Chapter 3 – The deafening howl of the murderous silence-

12.00 a.m.
The darkness of night had fallen on the capital of Japan, and from it a new day had been born to replace the one which had just ended.

In Misato's flat, however, nothing had changed with regard to the previous day…
The woman was still sitting at the table in a quite, evident state of apprehension and
nervousness. In her hands she held an empty can of beer, with which she toyed with nervously, trying to get rid of her anxiety. Her gaze had fixed on a cordless telephone in the middle of the table.

A telephone which, like Shinji's, did not ring… and it was this very silence which caused her anxiety… The silence…
A silence mixed with the darkness of night.
Misato still hated dark, silent places. They reminded her of the times in her past when she had failed to destroy as she would have liked …
The only memories of her adolescence… the image of a little girl with a worn out look and sealed lips…
The silence of that room where she had been held under observation in perfect solitude…
Being observed by people who sought only a sign from her, yes, a sign of life which would have undone her vegetative state…
A sign which appeared only two long years later… years of her life thrown to the wind like the petals of a rose which has not quite withered away…

She instinctively frowned, immersing herself in that world which she had abandoned for so many years now…
The voice of silence had worn her out all this time… and there she was, ignorant and powerless in the face of it all.
She would have liked to have scream, God alone knows how much she would liked to…
But it was impossible…

Now the silence seemed to want to enslave her again…
Weren't two years of her life enough?
The terrible fragments of the past, linked with the worry due to the absence of Rei were enough to throw the woman into depression's embrace. And so, in an outburst of rage she got up from the seat and hit the table violently with her fist. "THAT'S ENOUGH !!!".

This exclamation was not just to show that her patience had run out but rather was a way of saying that silence had prevailed long enough in the room.

Misato's exclamation distracted Shinji from a plate he had been drying incessantly for more than ten minutes; the time had gone by a lot more quickly than his thoughts, and when he had regained lucidity in his movements, he was surprised to find himself with the plate still about his hand…

He turned to the woman with a questioning and melancholy look.

"Misato-san…", he murmured in a weak voice. It was rare to see his guardian so worried, but being in the same situation, he understood her behaviour…

"It's midnight!!" It was only necessary for her to put something together to complete the task!! Anger and worry had now clouded the woman's mind; so much so that she could
not even manage to moderate her words. However, her thoughts had certainly been quite different with regard to those which she had just uttered. The anger was just an excuse which covered her real state of mind: fear and anguish.

The Third Children looked at his guardian with melancholy and understanding; he was basically in the same situation as her.
All he would have liked at that moment was a telephone call; a telephone call telling her that Ayanami had been found…

It was midnight, and notwithstanding the afternoon of the day before he felt completely destroyed. That evening he knew for certain that he would not get to sleep easily…
Not before getting news of the girl with the blue hair…
He looked away from the Major and continued to carefully put the now clean crockery back on the shelves of the cupboard. "And if instead… something has happened to her?"

He would not have liked to ask something like that, but it was inevitable for Shinji now. The thought that something had happened to Rei was wearing him down…
The anger slowly vanished from Misato's face. She could no longer pretend…
"I don't know, Shin-chan…" she murmured in a weak, forced voice, after a long, deep sigh.

And that was the truth…
In different circumstances she would have done her utmost not to alarm the boy. She was good at inventing improvised stratagems. Moreover, her work was precisely based on this, but since Shinji had then informed her of the unease which had affected Rei those afternoons she really did not really know how to go on telling lies …

She tightened her grip even more on the can of beer, almost as if she wanted to screw up the sheets of tin of which it was made. Without easing her grip, which was almost hurting her, she stretched her arms onto the able and rested her head there. She wasn't angry any more, rather her eyes resembled those of a mother anxious because of a tiresome delay by an adolescent daughter…
"Wherever she is now, I just hope she's all right…" the girl murmured in a weak voice. She imagined the slim figure of Rei. A large city like Neotokyo-3 at night swarms with people ready to take advantage of people's slightest weaknesses; she did not even want to think about what would happen to Rei if she caught the attention of a gang of night-time villains or similar criminals…

Shinji stopped cleaning up the left-overs in the kitchen from the supper they had eaten some hours previously and slowly approached the table, sitting down beside the pensive major…

"Misato-san … if something has happened to Rei the blame is mine alone…" Shinji lowered her gaze to the table, while the whole of his sense of guilt could be read in his eyes.
Misato initially remained stupefied, then slowly moved her arm towards Shinji, embracing the boy's shoulder. "Shinchan … you should not take blame that isn't yours…", she murmured in a low voice, failing to understand the reasons which had pushed the boy to make such a claim.

