't have to pay as much. I could understand why we liked it so much better at home; it was comfortable, and I'm more than sure that my brother was in a much more relaxed mood than if I had seen him at his school.
"I think he wanted me to be Ernest, despite the fact he knows my brother is gone", I continued, and tried to look ahead. I didn't want to see what expression he had on his face. "Unfortunately I'm more empath than telepath because I can sense feelings or mood colors more than I can see actual words forming in a person's head, like Ernest's EX ability. That backfired on me, I guess, when I could feel Gareas' want for not me, but my dead brother to be here."
Even without turning to look at him, I could feel Rio wince in sympathy.
"Then…do you hate Gareas?", my new, imperfect brother asked me tentatively. "I should think he should have a little more rein over what gets filtered out to you, you know. Years with Ernest should've paid off somehow."
"Gareas can block himself from me, somewhat. My brother did teach him. Anyone can do it, not just a mentally potential person. However, he is very used to opening up to Ernest no matter what the circumstance without holding anything back. Once a person's mind gets used to opening up to a certain wavelength, like one of those radios we saw in Old Planet History, it's very hard to close it up to a similar wavelength, like mine. When Gareas' touches me, his mind doesn't immediately discern the difference between my brother and my mind signatures, so it opens up to me. Gareas has to forcibly close it down and put shields up – he didn't do it before, so his mind does what it did before." At Rio's look of "go on", I sighed and said softly, "No, I don't hate him. In fact, I can't help but sympathize with him – he was my brother's most trusted person, and I can only imagine just how close they were."
A rippled sounded through my mind. Was someone else thinking of something similar? Quickly I gave a quick scan of any people in the halls. No one seemed to be thinking about sympathy…who had I sensed? I pushed it to the back of my mind as Rio began to speak again.
"Doesn't he have to put up different shields, though, because your EX is different?", he asked. I inwardly smiled; apparently Rio did not become a pilot by means of his clumsiness, as most people thought. Rio was much, much more in tune with his surroundings than most other people walking down the halls. He was inquisitive, asked questions often, and kept his surroundings in check. He liked a stable world, and that was what I thought was probably his reason for fighting: he wanted others to live in a place where there was stability, and no fluctuations in schedule.
"Yes, of course. My EX is actually quite different from my brother's EX, if you get into the neurologist's nitty-gritty details. Gareas is used to blocking a flow of words; I sense colors and how they move and change determine what they are thinking along with some very surface thoughts that are shouted loudly so I can hear them. However, the shields or blocks that regular people can learn are the kinds that can block all kinds of mental infiltration, including my brother and my EXs. However, these can only provide a rough shield, and if the mind reader is talented he can still make his way through those. There are more specific shields, but that takes time to learn."
Rio looked rather abashed. I knew what he was going to say. "Then…can you teach me, Erts?"
I frowned. "Rio", I began slowly, "I don't know how to block people. I never learned it from my brother, and I believe he developed those shields he taught Gareas himself."
The older boy gave a grin. "Try, then."
"It will take time", I warned. Rio was not known for his patience.
"That's okay", he answered, and if possible, his smile grew wider.
I couldn't help but smile in return. "Then of course, Rio".
* * *
Sitting down on a stair near my brother's sanctuary, I took Rio's hands and clasped them in between mine. I tried to give as reassuring a smile as I could; I had never done anything like this. Rio squirmed a bit on the step and tried to return the shaky smile. I could see the colors of current mood, turning from a bashful red to a shy blue and then back again. Rio, don't be embarrassed. Remember, I'm just as inexperienced in teaching shields as you are.
His mind color turned a deeper shade of red in utter embarrassment. "You can read my mind now?", he asked out loud, very conscious that I probably was reading his words right off of his head. Instantly the colors in his mind turned an abashed red and I gave a soft mental laugh to reassure him. Rio, there's no need to be nervous. I'm not going to brainwash you or anything.
His eyes turned up to me skeptically and I felt the mock "You won't?" echo in our minds. I gave another whispering laugh, and tried to imagine what he was feeling when he heard it.
