Well, it has finally come to an end. What started out as a strange thought has turned into quite an enjoyable experience. For a final time thanks to all those who sent reviews. As for this final chapter, I read several medical books this morning (it was one a.m. so don't blame me if I get some things wrong!). I hope my depiction stays accurate. Also, I know that this could have been better but I hope you find it to be enjoyable anyways. Well, enjoy the fic!

Dilandau Passes a Kidney Stone!

Dilandau stared at the gown. 'It would burn so easily' Dilandau thought as a maniacal smile (you know the one!) began to spread on his face. But for once Dilandau stopped to think of the consequences, and the thought of Folken and his mechanical arm "assisting" in the procedure snapped Dilandau back to reality. Dilandau sighed and began to undress. Once he had the paper garment on, he remembered just how much he hated it. The way there wasn't enough of the gown to truly cover him, the way it was open in the back, the way it was so flammable yet he couldn't burn it…

A spasm of pain brought Dilandau back from his ravings. There was a knock at the door, Dilandau didn't answer. He just sat there in his paper gown realizing that he was suddenly feeling VERY self conscious. The knock was heard again and this time it was accompanied by the sound of Laura's voice. "Are you alright? Can I come in?" Dilandau, cursing the fact that he knew Folken had to be hanging around outside still, got over his embarrassment and said "You may enter" in the most stable voice he could muster. Laura walked in and took a good look at Dilandau saying "Good your ready" Dilandau swallowed hard and took a side long glance at an oxygen tank that someone had carelessly left within twenty feet of him…'It would be so simple to start a fire' he thought longingly, but then shook his head as an image of Folken appeared in his mind.

Dilandau just then realized that Laura had been talking to him. "I know you must be scar…ahem…I mean unnerved about this" she said catching herself before making a mistake "But don't worry, it will all be over soon" Dilandau just stared at the physician as she prepared. "Well" Laura said finally "Lets get things moving" Dilandau watched with a look of horror on his face as Laura lay her cytoscope and other tools on a table beside him. (I am assuming that they have these in Gaea, I'd be kind of stuck plot-wise if they didn't) "Now sir, if you will please lay down on your back we can begin" Dilandau, who was shivering despite himself, lay back on the examination table "Good" Laura said reassuringly as she finished putting her gloves on. All Dilandau could think of was how much he wanted to burn this woman and run out of the room. Laura then put some antiseptic on a cotton ball and proceeded to clean the area, much to Dilandau's discomfort.

"Not so bad huh?" she asked in a sweet voice as she began to rub a lubricant on the cytoscope. "I swear you will burn if you dare hurt me" Dilandau said suddenly, this statement caught Laura by surprise "Uh…Of course" she said nervously, not knowing how to proceed. Then remembering that Folken had promised her safety, Laura began to maneuver the freshly lubed cytoscope into place. 'Damn, I thought that would stop her for sure' Dilandau thought with a shudder as he felt the cold metal tool being pressed against him. "Just relax" Laura said soothingly, Dilandau immediately tensed 'How does she expect me to relax?' he thought miserably 'Damn that Folken! He will pay for this' Dilandau fumed, His anger causing him to forget his present situation to a degree. Laura, who had been waiting, noticed that Dilandau had ceased purposefully tensing himself and seeing her chance, she jabbed the cytoscope in.

It was said that everyone on the Vione heard Dilandau's scream of pain that day. Every single person had ceased what they were doing at that moment to shudder at the horrific sound, and once the echoes from it had faded, no dared to speak of it. And of all those who heard the scream only three people knew the reason behind it. Folken, who had been sitting in the waiting room in case of trouble, found that even he could not help but feel a tinge of pity for the poor Dragon Slayer. Laura, who had been at ground zero and would have a splitting headache for days, Did her best to block out the initial scream and continued to probe for the stone. And Dilandau, who was feeling something that went beyond the term "pain", continued to cry, whimper, and let out an occasional yelp as Laura searched for the stone.

Just when Dilandau thought it was all over for him, Laura let out a triumphant "Yes!" as she removed the stone and the cytoscope, much to Dilandau's relief. "That wasn't so bad" Laura said as she put the troublesome stone into a bag. She was going to point out how funny it was that such a small grain of matter could cause so much agony, but she though better of it as she helped Dilandau to sit. Dilandau said nothing, he was feeling more relieved than he had felt in weeks but at the same time he was feeling more pain than he had ever felt (if that is possible). As Dilandau walked to his room (of course he was walking with a strange bow-legged gait, but no on dared to ask him why) he hoped to see Folken. But Folken, who was no idiot, had left for his room after the echo of Dilandau's screams had died.

Dilandau entered his room, locked the door, and stayed there with an order from the physician that he was to be on bed rest for as long as he felt he needed to be. During this time, Dilandau received two items. The first was a bucket of ice with a note from Folken, Dilandau naturally burned the note…but kept the ice. The second item was the stone that had been removed from him, Dilandau stared at this for quite some time, it had caused him such unspeakable pain. In the end though he did what he does to all things that bother him, he burned it (you knew he would!).

Epilogue

After several days of icing himself down and resting, Dilandau was back to his old self much to the dismay of most of the Vione's occupants. His first order of business had been to burn the infirmary, which he did gleefully. Next he went in search of Folken, only to find that the Strategeos had conveniently left on some business 'Oh well' Dilandau thought to himself 'He can't hide forever'. And finally Dilandau went to sort out his Dragon Slayers, who each got a hard slap to the face and the promise that their lives would be a living hell until he decided to forgive them for disobeying orders. "Ah…" Dilandau said as he watched the Dragon Slayer flinch as his gaze passed over them and how he could walk back and forth without pain "…this is what life is all about" he said contentedly as he sat down and crossed his legs.

I hope you enjoyed my fic (this was my first one you know). I loved writing it and hope to write many more in the future. If you have any ideas about other strange medical problems that the Esca cast could suffer through please let me know, a friend of mine suggested 'Allen on Viagra' but I am not sure if anyone wants to go there…Well in the immortal words of Vash the Stampede (I do not own Trigun by the way): "Well, I guess that's all!"

*Note: I do not own Escaflowne…I mean come on when was the last time Esca had a plot as strange as Dilandau Passes a Kidney Stone?.