"But of course it's all my fault!!" Faced with such an explosion of anger, Misato instinctively removed her arm from Shinji's shoulder, almost scared at his reaction. "I shouldn't have allowed Rei to leave school to go to the base alone!! Not after what had happened to her!!" Shinji suddenly turned to Misato while he was saying these words and in doing so tears of rage fell from his eyes, a sign that left his guardian reflecting…
"Perhaps I should not have caused you all this worry…" Misato closed her eyes for a moment's reconciliation and opened them after some seconds, looking at the clock hanging on the wall. A quarter of an hour had already elapsed since the start of a new day. It had really got very late …

After some hesitation the girl stood up, resting her hands on the table. "It's better that we both go to bed now, Shin-chan… you have to go to school tomorrow and I have to go to work." She tried to smile when she turned to look at Shinji. "And then… outside there are more than two hundred people looking for her… as you know the Nerv recovery teams always find what they are looking for!"

"OK…" the boy replied absent-mindedly. He reluctantly got up from the table but did not object to Major Katsuragi's idea. Deep down, he knew that to stay awake would certainly not have helped bring Rei back home…

The boy slowly left the kitchen, going into the passage which would soon lead him to his room. The woman stayed to furtively watch his movements until the door of the room closed.

She sighed, after which she brought the can to her lips again, reluctantly drinking the last drops of beer which had now grown warm. "I have always been a disaster in reassuring
people…", she thought.
Basically, I haven't even succeeded in reassuring myself… let alone him…" This thought accompanied Misato until even she decided to stop worrying and, turning on her heels, also went to seek refuge insider her room, hoping to be able to at least find a crumb of peace in sleep…

North-eastern Periphery of NeoTokyo-3, a place somewhat removed from Major Katsuragi's flat. It would have stayed desolate like all other evenings if just an unexpected swirl of wind had not risen over it, thus destroying the quiet of that almost peaceful night in a still virgin atmosphere. Responsible for this occurrence was a large military helicopter which clearly must have chosen that very unusual place as a landing base. Notwithstanding the dark and misleadingly stormy atmosphere, the enormous white writing which covered nearly the whole of the craft was also visible kilometres away: NERV. Whoever read it would not only have known to whom the aircraft belonged, but would, in some way, have known how to take precautions. The immense power of the agency was no longer a secret to anybody any more…

When the helicopter was sure that its fuselage was on the ground, its propeller slowly dropped speed. The door was opened quickly and from it some ten soldiers from the base hastily emerged, armed with all sorts of equipment. By the way they literally shot out of the aircraft you could sense that that desolate place must be of some immense importance.

They stooped down to unleash large bloodhounds which in the flash of an eye escaped along the meadow in one single direction, as if until then they had expected nothing else.
The men slowly switched on electric torches, while one of them, clearly the highest-ranking soldier, took a radio from his accessory-laden belt and put it to his ear.

"Lieutenant Tetsuya Hiza, Team 18. We have just arrived at the designated site. The dogs have already indicated a direction to follow, so my men and I are only waiting from your agreement to proceed, over."

From the radio transmitter the voice of the person in contact with the soldier immediately replied to the lieutenant's words. "Roger, Make sure you act without any disturbance and obey Commander Ikari's orders. Keep us up-to-date of any developments. Over."

"Roger. The teams are ready. Over and out." The lieutenant terminated the connection and returned the radio to its place. With a quick gesture with his face he turned to his troops, who quickly prepared for the action by advancing along the tall grass of the meadow. They lit up everything with their torches, but the barking of the recently released dogs even managed to overcome the deafening noise of the helicopter's propellers which were still revolving. The dogs' barking was a sign to the team, so much so that it even allowed them to locate their position immediately .
They would not have to go that far…
About a hundred metres away, the pack of dogs had gathered together in a circle around an old ruin of what seemed to have been a very old country house, now almost completely destroyed. The teams advanced, accelerating their pace, now certain of having found something. The soldiers stopped only when they were a few metres away, leaving their superior officer to advance first, as his rank required.