Rio's mind was not weak. I could only imagine how many times he had actually touched Ernest. Not a lot, he admitted. I don't know…maybe I was just waiting for someone else to be touched by me – I sure as heck wasn't afraid of him like I think he thought I was, but I wasn't exactly willing to touch him either…it wasn't for the fact he could read my mind, though. It was because…because I felt that I could save my mind for someone else who'd need it more later…or something like that!, he added quickly. I was thoroughly surprised – an oracle of some sort? A person who could possibly, in some little way, tell the future?
But…I'm not some fortuneteller, Erts! I'm just…well, Rio. For a moment I tried to guess why he could hear me, and gave an embarrassed dash of mind color when I realized I hadn't exactly been shielding myself. My brother had been used to, so only what he wanted to say came out. Of course, he had trained himself, and that was what I had to teach Rio and myself. It could almost be considered a backlash – you could hear others and yet you couldn't shield yourself.
Very gently I tried to push Rio's mind back. He frowned as I slid a sort of "wall" between our minds. When it was in place, I couldn't hear him nor could he hear me. "Erts?", he said out loud. "Can you even talk through that?"
I gave a small shake. "It's too solid, or too thick, you can say." At my lack of concentration the wall dissolved, and I grinned wryly. "And too weak as well. I don't quite know how my brother managed to keep the wall up and talk to Gareas at the same time."
And from behind us, there came a soft voice. Yu never did speak much, so it was surprising to hear him talk this much for the first time. I didn't need to ask him to know that he spoke much more to his sister than to the rest of us. Rio immediately thought, He probably has a quota of twenty words per day and no more.
"He researched", said Yu softly. I didn't quite have to strain to hear; his colors were twisting rapidly, as if he had been anxious to tell me this for some time now. "He could memorize the lectures that the teacher was giving without any problem, so instead of listening to lectures he researched all he could. He was absent for a week once, and had training to improve his EX with another former pilot who resigned but had similar powers."
Even as Rio's mind said a recognized, Oh, so that's why he was gone that week in the second year, my mind whirled with possibilities. Who was this man, and could he come again to teach me the same things as he had taught my brother?
And most of all, the question that seemed to be painfully apparent was the question, Why didn't he tell me this?. It hurt, being put aside as a little brother. If Rio's intuition was correct, than I must have been no less than ten or eleven when he learned this. Why, why didn't he teach me this? Did he believe that I could develop and learn this by myself? At times like this, I wanted my brother to be here more than ever – he left so much unsaid and unexplained.
When I was accepted, everyone generally knew that Ernest had the most powerful and the most potential EX in all of G.O.A. And though I was proud to say that when I entered I tested several times higher on the EX telepathy tests than my brother did, it did not mean that my potential was any more than his. Perhaps, just perhaps, my brother had seen this, and known that I would not be able to learn how to make a mental shield. Was it because I did not have the ability the reason he never told me anything?
I could not be angry. I could not even be annoyed. I was just plain desperate, and plain puzzled as to why he didn't – why he couldn't, rather – tell me this vital information. It hurt, even when my brother was dead and gone and should remain dead. He still lived inside, and it burned like anger.
And I could not control my anger. To my side Rio shivered and crumpled against the chair, caught in another one of my visions. Yu helped me lift him onto his bed and gave a look that clearly condemned me to stay in the room as he went to get the doctor. Rio, Rio, had I hurt you? Ernest wasn't here, I shouldn't be feeling angry, and yet everything backfires on you. The desperate man once said, "Everything I touch crumbles to dust." Is that not true, Rio, that I am a desperate man? Will everything fall apart above my head, just at my peak of success, just when I have honed my skills to perfection?
The higher the rise to success, the more painful the fall. Why must you suffer the anger I have for my brother when you do not deserve it? Will you fall apart as well, left behind, trying to wonder why you hate me so much?