With his arms he moved some weeds which prevented movement around the building. Notwithstanding the weeds preventing perfect visibility, the lieutenant's gesture to the other soldiers indicated that they had found just what they were looking for. Quickly the others followed too, covering the short distance that separated them from him. Their expressions did not change even when before them they finally found the object they were looking for… or perhaps it would have been better to say "the person" they were looking for…

"Rei Ayanami… isn't it?"

3.00 a.m.
From the time she had got into bed, Misato had not really managed to close her eyes for a single instant. As predicted, thoughts about the fate of the First Children had not succeeded in freeing her mind so that she could finally collapse into the arms of sleep …
Since then the girl had done nothing but stare at the ceiling, a gesture which would have been more associated with Shinji than with her.

She could not explain the reason, but staring at the ceiling somehow succeeded in distracting her thoughts.
Night was a good counsellor…
Suddently she decided to change position and slowly turned over on her
futon, allowing her hands to sink into the soft satin pillow beneath her head. She stretched her hand towards the alarm clock by the bed and brought it closer to her ears, seeking to see the hands despite the darkness…

She sighed bitterly when she managed to read the time on her alarm clock…

"Three in the morning…" she thought sadly to herself, "… and no news from Rei…"

At first she had sought to avoid coming to such a drastic thought, but the situation had now brought her to think even the worst…
And if she had fallen into the wrong hands?.. if she had been kidnapped? Or if, instead… she had done something stupid?… What crossed her mind was too much for her to be able to come in any way to a definite answer. Moreover, she did not know much about Rei, therefore it was impossible to imagine what had happened in the girl's mind…
The moments shortly before when Shinji had blamed himself for what had happened caused a bitter smile to appear on her face… "The only person to blame is me…" Unexpectedly, the Major noticed a tear run down her face…
Yes, it was quite true. If there was one person to blame for all this, it was her. Up till then she had tried to understand and protect Asuka and Shinji, without taking the slightest care of all that was hidden behind the girl with the blue hair…
She had never really spoken with her, nor had she ever tried to understand the reason for her evasive and unpleasant behaviour…
There must have been an important motivation behind it… And she… she had simply ignored it…
Under the weight of her guilt, the woman reached the point of being incapable of withstanding it. The pain she felt falling on her was too much and too heavy. Even for a woman who, at least to the outside world, must have turned thirty months ago. Years which inside her she very vaguely felt…

In a sudden movement she got off the futon and after a brief reconciliation with herself stood up, casting a reluctant glance at the room with the complete disorder which reigned around her… "Perhaps Ritsuko was right…" the girl thought to herself shaking her head.

Her thought remained in suspense until she reached the door, from where, before leaving, she cast another glance at the whole confusion around her…
"… I can't even look at myself, let alone the Children …"

She shut the door behind her leaving the room, but could not leave behind her the delusion which she had just inflicted on herself. Once again she had deluded herself with her own actions…

She went softly to the kitchen and before she could think of anything, found herself again in front of the refrigerator. She was ashamed of herself, but alcohol was the only thing she could rely on in similar moments.
The Major took her time to rest her hand on the handle of the fridge door. What sad thoughts crowded her mind when her hand fell on the first, cold can of beer which happened to be in front of her. She opened it quickly and began to drink it in one go, almost as if she wanted to flood the worries which weighed down on her heart.
Sweep everything away with all her force. It was now a matter of routine. She had done this since she had come out of the aphasia. Solace in alcohol. Solace by a means that took possession of all the stupid people like her. They were looking for means of avoiding reality, at least for a few hours…

Only somebody stupid would have reacted like this…
Two tears fell right onto the floor, tears which very soon were followed by a third, then a fourth…

Misato moved the can from her lips only when it was nearly completely empty. The tears, together with the alcohol, were already turning her big brown eyes red. But she had not even realised this. Very soon she would not realise anything else any more, at least for a couple of hours…
She dropped the can on the floor, while her other hand was already ready to get another one from the refrigerator. Ready to stuff herself by filling her stomach with alcoholic drinks. How much longer would she be able to withstand this?