I realized for the first time I had been very angry. This must be the reason my brother never taught me this, I realized in a moment of revelation. My anger is the key. My anger lashes out at everyone and treads them into the dust. The thought left me trembling. I knew this now, I was the deemed the puppetmaster and the everyone else the puppets. Everything had been turned around, now. I had never become like my brother, he had become me and my habits. He had been MY puppet, my toy to play with and got lost when I didn't pay attention to it. He taught me so much, the curriculum, the study hall, the knowledge he gained day by day. I controlled him as efficiently as I thought he had controlled me. And yet, he held this one scrap of knowledge away from me, almost as a revenge for taking so much from him. I was not the one who needed to find his identity…
…it had been him all along.
My first thought was to utterly stay away from anyone. Let me be my own puppet and his master. Let no one get close to me – I will just use them as ruthlessly as I used my brother. Rio, my newfound brother, you are in danger, I thought. Do you not see the sheer potency of my poison? Will you withhold from me what my brother found and curse me as I leave you in the dust to bigger and better things?.
And then, inexplainably, there came from inside of me a feeling, a feeling I couldn't describe, but it showed a yearning for something I had just discovered. Thirst for knowledge, for influence, for power. Unmasked at last, I saw what drove all people, and myself especially: greed. They gave this gift to me, not the gift of telepathy that let me see deep in the minds of many, but the want, the desire always for more. I was destined to be this innocent-looking, beautiful boy who charmed everyone with his good looks and his politeness. He was open, he was caring. He was everything a good boy should be and everyone knew that. After you got over his telepathy he was the most trustworthy boy in the world.
Don't trust me. I will use you and leave you to the lions. You will scatter your own ashes over your mother's dead grave.
And yet, wasn't every nation governed by someone who could use people? G.O.A. had a headmaster/principal/governor or sorts who could use his staff to dig the best out of their candidates. But I was playing a different game. I wished I were ugly, suddenly. I wished I would be so revolting so that no one would look at me and see me as this pretty boy who loved to learn and try to be everyone's friend and always succeeded. Always succeeded, I thought. Those were the key words. I succeeded in everything I did. I succeeded in throwing people into the dust when I had sapped their knowledge away from them. I succeeded in using people as effectively as the government governs the people. I succeeded in pounding my enemy into the dust as hard as I could so they would never get up again.
My beautiful brother, Ernest, had been one of these enemies, though I never realized it. I stayed on board the ship when I could have saved him – the Luhma Klein, as it was called back then, would keep his body intact. I could have kept his mind intact. To find I had this POWER, this immensely useful thing on my hands: my will for victory in my life, this gift that allowed me to see into others minds without a second thought – this was what my brother knew I could, and would, become. This was why he hid that knowledge away from me; because he knew I would become a beautiful, terrible person who used his chess pieces as blindingly ruthlessly as he could.
And as I looked over Rio on the bed, I knew my new, clumsy, food- loving brother would be used and tossed the same way. I would not know it – I would think that Rio was becoming my brother, falling into me as my brother and I became almost twins. We would become close, and I would force his guard down little by little. I would use him without knowing it. And then I would forget about him just when he needed me.
The door opened, and Doctor Rill came in, eyeing me curiously. But before she could say anything, I swept past her and made my way to the Reneighd Klein. I had a feeling all my questions would be answered there.
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Author's note:
Well...I did not plan all of this before. The dark part...ooooh, I love it. I thought of it while I was writing, and I just had to write more on it until became a complex webbing of thoughts and what could happen. But don't you see? Erts thinks, now, that he's destined (sorry, too much X/1999 here) to be the puppeteer, the one who controls everyone's future to either good or bad. He knows he's using these people for the right thing, but he can't help but wish that some of them who had helped him on his little ascent to greatness could remain a little longer in his mind. He feels like some kinda cold-bloodedkidnapper who stole everything that was his brother's identity away and replaced it with himself. Oh, I feel sorry for him. He is Erts, after all. And it's his beautiful compassion that compels him to feel this way. *sighs* Poor, poor Erts.
Andrea Weiling