No one would ever to know, but basically it did not really bother her too much any more…

She had not succeeded in achieving her aims as she would have wanted, she had failed as an officer and this was a more than good reason for her to let her life lose value, or at least… this was what she wanted to have herself believe…
Perhaps by a divine hand or perhaps by mere coincidence, an unexpected ringing of the telephone miraculously distracted her from those desperate gestures which she was about to make. Misato was already about to bring the second can of beer to her lips, but her attention was involuntarily attracted by the trill of the telephone, like a baby attracted by the sound of a music box…
She had been expecting a telephone call for some hours… and if this was it?
Impulsively the woman also dropped the second can of beer and almost colliding with the table, grabbed the speaker of the telephone receiver like a cat. "Hello!"

Already from Misato's usual tone of voice, the caller understood the Major's state of mind and cutting short, decided to get to the heart of the matter, skipping introductions.

"… they've found her, Misato!"

Misato immediately recognised Ritsuko's voice over the telephone and already from those words the Major could see all the relief which they meant, a sign that everything had gone well…

The woman's expression changed suddenly, first to surprise, then the confused expression on

her face gradually changed to finally make room for a spontaneous and equally playful smile.
"S… seriously?" Where is she now? What condition is she in?" she exclaimed into the
speaker of the receiver with all the breath that she had in her lungs, almost deafening the other user.

In fact, inside her personal office, Ritsuko sought to sympathise with her friend's behaviour, after all it was more than understandable. She smiled too. She had dreamt all night of giving Major Katsuragi news like this and now that she had been able to do so, she could not hold back her complete satisfaction.

"Unfortunately, the news was sent to us a little while ago by one of the recovery teams which flew over the North-Eastern periphery of the city, so we don't know much more…", The scientist replied playing with the telephone cable. "Now we are waiting for the team's helicopter to return. We still do not know what condition she is in or even the reasons why this has happened…" she continued.

At these words, Major Katsuragi was finally able to give a sigh of relief. She was very
grateful to Ritsuko for having given her such happy news. Without realising it, the girl let
herself slide onto the seat beside the table, relaxing the nerves which until then had not slowed down for even a single instant…

"Well… the important thing is that she has been found after all, however we will think later, don't you think so?"

The blonde scientist agreed with conviction. "Of course, now excuse me, I have to leave you now… it looks like the helicopter is about to land…"
Misato understood her friend's reasons, after all at that moment a rather fervid atmosphere must prevail at the Nerv. "OK, we'll speak later, Ritsuko…", she replied, and then replaced the speaker of the telephone, finishing the conversation.

"Just as well…" the girl calmed herself, while her face unusually allowed a faint smile to appear… She still felt the fresh taste of the last beer, but that telephone call had obviously succeeded in cancelling from her mind the last events connected with it…
Slowly the girl arose from the table and went into her room, but not to go back to sleep, rather to get ready to go out, notwithstanding the unusual time. She was well aware of the treatment which Gendo reserved for Children who broke the Nerv's rules, and in view of her absence, the situation could change from one moment to another. She opened the cupboard and took out her Nerv uniform. She did not even need to put the light on to see it, as it was one of the few things which she made sure was well kept every day; perhaps because she knew that the sole reason for her existence was connected to that tunic which showed her rank of Major.

After having put it on as well as she could, Misato ran towards the front door and left, forgetting almost completely that apart from her, there was also another person in the flat who needed explanations…

--
The helicopter of the eighteenth search team had landed on Nerv launch pad number three a few seconds ago. More than twenty soldiers were waiting for the soldiers to alight from the craft, even if now it was clear that for the soldiers the person whose disembarkation they were most waiting for was Rei Ayanami. The fugitive.
Or at least, this was the term used by some members to describe her that evening while they spoke among themselves of the situation…
The wind caused by the still revolving propellers ruffled the hair of Gendo Ikari, the only person still on the threshold of the large door which led to the launch pad. More than twenty metres separated him from the members gathered together as much as possible around the helicopter, but the supreme commander of the base did not seem to want to imitate them…

Once again, it was impossible to determine what he was looking at because he wore the dark glasses which he did not fail to wear, even at night. But, notwithstanding everything, you could appreciate that this situation had definitely made him apprehensive…
He slowly raised his head when he saw the head of the slim figure of Ayanami appear at the door of the helicopter. The darkness of night, together with the harsh atmosphere of the cold wind which unexpectedly affected it, seemed to be in harmony with the atmosphere of the moment…

Rei was there. Immobile before the door of the helicopter, as if she wanted a moment of reconciliation. She was aware of the trouble she had created, but still she was aware too of what would happen now…
And the worst for her was still to come… she knew it.
She did not look at anybody. She held her head low as if she wanted to ignore all the looks of the people she sensed over her…

The soldiers strangely agreed in silence to her pause before she alighted; but they evidently only granted her this favour because this situation was in their favour. Basically, finding Rei had been a real and proper treasure hunt for the recovery teams, and now they had the ideal excuse to show their "booty" with satisfaction to the other recovery teams standing below, who, contrary to them, had returned empty-handed to the base.

However, there was one detail which everybody continued to ignore… or what they had found was not a tool …

"Come on, get down!" The soldier on her right tired of this scene and with a sudden movement of the hand gave the girl a slight push forward. It was not a very hard push; one of those to make a person move forward; but it was just that gesture which proved once again to the girl with the blue hair the domination which the Nerv had over her. Obey without ever thinking. This was the rule, now…

But until when would she manage to respect it?…
She slowly descended the steps of the metal ladder of the helicopter. The two soldiers who seemed to have become almost one with her did not move away a single millimetre, not even on that occasion.

Rei's face betrayed no emotion, as usual. Moreover, she was used to acting like this, but this time it was very, very hard. Why? Why could she no longer control her emotions? … was it possible that what she had discovered would be so decisive in her life?
There were so many questions to which the girl with the blue hair could not find an answer alone…
She let the soldiers take her with them without wasting the slightest time.
Anyway, what could she have done to change her fate?…

As she moved forward, the crowd which had gathered around the helicopter widened out to allow her to pass. The members remained completely in silence at first sight… or at least that was what they wanted people to believe beneath their thick blanket of almost imperceptible murmurs…

Anyway, it was more than natural… her escape had not been planned by anybody. Not even her…

The girl continued to keep her face lowered, like a prisoner during a journey into exile. But she was well aware what type of expression prevailed on the faces of all those present…

She arrived before the entrance to the flight deck before she herself would have imagined. The two soldiers suddenly stopped and she could only imitate the gesture. Even if she had tried to escape she would not have got far with those big steel handcuffs around her wrists.

Rei found the courage to take her gaze from the floor only when she noticed the presence of a certain person in front of her…
Gendo Ikari… himself…
Here she was again in front of him… face to face…
The pale girl's heart speeded up when their eyes met…
Notwithstanding the glasses, she had understood perfectly well the meaning of the commander's look, and for the first time felt a shiver run up her spine…
Even the veil of murmurs suddenly stopped now. Everybody impatiently waited for the moment when the man would move his lips to utter the words he would say to Rei, but they never came, because instead of words, he let his look communicate with the eyes of the fugitive girl…

With a slow movement of the hand, the man removed the dark glasses from his eyes so that this exchange of looks between him and Ayanami could be made properly. She did not pull back and returned the gesture by raising her head and staring at the man. The intense colour of her penetrating red eyes did not however hold Gendo's gaze for long.

The sensation of being looked at inside her soul was disturbing for the girl with the red
eyes… much more disturbing than she herself could ever imagine.

She turned away with a gesture almost of annoyance and turned to lower her head and stare at the void of the floor…
She should no longer look him in the face like before…
Not after what she had done…
Not after what HE had done…
Being no longer able to stare into those innocent red eyes, the commander's gaze shifted to other things which so far he had ignored.
He looked at the light school uniform which the girl was wearing. Like her face and her hair, this too was filthy from the dust and earth. He was already imagining where she had escaped. How silly she'd been… to escape among the countryside of the periphery without even leaving the city…
He knew that she would not get far on her own. And in fact he was right…

The girl did not even move for a second from the position in which she had remained. But Gendo easily understood that her hands, tied behind her by large steel handcuffs, had started to shake again…

"All she's done is shake since we found her… it looks likes she's a bit cold…" said one of the two soldiers, realising where the man's eye's had come to rest. "Unfortunately, the helicopter did not have any blankets…", he continued.
They spent another few seconds completely motionless. The only thing which was different between them was probably the wind, which did not allow itself to be influenced by the atmosphere which had been created and continued to blow at the scene.

Finally Gendo interrupted the unpleasant blanket of silence and immobility, and slowly covered his eyes again with the dark glasses.

"Bring her to my personal office… and remove those handcuffs…" he murmured in an authoritative and secure voice.
Gendo's words caused an unconvinced look to appear on the faces of the two men flanking Ayanami.

"What?" It was not his style to discuss a superior's order, but that evening the soldier on the girl's left side could not withhold his look of surprise. He immediately regretted it when the commander directed an icy glance at him, evidently awaiting an explanation.

"Have you anything to add, Sergeant Nagaiki?" As usual the cold voice of the commander did not allow the slightest expression to appear. It seemed completely flat, as if it had been pronounced by something mechanical and this sensation was enough to make the soldier's subjection even greater.

Sergeant Nagaiki tried not to show the moment of bewilderment in which he was caught, and clearing his voice tried to explain his reasons. "Ccco… commander Ikari, excuse the objection, but isn't Major Katsuragi responsible for the pilots? Before taking any action we would have to wait for her to arrive…"

"Sergeant Nagaiki, I know perfectly well whose responsibility it is on the base. I would remind you that it was I who gave the job to Major Katsuragi. And as I gave it her, I myself can also take it from her any time I want…" The soldier felt goose pimples extending throughout his body at such a reply from Gendo. Very much regretting his action, the man hastily saluted, seeking to defuse the situation.

"Aaa… at your orders, Sir!"

The supreme head of the base completely ignored the man's gesture and turning on his heels went into the internal corridor of the base until he disappeared into the darkness.
"Christ, Kakeru! Have you gone completely mad?", exclaimed the second soldier admonishing his colleague for his imprudence. "How could you dare to object to the Commander's words?" he continued.
The soldier shrugged his shoulders : "I'm sorry… my fear overpowered me …", he replied in bewilderment while he released the girl from the handcuffs which prevented her from making any movement with her hands.

The soldier sighed, putting the handcuffs taken from the First Children into one of the pockets of his camouflage jacket.. "Don't you know that such an insult could have had you demoted? You were lucky to have found him in such a magnanimous mood!"
The man nodded: "Nevertheless, it still surprises me, Chiba…", he murmured in a low voice, starting to lead the girl along the corridor. "Why did the commander want to make this exception?"

"But think about yourself, Kakeru! In some things it's better not to get involved… if the commander wanted something like that it means that there are good reasons fro doing it!"
The two men's words, violent and invaluable, reached the ears of the girl they were leading …

Rei's hands, now free, formed two clenched fists, trembling with two feelings which she herself was unacquainted with…
Perhaps it was anger, perhaps fear, perhaps sadness… the fact was she could do nothing to avoid such a horrible feeling…

A feeling which she had also experienced that last evening at home…
Who knows how may times she would have to prove it again…
Who knows if one day it would stop…
The two men continued talking but their words now reached her ears as if pronounced in a foreign tongue.

They seemed incomprehensible…
Rei lifted her head, looking in front of her at the long corridor which appeared…
She had failed. Her escape had failed.
And that meant that it would happen again… perhaps …

End of chapter three.

****************************
Well? What do you think about?^_^ I'm still working on the 4th chapter, so I don't think it will come fast as this one...sorry!;_;
Anyway...

~*~Many thanks to Ian for this translation, and many thanks to Jason Carter too for the corrections!^_^
~*~Please, DO NOT FORGET TO REVIEW!!! You're reviews are really important for me! So, if you read this FF, please, would you sign a review for me?^_^
~*~For comments critiques and everything else, this is my email address: reichan@inwind.it , or visit my website: http://members.tripod.it/aoitears
Bye!^_^

Rei-chan